Need encouragement

[Guest Sarai]

Hi I'm totally new posting to the boards. I had a big fight with my husband. I don't understand how a Christian man can treat his wife the way mine treats me! Ok now I am not perfect. He can push my buttons until I end up yelling at him. But when someone who professes to love you tells you, you don't know anything and that you need to see a psychiatrist all because you ask if said husband will go with you to see your pastor for counsel, it's a little hard to take. I'm just sooo tired of this. Don't want a divorce because I know that is not God's will but at the same time I feel so down about all of this.

Thanks for listening.

[Trinity]

Hi I'm totally new posting to the boards.

[Trinity]

Ohh! and welcome to worthy

[Guest Zayit]

It seems to appear by his reaction that there is something going on and he is transferring it to blame on you. But asking him to go to counseling will bring on that response. What you need to do is seek the L-RD fervently on this matter. Let me ask you a few questions.

How long have you been married?

Children?

Is this both of your first marriage?

Do you worship together as a couple?

Do you read the bible together?

Do you pray together?

[Imamom]

I will pray for you and your husband. I hope he will realize that his actions are hurtful to you. Real tough when you feel like the only one making the effort.

[Micah68]

Dear Sarai,

A few years ago someone told me about some books that are very good for marital problems. If your husband won't go to counselling, maybe he'll read a book or maybe if you read it, he'll notice some differences and begin to feel so divinely jealous of the new you that he'll want to be more like you. Maybe that will create a desire in him to want to read the books too or go to counselling. Anyway, the books were by Gary Smalley. One of them was called If Only He Knew. I'm sure if you look in a Christian bookstore, they will know about the others. I hope they help you as much as they did me. Whether he changes or not, at least you'll have a better outlook on things. Anyway, give them a try. I hope you like them.

[Guest Sarai]

It seems to appear by his reaction that there is something going on and he is transferring it to blame on you. But asking him to go to counseling will bring on that response. What you need to do is seek the L-RD fervently on this matter. Let me ask you a few questions.

How long have you been married?

Children?

Is this both of  your first marriage?

Do you worship together as a couple?

Do you read the bible together?

Do you pray together?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hi Zayit,

We've been married for 14 years and he wasn't always this way.

Children 1

Yes first marriage for both

Yes we worship together

No we read the bible separately

No we only pray together when asking the blessing over our food. I've tried to get him to do this but it never works out.

Our son has autism spectrum disorder so the pressure is greater since we found out. Right now I'm getting the silent treatment. My husband seems to be talking to me tonight a little.

I'm praying constantly and treating him with love and kindness which is not easy as I'm so hurt and tired of this treatment. With the Lord's help I'm doing it. Glory to God! Without Jesus I wouldn't be able to be kind just now. I've asked the Lord to help me deal with my husband in a way that best pleases my God and lets my husband see His love.

[Guest Zayit]

From the little info you shared it seems to me that your husband is not accepting of his son's diagnosis? He may be blaming himself but that may be hard to take, so you're next and of course, it must be G-ds fault because why me? why him? So that may be what is going on, he nmay not know how to talk about this with anyone yet and that is what you should be praying for. Men see these things differently than men do, but we all must look at them as G-d IS in control and there is a reason for everything and thank hi m for the chance to manifest himself through you and your family.

perhaps when the time is right, you can tell your husband that you need him and that you need to lean on him and you both need to lean o n the L-rd togehter and "can we please pray together"? for where two are gathered in his name.............

I will be praying for you all.

[amazingrace]

Even though your husband refuses to go to counselling, you can benefit from going without him. The truth is that your husband is verbally abusing you. You are his victim, and you need to learn how to stop enabling him. This means that you have to learn how to recognize when you are being abused and also learn how to respond, rather than react to it. I can assure you with absolute certainty that it will not get better or go away on its own. Some verbal abusers are also anger addicts... they are like volcanoes that have to release steam, then they calm down until the steam builds up again, then they blow again.. its a cycle. Trust me, hon... no matter what you do, it will never be right, it will never be enough, it might even not be the right thing... and he will try to convince you that you have failed... that it is your fault that he is angry. Now really, does that make sense?:

If you can control when he is or isnt angry, why in the world would you make him angry at you? .... see?

If you are responsible for him being happy or not, why wouldnt you make sure he is always happy?

The answer in both cases is that only HE is in control of these emotions ... things happen to everyone that we dont like, but how we respond (this is different from reacting) is up to us. We may not be in control of the circumstances, but we can, and should, be in control of responding to them appropriately.

[Joolia]

... they are like volcanoes that have to release steam,  then they calm down until the steam builds up again, then they blow again.. its a cycle.  Trust me, hon... no matter what you do, it will never be right, it will never be enough,  it might even not be the right thing... and he will try to convince you that you have failed... that it is your fault that he is angry.  Now really,  does that make sense?:

If you can control when he is or isnt angry,  why in the world would you make him angry at you?  .... see? 

If you are responsible for him being happy or not,  why wouldnt you make sure he is always happy? 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thank you - so very much - for this analogy. I, also, am dealing with a crisis marriage filled with verbal abuse.... and this puts so much perspective on the issue. I've struggled to find reason in the situation - this helps tremendously, knowing that there is no reasoning...

Julie