What do you think about Boundaries?

[Running Gator]

17 minutes ago, Yowm said:

There are Christians that struggle, have no peace, full of fears,etc. God has given different gifts to different members of His body to help and edify one another.

Yes!  exactly, God has given different gifts to different members of the body, so why does it seem you believe that being a pastor means they have the gift to be able help with mental issues?

[Running Gator]

6 minutes ago, hmbld said:

A pastor can be gifted in teaching, preaching, leading, etc.  We do not go to the pastor to be fixed.  He is just a man.  

A big AMEN to that

[GoldenEagle]

I think we need to get back on topic....

So the way I understand it different types of boundaries for individuals can include:

1. Spiritual (Beliefs and personal experiences)
2. Physical (personal space, privacy, body)
3. Mental (thoughts, values, and opinions)
4. Material (giving and lending)
5. Emotional (I am responsible for my feelings and others are responsible for their feelings; knowing your responsibility to yourself and others)
6. Sexual (sexual touch and intimacy)
7. Relational (what to talk and share with friends, spouses, siblings, parents, etc.)

 

God bless,
GE

[Running Gator]

1 hour ago, Yowm said:

Hopefully they have that gift being a pastor as well as a calling to counsel and shepherd others and have the experience as well as a good grasp on God's Word and are full of His Spirit.

But hey, by all means, go to a psychiatrist if you want, fork out the moola and get his opinion.

Personally, I would start with my pastor.

The skills to be a pastor are very different than the skills to be a counselor, so the chances of them having both gifts are very small.  And based upon personal experience and that of many people I know, the number of pastors that are good at both are very tiny indeed.

[GoldenEagle]

On ‎9‎/‎1‎/‎2016 at 11:15 AM, GoldenEagle said:

The authors propose 10 Laws of Boundaries as found in the Bible. Here’s the first one:

 

Law #1 The Law of Sowing and Reaping

The law of cause and effect is a basic law of life.

The Bible calls it the Law of Sowing and Reaping.

When God tells us that we will reap what we sow, He is not punishing us; He’s telling us how things really work. Cause and effect.

In Galatians 6:7 – 8, what does Paul teach about sowing and reaping? (and KJV version here)

What about in 2 Corinthians 9:6-8? (and KJV version here)

 

Thoughts from Yohm, Openly Curious, or anyone else?

 

God bless,

GE

 

On ‎9‎/‎1‎/‎2016 at 0:50 PM, Davida said:

 I have read hundreds of these Behavior /Psychology books before I was saved; after being on the other side of that, I've concluded it was a waste--that all Truth, Anything Good/ beneficial knowledge or wisdom can be found in the Bible and in much greater depth of teaching.  God left us the best manual for life -ever- & I know you'd agree.  My hesitance around the whole idea of  a profession that tries to combine Christianity  with  the "worldly" modern-Psychology -- so just be careful as they can introduce people to unbiblical concepts & other influences which can corrupt our thinking without you realizing it.

 

What I took away from Galatians 6:7 – 8 and 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 is if a person sows good fruit (fruits of the Spirit) there will be good results (others will feel loved and point to Jesus). Those who live in rebellion (say rob banks) will likely receive bad results (jail time or even potential loss of life).

If a person invests in friendships with others they will have friends in times of need. If someone is a loner and doesn't invest in friendships with others he or she may find it hard to find help in times of need.

This seems to me how the law of sowing and reaping works.

Lesson I learned:

Our actions have consequences. Someone will bear them. Don’t interrupt this law by regularly bailing others out.

God bless,
GE

[GoldenEagle]

6 hours ago, shiloh357 said:

Actually, that is not the kind of training that counselors go through.   People go through relationship problems that are far more complex and require extensive measures to deal with.   I know a woman who cannot trust her husband, not because he has ever stepped out on her or looks at other women, because she even admits that he has never done, nor would ever do those things.   But her father was steeped in pornography and did step out on her mom.   That has created trust issues for her (which is putting it mildly).  People at church warned him about her before they got married.

• She acts they are joined at the hip.  If we walks into another room in their house, he told me she follows him.
• He cannot leave the house without her, and even shows up at his job to keep an eye on him.    
• One day, when did happen to be alone at Walmart, he was leaving the store and bought  a$2 key chain from a girl scout.   He told his wife and she freaked out and started throwing things at him because he talked to a teenage girl. 
• I have seen them at Sunday School parties and she demands his full attention. 
• They don't socialize because she doesn't want him talking to any of the female members of the class. 
• She makes them late to church so that he has no time to socialize.  She is very, very, very insecure and insanely jealous even if he is talking to a man.

It is insane.  He is a very patient guy, cause anyone else would have divorced her.  Her issues need to be addressed but he is afraid to suggest counseling.  He is scared spitless that she will leave him and divorce would devastate him.

Hiya Shiloh! This sounds like a very co-dependent, unhealthy relationship. This shows a clear lack of boundaries, poor communication, and lack of discernment. Must be exhausting for both of them right?

