Caregiving

[Judy]

Hello, all. I registered in August, but have only posted a couple of times. Not for lack of interest, believe me. I help care for my chronically ill mom and 90 yr old grandmother who came to live with us in February( I live with my folks). This is an incredibly stressful position to be in . I am glad to do it, because, as a Christian, I believe it is my responsibility. However, I am extremely discouraged much of the time and often feel trapped by circumstances. I would like to hear from anyone who has experience caring for a loved one( parent, spouse, it does not matter). It feels like an all-consuming thing, I just am seeking encouragement that I am doing what is right in God's eyes and any ideas on how to deal with the stress in a Godly way. I want to be pleasing to Christ above all else. Thanks.

[Guest steadfastlove]

hi judy,

caring for chronically ill people even family can be really tough, i can remmeber when my grandmother had stroke and was paralysed before she eventually died it was really tough for all of us but comfort can always be found in the fact that u are making a difference in a life that has almost given up hope....caring for the chronically ill is really like a ministry , see urself as a minister sis, u are making a whole lot of difference by being there for them , God is pleased with you because helping others is a ministry, do your best tomake their last days memorable and to keep them focused on christ, i've learnt God is not a God of mere numbers but individuals, he has granted u the opportunity to bless your mom and grandparent with care, stay in touch with God and he'll keep renewing your strength.......

with u in prayers sis,

james[steadfastlove]

[Judy]

Thank you, James. That helped. Unfortunately, I am the only believer in my family, so it makes it that much tougher for us all. My mom thinks God is punishing her through her poor health and I try to be patient through her depression and mood swings. Thank you again for replying. Take care and God Bless.

[Catsmeow]

Judy,

I so hope you read this. I wish I'd responded sooner.

I know exactly what you're going through. I left the mission field overseas to come home and care of my sick mother. She had liver disease and was, from all I could tell, unsaved.

It's extremely difficult and I often felt utterly trapped. It was especially hard because I didn't really know my mother...she abandoned my father and I when I was an infant. I only made her acquaintance after seeking her out. We finally met when I was 36 years old.

I cared for her for 11 months; then she passed. It was difficult because she had a harsh and critical spirit. Sadly, I tended to mimick her more than Jesus and that made it worse. I became very negative and downcast because I still held resentment in my heart that she left Daddy and me when I was a baby because she wanted to be with other men.

I felt very bitter because she betrayed my father and me and showed no remorse for it.

She was very sick with many ailments, including profound disfigurement from Rheumatoid arthritis and other serious conditions. She was often in pain. I felt pity for her but, try as I did...couldn't seem to bond with her.

She needed constant care...I had to prepare her meals, feed her, change her diapers, change her bedding, give enemas, change the bedside toilet and other sanitation duties, etc.

She made frequent demands, including waking me in the middle of the night all night to rub her knees with Icey Hot (which smells horrible)...and change her soiled bedding.

She rarely said, "Thank you"...but there were those few times when she did.

She died and no one attended the funeral. It was very sad. Yes, Judy...I felt very, very alone and felt myself often crumbling inside.

I know that people who've never been through this will say things like, "Trust God" and all ...but let me tell you...it's a whole different ballgame when you're actually going through it at the time...you go through an entire spectrum of emotions...and not all of them are real godly.

When you're cleaning up feces constantly and the smell of ammonia gets real ripe, believe me....you're "godliness" gets tested to the max. Been there, done that.

I can only say that I deeply empathize with what you must be going through. Hopefully, you're much closer to your mom than I was with mine.

Mine didn't know me and I didn't know her. We were strangers, related by blood alone. No history; no memories of sharing; no bond created. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life...

My heart goes out to you, Sister.

[Judy]

Thanks for replying, catsmeow...pm forthcoming.

[Guest steadfastlove]

hi judy

praying for u and ur family, the lord will touch their hearts and they will see him as he is, keep on shining his light in the midst of the darkness around u, u are his ambassador.

yours in christ

james

ps:i sent u a pm check it out

[Judy]

I received it, James. Thanks, it was greatly appreciated and encouraging.

[Guest steadfastlove]

hi judy , how are things with u , hope u are handling ur helps and care giving ministry better now, i'm still praying for God to be ur strength and ur shield.

your brother

james