Some people we are better off without

[Mike Mclees]

19 minutes ago, missmuffet said:

Maybe it would be best to be honest with this person and have a talk with them. Tell them exacting how you feel when you are with them. That may be the kindest way to approach this person. Pray for this person.

You know we have our differences I still you anyway. ?????

Edited September 3, 2022 by Mike Mclees

[missmuffet]

2 minutes ago, Mike Mclees said:

You know we have our differences I still you anyway. 

"I still you anyway" ??????

[AnOrangeCat]

13 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

  Yep, some people you are just better off without!

Amen. That's most of my family to be honest.

[Marathoner]

1 hour ago, AnOrangeCat said:

Amen. That's most of my family to be honest.

I understand. Some find denial necessary for survival while others would rather perish than deny what transpired; I am the latter, while my siblings are the former. I never could turn my face away from what was done, and so I lived with that and everything which came with it. 

My younger sister had a change of heart recently and so she reached out, and I received her gladly. Ah, but then she told me about how the elder siblings were treating her and the vile things they were saying to her. It was awful. Truly awful. 

It made me glad that the Lord delivered me from that nightmare when He did, but in truth I never turned my back upon any of them. That was their choice, and it remains that way for my elder sisters. I occupy myself with what the Lord has me doing and I give no thought to either of them. They know how to contact me if they experience a change of heart. 

I'm better off without them to be sure. 

Edited September 3, 2022 by Marathoner

[HopeInHim]

11 hours ago, kwikphilly said:

Blessings Duck

Nobody " likes" everyone,that is the truth.As a Born Again Christian "liking" a person is not an issue,it's " loving" then .I honestly believe our Lord is not concerned over us liking people,some people have nothing about them to like

As for " love",it is Christ in us WHO Loves and He Loves everyone,not because of their delightful personalities, wonderful words & deeds but because HE DOES.In Christ I am moved to love even the most difficult to love,liking them has no bearing on that- imo & in my experience

Don't beat yourself up over " personality" conflicts- see what Jesus sees as He Loves unconditionally.

I love my cousin,very much- There's not much to like

In His Love,Kwik

This is profound and well said. I have often asked myself the question, “how do I love people when I really don’t ‘like’ them”?

Also, how do I ‘honor’ when there is little that is ‘honorable’? Still struggling with this one and asking the Lord for help, honestly. Most of my family falls into this category. I have been on my own for a long time and struggle when many of the churches I’ve been to boost up talk of ‘family’, almost as an idol. I can’t relate to that at all. I have also found that the church often equates “loving” with smoothing things over or being “nice” and I don’t often hear talk about boundaries or the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation (on human terms forgiveness does not equal instant reconciliation or restoration of the relationship).

I haven’t spoken to either of my parents in years, due to their toxicity. I initially decided to simply let the relationship fade for awhile so that I could attempt some much needed healing. It was even more telling to me to observe that after I did this, neither one of them made any attempt to reach out to me to find out what was wrong, or to express that our relationship was valuable to them and a desire to heal it… I never heard from them again. And both claim to be strong Christians. 

[HopeInHim]

4 hours ago, AnOrangeCat said:

Amen. That's most of my family to be honest.

I can relate.

[kwikphilly]

18 hours ago, missmuffet said:

Maybe it would be best to be honest with this person and have a talk with them. Tell them exacting how you feel when you are with them. That may be the kindest way to approach this person. Pray for this person.

Hi Peeps

As I mentioned,this is going on for almost 60 yrs- it's my first cousin,I am the only family member that has remained in her life- she's far too complicated to discuss here and to put it mildly,she's mean,abusive and has always had an explosive anger Mgmt problem( without reason)

If you don't think I've spent countless hours talking honestly,counseling & being there for my baby cousin then I don't know what to say.  I'm finished with her unwarranted verbal abuse( out of thin air) ..   I know she's strongly oppressed ,hard to accept but more likely possessed

Of course I pray for her,really? I've prayed for her since she's a small child who behaved like a possessed person and was violent until late adulthood,I was the only one that could reason with her after she'd settle down but it's not my job & if it was- I resign

[kwikphilly]

11 hours ago, HopeInHim said:

This is profound and well said. I have often asked myself the question, “how do I love people when I really don’t ‘like’ them”?

Also, how do I ‘honor’ when there is little that is ‘honorable’? Still struggling with this one and asking the Lord for help, honestly. Most of my family falls into this category. I have been on my own for a long time and struggle when many of the churches I’ve been to boost up talk of ‘family’, almost as an idol. I can’t relate to that at all. I have also found that the church often equates “loving” with smoothing things over or being “nice” and I don’t often hear talk about boundaries or the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation (on human terms forgiveness does not equal instant reconciliation or restoration of the relationship).

