This is hard for me to share....I know most will view me as an oddball, but here goes.....

[Jayne]

I've been having a lot of crying spells lately.  Mainly since the new year.  When I pray, when I read the Bible, when a sad TV show comes on, in church [primarily during hymn singing or altar call], and I find it embarrassing.

For example, we put a man [a member's son] on the church prayer list who had terminal cancer and we, unfortunately, found out apparently when it was in the last stages.  He and I went to school together 45 years ago and I haven't seen him since.  At the announcement that he was on the prayer list, I was BURDENED about his eternal soul.  I began praying for his healing and his salvation.  He may have BEEN saved since the last time I saw him - I don't know.

In the next two weeks, our pastor announced at the end of the service that he had passed away and to pray for the family.  I burst into tears and so the crying spell started.  

I said this to say THIS......and if you think me insane, I won't argue.  Just don't be hateful.

I've spoken to my counselor about this and I have a doctor's app't in May and will talk to her about this these crying spells.  

However, I have been PARTIALLY convinced that I am burdened because there is not a lot of time left.

I know everyone believes differently about end times and that's one reason that I stay AWAY from any end time threads on ANY forum I am on. Everyone just argues and argues and it's a hot mess of confusion.

And I am NOT saying that I KNOW when the return of Christ is.  I would label my own self as insane if I professed this.  It may be today - it may be a long time from now.

I just can't stop this feeling of  - not doom, not gloom, not apprehension, not dread , those are from the devil - but of a sense of URGENCY that we may or may not see another Easter.

Are we saved?

Are our loved ones saved?

Does anyone give a hoot?  I have been praying for the past two days that God would move in the churches that have Godly men behind the pulpit and that he would SAVE people today.  At my church, God did!  A young 5th grade boy. His dad came with him to the altar call.

I know this is just all inside of me and it's mine to bear - and I more than likely should not have said anything.

I am burdened for the lost people I know.  And the urgency just gets stronger.

And yes, I am witnessing as best I can to people.  I just don't believe we have a long time left.  If I am dead wrong - I'll gladly admit it.

But the pull of urgency is very strong in me.

 

 

 

 

[Eli1]

I don't think you're insane, i think you're an empath and it's a normal reaction to our fallen world.

I feel the same way too. But i hope that you will overcome your feeling of "urgency" because that's a reaction of your theology which says that you need more "wins" in your pocket to "save" people by having an ingrained sense of doom and gloom yourself.  

But your feeling of empathy, i hope you never lose. I hope i never lose it too. 

Hopefully you don't think i'm hateful. 

God bless you. 

Edited March 31 by Eli1

[ladypeartree]

Either end times for the entire world or just for those you have a call to witness to doesnt matter What does matter is your heart and that is in the right place so stay strong sister God KNOWS his people and is using you to reach them  it is not madness it is love  

[Jayne]

31 minutes ago, Eli1 said:

 Hopefully you don't think i'm hateful. 

Not hateful at all.  Just different.

[Jayne]

28 minutes ago, ladypeartree said:

Either end times for the entire world or just for those you have a call to witness to doesnt matter What does matter is your heart and that is in the right place so stay strong sister God KNOWS his people and is using you to reach them  it is not madness it is love  

You make sense.  

[Ray12614]

24 minutes ago, Eli1 said:

I feel the same way too. But i hope that you will overcome your feeling of "urgency" because that's a reaction of your theology which says that you need more "wins" in your pocket to "save" people by having an ingrained sense of doom and gloom yourself.  

Our sister is correct regarding urgency. I don't know what her theology is regarding end times, but, putting that aside;  It is urgent for the unsaved at whatever stage of life they are in, and/or whatever times we live. It is urgent for the father/mother who might die soon. It is urgent for the drug user who may overdose and die without Christ. It is urgent for the teen who might commit suicide  . . . and the list goes on and on . . . you show me a person who is without Christ and I will say it is urgent for them to receive Christ into their lives. We know not when each of us will leave this world and we cannot assume that people have forever to decide for Christ of not. 

