onedirection Posted September 19, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 19, 2018 Sometimes I catch myself singing "Jesus take the wheel" in my head. I do need to stop overthinking, I've been working on it and making great strides. I've been praying on all those things - stability, patience, trust. For whatever reason Sunday and Monday were really down days for me, it sort of came out of nowhere. I felt like I couldn't even control it, the feeling of despair and wanting to try something new. I keep hitting the devotionals, studying the bible, and being still in prayer. I've been feeling much better yesterday and today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HikerMom Posted September 20, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 94 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 81 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/31/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted September 20, 2018 (edited)  Glad youâre feeling a little betterâĤ it sounds like youâve been grieving but also you sound so much more at peaceâĤ  letting go and letting God is such a hard thing to do but we are powerless in so much & God is not.   I think when we let go and give up control there is always some grieving that we do.  I am glad to hear you putting your focus more on God instead of your circumstances.  That will lead you to peace whatever the outcome is.  So sorry for all you are going through... Saying a prayer for you tonight...God is able. Edited September 20, 2018 by HikerMom 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 20, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 20, 2018 I love you guys. I really appreciate all the advice, praying, and listening that you have done. Enjoy your blessings today, you all deserve it! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 23, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 23, 2018 My wife confessed to me that she has been faking the last 3 years of marriage and does not love me and will never love me. She said she will not tell me the reason why, however. She feels we are prolonging the situation. I responded that these are the devilâs lies and that we should challenge them: the marriage was a mistake, the kids wonât be hurt in a divorce, she will be happier alone, she canât love me again. She was not into this âJesusâ stuff. Despite this, she will not say the words âI want a divorce.â. Is this the point where Iâm supposed to let her go? Iâll pose the same question to my pastor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marilyn C Posted September 23, 2018 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 30 Topic Count: 267 Topics Per Day: 0.07 Content Count: 13,205 Content Per Day: 3.49 Reputation: 8,497 Days Won: 12 Joined: 12/21/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/06/1947 Share Posted September 23, 2018 2 hours ago, onedirection said: My wife confessed to me that she has been faking the last 3 years of marriage and does not love me and will never love me. She said she will not tell me the reason why, however. She feels we are prolonging the situation. I responded that these are the devilâs lies and that we should challenge them: the marriage was a mistake, the kids wonât be hurt in a divorce, she will be happier alone, she canât love me again. She was not into this âJesusâ stuff. Despite this, she will not say the words âI want a divorce.â. Is this the point where Iâm supposed to let her go? Iâll pose the same question to my pastor. Hi onedirection, Oh the pain and hurt, I do feel for you brother to hear such words from your wife. Talking with my hubby we think that she, & many young women, that they have a wrong expectation of marriage. The world paints glossy pictures of romance and the husband being their everything. Just all wrong. And when that isn`t the reality the young woman can feel she is not in love. But in reality she never knew what love was. And actually love is what blossoms after many years of ups and downs as two people work at trying to understand and help each other. Since you have children then I believe you can both put that ahead of both of your feelings and work together to be the best parents that you can for them. I think your wife would agree that the children need a father and a mother, for security, care and teaching of God and His wonderful love to us. still praying, Marilyn, (& Trevor). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 23, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 23, 2018 I described all that to her many times, she just isn't buying it. I understand love is an action, what commitment is, and the phenomenon of the honeymoon period, but I can't change her. She has already gone through the motions of "staying for the kids". She doesn't feel it is fair for her to stay in the marriage unhappy just for the kids' sake. So with that out the window, what's next? You would be proud of how graceful I handled her words. I didn't argue, fight, dismiss, or break down. I simply listened and responded with truth. I let her know that Jesus is the only way, and if she wants peace she can have it, and I'm here to support her. She responded with "I have peace!". And that was pretty much the end of the conversation. I'm trying to get very direct here and I will also ask my other Christ-following resources - am I supposed to divorce her now, or do I literally have to wait for her to abandon me. I don't want to hold her against her will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HikerMom Posted September 23, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 94 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 81 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/31/2017 Status: Offline Share Posted September 23, 2018 (edited) Hi Onedirection, My thoughts are that it is worse for kids to be IN a broken home rather than FROM one. It sounds as if she is determined. If it were me, I'd let her go. I think you handled yourself beautifully. You are so right. You cannot change her. She will probably live to regret not trying to work things out. I am so sorry you are facing something like this. But if she is determined then I think your hands are tied.  I have had two sisters go through this as well. They begged for counseling but their husbands refused & were determined. I would never, ever beg someone to stay that didn't realize my value. It's just another time of needing to let go I think. I think what she is doing is to you & to the kids is AWFUL. She has a husband who has wants to work to make things better, & she does not appreciate it at this time. Her heart sounds so very, very hard, and she sounds very misguided about what love is. I am so sorry & am praying for you.    Edited September 23, 2018 by HikerMom 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 23, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 23, 2018 @HikerMom you hit the nail on the head. Hard heart, bad decisions, and a skewed view of the past. She states "3 years" yet I've got a photo on instagram from 2 years ago where she's posting photos of us saying all these loving things "my now and forever". The whole thing is just weird and confusing. I'll go over this again with the pastor tomorrow. Again, I appreciate all the prayers. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heybro Posted September 24, 2018 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 19 Topic Count: 12 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,360 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 2,139 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/03/2018 Status: Offline Share Posted September 24, 2018 Hi brother, I have been reading the posts and have given the "thumbs up" to the Godly counsel given to you. I don't believe there is much more to be said on the matter really! Have you read the advice Paul gave to the Corinthian Church in 1 Cor. 7: 10-17. Â If she chooses to leave, as she has stated her position that she really is an unbeliever, she will follow her "heart" unless she comes to her senses, and repents, and comes back to the marital home. In the event of that not happening, then you need to look at the last 2 verses of this chapter, you will have to "deny yourself" and stay in the state that you are in, (staying single) may be hard to do, but is a sad consequence due to the situation. God bless, hope that this is helpful. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onedirection Posted September 24, 2018 Group: Junior Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 93 Content Per Day: 0.04 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/11/2018 Status: Offline Author Share Posted September 24, 2018 My counseling pastor has reminded me that God hates divorce, and that he would never lead me down a path of divorcing her. She has not yet emphatically stated that she wants a divorce. His advice is that I initiate a conversation and consider separation as an alternative. He also said that when divorce is the answer, that it will be very clear to me, and he can tell there is still uncertainty in my mind. For whatever reason, I keep thinking there is some hope left and I still haven't stopped praying for reconciliation. I'll approach my wife with this mindset and see if she has really made her final decision or not. I am ready to lay at her feet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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