I haven’t spoken to either of my parents in years, due to their toxicity. I initially decided to simply let the relationship fade for awhile so that I could attempt some much needed healing. It was even more telling to me to observe that after I did this, neither one of them made any attempt to reach out to me to find out what was wrong, or to express that our relationship was valuable to them and a desire to heal it… I never heard from them again. And both claim to be strong Christians. 

Blessings Hope

I understand and I've been around many a Ministry ( churches) that do not seem to have much experience with the real world we live in or are in touch with reality--- I'm being very straightforward here and some probably won't like it but it's the truth

 What you are saying is often advice I heard as well, reconcilation,accepting toxic relationships and putting up with everything contrary to God's Will has little or nothing to do with forgiveness! I get you completely& hope to encourage,you are not the bad guy!!!!!

Personally,I forgive the moment whatever is said or done against me as I know it is not me but Christ Who is hated, for example with my cousin: She'd have me on the phone for hours,crying about how she hates everyone she works with,cannot forgive them & all their wrongdoings against her .... Of course I know how mean she is & why people react to her combatively,she's a menace! At the end of the conversation which is me showing her Scripture after scripture & calming her tormented soul,she's ecstatic" Praise the Lord"," Oh I understand,I get it Cuz".  " Thank you,thank you,I love you".... So we say good night and all is well,right? Wrong!

I get a text in the morning calling me every vile profanity you could think of,claiming I am of the devil,jealous of her & she's done with me!!!! Hope,it's enough to blow your mind - what happens in the middle of the night to twist someone's mind ? It's just evil,period- a distraction of the enemy to take up my time where it's not needed- casting Pearls before swine! Do I forgive,of course,no problem but why go back for more? Next day," oh Cuz,forgive me,I'm sorry"

Yes my friend,it's toxic,it's unholy,a waste of time and your time can be well spent on someone who is hungry & thirsty for the Word --- you can forgive,love & pray for your family members without engaging ... You can also accept THEIR apologies for reaching back out & keep your distance

Our real Family is right here,the Brothers & Sisters who are members of Christ's Body. .. blood families are temporary,some OF this world,we are not OF this WORLD- just IN it for a while!

Hope that helps,you are not alone with your feelings....

[kwikphilly]

The reason I started this thread is because I know there are many Christians who struggle over estranged family members &/ or irreconcilable differences in relationships - and they needn't struggle because Jesus tells us to Forgive & to Love

Read God's Word,He never suggests we should partake or put up with ANYONE who does not walk in His Ways ,His Will,His Word- no not at all! I don't know why it's so hard for anyone to understand we are " separate,called out,His" and often times we must walk away from mother, brother,cousin or whomever that might be to follow Jesus. It does not mean you don't LOVE or do not Forgive,one has nothing to do with the other- Love & Forgiveness brings Peace in walking away,believe it!

I hope everyone sees this thread as a safe place to get real- I for one am not going to give anyone relationship advice except when it's regarding our Relationship with God in Christ ! In Him we have in us the Counselor,Holy Spirit Will give us the wisdom needed to live according to the Will of God. And what God Has for YOU is for YOU & no one else - He Will lead,guide & instruct.

I've been shown many times to walk away from my cousin as I was once shown to walk away from my own mother- this is a family with strong  bondage ,chained & shackled to evil- from the occult and even family curses..... I broke the chain & was Born Again,some others have as well but then there's those still dead in sin.... I have no part with them and it's not my job to Reveal,only to PRESENT...... God Bless us all and continue to pray for all who have not YET Received

With love in Christ, Kwik

[JohnPaul88]

On 9/3/2022 at 3:03 AM, kwikphilly said:

Blessings Everyone

   I'm pretty sure there's not one person here that cannot think of one person they'd do much better without .I'm talking about either a family member,close friend or someone in relationship with you- not the nasty clerk in the convenience store where you need never to shop!

    I have a cousin,the only cousin who lives within driving distance that has been in close relationship with me all of her life( she's nearing age 60).Having any kind of relationship with this girl is taxing,I don't believe anyone not Indwelled by Holy Spirit could tolerate her in any way shape or form. Impossible,it is no wonder why she has no friends & family members avoid her like the plague.

  Well,I was the last to put her on "block" and I am finished.Everyone has their breaking point or their tolerance level,when they cross that threshold it's time to walk away and not look back .There's much more to it because it is spiritual and I've resolved myself to the fact that no matter what " revelation" she claims to have received her rotten fruit proves otherwise and it is high time I kick the dust from my feet and stop wasting my time & energy.

    I guess I've not much to say as I'd only be talking badly about her,tale bearing and that's not my thing.I just don't have one more ounce of anything in me to give-volatile ,explosive,unpredictable,behavior gets very old when you are dealing with an unrepentant heart.

  Yep, some people you are just better off without!

With love in Christ, Kwik

So true Kwikphilly, I have two family members I can do without.

Edited September 4, 2022 by JohnPaul88