Its like the story about a little boy who saw thousands of starfish washed up on a beach and then began to start picking them up and throwing them back into the sea water. A man passing by said "why are you wasting your time throwing them back into the water, don't you know that there are tens of thousands here, so what difference can you make among so many of them?" The little boy simply replied as he picked up one of the star fish and threw it back into the water " It makes a difference to that one". 

The point is that complacency fueled by an intellectual concept of theology misses the heart of Jesus who loves the lost we refuse to pray for, witness to, or minister to.

My 2 cents on this  . . . . 

Grace and Peace . . . Ray . . . 

[farouk]

52 minutes ago, Jayne said:

I've been having a lot of crying spells lately.  Mainly since the new year.  When I pray, when I read the Bible, when a sad TV show comes on, in church [primarily during hymn singing or altar call], and I find it embarrassing.

For example, we put a man [a member's son] on the church prayer list who had terminal cancer and we, unfortunately, found out apparently when it was in the last stages.  He and I went to school together 45 years ago and I haven't seen him since.  At the announcement that he was on the prayer list, I was BURDENED about his eternal soul.  I began praying for his healing and his salvation.  He may have BEEN saved since the last time I saw him - I don't know.

In the next two weeks, our pastor announced at the end of the service that he had passed away and to pray for the family.  I burst into tears and so the crying spell started.  

I said this to say THIS......and if you think me insane, I won't argue.  Just don't be hateful.

I've spoken to my counselor about this and I have a doctor's app't in May and will talk to her about this these crying spells.  

However, I have been PARTIALLY convinced that I am burdened because there is not a lot of time left.

I know everyone believes differently about end times and that's one reason that I stay AWAY from any end time threads on ANY forum I am on. Everyone just argues and argues and it's a hot mess of confusion.

And I am NOT saying that I KNOW when the return of Christ is.  I would label my own self as insane if I professed this.  It may be today - it may be a long time from now.

I just can't stop this feeling of  - not doom, not gloom, not apprehension, not dread , those are from the devil - but of a sense of URGENCY that we may or may not see another Easter.

Are we saved?

Are our loved ones saved?

Does anyone give a hoot?  I have been praying for the past two days that God would move in the churches that have Godly men behind the pulpit and that he would SAVE people today.  At my church, God did!  A young 5th grade boy. His dad came with him to the altar call.

I know this is just all inside of me and it's mine to bear - and I more than likely should not have said anything.

I am burdened for the lost people I know.  And the urgency just gets stronger.

And yes, I am witnessing as best I can to people.  I just don't believe we have a long time left.  If I am dead wrong - I'll gladly admit it.

But the pull of urgency is very strong in me.

 

 

 

 

@Jayne I am reminded of this hymn:

Let all that look for hasten
  The coming joyful day,
By earnest consecration,
  To walk the narrow way;
By gathering in the lost ones,
  For whom our Lord did die,
For the crowning day that’s coming
  By-and-by.

[Jayne]

5 minutes ago, Ray12614 said:

Our sister is correct regarding urgency. I don't know what her theology is regarding end times, but, putting that aside;  It is urgent for the unsaved at whatever stage of life they are in, and/or whatever times we live. It is urgent for the father/mother who might die soon. It is urgent for the drug user who may overdose and die without Christ. It is urgent for the teen who might commit suicide  . . . and the list goes on and on . . . you show me a person who is without Christ and I will say it is urgent for them to receive Christ into their lives. We know not when each of us will leave this world and we cannot assume that people have forever to decide for Christ of not. 

Its like the story about a little boy who saw thousands of starfish washed up on a beach and then began to start picking them up and throwing them back into the sea water. A man passing by said "why are you wasting your time throwing them back into the water, don't you know that there are tens of thousands here, so what difference can you make among so many of them?" The little boy simply replied as he picked up one of the star fish and threw it back into the water " It makes a difference to that one". 

The point is that complacency fueled by an intellectual concept of theology misses the heart of Jesus who loves the lost we refuse to pray for, witness to, or minister to.

My 2 cents on this  . . . . 

Grace and Peace . . . Ray . . . 

Thank you, Ray....

You explained how I feel a whole lot better than me.

