Rain Posted January 29, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 9 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/28/2015 Status: Offline Author Share Posted January 29, 2015 Yeah, I definitely do not want to tell God He had not done enough and that I must help Him. I know it doesn't work that way. I will try harder to see my glass as full. I shouldn't even be worried about the glass being half empty or half full, I must be grateful that I have a glass, and that there is something in it! (One of my favourite quotes!) The young man situation isn't as easy as it seems though either. Unfortunately, the thing that I did 2 years ago, was done by him too, in last year. I do not judge him for it, I had done the same thing. The only thing that makes it hard, is the fact that the woman he had the relationship with was my sister-in-law, and we used to be very close. A lot of betrayal came out of it. I know I must forgive as well, and I have done my best to not hold a grudge against anyone for all the lying (I had been honest about my situation from the beginning with the both of them). So it's kind of difficult to go to family events because it feels like now I'm rubbing him in my brothers face and wonder whether they secretly want to be together. My brother's marriage is also very troublesome at the moment, so I am praying for them to stop doing what they are doing and see each other again for who they were. SO much I can tell you, haha. But I will need a book for that. Don't want to take up too much of anyone's time again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlelambseativy Posted January 29, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 230 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 4,941 Content Per Day: 0.95 Reputation: 2,003 Days Won: 14 Joined: 02/08/2010 Status: Offline Share Posted January 29, 2015 All I want for you is to be content and the best way is to remember that if we want our Heavenly Father to forgive us all of our sins we must first forgive those who have wronged us....sometimes it seems it is easier for someone to say than for the person to do. Yet that is what God expects us to do and when we do, the burden is off us and of our hearts and the burden of forgiveness belongs to the person who we have forgiven. If they choose to forgive us or not it is up to them. Anytime you wish. If you wish, you can PM me. I truly hope that I do not sound as though I am preaching to you. With all my heart I just want you to be content and to forgive, and be at peace. Remember to pray every morning and ask God to help you through the day and at evening thank Him for all He has done for you and will do in your life so that He and He alone will be pleased with you. God bless you, Rain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
another_poster Posted January 30, 2015 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 336 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 129 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/14/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yeah, I definitely do not want to tell God He had not done enough and that I must help Him. I know it doesn't work that way. I will try harder to see my glass as full. I shouldn't even be worried about the glass being half empty or half full, I must be grateful that I have a glass, and that there is something in it! (One of my favourite quotes!) It is a great attitude but what I find helpful is to have strategies in place for when those times come. Strategies that help you find a safe place so you can deal with those thoughts. One thing I found helpful is to think of the good things I do have. Another idea (and probably the best one) is to praise God and thank him for what you have. No matter what God is worthy of praise. No matter how bad things are he is worthy of praise. There is healing power in praise. There have been times where praising God was the last thing I wanted to do but I forced myself and in no time at all I was in tears and the healing started. I can't remember the reference but in the OT there is a guy who says even though my cattle are all gone and the harvest is ruined I will praise God. Perhaps someone with better memory than me can mention the book. I understand that it is great to have a shoulder to lean on and someone to share trouble with when it can't be your partner and I have been fortunate to have that most of the time. It does sound like part of you likes that you are needed like that and that may be part of what your responding to. I wish I had something more useful to say about the questions in your first post but I really don't know so don't want to fumble through and end up giving bad advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willa Posted January 31, 2015 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 68 Topic Count: 186 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 14,244 Content Per Day: 3.33 Reputation: 16,658 Days Won: 30 Joined: 08/14/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted January 31, 2015 You need to break off the relationship with the married man completely. If he was abusive and an adulteror, he is not much of a Christian. The bible tells us to have nothing to do with people who call themselves Christians and do these things. Put God first in your life over any person. Make Him most important and your relationship with Him most important. That means forsaking sex with any person you are not married to. Once you repent and turn away from the sin in your life, and seek after Jesus, the rest will start to fall into place. Jesus told the woman caught in adultry, "Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more." So read your new testament and pray every day. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Read Psalms 37 God calls to Himself a lot of people who have been abused. You are hardly alone. What you do with your life starting today is what counts. Ask God to fill you with His Power to do what is right and lead a godly life.. Put a stop to being a victim! Blessings, Willa Seeking fleshly things leads to death. Seeking things of the Holy Spirit leads to life. Read Romans 8. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rain Posted February 1, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 9 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/28/2015 Status: Offline Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Anytime you wish. If you wish, you can PM me. I truly hope that I do not sound as though I am preaching to you. With all my heart I just want you to be content and to forgive, and be at peace. Thank you, I might take just you up on that . I know what it feels like to forgive and it's an awesome feeling. I do forgive them for what happened, it's the repeating visits that make it more and more difficult to forgive even though I must forgive every time. Not that anything happens necessarily, but it breaks things down in me whenever I hear or see that she visits him. And then again I try to remember how hard it is for me to do the same and refuse to let myself get upset about it and definitely ask God to calm my heart. I don't know what's going to happen. I must let go and let God take control again. It's hard... I know, my way is telling God that I need to help Him. Sorry, I'm learning It does sound like part of you likes that you are needed like that and that may be part of what your responding to. This is probably the best way to describe it, yes. I do enjoy being needed, and feeling wanted. It's because of this that made it easier to fall into the relationship. I still am like that and I have this need to be liked. Unfortunately I tend to keep people at a distance though. I don't (or rather didn't) have any enemies and whenever someone is upset with me I need to sort it out. I need them to like me again. Needless to say, recently that hasn't really happened, which also weighs heavily on my heart. But advice I have received is to forgive them, and whether they want to forgive me is up to them. It's just also hard, because I hate tension. Especially between family. And I tend to speak my mind which can make it worse. But all the things I would want to defend or argue about will be pointless, because I have asked for advice and I have received it. Now I have to react on it. And I'm genuinely scared. Thanks everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
