Extended Family relationships

[craig911]

I have recently been remarried within the past year. I now have two wonderful and very active step children just entering there teens. I am looking for resources that I can view to help me adjust to being a secondary parent.

I think I am having some difficulties in adjusting to being a step parent and would like to be able to get a better insight as to what it is I am feeling and thinking.

I am trying to get information or Christian literature that addresses this topic.

I would also be interested in chatting with any other step parents out there who have been at it for awhile.

[Gerioke]

I've never been a step parent but I have been a step child.

I can tell you some of the things I liked and disliked about my step parents.

I didn't like them being refered to as replacements for my real parents (especially my mom)

My father always tried to convince me to call both his second and third wives mom.

This was as good as blasphemy to me.

My mom let me call my stepfather Harry which was ok with me. I got along with him until I was old enough to be a threat to him.

I would suggest just trying to be a friend and don't force yourself to have a relationship if they're not ready.

I never really appreciated my stepmother until my dad left her for his 3rd wife.

The third wife pretty much stole my dad from me. That did not set well with me.

I don't know if this is helpful or not but it got a couple of things off my chest

Bless you in your relationships

[craig911]

I've never been a step parent but I have been a step child.

I can tell you some of the things I liked and disliked about my step parents.

I didn't like them being refered to as replacements for my real parents (especially my mom)

My father always tried to convince me to call both his second and third wives mom.

This was as good as blasphemy to me.

My mom let me call my stepfather Harry which was ok with me. I got along with him until I was old enough to be a threat to him.

I would suggest just trying to be a friend and don't force yourself to have a relationship if they're not ready.

I never really appreciated my stepmother until my dad left her for his 3rd wife.

The third wife pretty much stole my dad from me. That did not set well with me.

I don't know if this is helpful or not but it got a couple of things off my chest

Bless you in your relationships

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am speechless, really. I never even thought about asking if there were any step children to try to gain a different perspective. I am very serious about trying to do what is right and looking for experiences from others that I can gain insight from. I don't know how to go to a direct chat to chat on this board but I would be very interested in talking to you if you would be so kind.

This is all somewhat new to me and I am desperately trying to find out where I am and should be in all of this. I love my wife and the boys as well and it seems that I am doing more harm than good. This is not in my nature not to mention it affects me as well.

If you know how to do a direct chat and are interested please let me know how and a time and date that would work for you and I will do my best to accommodate your schedule.

[Deez131]

Just go with your gut.

[Gerioke]

I've never been a step parent but I have been a step child.

I can tell you some of the things I liked and disliked about my step parents.

I didn't like them being refered to as replacements for my real parents (especially my mom)

My father always tried to convince me to call both his second and third wives mom.

This was as good as blasphemy to me.

My mom let me call my stepfather Harry which was ok with me. I got along with him until I was old enough to be a threat to him.

I would suggest just trying to be a friend and don't force yourself to have a relationship if they're not ready.

I never really appreciated my stepmother until my dad left her for his 3rd wife.

The third wife pretty much stole my dad from me. That did not set well with me.

I don't know if this is helpful or not but it got a couple of things off my chest

Bless you in your relationships

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am speechless, really. I never even thought about asking if there were any step children to try to gain a different perspective. I am very serious about trying to do what is right and looking for experiences from others that I can gain insight from. I don't know how to go to a direct chat to chat on this board but I would be very interested in talking to you if you would be so kind.

This is all somewhat new to me and I am desperately trying to find out where I am and should be in all of this. I love my wife and the boys as well and it seems that I am doing more harm than good. This is not in my nature not to mention it affects me as well.

If you know how to do a direct chat and are interested please let me know how and a time and date that would work for you and I will do my best to accommodate your schedule.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

if you click on a posters name you will find contact info for most people

[Guest angel lover]

I am a step parent to 3 great children one is 13 a girl one is 17 a boy and one is 20 a girl she does not love with us she is married and lives in another state but I also have m motherinlaw living with us. Being a step parent takes alot of Love and Patents. A lot of praying and help from your husband I have been doing this a year now and I have cried thinking I could never measure up as there Mom but I have found there trust and love just by caring for them just as I did for my own child. Dont Treat them like a friend dont let them get the upper hand and keep your boundrys. Love and prayer will get you through. Good luck Angel lover

[Guest hopeful in ohio]

Dear Craig911:

I am a step, my mother remarried after a long period. (when you are used to only one parent and all their attention, it's hard to deal w/the new parent), I didn't have a good experience w/step dad. However, I am also a step-mom to 3 other children. A girl 8, who lives w/her mom, and 2 boys, 13 and 14, that my husband has custody of.

You definately need your spouse's help and cooperation! You need to sit down and agree on rules and things like that, what you both expect, ect. Let the kids call you what is more comfortable to them. Showing respect (i don't mean let them walk over you), they wouldn't help but to respect you back.

The relationship will come. Give it time. Most important, I think, is to lead by example!! It will surely rub off! Good luck and God bless!

hopeful in Ohio

[Guest Bro David™]

I have recently been remarried within the past year. I now have two wonderful and very active step children just entering there teens. I am looking for resources that I can view to help me adjust to being a secondary parent.

I think I am having some difficulties in adjusting to being a step parent and would like to be able to get a better insight as to what it is I am feeling and thinking.

I am trying to get information or Christian literature that addresses this topic.

I would also be interested in chatting with any other step parents out there who have been at it for awhile.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have been a step Child like Gerioke too...

These are some of ideas that might be of help.

Never ask to be referred to has Mom/Dad. "Unless he/she chooses to do so on their own will"

Don't try to buy affecttion in any way. Be it extended play time or gifts.

"I am not saying don't buy gifts just don't do it to get the child to like you"

Be comfortable around them, just be normal.

Trying to forge any relationship other than freinship might have an adverse effect.

No matter what age they are, in the first couple of years or so in the kids eyes and heart you will still be the guest, don't start feeling sorry for yourself that they did not love you instantly.

This is from my own view and now I am 27 y/old, always remember that whatever you forge in a childs heart tends to stay there forever.

Plus lots of prayer and fellowship will help.

Children always recognize true love. What they do with it is another story.

With Love

David King

But I wont be so worried about it ask JESUS to walk you through it ....

[craig911]

I am truly grateful for the insight. It appears that I am getting the best information from existing step children. I am very happy with my boys and will do everything I can to build a lifetime relationship with them. I do realize it is ultimately up to them.

For the most part I have just been myself and do rely on my gut feeling for certain situations. I do pray about it a lot. God is definitely a bigger part of this than meets the eye.

I guess what prompted the question a parental feeling of expecting more recognition or maybe acceptance that I am there for them. Having already raised two other children I know that is a pretty high expectation that very rarely is met until they're much older and are looking back over the years.

I again just want to thank all of you that have replied as your insight is rewarding.

[Guest Bro David™]

I am truly grateful for the insight. It appears that I am getting the best information from existing step children. I am very happy with my boys and will do everything I  can to build a lifetime relationship with them. I do realize it is ultimately up to them.

For the most part I have just been myself and do rely on my gut feeling for certain situations. I do pray about it a lot. God is definitely a bigger part of this than meets the eye.

I guess what prompted the question a parental feeling of expecting more recognition or maybe acceptance that I am there for them. Having already raised two other children I know that is a pretty high expectation that very rarely is met until they're much older and are looking back over the years.

I again just want to thank all of you that have replied as your insight is rewarding.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Bring them up in the love of Christ, you can't go wrong there.

May your new life be blessed.

With Love

David King