[tatwo]

1 hour ago, Jayne said:

I've been having a lot of crying spells lately.  Mainly since the new year.  When I pray, when I read the Bible, when a sad TV show comes on, in church [primarily during hymn singing or altar call], and I find it embarrassing.

For example, we put a man [a member's son] on the church prayer list who had terminal cancer and we, unfortunately, found out apparently when it was in the last stages.  He and I went to school together 45 years ago and I haven't seen him since.  At the announcement that he was on the prayer list, I was BURDENED about his eternal soul.  I began praying for his healing and his salvation.  He may have BEEN saved since the last time I saw him - I don't know.

In the next two weeks, our pastor announced at the end of the service that he had passed away and to pray for the family.  I burst into tears and so the crying spell started.  

I said this to say THIS......and if you think me insane, I won't argue.  Just don't be hateful.

I've spoken to my counselor about this and I have a doctor's app't in May and will talk to her about this these crying spells. 

Well Jayne...I (63 M) have gone through what you call "crying spells" a few times over the last 40 years and at times I remember that they were similarly related to those in darkness. Not really because they were in darkness per se...but rather because of the darkness itself. Its reality, its scope, the seriousness of it in everyday life, and yes those trapped in darkness.

I have come to find out that it was simply my Father teaching me to experience an emotion that He experiences...and teaching me how to discern it...it has had a tenderizing effect upon my soul...it has made me noticeably more sensitive spiritually according to my wife and family...making me more like Him...and I'll risk it all for Him if He will make me just like Him.

On Friday March 29th 2024 in a zoom conference with a very close brother...he began to weep as he spoke of something very similar to what you spoke of burdened for souls and I think he was dealing with close family and long time friends.

Last night...March 30th 2024...when I got to bed around 9:30...my wife who had gone to bed an hour earlier...was expressing something the Lord Yahshua had impressed upon her that very day concerning our response to the lost and spiritually confused...and within minutes she began to weep...and I am sure she wept all night Jayne.

Trust the Holy Spirit to lead you in this...it could possibly be a "spiritual growing pain"...consider your spiritual maturity level if you can..."infant, toddler, adolescent, adult, parent"...if that makes sense. Your Father is definitely raising you up regardless of what level you feel you are at...hope that helps.

I have a comment on your "urgency" in another post.

Tatwo...:)  

[tatwo]

1 hour ago, Jayne said:

However, I have been PARTIALLY convinced that I am burdened because there is not a lot of time left.

Take a moment...just consider the ramifications of how you would describe the reality of..."there is not a lot of time left." Oh it is a huge contemplation to be sure...if I were you I would do just that...I would even go so far as to write out my thoughts about the whole thing...trusting the Lord to guide my words...you will be fine.

1 hour ago, Jayne said:

I know everyone believes differently about end times and that's one reason that I stay AWAY from any end time threads on ANY forum I am on. Everyone just argues and argues and it's a hot mess of confusion.

And I am NOT saying that I KNOW when the return of Christ is.  I would label my own self as insane if I professed this.  It may be today - it may be a long time from now.

Fantastic description..."it's a hot mess of confusion"...well said...I am generally involved in those forums and your right. That said I continuously find revelation of the end of the age over there but you have to be very mature in your discernment.

Not to try to bring that "hot mess" here Jayne...however from the Kingdom of God perspective...the next greatest event in Gods plan is not the return of the Lord...of course He is coming...but that is not the next major event. Most "Christians" are not too focused on this event...Paul said it like this in Romans 8:19-21...

"For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God.  (20)  For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope  (21)  that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God."

The revealing of the Sons of God? Yes the Lord Yahshua has been preparing for this event for a long time...and in my experience the "sons of God" aka the "Body of Christ" are in the finishing stages of their maturity here on the earth. This is the primary purpose for Gods creation to begin with...to bring forth "a man in the image and likeness of God"...His Son.

Think about it...however remember that if the entire universe is standing on tiptoe, yearning to see the unveiling of God’s glorious sons and daughters...and it's not to far down the road in terms of time...this may be involved in your sense of urgency?

Tatwo...:)