Apathetic / Offhanded / Indifferent love-interest, significant other, fiancée/fiancé, wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend

[bartmac123]

When one has  a love-interest, and is interested in courtship/marriage, it is important for one to be vigilant about certain character traits of the love-interest/significant other in question.

 

Some major character traits that are of concern have to deal with whether the  love-interest/significant other is:

 

-apathetic

 

-offhanded

 

-indifferent

 

I mention the aforementioned character traits because they can easily be overlooked or difficult to see.

 

 

Quote

 

(2 Samuel 3:12-16)

12 Then Abner sent messengers to David in his place, saying, “Whose is the land? Make your covenant with me, and behold, my hand shall be with you to bring all Israel over to you.” 13 He said, “Good! I will make a covenant with you, but I demand one thing of you, [c]namely, you shall not see my face unless you first bring Michal, Saul’s daughter, when you come to see [d]me.” 14 So David sent messengers to Ish-bosheth, Saul’s son, saying, “Give me my wife Michal, to whom I was betrothed for a hundred foreskins of the Philistines.” 15 Ish-bosheth sent and took her from her husband, from [e]Paltiel the son of Laish. 16 But her husband went with her, weeping as he went, and followed her as far as Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, “Go, return.” So he returned.

 

 

 

I believe Michal was behaving like a insultingly apathetic/offhanded/indifferent ice cold queen. 

To elaborate, (2 Samuel 3:16) mentions that Paltiel the son of Laish, Michal's 2nd husband, would weep and follow her but it surprisingly does Not mention any sort of reciprocal mourning/weeping by Michal.

We human beings can easily and mistakenly overlook said character traits when we are blinded by infatuation for a love-interest.

The bible is interesting because it can suggest/hint a lot to the biblical readers by what it does Not mention. In the aforementioned case of Michal, the bible suggests to us that Michal is insultingly apathetic, offhanded and indifferent by the fact that there is No mention of any kind of response from her to Paltiel the son of Laish's weeping and mourning when Michal is taken away from him.

Samson is another example of one who is blinded by infatuation/love for a love-interest.

Judges 16:1 mentions that Samson had sex with a harlot, therefore, it is true that Samson was a man with strong sinful sexually lustful urges.

 

Quote

 

(Judges 16:1)

Now Samson went to Gaza and saw a harlot there, and went in to her.

 

 

However, Samson can also be faulted with being blinded by infatuation/love for a love-interest.

 

Quote

 

Judges 16:4-18

New American Standard Bible 1995

4 After this it came about that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. 5 The lords of the Philistines came up to her and said to her, “Entice him, and see where his great strength lies and [a]how we may overpower him that we may bind him to afflict him. Then we will each give you eleven hundred pieces of silver.” 6 So Delilah said to Samson, “Please tell me where your great strength is and how you may be bound to afflict you.”........more scripture...more scripture...more....

10 Then Delilah said to Samson, “Behold, you have deceived me and told me lies; now please tell me [d]how you may be bound.” ........more scripture...more scripture...more....

 

13 Then Delilah said to Samson, “Up to now you have deceived me and told me lies; tell me [g]how you may be bound.” ........more scripture...more scripture...more....

15 Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have deceived me these three times and have not told me where your great strength is.” 16 It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was [k]annoyed to death. 17 So he told her all that was in his heart and said to her, “A razor has never come on my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb. If I am shaved, then my strength will leave me and I will become weak and be like any other man.”

 

18 When Delilah saw that he had told her all that was in his heart, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, “Come up once more, for he has told me all that is in his heart.” Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands.

 

 

It is important to note that in Judges 16:4, the bible mentions that Samson loved Delilah. Therefore, the bible reader should Not oversimplify the relationship between Samson and Delilah by boiling it down to merely sinful sexual lust because Judges 16:4 states that he loved her.

 

Let's get back to the apathetic character traits that one should be vigilant about.  Delilah is only mentioned in the Judges 16:4-18 biblical passage.

 

Judges 16:4-18 starts off with the premise that Samson loved Delilah.  It then subsequently mentions that the Philistines enticed Delilah to be a honeytrap for Samson, and in return they would  grant her materialistic financial benefits.