another_poster Posted February 1, 2015 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 4 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 336 Content Per Day: 0.09 Reputation: 129 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/14/2014 Status: Offline Share Posted February 1, 2015 But all the things I would want to defend or argue about will be pointless, because I have asked for advice and I have received it. Now I have to react on it. And I'm genuinely scared. Thanks everyone. Yeah it can be scary. What one needs to do is surround oneself with people you trust who will support you. Of course you are always welcome here and people will chat with you but if you have someone close by who can physically be there or you can call when things get tough or that you can call will be a great help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlelambseativy Posted February 1, 2015 Group: Royal Member Followers: 6 Topic Count: 230 Topics Per Day: 0.04 Content Count: 4,941 Content Per Day: 0.95 Reputation: 2,003 Days Won: 14 Joined: 02/08/2010 Status: Offline Share Posted February 1, 2015 Remember to ask God to guide your footsteps, go ahead of you and help you to be a loving witness for Him especially where there is no love shown for you. To be the calming influence and give you the right words to say whe needed, so that family will see Jesus in you. They may not like the high ground you take ...but Jesus will and you will have peace in your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisonm328 Posted February 1, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 25 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/31/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/28/1989 Share Posted February 1, 2015 (edited) I've been reading quite a few posts today in search of answers. (I tried to keep it short, I'm sorry i couldn't). A lot of what people have been writing about is what I have been through or experienced. I do not make myself out to be perfect, nor am I innocent. I know I have made mistakes and I am not blind to them. But I do have a few questions. First, I'll tell you my story. When I was young, like so many other children, I was molested by a very close relative. After a very interesting journey to get over the emotional scarring it created, I truly forgave him and it felt great. It was like the little girl inside me was the one who had finally done the forgiving part. Though I had forgiven him, doesn't necessarily mean the emotional scarring had disappeared, I just wasn't angry at him anymore. There was a time when I used what happened to me as an excuse for everything, all the bad moods and tempers and failures. Luckily that passed. I have only ever had one boyfriend and he is the only one who knows me inside out. We had been together for 8 years before he broke up with me because I could not commit. (This was before I started my healing journey). Unfortunately I have to admit that while we were together, we sinned. It wasn't something I wanted to do, because I felt, 1) it was to be left unspoiled for marriage and 2) the way I felt afterwards because of what I had gone through as a child was horrible, and made me feel dirty. The last couple of years in our relationship, he barely even tried anything anymore. Though we were church goers at the time, after a while that also faded. I am not blaming him. I too am to blame. When we broke up my job completely consumed my life. I even worked 4 weekends in a month, so I had no time for church anymore. Every ounce of energy I had left would be put into my job. I lived for my job, I still do. The problem began when I started to get too close with one of my colleagues. He was married. He is also a great believer in Jesus Christ and is saved. He was a great shoulder to cry on after my break up and I was a good support to him at work. We got on very well. Things would start to happen and I would keep on telling him that he is married and so forth. I should have done so many things, but I didn't, and eventually I gave in. We never did anything more than sharing a kiss on occasion. I know it doesn't make it better. We spent too much time together and eventually his wife found out about our relationship. I cannot say that I am proud of any of this. I was sad, heart broken and this man made me feel alive inside again. And it's like someone else described, it was all about me. What I wanted. A complete disregard for what God wanted. Even though I knew what I was doing was wrong. But it felt good. I guess that's what sin does. So, eventually, a very twisted relationship was created. My conscience started eating away at me, telling him to make a decision about where he wants to be. (He doesn't want to be with her anymore, she has made it really difficult for him to even try and work it out). If he is not willing to leave his wife, then I can't stay where we were. If he does (which I know is against God's will), then he first has to take that step because he wanted to, and not because I asked him to. Problem is, my ex boyfriend has also come back into my life in an effort for me to try and move on with it. It's not the way it sounds, I actually do love him and want him to be a part of my life, but I still do not think that I will marry him, so I feel like such an idiot, because I have to let him go and I can't. My colleague on the other hand is finding it very difficult for me to be with him, because he too wants to be with me. He knows what I have been telling him about that possibility, but he just chooses not to understand it. I have fallen in love with him too, and now that he is threatening to move away, I also start to back paddle, because I don't want him to either. I have a fear of commitment, yet I cannot let go. He has abusive qualities, and he has physically abused his wife. We have talked about it. I see the patterns of doing it and then how he apologizes. It textbook. I see the signs, yet I cannot let go. I'm having very, very dark days. The thoughts in my head are not pleasing to God. But it's too hard living this life. I am not living at all. I have completely lost trust in family members for other reasons so I don't want to talk to them about it. So my questions are: 1. How do you let go of someone you love so that they can carry on with a happy life? 2. If someone is abusive, and we are Christians, are we not to see the good in these people and help them beat these weaknesses? 3. He wasn't happy in his marriage and started a relationship with me. If he does leave his wife for that reason, will God forgive him? 4. Will God forgive me? 5. How does one stop being afraid of EVERYTHING? I've been in situations similar to yours multiple times actually. Not exactly the same but much in common. **Removed** Edited February 2, 2015 by ncn Please do not post personal contact details Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MOG1966 Posted February 18, 2015 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 5 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/18/2015 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/11/1966 Share Posted February 18, 2015 In response to how to stop being afraid of everything, you should remember that in life, there is a cost-benefit ratio to every single thing you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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