Two people pray for opposite things

[JohnD]

On 9/4/2020 at 3:47 PM, fishergirl said:

I've been going out with the same guy for a couple years.  He is a Christian.  For various reasons, I don't feel that he is the person God has chosen for me.  He tells me what a blessing I am in his life.  And when he prays, he always thanks God for bringing us together.  When I pray, I try to give the situation to God and ask Him if this is the person for me.  I have never really felt comfortable around this person.  I think we've just gotten used to being around each other.  Sometimes I ask God to take me out of the situation.  I know nobody has the answer but God.  I often wonder how two people in the same "relationship" could be praying opposite prayers. 

You are two individuals.

That's how.

[BeauJangles]

5 hours ago, JohnR7 said:

I never understood why people would want to marry someone they were not interested in being friends with.  I told my wife at first I just wanted to be friends. So we were just friends until I was ready to take things to a more serious relationship. 

All throughout school, the number of girlfriends were few and rather far between. There had been two major factors and reasons for this. I experienced a horrendous childhood and was dealing with both depressive issues and post traumatic stress disorder. (PTSD) And I was also isolated and lonely. Good best friends were few as well, but very close and dear to me. I was an extremely shy boy and very soft spoken until about 20 years of age. Socially awkward in crowds larger than several gathered at a time. To have a girlfriend, first we were friends in every case. Otherwise, it would never had proceeded further. I don't know how your situation was, but this was my personal experience. 

Edited September 6, 2020 by BeauJangles

[JohnD]

My Beloved Bride of 40 years this Christmas and I are

individuals both alpha personalities

which means we often clash over the stupidest things.

But we are individuals. And we are one.

Our love overwhelmed us from the very beginning and

lasts throughout the years.

Still every now and then God sends us reminders of just

how important we are to each other.

My Darling Wife's recent bout with a life threatening ailment

and 100% healing from the LORD

has given us new found appreciation for one another.

Although we still chuckle over our 39th Anniversary photo...

We both stand poised to swing our weapons of choice

at each other... she a skillet, me a shovel...

LOL

We both had our doubts in the beginning and over the years.

We all have sin natures and live in a fallen world and

that is difficult enough for two individuals to make

one life together.

You and me against the world? No.

Jesus, you, and me against the world!

Remember, part of the curse of living in this world is

only for a short time do we realize how blessed we are

and how good we have it.

This is woven into our nature. 

We are born ingrates.

Born whiners. 

Only after we've jumped off the cliff to end it all

do we realize what a big decision we've made...

and only when it's too late for regrets.

Only you can decide which is which in your case.

Jumping off the cliff is either dumping him or marrying

him for life.

I will only add...

The night before I met the woman who would become the love

of my life, the woman of my dreams, the wife of my youth...

I gave up a life long quest I had "Finding Miss Right." 

I was 19 when we met and married. Even as a small boy I was

almost obsessed with finding the right woman one day.

But that fateful night, after yet again being played for a fool 

by women who delight in treating men that way... I decided

to life my life to the full whether or not I ever meet "Miss Right."

My Beloved Bride and I met the very next morning. Because I got out of

God's way.

Edited September 6, 2020 by JohnD

[JohnR7]

3 hours ago, BeauJangles said:

I don't know how your situation was

Life was about half and half for me. I had struggles but I also had a privileged life and it just all seem to balance out. When I became a Christian we get more than we put in. So the Christian life is a very nice life to live. My biggest problem was not being raised a Christian because there is a lot about that life that works really good. 

[BeauJangles]

3 hours ago, JohnR7 said:

So the Christian life is a very nice life to live.

It is a tremendous advantage knowing I had the Lord Jesus to turn to in times of great troubles. I was raised in a Christian home, but things went horribly wrong when Dad backslid and started drinking. Our family sunk and then was no more relatively speaking after his abandonment.

Family totally avoided Mom, my sister, and me. A letter or two now and then, but that was about it.

It took years before things started to return to family beginning to get over their embarrassments and shame. We were the ones bearing the brunt of it, yet they were struggling with issues. Why? We do not know. Both sides of the family were Christians, so it was bewildering why this happened as it did. 

3 hours ago, JohnR7 said:

My biggest problem was not being raised a Christian because there is a lot about that life that works really good. 

I thank God that wasn't the case for us. Jesus was all we had left. When it comes down to losing everything, you do have everything in Christ. He never left us nor abandoned us. We struggled and were impoverished for some years, but we did make it. Then restored much like Job and renewed again. Yes, God is good. He's wonderful! We would not have survived if not for Him! Hallelujah! Amen. 