 

Again, the bible reader should make note of the fact that Judges 16:18 was the very last verse in the bible that mentions Delilah.  More importantly , Judges 16:18 ends with mentioning that the Philistines financially reward Delilah for her wicked trickery, and then the bible Never mentions Delilah again.

Again, the bible is interesting because it can suggest/hint a lot to the biblical readers by what it does Not mention.

 

Not Only is Delilah greedy, but the fact that she is Not mentioned ever again after Judges 16:18 tells us that she is insultingly apathetic, offhanded and indifferent to Samson's dreadful fate in the hands of the Philistines later on.

Even Judas had remorse after he betrayed Jesus Christ for money.

 

Therefore, to conclude, when one has a love-interest, and is looking for courtship/marriage then one should be vigilant by avoiding people who are insultingly apathetic/offhanded/indifferent.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited December 7, 2023 by bartmac123

[Who me]

2 hours ago, bartmac123 said:

is important for one to be vigilant about certain character traits of the love-interest/significant other in question

A couple of basic points  to consider  before even going on a date:-

Are they a Christian, involved in their church? Not attending church or not involved, walk away.

Are they in work, is it a good job with prospects, or working for a practical qualification?  If not walk away.

These apply to bove men and women.

Once dating, there is to be no sex, save it for marriage, again if they want sex and aren't  interested in keeping it for marriage, walk away from that relationship.

A must is to attend each others church services, to see how they are greeted, and what the teaching is like.

 

Another must is to talk politics and theology.  You don't  have to agree on everything but you both need to be able to give a rational fact based reasons for your beliefs.

Failure casts a dark cloud over that relationship,  only dispelled  by a willingness to learn, otherwise if belief is based on feelings walk away.

[Neighbor]

Oh my so many rules of man's making to follow-

Or, "fall in lust"  burning with desire as the young do, then marry and grow together as the Holy Spirit leads  through life's awesome adventures that prove out God's mercy and grace from ever lasting to everlasting.  What an awesome ride it is!

[Neighbor]

 A little excerpt from a Barna research summary dating back to 2008: ..."In fact, when evangelicals and non-evangelical born again Christians are combined into an aggregate class of born again adults, their divorce figure is statistically identical to that of non-born again adults: 32% versus 33%, respectively."... 

Source reference is https://www.barna.com/research/new-marriage-and-divorce-statistics-released/

Seems no matter the "rules" the results are similar. 

 

[bartmac123]

58 minutes ago, Who me said:

A couple of basic points  to consider  before even going on a date:-

Are they a Christian, involved in their church? Not attending church or not involved, walk away.

Are they in work, is it a good job with prospects, or working for a practical qualification?  If not walk away.

These apply to bove men and women.

Once dating, there is to be no sex, save it for marriage, again if they want sex and aren't  interested in keeping it for marriage, walk away from that relationship.

A must is to attend each others church services, to see how they are greeted, and what the teaching is like.

 

Another must is to talk politics and theology.  You don't  have to agree on everything but you both need to be able to give a rational fact based reasons for your beliefs.

Failure casts a dark cloud over that relationship,  only dispelled  by a willingness to learn, otherwise if belief is based on feelings walk away.

You are correct.  However, there is more to it.

One has to avoid a lot of people who just

-fake their Christian walk at church ( i.e., have a lot of head knowledge about scripture, and then go about blurting out memorized scripture in church , raise their hands during worship for everyone to see—sanctimonious ostentatious showmanship )

-contentious/quarrelsome people, and there are a lot of contentious/quarrelsome congregation members ((Proverbs 25:24) It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. )  Essentially, temperament is important.

-Also, sincere Christians can have different outlook towards life.  One could have a calling for Christian ministry, and other does Not.  Therefore, it Might Not be a good mach.

-Wealth gaps can also cause problems even if both are sincere Christians.

[Jayne]

4 hours ago, bartmac123 said:

I believe Michal was behaving like a insultingly apathetic/offhanded/indifferent ice cold queen. 

To elaborate, (2 Samuel 3:16) mentions that Paltiel the son of Laish, Michal's 2nd husband, would weep and follow her but it surprisingly does Not mention any sort of reciprocal mourning/weeping by Michal.

I see Michal in an entirely different light.

