RobertC. Posted February 22, 2020 Group: Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 10 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/10/2020 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/27/1983 Share Posted February 22, 2020 Hi and good morning! This may be a strange and perhaps a bit personal of a post, but I'm really needing some insight on this. Im re-posting this topic here since I believe I posted it in the wrong forum the first till Just recently(nearly 2 months ago), my mom and I moved to Arizona, which they had bought with my dad's retirement. My dad has been a truck driver since the mid 70's, and he and my mother have been together nearly 42 years. I dont like to particularly name people's faults or flaws for the sake of doing it, but in this case I feel its necessary to get the point across. My parents relationship and marriage has been extremely rough at best, having to deal with the fact that hes somewhat of a narcissist and has always put her on the back burner or disrespected her in numerous ways. On top of this, he has always been the employed one while my mom stopped working when they were married To get to my point, my dad, even though he is hard worker, as a habit of when things would happen that kept him from working,(truck mechanical issues, accidents, etc.)he wouldn't go back to work until they were nearly or completely penniless. Before we moved here, he had a wreck with.his rig, and hadn't bothered to have the truck fixed or put much effort into having it repaired. In the end, he decided he wouldn't fix it and isnt earning income, so hes been out of work since October of 2019. The original plan was for myself to live in a trailer next to theirs, and they live by me, but he is still in Texas not working and they are nearly broke once again, and now they have three places to pay utilities and taxes in instead of just the one their living in. They haven't been able to sell their old home in Texas because my dad has a credit card lien on it and my job here is barely making 400 a week which doesn't cover anything much. My old job back in Texas pays only 250 dollars more but I still think it would be a better chance at sending money back, although it will be a three week wait for a paycheck once I start again but I can make overtime and get at least 1000 every two weeks with benefits and retirement. My mom doesnt want me to leave since she's convinced it wont help and the extra money wont make a difference and she sees it as me deserting here when she has no income coming. It doesn't help it either that I dont like it here as far as the economy and its.really just not the place for me. I'm not trying to deny her cash help; I just feel I need to take a good job offer back a while I can and maybe send back more money. She told me it would be heartless of me to leave her in state she's in financially. In a pinch, I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to do right now. Yes its true I'd like to go back also because I miss home and its very depressing here for me and my mother has done limitless acts for me so she isnt a cruel or selfish person. But i really dont know what to do I'm nearly 40, and my parents are in their 60s and I feel absolutely stuck and trapped. Would really like some sound advice assistance in this matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RobertC. Posted February 22, 2020 Group: Members Followers: 2 Topic Count: 5 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 10 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/10/2020 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/27/1983 Author Share Posted February 22, 2020 Thank you so much for your response DDisconnect. Unfortunately, the issue with that is that she ran a feline shelter back in texas and she has quite a few still with her3, which made the move maddening to be honest, and she wont move again for that reason. Also I have a wonderful woman that I'm very much in love with and have been in a relationships for nearly 4 years now, bit she lives in Britain. We've flown back and forth seeing one another and we need to work on visas for the marriage plus savings of our own. But everything that's going on is keeping that from happening. I'm not trying to choose my fiance over.my mom and my fiance doesnt want that either. She loves my mom, but she really wants us to be able to at least save for our lives together, and she is a single parent herself. I dont want to cut ties with my mom, but I still feel that I've got a better chance going back to my old job for better money and apartments in Texas only require rent and electricity as opposed to paying electric, gas, renters insurance, rent, etc. in Arizona. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnOrangeCat Posted February 22, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 57 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,416 Content Per Day: 0.27 Reputation: 1,839 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/24/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2020 First off it's good of you to want to try to help out your parents. Definitely pray about it, but beyond that... 1) Set some boundaries. You want to help them, and that's good, but it sounds like your dad goes through periods where he won't work until there's serious financial pressure to work and they both end up suffering because of that. Make sure nothing reaches the level where you might end up resenting either of your parents. 2) I feel like being in close proximity to them will help make sure the support you give is used wisely. Being in the same area means you might also be able to help them look into social services that could help and take the burden off of you. 3) Cost of living is also something you might want to factor in. If there's a significant difference that's also worth considering. 4) As a fellow Texan I also prefer Texas. Just saying. 5) Would you leaving behind any friends in your present area? If you don't have any social attachments there and you could get better pay in Texas I'd say it looks like a good option, but again, remember to pray. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeauJangles Posted February 22, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 43 Topic Count: 229 Topics Per Day: 0.06 Content Count: 10,900 Content Per Day: 2.91 Reputation: 12,145 Days Won: 68 Joined: 02/13/2014 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1954 Share Posted February 22, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, RobertC. said: Hi and good morning! This may be a strange and perhaps a bit personal of a post, but I'm really needing some insight on this. Im re-posting this topic here since I believe I posted it in the wrong forum the first till Hi Robert, Yes, I understand why you may have needed to move and repost a topic of concern. No sooner does one post something essential and it gets bumped by one that has already gotten plenty of attention, or is a rather old one. That can be a little irritating sometimes, so I also began posting in other than General. I only have this problem about what you're attempting to get across. It's the "block-style" kind of hasty composing that causes several problems for me. First of all, I've got a mild case of dyslexia. It's not really bad, but to the degree where the avoidance of paragraphs make it difficult to view with visual clarity. Second of all, I also now have diabetes II, and that's automatically concerning to me. I'm not getting proper attention concerning it, as it just isn't possible with having to change over from Medicare to MediCal. Had I the foresight of knowing what beneficial loss that would mean, I'd never had agreed to it. Bad deal. Third and last, I've been suspect of macular degeneration. Add to that what's known as, "dry eye syndrome" and it's a real triple whammy on me. Eye drops previously advised are almost useless to me now. The burning sensation causes pain and the need to close them until adequate moisture returns. What was your problem again, and why do you find it so difficult to paragraph your posts? Thanks! Shalom, David/BeauJangles Edited February 22, 2020 by BeauJangles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted February 22, 2020 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,993 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,691 Content Per Day: 11.76 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted February 22, 2020 2 hours ago, RobertC. said: Hi and good morning! This may be a strange and perhaps a bit personal of a post, but I'm really needing some insight on this. Im re-posting this topic here since I believe I posted it in the wrong forum the first till Just recently(nearly 2 months ago), my mom and I moved to Arizona, which they had bought with my dad's retirement. My dad has been a truck driver since the mid 70's, and he and my mother have been together nearly 42 years. I dont like to particularly name people's faults or flaws for the sake of doing it, but in this case I feel its necessary to get the point across. My parents relationship and marriage has been extremely rough at best, having to deal with the fact that hes somewhat of a narcissist and has always put her on the back burner or disrespected her in numerous ways. On top of this, he has always been the employed one while my mom stopped working when they were married To get to my point, my dad, even though he is hard worker, as a habit of when things would happen that kept him from working,(truck mechanical issues, accidents, etc.)he wouldn't go back to work until they were nearly or completely penniless. Before we moved here, he had a wreck with.his rig, and hadn't bothered to have the truck fixed or put much effort into having it repaired. In the end, he decided he wouldn't fix it and isnt earning income, so hes been out of work since October of 2019. The original plan was for myself to live in a trailer next to theirs, and they live by me, but he is still in Texas not working and they are nearly broke once again, and now they have three places to pay utilities and taxes in instead of just the one their living in. They haven't been able to sell their old home in Texas because my dad has a credit card lien on it and my job here is barely making 400 a week which doesn't cover anything much. My old job back in Texas pays only 250 dollars more but I still think it would be a better chance at sending money back, although it will be a three week wait for a paycheck once I start again but I can make overtime and get at least 1000 every two weeks with benefits and retirement. My mom doesnt want me to leave since she's convinced it wont help and the extra money wont make a difference and she sees it as me deserting here when she has no income coming. It doesn't help it either that I dont like it here as far as the economy and its.really just not the place for me. I'm not trying to deny her cash help; I just feel I need to take a good job offer back a while I can and maybe send back more money. She told me it would be heartless of me to leave her in state she's in financially. In a pinch, I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to do right now. Yes its true I'd like to go back also because I miss home and its very depressing here for me and my mother has done limitless acts for me so she isnt a cruel or selfish person. But i really dont know what to do I'm nearly 40, and my parents are in their 60s and I feel absolutely stuck and trapped. Would really like some sound advice assistance in this matter. Are you or your parents Christians? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonerAndy Posted February 27, 2020 Group: Senior Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 19 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 693 Content Per Day: 0.42 Reputation: 396 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/28/2019 Status: Offline Share Posted February 27, 2020 On 2/22/2020 at 11:55 AM, RobertC. said: Hi and good morning! This may be a strange and perhaps a bit personal of a post, but I'm really needing some insight on this. Im re-posting this topic here since I believe I posted it in the wrong forum the first till Just recently(nearly 2 months ago), my mom and I moved to Arizona, which they had bought with my dad's retirement. My dad has been a truck driver since the mid 70's, and he and my mother have been together nearly 42 years. I dont like to particularly name people's faults or flaws for the sake of doing it, but in this case I feel its necessary to get the point across. My parents relationship and marriage has been extremely rough at best, having to deal with the fact that hes somewhat of a narcissist and has always put her on the back burner or disrespected her in numerous ways. On top of this, he has always been the employed one while my mom stopped working when they were married To get to my point, my dad, even though he is hard worker, as a habit of when things would happen that kept him from working,(truck mechanical issues, accidents, etc.)he wouldn't go back to work until they were nearly or completely penniless. Before we moved here, he had a wreck with.his rig, and hadn't bothered to have the truck