Edited September 6, 2020 by BeauJangles

[LonerAndy]

On 9/4/2020 at 4:47 PM, fishergirl said:

I've been going out with the same guy for a couple years.  He is a Christian.  For various reasons, I don't feel that he is the person God has chosen for me.  He tells me what a blessing I am in his life.  And when he prays, he always thanks God for bringing us together.  When I pray, I try to give the situation to God and ask Him if this is the person for me.  I have never really felt comfortable around this person.  I think we've just gotten used to being around each other.  Sometimes I ask God to take me out of the situation.  I know nobody has the answer but God.  I often wonder how two people in the same "relationship" could be praying opposite prayers. 

So to answer the question, the reason why two people in the same relationship can pray opposite prayers, is because one person is completely and totally deceiving the other with lies.

Now there are other reasons, but in this specific case, one person is being lied to.  Every time he makes it clear that he believes you and him have a future together, and you do not say the truth that you have no intention of having a future with him.... that's a lie of omission.

You know the truth.  You know that you have no future with this man.   And when he talks about his future with you, you don't tell him otherwise.   He is being deceived by your silence.

I'd suggest you flip this situation around for a moment, and have you be the girl who is telling him, that you thank G-d in Heaven that he brought this man in your life.   And pretend that he's on this forum, saying he never felt comfortable around you, and never intends to marry you, and is wondering how two people can pray opposite prayers.

Would you want to know that he has no intention of making a life with you?  Or would you rather he remain silent, and string you along for the next 10 years until he finds someone he really loves, and vanishes on you?

And I'm not making that up.  I have known of women who were strung along for about 10 years, only to have the guy ditch them, when he found someone he actually loved.  And by the way, he told me that in his own words.  He had no intention of marrying them.  Never did.

By the way, that isn't the only reason you need to completely end this relationship, and I would say by the end of this week.

Another reason you should end this, is because I can say for myself, that if I met a woman who was dating another man, I would cross her name off my list.   You are dating someone.  Why am I going to be interested in a girl who is dating someone else?   Why would I do that?   You are dating someone.  I'm not getting involved in that.

So while you are wasting your time with a guy you have no interest in, you are likely not finding a guy that would be a match for you.

Thus, not only are you harming this guy you have no intention of staying with, because he's not looking around for someone to spend his life with, but you are also harming you, because MOST guys are not going to ask you out on a date, when you are dating someone else.

And lastly, you are also setting yourself up for a ton of drama.

If you do manage to find some guy who wants to go out with you while you are dating this guy, you are going to have some problems.  Because this guy right now, thinks everything is great, and the all of a sudden this other guy shows up, and steals you away from him.

Now you know that isn't true, because you never intended to stay with him.   But he doesn't know that.  To him, everything was fine, then this other guy showed up, and ruined his happy future.

You are going to have pain, and anger, and hate, and broken hearts, and bad blood, and on and on and on.

So here's my bottom line.  You to tell this man, that you are ending the relationship.  You need to never go on a date with him again.

This is what you need to do.   And by the way, you don't need to be praying to G-d to "take you out of the situation".  G-d is not a dictator.  He gave us free will.  That also means, we have to take responsibility for our choices.   He's not going to go do this for you.  He wants YOU to make the right choice, and you know what the right choice is.  You can pray for courage to do what is right, but part of being an adult is doing hard difficult things, and this is your thing to do.   Time to stand up, and walk through the fire, and end this relationship like an adult.

Not saying it will be easy.  It won't.   But that's what being an adult is.

[JohnR7]

3 hours ago, BeauJangles said:

It took years before things started to return to family

My family drifted apart but my wife has been working on building up a family and after 23 years she would feed up to 50 or 60 people that she considered to be friends and family. My mom would do the same thing. She would pull the family together and my sister would help her. But they have both passed on now. I am sure they are in Heaven getting everyone together there. 

[Coliseum]

18 hours ago, JohnR7 said:

I never understood why people would want to marry someone they were not interested in being friends with.  I told my wife at first I just wanted to be friends. So we were just friends until I was ready to take things to a more serious relationship. 

We are all given the great commission to take the gospel to the ends of the earth. My wife has turned out to be a good christian so that does help to hold us together. 

I thought along similar lines; how can you love someone who is not even your friend?

[BeauJangles]

9 hours ago, Coliseum said:

I thought along similar lines; how can you love someone who is not even your friend?

One problem I've seen in wonderful relationships including how my marital situation ended, is when the friendship element of it dissipated and no longer seemed evident. If the friendship had remained, so probably would the entirety of it. That being friends, lovers, and the marriage. Couples should never lose this. When they do, it falters as a result. Sometimes I wonder, "What happened to the friendship?" Unfortunately, I have no answer to this.  

Edited September 7, 2020 by BeauJangles

[Daniel Marsh]

Because of the respectful way I treat girls,  in High School, College and later.   I had more friends who were girls then I knew what to do with.   They all knew about each other, and I would introduce them to each other to keep everything above board.

Doing this was a great way to deal with temptation too.   Basically, I treated girls around my age like sisters.   From time to time, I will find out that I was dating and I was not even aware I was.  I treated women of legal age like mothers.   Back, then the age was 21.