Divorce support thread

[anitarose]

I have forgiven her. But I will not forget. I have given many chances, and have been down this road before- enough is enough. I see what you are saying but our relationship is over.

For what it's worth, CS, I understand completely!

I can understand that too...it's very difficult to forgive my ex....but I'm learning how to....in fact, I told him (through the mediator) that he can sell off everything that I left there in the house.....except my personal pictures.....and he can keep the money, I don't want it....I am entitled, after 14 years of marriage, to 1/2 of it all, but I don't want any of it. Not a chance....I want no reminders of what I went through with him...

I may even relocate to another country to avoid being reminded...

Anita

[RGR]

Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church, the phone rang. It was April explaining that Charles was sick and asking what I wanted to do. I told her that with him having surgery on Tuesday that he needed to be home with me but that she could keep the other 2 until Monday evening as originally planned. No dice. She said that if she was bringing Charles home, she was going to bring all 3 back.

When I got them, Jonathan was running around 102 temp and his little face was all broke out like he had poison ivy. He said that he and Lee had played outside most of the day before and the day before that (it was cold, btw!) and that he had been warned to stay away from the ditch b/c of poison ivy. Well it would appear that he wasn't being watched too good.

Charles and Jonathan also said that Ricky, April's b/f, was trying to get them to put their hands to a cigarette lighter while it was lit!

Needless to say, I'm having a long talk w/ April before they go back down there.

[ladypeartree]

Ronald can you take photos and get this recorded by a nurse or doctor ar someone else in a similar position? It would be good to have the evidence if you needed it as back up

[RGR]

Ronald can you take photos and get this recorded by a nurse or doctor ar someone else in a similar position? It would be good to have the evidence if you needed it as back up

I spoke w/ our family doctor yesterday as I had to take Jonathan in since he was sick. I explained to him the situation with the smoking and he said in no uncertain terms that they DID NOT need to be around that!

[ted]

t,

[RCruise]

WOW!!!

It is really hard to say much except I will pray with you all!

I am not proud to say that I have been down this road three times but very blessed to say The Lord answered my prayers! My first marriage was to a woman who couldn't keep the guys out of our bed and I married her as teh "honorable thing" for she was pregnant. It didn't last to the first Anniversary before we split up. We tried several times after that but I was on drugs by then. I got busted, got misdemeanor and probation and decided to "clean it up". I invited her to my parents one night to make a choice. Give up the drugs and party life and raise our daughter together or divorce. She chose "party". I fought for custody and lost. Her parents hired a good attorney who had her put away the sleazy clothes, put on a decent dress buttoned to the neck with a cross hanging around her neck.

A year later I met a woman in a bar who I knew was my dream girl. We lived together for a while but I loved her like no other so I finally convinced her to marry me. (she didn't want to marry since her ex was violent ex-cop who beat her mercilessly even put her in the hospital several times and threatened to kill her and the children(2) if she tried to take them). We finally married and one year later had my only son. I loved her immensely and worshipped her (I know..) About 8 months after my son came, I was really struggling with my own rage nature and violent ways for I wanted my son to grow up in the best of homes. My dad used to beat my mom and us boys (5 and I am eldest) and we best never loose a fight. He and his brothers had a "tough guy" reputations, so would his sons if he had to beat it into us....and he did! All of us are six feet or larger and fought all through school always in trouble.

The Lord called me that night, when my son was eight months old. Totally shocked me for I hated most Christians and thought they were nothing more than hypocrites and liars. Oddly enough, in two (wide awake) visions, the last I knew to be some time away, He revealed two children in a pleasant farm like Church setting I knew was my home and Church to pastor, my children and, my wife was running toward me behind them. It was so peace filled and beautiful and of course I imagined the other child to be my daughter from my first marriage and the other my son. But as their mohter got closer, I noticed she was more dark skinned, not a white woman and ... not the woman laying next to me whom I dearly loved so much that death was preferable to being separated from her. I put that away believing to have some allegorical meaning.

A few years into serving, I lost my temper at the church who were spreading false lies and rumors and gossip about us, and several people in our church. I back slid and figured I had it right to begin with. "Hypocrites and Liars and Backstabbers". We were married for 18 years with more frequent problems and separations in the last 5 before she up and left for Barbados, moved in with a native younger than half her age. I moved back to my home state and a year and half later rebounded with an old high school flame with twins (boy and girl age 3) who the dan abandoned at birth. I remembered the vision (though not clearly enough...she was white also) and figured that must be it! Got married and it lasted one and half years. And she left me because I was reading the Bible! I had gotten a deep hunger to search again and seek. She gave me an ultimatum to throw that Bible away or she was packing up her kids and leaving. I couldn't believe it. She was on welfare, her dad was making her rent and since the day we met, I took over all responsiblities and was purchasing a nice home for all of us.

