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Scary dream/ feel hopeless

Caitlin _

By Caitlin _
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Caitlin _

Caitlin _

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(Long story short I became a christian 4 months ago.
I was always fine with my beliefs and always believe in Jesus never doubted.
Then yesterday I started doubting weither God had left me because of severe blasphemous thoughts.
Then I read so many times yesterday to believe in Jesus and you’ll be saved and stuff. I already have and because I read it so much it’s made me doubt. I’ve been having doubts since then. Idk if I can say Jesus is lord properly.
I’ve been having blasphemous thoughts calling Jesus’acc.rs.d’
My head is filled with blasphemous thoughts even now as I’m typing.
Then I slept in this morning and missed school because I was tired I woke up a few times and went back to sleep. )
Then the last dream I had was terrifying.

The dream:
It was judgement day. Me and people were in room with grey brick floor. It was big but wasn’t huge. Then some people took turns going up to the front to say some things about themselves. When I got up I saw my unbelieving friend and they looked at me and smiled and I cried for them. 
Then we all ended up going to the ‘great w...’
I asked the Christian behind me why are we here and they didn’t know.
God was in a grey brick wall room. We weren’t allowed in and we had to wait outside and look at a machine to see what it said. 
I said to the person behind me I don’t think Jesus is going to be there for me and they said he probably will.
When my answer got through it said ‘you are going to die’ in red letters and then I got a ticket or something that said ‘ 22 jul? and that I’m going to d.. by severe earthquake and meteor stars. 
The presence was so scary and condemning the whole time. I felt betrayed and that i felt failure.
I felt like God was terrifying and that he turned against me.Then I went home and told my mum and then I woke up.


The fact I’ve been doubting Jesus and have a dream about him not being there for me.
I’m not close to Jesus.
I have so many blasphemous thoughts calling hs, 
‘satanic, demonic and devil and evil stuff’

Also thoughts calling Jesus a......d.

I’m not close to God.

I feel so condemned. What if I’ve committed the unpardonable sin or committed apostasy.
I thought some blasphemous thoughts on purpose half an hour ago about calling tongues d..m...c

I really don’t think there’s any hope for me.
I’m really scared. 
I feel like my faith has gone. If you don’t believe in Jesus then you’re condemned.
I was always fine in believing in him until yesterday.

Also I don’t think I’ve been living in love and if you don’t Jesus will say to depart anyway.

I don’t feel anytjng from God it feels like he’s against me. 
I thoghts things couldn’t get worse until I had the dream and then after the dream I’ve been having blasphemous thoghts maybe even out of anger.

How can there be even any hope for me now ????

Idk of he’ll forgive the blasphemous thoughts.
I loved God with all my heart and soul and still do but now I jsit feel fear towards him after the dream he feels different. 
Someone thinks maybe the dream was from him.

I’m in such a bad mess with God and I’m scared ?????


Sorry this was a little long but Thank you if you’ve read this far down. :)

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