Christian colleague really draining me

[Thewhitedove]

I live outside the US, somewhere where there really aren't many born again believers. 

I work in a team where one of the staff members has a reputation for basically not being very competent at her job. I won't go into further detail but she really lacks a lot of the basic skills of the job, and has been doing it for the same amount of time as me, over a decade. 

In my work, we work in pairs and this can change each year. My last colleague left the job so I knew I would be getting a new one, so prayed for God's will to be done. I was put with the colleague. Let's call her Joan.

I was warned that Joan would pull every excuse going to try to get out of doing work, was lazy and basically a liability. Some people told me to report her every misdemeanor and keep management in the loop of how bad she is. 

After a week of working closely with Joan, I realised that she actually has some kind of neurodivergence. Her confidence is rock bottom and I saw that she literally cannot do the tasks she needs to. I don't think I'm overly naive, and I think she really cannot help it. She just can't get her head around the job and seems to have been trying to coast along, undetected for years.

So, I decided I would be patient with her and help her. Really explain things to her, and gradually give her more and more responsibility. Be patient and kind, helpful and a good influence.

She is getting better at certain aspects of the job, but I do need to hold her by the hand. I have to do a lot of her thinking for her, constantly remind her of time frames, of her next Job, next target, next thing she needs to get on with. 

I do a lot of the meatier stuff and can only delegate things that she enjoys doing because she just isn't competent enough to do the nitty, gritty stuff. I've seen her try. 

She appears to be a baby Christian, with a faith that Jesus is the only way but very new in her faith and kind of stumbling along. I'm helping her with that too. She sometimes attends a church that I don't like, but I don't have a church anymore as the one I attended collapsed after covid. There are hardly any here that aren't ear ticklers and are in English. 

She has a very troubled home life and lots of physical and health issues. I feel so sorry for her, but just so drained with having to do so much to help her. I don't even know what to pray about her or how to move forward. We will be together for another 8 months and I actually think I will quit my job if I'm put with her for a second year. 

She is a nice lady, and God has given me some kind of mission, but I'm starting to get really irritated with her. I'm normally very patient but I have started to snap at her a little as I've so much of my own stuff to get on with. I feel like she can't help herself and hates herself for being the way she is, and I feel so sorry for her but I don't know how to handle this in a Christlike way.

 

Any advice would be welcome.

 

[Jayne]

You've been given a very heavy load and on purpose.  Is there someone in management you could talk to about this and get them to understand how hard it is?

It isn't fair to you to be continually tied to her.  Yes, you do have a ministry towards her, but couldn't you trade her for another worker and then possibly trade back?  I have no idea what your job is, but someone needs to know that you are at the breaking point.

Is this affecting YOUR work?  Could she be "shared" with other colleagues?  Just keep praying for her, helping her,  and asking God to lead you.

[FJK]

You prayed for God's will to be done and this is where you are so you should know that God has some specific purpose in mind for you, something he wants you do do here.

But is that purpose intended for her or for you, or for the both of you?

But you're describing a very large problem -situation- here and all large problems are actually an accumulation of much smaller ones you are trying to address all at once.

So let me give you a simple question to think about:  How do you eat an Elephant?

[Thewhitedove]

Thank you. Do you feel that God has given me a heavy load on purpose? No I can't share her with anyone else. Another colleague asked how it was going with her and I tried to be positive. This colleague said 'Joan is SO lucky that she was put with you', meaning that Joan wouldn't have been shown an iota of the patience I show her by anyone else. 

No, it isn't affecting my work. I'm good at my job and just get on with it, but its mostly all on me. If I try to give her more responsibility, she generally does it I'm a way that creates more work for me. It's easier if I get on with it. I'd rather have the full workload rather than have to do facilitie her to do her job too.

[Thewhitedove]

2 minutes ago, FJK said:

You prayed for God's will to be done and this is where you are so you should know that God has some specific purpose in mind for you, something he wants you do do here.

But is that purpose intended for her or for you, or for the both of you?

But you're describing a very large problem -situation- here and all large problems are actually an accumulation of much smaller ones you are trying to address all at once.

So let me give you a simple question to think about:  How do you eat an Elephant?

My first thought is to kill it first.

[Jayne]

I can't speak for God as to why this has happened.  Just lean on him as how to help her AND yourself.

[RdJ]

I have no advice, but that's bad that they just dump it on you. Where I work if someone can't do it, they just get an easier job, less pay, company gets money from the govt and the help is not from 1 person.

We have a guy who first has to check everything at home, if he locked the door and such, so he starts at 11 am and has a real easy job he can just do himself and he gets paid for 6 hours a day and not as much as for a more complicated job.

Edited October 23, 2023 by Renskedejonge

[Thewhitedove]

My husband thinks she's a manipulator who likes things the way they are. I think that work gives her such terrible anxiety that I cant imagine her going along with this situation for an easy gig! Literally everyone except me see her as some kind of lazy, work shy, loafer. 

 

Im finding the whole thing exhausting. I feel if I go to management, who know what she's like, it will be betraying her and letting God down. I feel I'm supposed to protect her. Telling the boss won't be very loyal. 

[Thewhitedove]

2 minutes ago, Renskedejonge said:

I have no advice, but that's bad that they just dump it on you. Where I work if someone can't do it, they just get an easier job, less pay, company gets money from the govt and the help is not from 1 person.

We have a guy who first has to check everything at home, if he locked the door and such, so he starts at 11 am and has a real easy job he can just do himself and he gets paid for 6 hours a day.

Yep she was dumped on me, but nobody else wanted to work with her and I guess it's my 'turn'.

[Marathoner]

12 minutes ago, Thewhitedove said:

My husband thinks she's a manipulator who likes things the way they are. I think that work gives her such terrible anxiety that I cant imagine her going along with this situation for an easy gig! Literally everyone except me see her as some kind of lazy, work shy, loafer. 

 

Im finding the whole thing exhausting. I feel if I go to management, who know what she's like, it will be betraying her and letting God down. I feel I'm supposed to protect her. Telling the boss won't be very loyal. 

Consider that this individual isn't fit for the work, my friend. I commend you for your patience and it seems that you've been called upon by the Lord to execute judgment in this matter. How?

Because He's given you the understanding needed to judge the matter. It's only a burden if you seek to shrink away from doing what you know is right; present your judgment to management and leave it in their hands. By leaving it in their hands, you are also leaving this in God's hand. If it's His will that this individual continue working there, that will be made evident.