BK1110 Posted June 16, 2023 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 87 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 6,873 Content Per Day: 2.42 Reputation: 9,611 Days Won: 4 Joined: 07/18/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/10/1986 Share Posted June 16, 2023 If it's not too late to add on, just a reminder that the goal of any man/woman relationship is marriage (not life-long boyfriend/girlfriend/partner etc.) and the marriage relationship is described in the Bible with the term "one flesh." So ask yourself if she is treating you (and you are treating her) with a one flesh mindset. Would she find it acceptable if you were treating her and her goals and pursuit of God's calling in the same way that she is treating yours? It may be telling that her reasoning for you to stop is not "because I think God is leading you elsewhere" or "because I think God might want you to serve Him in this way more" or something. It seems to be about her fear that you will not meet her needs. It sounds self-focused (all about her), rather than other-focused (both you and God). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIC Posted June 27, 2023 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 13 Topic Count: 34 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,436 Content Per Day: 0.83 Reputation: 2,625 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/02/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/11/1989 Author Share Posted June 27, 2023 On 6/16/2023 at 8:45 AM, BK1110 said: If it's not too late to add on, just a reminder that the goal of any man/woman relationship is marriage (not life-long boyfriend/girlfriend/partner etc.) and the marriage relationship is described in the Bible with the term "one flesh." So ask yourself if she is treating you (and you are treating her) with a one flesh mindset. Would she find it acceptable if you were treating her and her goals and pursuit of God's calling in the same way that she is treating yours? It may be telling that her reasoning for you to stop is not "because I think God is leading you elsewhere" or "because I think God might want you to serve Him in this way more" or something. It seems to be about her fear that you will not meet her needs. It sounds self-focused (all about her), rather than other-focused (both you and God). Thanks. Yes . After reflecting on what happened I have come to the conclusion that : 1. She did not approach it from a 'one flesh' mindset. She was envious of me righy from the beginning. 2. She was self focused in her thinking. The good thing is I got to know this now. It would have been much worse of if i had known this 6 months later. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIC Posted July 15, 2023 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 13 Topic Count: 34 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,436 Content Per Day: 0.83 Reputation: 2,625 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/02/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/11/1989 Author Share Posted July 15, 2023 Update: Right on the first video chat she said she has never been in a relationship. Much much later I came to know that she has two pictures of a guy with his arm around her and kissing her on the cheek. Apparently the two spent a night together in the same room. But nothing happened. Or atleast that's what she said. Everyone has a past but after so much has happened, saying 'I have never been in a relationship' is a lie in my book... There might be many more skeletons in her closet. I dodged a big bullet... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
believeinHim Posted July 15, 2023 Group: Royal Member Followers: 7 Topic Count: 431 Topics Per Day: 0.28 Content Count: 3,209 Content Per Day: 2.08 Reputation: 410 Days Won: 0 Joined: 02/06/2020 Status: Offline Share Posted July 15, 2023 On 6/14/2023 at 9:06 AM, SIC said: In my career as a research scholar. To me it is my calling from God. As hallowed as any other calling. She does not see it that way. So she just 'ignores' that part of my life. I am working on a research project. I told her 'If I complete this project I can become a star in the field'. Her reaction was 'I don't want you to be a star.' There was this incident with the hotel clerk. We booked two individual rooms. He laughed at me. There could have been an element of racism in there. I don't know. I responded 'Excuse me can me make it fast please?'. Perhaps a little too sharp. She shouted at me right in front of him. Good for you for booking two rooms when you are not married ! ! ! Why did the man laugh at that ? I probably would have had the same reaction ! ! ! While I probably would have had the same reaction, Or perhaps recoiled a little bit is what I usually do in situations like that, I also would not want my partner or husband to be a star, So I understand that. So many people are, 'Stars', These days, And yes, We need people to survive in this world, But 'Stars', and fame is a bit daunting to me. Now, One could go become Amish, Or start a family with 19 Kids and still wind up famous somehow, But to become a star is overwhelming for some people. If she is insecure in the relationship, She might also worry about losing you to fame, or other r women. Take to mind Lucy in I Love Lucy, When Ricky's career took off, and the Green Eyed Monster took over her heart in her heart of hearts. He eventually became successful, And she realized she didn't want to be a star alongside him, And the end of the