fixed or put much effort into having it repaired. In the end, he decided he wouldn't fix it and isnt earning income, so hes been out of work since October of 2019. The original plan was for myself to live in a trailer next to theirs, and they live by me, but he is still in Texas not working and they are nearly broke once again, and now they have three places to pay utilities and taxes in instead of just the one their living in. They haven't been able to sell their old home in Texas because my dad has a credit card lien on it and my job here is barely making 400 a week which doesn't cover anything much. My old job back in Texas pays only 250 dollars more but I still think it would be a better chance at sending money back, although it will be a three week wait for a paycheck once I start again but I can make overtime and get at least 1000 every two weeks with benefits and retirement. My mom doesnt want me to leave since she's convinced it wont help and the extra money wont make a difference and she sees it as me deserting here when she has no income coming. It doesn't help it either that I dont like it here as far as the economy and its.really just not the place for me. I'm not trying to deny her cash help; I just feel I need to take a good job offer back a while I can and maybe send back more money. She told me it would be heartless of me to leave her in state she's in financially. In a pinch, I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to do right now. Yes its true I'd like to go back also because I miss home and its very depressing here for me and my mother has done limitless acts for me so she isnt a cruel or selfish person. But i really dont know what to do I'm nearly 40, and my parents are in their 60s and I feel absolutely stuck and trapped. Would really like some sound advice assistance in this matter. So I'm going to start by pointing out a few scripture verses that I live by. Matthew 19:5. 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh Genesis 12:1 The LORD had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I will show you. 2 Thess 3:10 For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: "The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat." Right now I'm in the middle of reading the life story of Andrew Carnegie. Carnegie's father was also unproductive, and refused to do jobs that paid, which resulted in him being utterly impoverished, and it impoverished his mother as well. But instead of holding their son back, Andrew Carnegie moved forward to earn his own wealth, apart from his parents. Which is how he ended up the super wealthy of the late 1800s. I've said this to other people, when you see the Titanic sinking, you can't save it by tying yourself to the mast. Nor can you save anyone else, if you yourself are on the Titanic. I'm going to be direct, and blunt. I'm not going to pull my punches with you, because I think it will do you more good to hear the truth. Your parents need to take care of themselves. Your mother should not have a single pet anywhere in her life, if she is going to ask others for money. Your father should not have a single slice of bread to eat, if he is not going to work to earn it. If your mother wants to have pets to play with, tell her to go get a job at the local animal shelter or dog pound. If your father wants to keep what little he has, tell him to fix the truck, and get his butt back on the road. And you.... your post to be perfectly honest, sounds like the post of a teenager, worried what mommy and daddy think of your choices. You are 40 years old. You should be an adult man by now. Time to man up, sir. You don't need to concern yourself with what mommy and daddy think of your choices. And to be bluntly honest, your mother is not a very good at parenting, because the entire point of being a parent, is to prepare your child to leave the home, and fly free. She is doing the exact opposite, trying to keep you tied to her, like the umbilical cord is still there. How is keeping you impoverished with them, going to help anyway? You need to cut that bloody cord between you and your mother, wish her the best, and go out there and start living your life. And I have to tell you, I'm saying this as someone who had the same problem. My mother for the first year I moved out, was calling me up, and still nagging me about going somewhere she wanted me to be, and do this, and do that. I had to tell my mother straight up, that if she didn't cut this crap out, that I was going to change cell phone numbers, move to a new apartment, and she would never see her son again. And I meant it, and she knew it. After that, things got better between me and her. I have met several guys in similar situations, and they either stay single, or they end up divorced, because most women don't want to be with a guy living in a trailer, because they are still attached to their mother. So here is my advice.... You need to break off this unhealthy relationship. I would move to where you wish to move, and get the job you wish to do, and start building the life you need to build. If you want to send a few dollars home, that's on you, but it's not required. These are not people that are in a some extreme situation. It's not like life has damaged them. They have damaged them, by making unwise choices. They can fix this, by starting to make wise choices. Whatever you chose to do, i think you should avoid considered what mommy and daddy want you to do anymore. You are an adult, and it is time you take responsibility for your life, just like they should start taking responsibility for their life. Your mother should be going to her husband to find a solution to their problems, not you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prycejosh1987 Posted July 12, 2020 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,176 Content Per Day: 0.84 Reputation: 126 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/07/2020 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/29/1987 Share Posted July 12, 2020 On 2/22/2020 at 4:55 PM, RobertC. said: She told me it would be heartless of me to leave her in state she's in financially. She is guilt tripping you. Do what you think is best, i think it is good to lend a helping hand but not be overbearing in your kindness because then she will take advantage of you. Good luck and look after your needs too. John says you should give someone a coat if you have TWO coats. He didnt say if someone asks you for your coat, then give them the coat you are wearing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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