The gift of community and the struggle

[markdohle]

Experiences as a young monk that helped me stay in community
(The gift of community and the struggle)

 

People who live in community and by that I am not talking about a religious community but about any gathering or grouping that seeks to live together over the long haul, no matter what the interior struggle or outer chaos is.  The giftedness that flows from community includes the struggle, perhaps the most important one.  When people separate themselves from their family or larger community because of human weakness and failure, in the long haul miss out on quite a bit.  It is when we struggle that the ego is displaced from being the only arbiter of reality.  As long as we are by ourselves we are actually infallible, that is until we talk to someone else.  Hence the personal need for community of some sort, though it will of course vary from person to person. 

I tend to isolate, so in community life I struggle with that and am not always successful.  However what if I did not belong to any kind of community?  I would be the poorer for it, less developed and numb to the reality and needs of others.  I would read and pray, I suppose, but I would miss out on the input and richness of others.  The years that I spent taking care of our infirm and now working in our retreat house allows me to stay connected with others.  I shudder to think what I would have been like if I allowed my desire to isolate to supersede Christ Jesus call for me to love and serve others.

When I came here for the first time in 1968 I met a brother by the name of Victor.  To tell you the truth I had never met anyone like him.  Of course being so young, I was about to turn 20, my experience of certain types of adults were limited…..not so anymore, thanks to living with this grouping of men.  He was an Air Force pilate in the 2^nd World War and was there when we dropped the atomic bomb on Nagasaki.  He did not release the bomb, but he was flying a few miles off and saw the explosion.  He never talked about it, but the first time he told me, he looked down ashamed.  So he carried that event with him everyday.  He was a man who liked everything just so.  He had a routine, so when working with him I had to bite my tongue and follow orders.  Just like in the Navy.  It was not that bad, he had a good sense of humor and he would tell me jokes about himself and his need to be neat, clean and orderly in all things.  He was also kind but could be blunt when he needed to be. 

During my last week of my month visit there I was working once again with Victor.  Suddenly I felt closed in and trapped and wanted to get out immediately.  It was quite overwhelming.  All the while Victor was talking to me, smiling and helping me fold sheets in the laundry.  It got worse and just when it became unbearable there was a sudden change in Victor’s face.  For just a second I saw the face of Jesus Christ superimposed over his countenance.  Then the feeling left me as fast as it had come.  I then understood that Christ Jesus is to be seen in the monks here; perhaps it was a temptation. When I went back to the Navy, my experience with Victor stayed with me when I also related to others.  I am not saying it was a mystical experience, but it was something I needed at the time.  So my struggle with Victor at that time and my wanting to flee, allowed me to enter into a wider understanding of the world.  Within that struggle there was also grace and healing.

About ten years later, the community was having our 4^th of Judy celebration.  I was talking to one of the brothers, with whom I did not have any deep connection or friendship.  As we were talking I suddenly had the ‘knowing’ that because of our vows and living in community, we were to be connected in a special way for eternity.  The suddenness of this experience surprised me, yet again it made me understand the importance of community and how deep the connection is. 

There is always more to life.  As we grow and mature hopefully we will understand that about our faith as well.  Who is Christ Jesus, what is He to us?   He truly manifests Himself to us in our neighbors if only we had the eyes to see.  I guess I from time to time have these experiences because I am so easily led astray and forget what is most important in life.  Being in community, learning to love those I am with, to embrace all experiences as gifts, is an important lesson for me to learn.  To withdraw would only imprison me in my own subjective self.  As I age, I am learning that all belong to my community, but I need a seed community to teach me that.

All those who persevere have their stories; I hope that they are not undervalued for the gift that they all are to others.  Parents, teachers, friends, police, ministers, priest/brothers and women religious, doctors and nurses and all who keep on the path no matter the cost, yet in the process grow in compassion and love…a long and difficult journey.  I think those who or in the service industry are the most often overlooked, yet their contribution is also deeply important.  I am speaking of C N A’s, waiters/waitresses, janitors, those who do blue color jobs, truck drivers etc.  We are all needed, it is in community that we express the gifts God have given us to serve and love others. —Br.MD