[1.]  The Bible says twice that she was in love with David, but never says he loved her, although she was his first wife.  [1 Samuel 18:20 and 28]

[2.]  She knew her father's unstableness and when he, King Saul, sent men to her and David's home to kill him, she warned David and told him she would help him escape.  She helped lower him out the window and she told the men that he was sick in bed. [1 Samuel 19] When her father, King Saul, found out she did this and lied to him about David's whereabouts, he punished her by giving her to another man.  [1 Samuel 25:44]  The Bible never says that David ever tried to rescue her or look for her.

What's worse?  [1]  Being married to someone you love, but does not love you?  [2]  Being 

married to someone who loves you, but whom you do not love?  [3] Or being raised by an 

unfeeling, unconcern, and unstable father who does with your life as he sees benefits him?

Michal endured it all.

[3]  After a long time, David decides he wants Michal back.  Sort of.  He is still fighting the house of Saul even after Saul's death.  Abner, from the house of Saul wants to defect to David's side.  David agrees, but tests him.  He said, "Do not come to me without my wife, Michal, whom I paid for with 100 Philistine foreskins.  [2 Samuel 3:13]

 

[4]  She WAS David's first and only wife.  She loved him so says the Bible twice.  She risked her own life to save David.  He never seemed to care for her at all.  Marrying her was a political move for him.  And the Law said if a man's wife married someone else, He was never to take her back.  Perhaps David didn't see as divorced from him - I don't know.

 

[5]  When she finally saw David again, he had already two other women and had several children. [2 Samuel 2]

 

[6] So in 2 Samuel 6, when the Bible says that she loathed David, I don't see her as you do - "a cold ice queen".  I see her as a tragic figure.  Unloved and treated like trash by her father and first husband.  And forced to live with a second husband whom she did not love.

[7] She reacted wrongly, yes.  But you and I see her as two entirely different women.

[JoshuaT]

-contentious/quarrelsome people, and there are a lot of contentious/quarrelsome congregation members ((Proverbs 25:24) It is better to live in a corner of the roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. )  Essentially, temperament is important.

 

Im married now what? I dont believe in divorce, this life is extremely hard.

[Starise]

I have watched several of my friends date and get married in addition to my own experiences. I noted one friend who dated this girl who was uncaring and seemed to enjoy controlling him. He would drive long distances to see her and was giving 100% while she gave almost nothing back. I would call her manipulative. I was SO glad when that was over and he found a much better woman he eventually ended up marrying.

In looking at women in general, it seems there are several types to stay away from. Adding to this they would be believers.

-The negative complainer, gossip

-The manipulator

-The boss

-The demotivator

On the good side.

-The heart that shines above all

-The carer, true love

-The unselfish

-the team player

-The solidly grounded spiritually, not just lip service.

Good luck. The good ones are hard to find. 

I think the Lord can lead believers to meet the right person, but I also think we can someimes read too much into what we think is real.

 

[bartmac123]

25 minutes ago, Starise said:

I have watched several of my friends date and get married in addition to my own experiences. I noted one friend who dated this girl who was uncaring and seemed to enjoy controlling him. He would drive long distances to see her and was giving 100% while she gave almost nothing back. I would call her manipulative. I was SO glad when that was over and he found a much better woman he eventually ended up marrying.

In looking at women in general, it seems there are several types to stay away from. Adding to this they would be believers.

-The negative complainer, gossip

-The manipulator

-The boss

-The demotivator

On the good side.

-The heart that shines above all

-The carer, true love

-The unselfish

-the team player

-The solidly grounded spiritually, not just lip service.

Good luck. The good ones are hard to find. 

I think the Lord can lead believers to meet the right person, but I also think we can someimes read too much into what we think is real.

 

Thanks,  

In the bad side list, I would like to add the following:

- contentious (Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a contentious woman. )

-vexing (Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious and vexing woman. )

-quarrelsome

 

Thanks

[Who me]

4 hours ago, bartmac123 said:

However, there is more to it.

One cannot cover every situation on a forum, one can only give guidelines, which is why I mentioned involvement  in church and having reasons for political. And theological views.

A superficial  Christian is just that, they have no depth and that is revealed  in there lack of commitment.