"Codependent relationships are a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. " Source

It is interesting that people warned him about her before they got married. What generally speaking do you think they told the guy? Seems like people don't love her enough to try to help her change I guess.

God bless,

GE

[missmuffet]

6 hours ago, shiloh357 said:

actually, that is not the kind of training that counselors go through.   People go through relationship problems that are far more complex and require extensive measures to deal with.   I know a woman who cannot trust her husband, not because he has ever stepped out on her or looks at other women, because she even admits that he has never done, nor would ever do those things.   But her father was steeped in pornography and did step out on her mom.   That has created trust issues for her (which is putting it mildly).  People at church warned him about her before they got married.

• She acts they are joined at the hip.  If we walks into another room in their house, he told me she follows him.
• He cannot leave the house without her, and even shows up at his job to keep an eye on him.    
• One day, when did happen to be alone at Walmart, he was leaving the store and bought  a$2 key chain from a girl scout.   He told his wife and she freaked out and started throwing things at him because he talked to a teenage girl. 
• I have seen them at Sunday School parties and she demands his full attention. 
• They don't socialize because she doesn't want him talking to any of the female members of the class. 
• She makes them late to church so that he has no time to socialize.  She is very, very, very insecure and insanely jealous even if he is talking to a man.

It is insane.  He is a very patient guy, cause anyone else would have divorced her.  Her issues need to be addressed but he is afraid to suggest counseling.  He is scared spitless that she will leave him and divorce would devastate him.

It sounds like this woman is carrying a lot of psychological baggage. She is very insecure. Jealously issues? It was his choice to marry her in the first place which makes me think he needs some counseling as well.

[GoldenEagle]

 

4 hours ago, Out of the Shadows said:

4 hours ago, Yowm said:

4 hours ago, Out of the Shadows said:

4 hours ago, Yowm said:

What would make a psychiatrist qualified?

Read the book of Timothy for the qualifications of a pastor and I would add a decent track record.

A licensing board. 

Do you think the list in Timothy makes a person qualified to council others on mental and psychological issues?  I personally do not see the connection at all, which of those traits do you think make them qualified to do such things?

God's Word and Spirit give more insight into the way people tick than any secular based school of learning. I studied psychology as a minor in college, they had more theories on human behavior than they had professors.

I take it then you agree with this statement... that all mental and emotional problems are ultimately spiritual.

I'm not sure that either of you will agree on this issue. Lol.

Yowm has a view that anyone who has issues can be counseled solely with the Bible.

Out of the Shadows disagrees asserting that mental and psychological training is necessary.

Since Christendom cannot agree on this subject on a macro level it shouldn't surprise us this is the case on this thread.  

Please feel free to start another thread on the roles of a pastor if you'd like to discuss it further. This thread is about boundaries. Thanks!  

God bless,

GE

[GoldenEagle]

19 hours ago, GoldenEagle said:

But trying to get back on track... the subject of this thread is boundaries.  

 

Law #2 The Law of Responsibility

The Law of Responsibility says “You are responsible for yourself, I am responsible for myself.”

 

But this law also includes loving others. We are to love one another, not be one another.

 

In fact, the commandment to love is the entire law for Christians (Galatians 5: 13-14; and KJV version here).

 

Any time you do not love others, you are not taking full responsibility for yourself; you have disowned your own heart or identity in Christ. (Mark 12:31; John 13:34-35; 1 John 4:7, 20; Romans 13:8-10; and KJV version here)

 

What does Jesus teach in John 15:12? (and KJV version here)

 

What Biblical direction for personal growth do you find in Philippians 2:12-13? (and KJV version here)

 

Any thoughts on the second law? (Kind of funny for people to ask about the book then not respond when information is provided.)

 

God bless,
GE

@Openly Curious and @Yowm here's some thoughts on this. I wonder what you or others think? Here's how I see it...

Loving our neighbors (those around us) fulfills the law. Galatians 5: 13-14

Loving others is a sign of loving God. Our love (or lack of) can be a testimony (or hindrance) to those who are lost. Ultimately we are to point people to God through Jesus. Mark 12:31; John 13:34-35; 1 John 4:7, 20; Romans 13:8-10

Jesus gave us the command to love one another as He loved us. John 15:12

God is acting in our lives and will continue to guide us through the Holy Spirit. Philippians 2:12-13

Lesson I learned:

We are responsible to, not for each other. We are to love one another, not be one another.

God bless,
GE

[Running Gator]

15 minutes ago, Yowm said:

Counselling, and shepherding  should be one of the marks of a shepherd, not an organizer, CEO, pep talker, or comedian.

Again, God's Word best prepares him for that if he is doing what he is called to do.

I agree that God's Word best prepares him for that if he is doing what he is called to do, what I do not agree with is that counselor is what a Pastor is called to do. I do believe that over the years they have evolved into doing that, but there is no biblical support for the role of pastor and counselor being one in the same.