I called her bluff and that was a week before Christmas of 1996. Her dad was there moving them out and back to her old house on the 22 and 23rd. I knew deep down I couldn't give up seeking. It was like a burning deep within. Yet, I couldn't believe God would want to let me railroad another marriage just because of His Bible and my reading it. I finally on January 17th of 1997 determined I was getting nowhere, God was not going to answer and I closed my Bible to put it down and call her to make amends. As I went to lay it down...The Holy Ghost come all over me and Spoke telling me how He had steered me physically and Spiritually to that place and to seek HIm. It was my decision and I had to make it right then. I knew and still know today that had I flinched or waited a while, He would never return for me.

I hit the floor with my knees bawling on the cushion of my sofa and Jesus met me there. We enede up divorced though I hung in there and tried to get her to come back and I would take care of them all. She moved one guy in and then another all in that same year. The Lord showed me that all she wanted was sex and a daddy for her kids but, her terms. We divorced and it was then I was shocked to find that I was number 10! She told me 3. Talk about dishonesty! I have made my mistakes but when I finally surrendered my needs to Jesus and said I would not date nor seek and that He needed to point her out if there was a wife and that she needed to love Him more than me.... There is yet another that I nearly married believing she was a Christian and committed but, I began to slide away again from The Lord, not totally but I got slack in our Relationship and care and prayer time. She broke my heart mightily but, even worse, God did not seem to be there anymore.

I came to a point where I nearly blew my head off with a shotgun. A loud yell in my lonely empty office as I leaned over the barrel shook me and as I looked up and around...no one there....my eyes fell on a large frame on the opposite wall the was an enloarged Ephesians 2:8-9 and for the first time...."Through Faith..." crossed my eyes and sunk into my heart. Again I hit the floor face down and He was there. He took me through His Word finding Him in every place and picking out His Promises and standing upon Him which brought me to what kind of woman I placed before Him...one that loved Him more than me....and He would have to point her out.

I lived in Grants Pass, Oregon at that time and did ministry on message boards like this one over Lycos plus e-mail ministry. On January 17th of 2000, a woman ( I had no idea from where) in Texas whom I had ministered to for over a year and half like so many others, sent me an email requesting an article I did showing in Scripture how the Church will go through the Great Tribulation but no the Wrath and how Scripture show them to be separate and distinct. When I went to answer her and attach the documents, I was careful how I worded things for I never wanted any impropriety or appearance of such, the Lord spoke to me and plainly said; "Tell her you Love her.." WHAT?? I have never met her, no idea what she looks like...." I came up with ever valid point in the books! I knew it couldn't be God speaking to me.

He dispelled every issue in the blink of an eye. As far as never "seeing her...not knowing what she looked like", He asked me if that wan't my problem all along in "my choosing a wife"? But what did I see? I saw a beautiful heart that loved Him deeply and shared her own painful testimony with others to help them. I saw a strange thing in myself that I DID love her but wasn't revealed until that second He spoke it to me. So, in about four or five paragraphs, sort of beating around the bush, I said it in an email when I sent her the documents. We were married that June, I lost my business (which was another fact that had depressed me to suicide before) and I moved to Texas. We have been blissfully married for seven years with no fights or arguments but a deeper Love for Jesus and each other each and every day since.

Until that day in January 2000, The Lord had restored me through Faith in His Word and a deeper personal Relationship with Him but, there was this "dead zone" I could not fill and prayed and prayed He would fill it that total Joy would return. It disappeared that day. What else I have learned is that He has used her's and my marriage to liken His own desire for all of us to be close and intimate with Him. I know He can restore marriages for I have seen it in miraculous ways even when one had cheated on the other and those marriages are stronger today than they ever were. I had made bad choices and compromised His and my relationship with the fiancee' I thought was Christian. I went through road blocks of The Lord headlong on my own and sufferred for it. But, when He showed it to me the night I would have given up and ended it all, it worked a Godly sorrow to repentence and rebuilding His and my Relationship and He gave me "Beauty for Ashes".

