Need to know if he's cheating

[Guest mellisamouse]

Well, I still don't have concrete proof, but EVERYTHING points to him cheating, but heres the kicker, we are supposed to move to another town in the next few months, but I can't get this one thing he didi recently out of my head. We were at a benefit concert our friends put on for some friends who died in the tsunami, and he spent practically the WHOLE night, out in the hall talking to some girl. I kept going out to check where he was, and sure enough, she was following him around like a lost puppy. Finally I introduced my self, and she said she was working there, he just played dumb, like he had no idea who she was. Well, finally, while I was standing talking to him, she wouldn't go away, so I finally gave her a dirty look, so she got the hint and left us alone, and then, dh left that room to have a smoke, and sure enough she followed him, I hesitated and followed behind to see where she was, and it looked as though she left. If she was working there, why would she leave half way through the night after I happened to glare at her and started getting in the way. The next day I asked him why he was talking to her so much, and he acted like he didn't know who I was talking about, and then he said it was his friends girlfriend when I told him all the examples of them talking. I asked the guy, he DOSN'T hve a girlfriend, or know who that girl was. To me it looks like he is just lying to me, totally. My question is, if he is cheating with this girl, and God knows who else, why on earth would he want me to stay with him. I keep trying to let him off the hook, because he spends no time with us anyways, and he keeps trying to get me to move with him, bragging about a new house for us etc. Am I just pranoid about him cheating, since he seems to want us to mive with him, or is he trying to be nice all of a sudden and asking us to go with him out of guilt? If a man is cheating, why not let the wife go free, and move on with her life, instead of keeping up with the charade??? I'm not the only person who saw them hanging around all night. He did this abandonning me and spending no time with me at the party thing in front of the whole town, and both of our families.

[homebild]

Well, I still don't have concrete proof, but EVERYTHING points to him cheating, but heres the kicker, we are supposed to move to another town in the next few months, but I can't get this one thing he didi recently out of my head. We were at a benefit concert our friends put on for some friends who died in the tsunami, and he spent practically the WHOLE night, out in the hall talking to some girl. I kept going out to check where he was, and sure enough, she was following him around like a lost puppy. Finally I introduced my self, and she said she was working there, he just played dumb, like he had no idea who she was. Well, finally, while I was standing talking to him, she wouldn't go away, so I finally gave her a dirty look, so she got the hint and left us alone, and then, dh left that room to have a smoke, and sure enough she followed him, I hesitated and followed behind to see where she was, and it looked as though she left. If she was working there, why would she leave half way through the night after I happened to glare at her and started getting in the way. The next day I asked him why he was talking to her so much, and he acted like he didn't know who I was talking about, and then he said it was his friends girlfriend when I told him all the examples of them talking. I asked the guy, he DOSN'T hve a girlfriend, or know who that girl was. To me it looks like he is just lying to me, totally. My question is, if he is cheating with this girl, and God knows who else, why on earth would he want me to stay with him. I keep trying to let him off the hook, because he spends no time with us anyways, and he keeps trying to get me to move with him, bragging about a new house for us etc. Am I just pranoid about him cheating, since he seems to want us to mive with him, or is he trying to be nice all of a sudden and asking us to go with him out of guilt? If a man is cheating, why not let the wife go free, and move on with her life, instead of keeping up with the charade??? I'm not the only person who saw them hanging around all night. He did this abandonning me and spending no time with me at the party thing in front of the whole town, and both of our families.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you want concrete proof either way, you can always hire a private investigator.

Just be sure you really want to know the results of that investigation, whatever the results...

[Leonard]

Just check his cell phone bill. If he's having an affair then 9 out of 10 times, the 'other woman' will be the first or last call for the day. Check which numbers come up most and call 'em.

[Constant]

Just check his cell phone bill.

[Guest AllHeart]

Many might disagree with what Im about to say but I speak as a VERY happy single mum of 3.........God loves you and you deserve the best....if your husband is not treating you with the love and respect that is required of him BY God (he tells us in His word how a husband should love his wife) then dont have him in your life....he doesnt deserve to be there........Jesus says a woman should not leave her husband BUT IF SHE DOES she should remain on her own (she is still tied to her husband by the "one flesh" but doesnt have to put up being treated unfairly)....there are only 2 things that set you free from this "tie" ......death of one partner or unfaithfulness......if he has slept with another woman YOU ARE FREE in the eyes of God to walk away as a single person....feeling angry,bitter,paranoid about your husbands movements will do you no good.....concentrate on YOU and how God stands by your side expecting people to treat you with love and kindness (well those that confess they love you!)This will give you amazing strength to handle this situation....it will help you to forgive and rebuild your marraige or will help you move on.....either way God will be there for you. Godbless and I hope things work out for you.

[craig911]

It is hard for anyone to tell what is going on or how the situation unfolded not having been present to see it. What is obvious is how it effected you and how it is weighing very heavy on your mind.

I had a similar situation happen only I did not have a clue until I was hit on the head with a 2by4 so to speak. But if you feel it inside you then to you it exists and it needs to be presented to him. Confront him as it can only help.

He will either confess to you that it has happened or he will say you are over reacting. but confront him at all cost. To leave it idle in your mind and in your life will result in certain disaster.

I hope it all works out for the best for all of you especially if children are involved. If he is any kind of man at all he will talk to you and take the time to listen and do something about it one way or the other.

Craig

[Deez131]

While I agree that you should definitely talk to him, I don't think that will give you the answers you're looking for. I mean, would he really admit it if what you're thinking is true? I think you should talk to him and be honest with your thoughts and feelings, but I just don't think it's going to give you the assurance you need. I could be wrong. Maybe he will. But you're already having those thoughts and feelings. What could he say to change those? I know it's a tough situation to be in.

I guess the best advice I can give you is that whatever happens, it will be allright. God will take care of you and your heart. If it turns out that he's not cheating, that is great. If it turns out he is, and you don't find out about it for years, you're going to be hurt. I guess I'm saying there are no guarantees when you're dealing with human beings. I just know that God will help you heal if that is the situation. Pray that you'll be able to see clearly about what is really going on.

[Guest Your_love_is_the_anchor]

AllHeart is right..but you gotta find some proof that he really is cheating on you.

[Guest destiny_child]

Seek God for wisdom in this case. Don't approach and talk to him yet until you pray and ask God for wisdom. God will enfold this case and reveal the truth to you.

I agree with AllHeart. Adultery is not something to be tolerated with in a marriage. If your husband cheats and lies to you about it, he's showing utter disrespect for you and the marriage. Hiring a private investigator mayn't be a bad idea. After all, you just want to assure yourself without living in the ever suspicious mode. But I think it's still best to pray about it first. I promise to pray for you mellisamouse. God bless you.

[Guest mnipper]

If you can afford a private investigator, do it. Or do some investigating on your own. You've really already started, and you can prove that he's lied to you. Protect yourself, though, and any children that you may already have. Make sure he's not hiding assets and money with the intent of leaving you in the future and taking it all and leaving you with nothing. You might even want to go ahead and talk to a lawyer just to get some guidance. You're husband probably won't admit to cheating on you, for him it might be an issue of control - he just wants to control you and have power over you.

I've read some of your other posts, and in my opinion there's no reason for you to live the way that you're living. I've been in the position where I wonder where my husband has been and what he's been doing, and I'm so relieved now that he's out of my life and I don't have to worry about him any more. I feel so much lighter and happier now that I've been relieved of that stress.

If I were you I'd definitely think long and hard before moving away from him, especially if you're leaving you're extended family behind.

I'll be praying for you.