show they end up in a beautiful big home on the rural side of things. That is what the show portrayed. In reality, the actor was a total cad, and cheated on his wife many times. I am NOt saying this is what you would do, But fame and stardome is more than this, as well. I don't know what kind of work a research scholar does, But, I know I have been burnt out on other kinds of stardom. I have relaxed again a bit, but I have had my heart broken a few times over the whole ordeal. I used to play the drums, I can still play, obviously, and I write my own lyrics here and there, But, Music in particular is probably the worst of the worst when it comes to that stuff. I don't know her motivation for the comment, and I don't even know the work or star a research scholar would be looking at, It's just when you said star, my red flags went up. Good for you for the hotel booking of two rooms, But I think I need more context for what you mean by, 'Star', ? ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIC Posted July 17, 2023 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 13 Topic Count: 34 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,436 Content Per Day: 0.83 Reputation: 2,625 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/02/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/11/1989 Author Share Posted July 17, 2023 (edited) On 7/15/2023 at 4:57 AM, believeinHim said: I don't know her motivation for the comment, and I don't even know the work or star a research scholar would be looking at, It's just when you said star, my red flags went up. Good for you for the hotel booking of two rooms, But I think I need more context for what you mean by, 'Star', ? ? Well.. become a star means getting citations for your research.. The idea is to pay back the faith and investment the school is putting in on you. That's the deal of academia. The school invests money in you hoping that you will do some kind of path breaking research and make a splash in the field. I, who am taking money from them, am supposed to try and conduct as path breaking a research as possible and make as big a splash in the field as possible. If I don't do that I should not be taking money from the school. Edited July 17, 2023 by SIC 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted July 19, 2023 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,817 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 19, 2023 Blessings @SIC Just came by to see how you're doing- not with ex gf,that ship sailed! Lol But with your research,I would imagine your focus is better with less stress and frustration- being single does have it's benefits With love in Christ, Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIC Posted July 19, 2023 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 13 Topic Count: 34 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,436 Content Per Day: 0.83 Reputation: 2,625 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/02/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/11/1989 Author Share Posted July 19, 2023 1 hour ago, kwikphilly said: Blessings @SIC Just came by to see how you're doing- not with ex gf,that ship sailed! Lol But with your research,I would imagine your focus is better with less stress and frustration- being single does have it's benefits With love in Christ, Kwik Oh yes absolutely @kwikphilly. I have upto 20 hours of free time every week. I intend to stay single for the near future... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwikphilly Posted July 19, 2023 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 96 Topic Count: 307 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 18,136 Content Per Day: 4.63 Reputation: 27,817 Days Won: 327 Joined: 08/03/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 19, 2023 58 minutes ago, SIC said: Oh yes absolutely @kwikphilly. I have upto 20 hours of free time every week. I intend to stay single for the near future... I'm happy for you-I Give Thanks to our Lord that Discernment & Clarity was Given you AND that you made Good decisions..now you have Peace ,God's Will be done.... God Bless you dear Brother In His Love,Kwik Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SIC Posted July 19, 2023 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 13 Topic Count: 34 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,436 Content Per Day: 0.83 Reputation: 2,625 Days Won: 3 Joined: 05/02/2016 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/11/1989 Author Share Posted July 19, 2023 2 minutes ago, kwikphilly said: I'm happy for you-I Give Thanks to our Lord that Discernment & Clarity was Given you AND that you made Good decisions..now you have Peace ,God's Will be done.... God Bless you dear Brother In His Love,Kwik Thank you so much @kwikphilly 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farouk Posted July 19, 2023 Group: Royal Member Followers: 8 Topic Count: 26 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 6,398 Content Per Day: 12.16 Reputation: 3,269 Days Won: 31 Joined: 11/18/2022 Status: Offline Share Posted July 19, 2023 On 6/14/2023 at 7:52 AM, SIC said: Ok. This is about partner. Not wife. If your girlfriend consistently does not have your back, Should one break up? Obviously nobody else can answer that question. But I wanted your insight on whether or not it is a problem... @SIC Thanks for this clarifying information. Amos 3.3 says: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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