The ministry my wife and I now work together is to share that hope in Jesus Alone. Give Him all the expectations and personal needs we normally would expect from a Godly Marriage and He will lead us with His Wisdom to the Right person of His Choosing. I would never have chosen my wife I have now. She is not the "kind of woman" I ever looked for yet, she is more beautiful physically, spiritually and, heartfelt than any on the face of the earth. And she is of Hispanic heritage and brown skin. Leave it to The Lord!

[sheya joie]

WOW!!!

It is really hard to say much except I will pray with you all!

I am not proud to say that I have been down this road three times but very blessed to say The Lord answered my prayers! My first marriage was to a woman who couldn't keep the guys out of our bed and I married her as teh "honorable thing" for she was pregnant. It didn't last to the first Anniversary before we split up. We tried several times after that but I was on drugs by then. I got busted, got misdemeanor and probation and decided to "clean it up". I invited her to my parents one night to make a choice. Give up the drugs and party life and raise our daughter together or divorce. She chose "party". I fought for custody and lost. Her parents hired a good attorney who had her put away the sleazy clothes, put on a decent dress buttoned to the neck with a cross hanging around her neck.

A year later I met a woman in a bar who I knew was my dream girl. We lived together for a while but I loved her like no other so I finally convinced her to marry me. (she didn't want to marry since her ex was violent ex-cop who beat her mercilessly even put her in the hospital several times and threatened to kill her and the children(2) if she tried to take them). We finally married and one year later had my only son. I loved her immensely and worshipped her (I know..) About 8 months after my son came, I was really struggling with my own rage nature and violent ways for I wanted my son to grow up in the best of homes. My dad used to beat my mom and us boys (5 and I am eldest) and we best never loose a fight. He and his brothers had a "tough guy" reputations, so would his sons if he had to beat it into us....and he did! All of us are six feet or larger and fought all through school always in trouble.

The Lord called me that night, when my son was eight months old. Totally shocked me for I hated most Christians and thought they were nothing more than hypocrites and liars. Oddly enough, in two (wide awake) visions, the last I knew to be some time away, He revealed two children in a pleasant farm like Church setting I knew was my home and Church to pastor, my children and, my wife was running toward me behind them. It was so peace filled and beautiful and of course I imagined the other child to be my daughter from my first marriage and the other my son. But as their mohter got closer, I noticed she was more dark skinned, not a white woman and ... not the woman laying next to me whom I dearly loved so much that death was preferable to being separated from her. I put that away believing to have some allegorical meaning.

A few years into serving, I lost my temper at the church who were spreading false lies and rumors and gossip about us, and several people in our church. I back slid and figured I had it right to begin with. "Hypocrites and Liars and Backstabbers". We were married for 18 years with more frequent problems and separations in the last 5 before she up and left for Barbados, moved in with a native younger than half her age. I moved back to my home state and a year and half later rebounded with an old high school flame with twins (boy and girl age 3) who the dan abandoned at birth. I remembered the vision (though not clearly enough...she was white also) and figured that must be it! Got married and it lasted one and half years. And she left me because I was reading the Bible! I had gotten a deep hunger to search again and seek. She gave me an ultimatum to throw that Bible away or she was packing up her kids and leaving. I couldn't believe it. She was on welfare, her dad was making her rent and since the day we met, I took over all responsiblities and was purchasing a nice home for all of us.

I called her bluff and that was a week before Christmas of 1996. Her dad was there moving them out and back to her old house on the 22 and 23rd. I knew deep down I couldn't give up seeking. It was like a burning deep within. Yet, I couldn't believe God would want to let me railroad another marriage just because of His Bible and my reading it. I finally on January 17th of 1997 determined I was getting nowhere, God was not going to answer and I closed my Bible to put it down and call her to make amends. As I went to lay it down...The Holy Ghost come all over me and Spoke telling me how He had steered me physically and Spiritually to that place and to seek HIm. It was my decision and I had to make it right then. I knew and still know today that had I flinched or waited a while, He would never return for me.

I hit the floor with my knees bawling on the cushion of my sofa and Jesus met me there. We enede up divorced though I hung in there and tried to get her to come back and I would take care of them all. She moved one guy in and then another all in that same year. The Lord showed me that all she wanted was sex and a daddy for her kids but, her terms. We divorced and it was then I was shocked to find that I was number 10! She told me 3. Talk about dishonesty! I have made my mistakes but when I finally surrendered my needs to Jesus and said I would not date nor seek and that He needed to point her out if there was a wife and that she needed to love Him more than me.... There is yet another that I nearly married believing she was a Christian and committed but, I began to slide away again from The Lord, not totally but I got slack in our Relationship and care and prayer time. She broke my heart mightily but, even worse, God did not seem to be there anymore.

