Husband stayed out all night

[Annette443pink]

No, but in the verses I quoted Jesus definitely shows no approval for divorce.  He said it was only because of the hardness of their hearts.

You're right.  No sin is unforgiveable (except rejecting Christ all your life until your dead & it's too late to accept him). It is to be taken very seriously by those who love God.  All sin leads to heartache.

So Annette, do you think divorce under any circumstances is wrong?  At this point I feel almost like I've got no choice.  It's been about a month now, and we're finally in agreement over property and my husband is having the agreement typed up.  I phoned him yesterday and told him that I was still open to reconcilement, and if at any point in the future he was open to it, we could go to counseling.  He said he had considered it already, and he thinks we'll always have the same problems in the future.  I think he sees counseling as a quick fix, not a long term way of changing our life together.  He also said he doesn't like my family, and that they surely wouldn't like or accept him now, and he thinks that would be a barrier that we couldn't make it across as a couple.  We talked for a long time about that and our relationship.  I told him that I could see where I went wrong, where I was too needy and too dependent on him to make me happy rather than having my own life and making my own happiness.  I guess it took moving in with my parents to realize I've got almost no other interests or hobbies, nothing besides work.  I also told him that it would be our decision to work it out, and that it would take time for everybody else to come around, including our parents.

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I think you're free to divorce in the case of adultery. There is surely a Bible scholar who will read this and have their opinion etc. but that is what I feel from reading the Bible and having the Holy Spirit dwelling in me since 1996. I feel that abuse would be a cause for at least a separation.

There was a couple in our church who had adultery in their marriage. They have actually worked it out and kept their marriage together. I don't know if I could do it, but they did. I'm glad they did for the children's sake anyway.

You cannot force this man to stay married to you. There is nothing you can do besides offer to work on the relationship. If he refuses and files for divorce there is nothing you can do.

The only way my marriage has worked is through Christ. We live daily for Him and He gives us strength.

I don't know where you are in your relationship with Christ. Make him NUMBER ONE no matter what happens!!

God loves you.

[Annette443pink]

Its stories like this that makes me wonder if it is even worth my breath to ask God to provide a wife for me, or to ask him to change me to be a better potential husband...Why bother when the other person can so easily destroy everything?

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It is a sad & scarey reality that your spouse can choose to leave at any point. If you are praying for God to help you be a better husband already I'd say you're on the right track. There is nothing wrong with staying single but it's not many who can do this the right way. You need to build your relationship with Christ every day, be very serious about that or you'll probably fail in finding the right partner. Take very seriously the part in the Bible where it says not to be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. If a woman is not SERIOUS about her relationship with Christ don't even consider being a good friend with her. Ask God to help you see past the outside. I'm telling my 5 year old what to look for in a wife someday!!! Too many people race into a relationship and regret it later!

[angelkade21]

I am praying for you. Remind him that its "until Death do us Part" and maybe get a Good Christian Counselor. Remind him of Gods love for us and that you got married under God, and that there is no problem to big for God to fix. I will pray that you can work things out.

God Bless you,

Amber

[Guest mnipper]

I am praying for you. Remind him that its "until Death do us Part" and maybe get a Good Christian Counselor. Remind him of Gods love for us and that you got married under God, and that there is no problem to big for God to fix. I will pray that you can work things out.

I've practically begged him to go to counseling, he said he just doesn't think it would work in the long term. I wonder how he would react if I refused to sign any papers until he did go to counseling with me???? Should I do whatever I can to get him there, or should I leave the ball in his court, let him know that I want counseling, and see what actions he takes? I've basically done that so far, let him know that I'm open to reconcilement and counseling.

[angelkade21]

Stay strong and don't give up. Let him know how important those Vows are when you both said them at the Altar. Tell him that God isn't going to give up and that you aren't either. Help him in Christ. If a married couple Both has Christ in their lives than thats all they need. Show him some verses in the Bible about Marriage. Open his eyes and tell him how you truly feel. But if it still seems like he isn't coming around then just give him some time and let him think about things. There is only so much You can do. I truly am praying for you. Also, just ask him to agree maybe just to 2 or 3 sessions of counseling and if things don't approve, then he is free to go if that is what he wants.

Praying

YSIC,

Amber

[Guest mnipper]

I don't think he's got God first in his life, and to be honest we haven't attended church while we've been married, or even talked about religion very much. So I can't say I've been putting God first either. We're both Christians, and he doesn't have any opposition to going to church, there was just always something else to do on Sundays. During the weeks before we split up I mentioned going to church a few times, and he didn't respond. I was hoping that we could start going to church and find someone in the church to speak to. I was actually about to mention going to counseling when he left. I don't know if it's reasonable to think that it would work out now - there's so much that I would want for him to change, like his drinking habits, and who he hangs around with, and places that he goes. But I think it's worth an effort, to be able to not regret that we gave up so easy.

[SpiritLedEd]

He always said that he hadn't cheated on me - but since we've been separated, I honestly wouldn't put it past him.  The way he's acted in the past, staying out late or all night, and not telling me where he's been, has always made me suspisious.  He has always said I just have to trust him, but I believe that you should act like you want to be trusted. 

He says now that even if we wanted to work it out, we couldn't because of my parents and the way they would treat him from now on.  But I believe if he wanted to work it out, he'd do whatever it took, even with my parents.  He's just looking for a reason to blame me for it not working out.  I really don't believe in divorce, and I don't really think that we've tried at all to make it work out, but I'm trying to make myself believe that I can't make the effort for both of us.  If he doesn't want to try, there's nothing I can do.

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[SpiritLedEd]

He always said that he hadn't cheated on me - but since we've been separated, I honestly wouldn't put it past him.

[SpiritLedEd]

He always said that he hadn't cheated on me - but since we've been separated, I honestly wouldn't put it past him.

[Guest gcooper]

mnipper,

I am sorry to hear of your pain. I am sorry that your husband is choosing not to seek God at this time.

I don't know if this helps or not, but my husband used to behave that way. I stayed with him for 10 years. Finally God gave me scriptural grounds (infidelity), and I left. (Mine actually got a lot worse to the point of violence.)

I went through a lot of Christian counseling and soul searching after our separation. We are now divorced.

I had a lot of questions as to "why." "Why me?" I was angry. I had always been a Christian and felt I didn't deserve that. I have since learned a lot about abusive men because of my experience. I'll let you in on the punch line -

IT'S ABOUT CONTROL.

Your husband probably does love you. He probably doesn't want a divorce. However, men like that use whatever they can to control their marriage, because they believe that's what "real men" do. As your stated, your husband probably didn't have good role models, and he probably has secular friends who support his belief system. I don't know if your husband really wants to leave, I would be willing to bet he is more interested in gaining your approval for his behavior. He wants you to "go along" with his selfishness.

I always thought my husband would "wise- up." He never did. I did.

It is really necessary that you find a really good, Christ seeking, loving church. One that will not blame you for your dilemma. (Its amazing how many well intentioned people will blame the wife in this case.) In addition, I would also recommend that you read a book called, "The verbally abusive relationship." Author: Patricia (last name escapes me) This book will open your eyes about the emotional abuse that is occurring in your marriage.

I am now a domestic violence advocate and suicide prevention specialist because of my experience. I know your husband is not violent, but he is demonstrating many tell-tale signs of the Power and Control wheel that abusive me sometimes use to control their partners. Threats to leave, threats of infidelity are all part of that game.

There are two important things I want you to remember: 1.) It's not your fault, and 2.) You are not alone.

I"ll pray for you too. I'll pray for stength and peace for you!

In Christ,

-G