selfishness vs self- awareness

[creativemechanic]

 It may sound harsh, but  something I noticed. It may be that we as Christians need to get an understanding of setting boundaries when doing for others. Yes, we need to be loving and sacrificial as Christs was but sometimes (at least in my opinion) this can lead to us  believe we must unnecessarily burden ourselves for others who dont always need it.

To explain-

Lets say a person needs a ride  far to the South, theyll ask someone who they know is going north despite the fact that......

1) They know that they are inconveniencing them

2) There are people in the area going their direction who could easily drop them that way and not be as burdened

3) They could easily ask for a ride to the bus terminal and not incovenience them.

 

But yet, they have mentally designated that person to do it and will accept no substitute or compromise.

The person going north  is already quite busy and it will put them far off route, but they may feel obligated to  do so being to faithful servant.

Ive noticed this and its often the relatives of the christian who tend to do this. To the point where it gets me angry seeing how the person is being exploited

I actually myself had to get out of this mindset and learn to refuse help to people in certain situations based on the context. Often times, theyll get annoyed or angry, but find an alternative very quickly.

 

In a nutsheel, we may have to learn how to not be selfish, but also observe a situation, know their limitations and then make a decision without being exploited.

[missmuffet]

4 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

 It may sound harsh, but  something I noticed. It may be that we as Christians need to get an understanding of setting boundaries when doing for others. Yes, we need to be loving and sacrificial as Christs was but sometimes (at least in my opinion) this can lead to us  believe we must unnecessarily burden ourselves for others who dont always need it.

To explain-

Lets say a person needs a ride  far to the South, theyll ask someone who they know is going north despite the fact that......

1) They know that they are inconveniencing them

2) There are people in the area going their direction who could easily drop them that way and not be as burdened

3) They could easily ask for a ride to the bus terminal and not incovenience them.

 

But yet, they have mentally designated that person to do it and will accept no substitute or compromise.

The person going north  is already quite busy and it will put them far off route, but they may feel obligated to  do so being to faithful servant.

Ive noticed this and its often the relatives of the christian who tend to do this. To the point where it gets me angry seeing how the person is being exploited

I actually myself had to get out of this mindset and learn to refuse help to people in certain situations based on the context. Often times, theyll get annoyed or angry, but find an alternative very quickly.

 

In a nutsheel, we may have to learn how to not be selfish, but also observe a situation, know their limitations and then make a decision without being exploited.

You are describing people pleasers. Even if you are a Christian it is ok to say "no".

[DPMartin]

9 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

 It may sound harsh, but  something I noticed. It may be that we as Christians need to get an understanding of setting boundaries when doing for others. Yes, we need to be loving and sacrificial as Christs was but sometimes (at least in my opinion) this can lead to us  believe we must unnecessarily burden ourselves for others who dont always need it.

To explain-

Lets say a person needs a ride  far to the South, theyll ask someone who they know is going north despite the fact that......

1) They know that they are inconveniencing them

2) There are people in the area going their direction who could easily drop them that way and not be as burdened

3) They could easily ask for a ride to the bus terminal and not incovenience them.

 

But yet, they have mentally designated that person to do it and will accept no substitute or compromise.

The person going north  is already quite busy and it will put them far off route, but they may feel obligated to  do so being to faithful servant.

Ive noticed this and its often the relatives of the christian who tend to do this. To the point where it gets me angry seeing how the person is being exploited

I actually myself had to get out of this mindset and learn to refuse help to people in certain situations based on the context. Often times, theyll get annoyed or angry, but find an alternative very quickly.

 

In a nutsheel, we may have to learn how to not be selfish, but also observe a situation, know their limitations and then make a decision without being exploited.

if you mean people will play you because you're convinced that you should be a door mat. one can test for such when some one takes the attitude that you’re a Christian and you are supposed to give me anything you have because the bible says so.

But the Lord addresses that:

Joh 6:25  And when they had found him on the other side of the sea, they said unto him, Rabbi, when camest thou hither? 

Joh 6:26  Jesus answered them and said, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Ye seek me, not because ye saw the miracles, but because ye did eat of the loaves, and were filled. 

 

If you seek to help, help the ones who are not begging or demanding, but obviously are in need. It works.

Edited September 13, 2022 by DPMartin

[AdHoc]

The Lord knew that when He commanded His people, the Church, to be generous with their resources, that some would take advantage of others. So He sets two limits. The first one is in Romans 8 where in the first half of the Chapter the Christian is to obey the indwelling Holy Spirit (v.14). If you approach the Lord about a matter and you have that heaviness in your inner man, you don't have to find an excuse. The Lord is speaking and the answer is no.

The second limit is very practical. In 2nd Thessalonians 3:7-13 we read:

7 For yourselves know how ye ought to follow us: for we behaved not ourselves disorderly among you; 8 Neither did we eat any man's bread for nought; but wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you: 9 Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an ensample unto you to follow us. 10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. 11 For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. 12 Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread. 13 But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing.

Now, the context does not specifically address your time. But it shows the mind of God. Each Christian must work and then manage his resources within his means. Socialism is out. Help is for emergencies. And the Lord is so strong in this matter that He says that any one not working to provide for himself and his family (i) should have an empty belly, and (ii) if he continues in this foul way, be excommunicated. You see, working for your resources is part of the curse of Eden. Any man who circumvents it is thumbing his nose at God. If you're not sure, just find the woman who has no pain at childbirth. 

But let me end like our text above does: "Do not be weary in well-doing". If you're not sure, err on the side of giving of your resources. God is watching every move and motive. You will suffer temporary loss, but I can testify that after years of helping, God has blessed me abundantly. You can't out-give God.

[Sower]

15 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

It may sound harsh, but  something I noticed. It may be that we as Christians need to get an understanding of setting boundaries when doing for others. Yes, we need to be loving and sacrificial as Christs was but sometimes (at least in my opinion) this can lead to us  believe we must unnecessarily burden ourselves for others who dont always need it.

Another bit of wisdom to think on from God; (Gets a little more than we may desire.)

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this,
To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction,
and to keep himself unspotted from the world."
James 1:27

“Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward them for what they have done.”
Proverbs 19:17

"And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.
And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.
For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike.
You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 5.......

And from AdHoc....But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing!   

You can't out-give God!........

We reap what we sow.

So, Sow graciously.  (in a courteous, kind, and pleasant manner - freak em out!:)

[creativemechanic]

19 hours ago, missmuffet said:

You are describing people pleasers. Even if you are a Christian it is ok to say "no".

Yep. Took me a long time to realise. Something that irks me is this- often  people will ask for help in a way that drastically inconveniences you. You offer a much less strenuous alternative, they'll get angry and refuse, insisting on their method (as if theyre the one in control of your time/vehicle etc).If you  dont bend, theyll quickly manage to do it without you.

[AdHoc]

2 hours ago, creativemechanic said:

Yep. Took me a long time to realise. Something that irks me is this- often  people will ask for help in a way that drastically inconveniences you. You offer a much less strenuous alternative, they'll get angry and refuse, insisting on their method (as if theyre the one in control of your time/vehicle etc).If you  dont bend, theyll quickly manage to do it without you.

26 For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: 27 But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; 28 And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: 29 That no flesh should glory in his presence.

Don't you wish that God had taken the noble ones for His Church? We wouldn't be having this discussion. Ooooppps! I'm one of them!