I came to a point where I nearly blew my head off with a shotgun. A loud yell in my lonely empty office as I leaned over the barrel shook me and as I looked up and around...no one there....my eyes fell on a large frame on the opposite wall the was an enloarged Ephesians 2:8-9 and for the first time...."Through Faith..." crossed my eyes and sunk into my heart. Again I hit the floor face down and He was there. He took me through His Word finding Him in every place and picking out His Promises and standing upon Him which brought me to what kind of woman I placed before Him...one that loved Him more than me....and He would have to point her out.

I lived in Grants Pass, Oregon at that time and did ministry on message boards like this one over Lycos plus e-mail ministry. On January 17th of 2000, a woman ( I had no idea from where) in Texas whom I had ministered to for over a year and half like so many others, sent me an email requesting an article I did showing in Scripture how the Church will go through the Great Tribulation but no the Wrath and how Scripture show them to be separate and distinct. When I went to answer her and attach the documents, I was careful how I worded things for I never wanted any impropriety or appearance of such, the Lord spoke to me and plainly said; "Tell her you Love her.." WHAT?? I have never met her, no idea what she looks like...." I came up with ever valid point in the books! I knew it couldn't be God speaking to me.

He dispelled every issue in the blink of an eye. As far as never "seeing her...not knowing what she looked like", He asked me if that wan't my problem all along in "my choosing a wife"? But what did I see? I saw a beautiful heart that loved Him deeply and shared her own painful testimony with others to help them. I saw a strange thing in myself that I DID love her but wasn't revealed until that second He spoke it to me. So, in about four or five paragraphs, sort of beating around the bush, I said it in an email when I sent her the documents. We were married that June, I lost my business (which was another fact that had depressed me to suicide before) and I moved to Texas. We have been blissfully married for seven years with no fights or arguments but a deeper Love for Jesus and each other each and every day since.

Until that day in January 2000, The Lord had restored me through Faith in His Word and a deeper personal Relationship with Him but, there was this "dead zone" I could not fill and prayed and prayed He would fill it that total Joy would return. It disappeared that day. What else I have learned is that He has used her's and my marriage to liken His own desire for all of us to be close and intimate with Him. I know He can restore marriages for I have seen it in miraculous ways even when one had cheated on the other and those marriages are stronger today than they ever were. I had made bad choices and compromised His and my relationship with the fiancee' I thought was Christian. I went through road blocks of The Lord headlong on my own and sufferred for it. But, when He showed it to me the night I would have given up and ended it all, it worked a Godly sorrow to repentence and rebuilding His and my Relationship and He gave me "Beauty for Ashes".

The ministry my wife and I now work together is to share that hope in Jesus Alone. Give Him all the expectations and personal needs we normally would expect from a Godly Marriage and He will lead us with His Wisdom to the Right person of His Choosing. I would never have chosen my wife I have now. She is not the "kind of woman" I ever looked for yet, she is more beautiful physically, spiritually and, heartfelt than any on the face of the earth. And she is of Hispanic heritage and brown skin. Leave it to The Lord!

That's beautiful, RC.

[RCruise]

That's beautiful, RC.

If it is helpful or encouraging to someone, I pray it helps. It is not easy for me to tell of my marriage plight for I always wanted to be married once and forever. My family was plaqued with divorce, adultery, etc... and Mom always raised us to "not air your dirty laundry.." Amazingly, it was the Lord that led me to first share my testimony with others and it touched and changed several. Then He reminded me that we reach people by our testimonies. For a while I cleaned it up but that was dishonest and He convicted me for it. Much that happened in my married life was either me or poor decisions. I put no blame (I used to) on any ex-wife. I was not faithful after I found my first wife was not. After I gave up in that first year, I went back to my old ways and slept around also. Once busted for the drugs is when I decided to make a change and gave her a chance for I had really been no better by cheating just because she was. I never did that again yet, I had many other issues including a bad rage temper instilled by my dad in all his boys. I praise God He got that out when He called me the first time.

I have no doubt had I not got angry and backslid, that marriage might have worked but, I cannot know and certainly would not trade what I have today for it or anything else! Funny, though, God knew it would end by the vision He gave me 17 years before it did end. That fact also helped lead me back to Him for by that vision, I knew in my heart He knew then what path I would take and, like the Prodigal son, He loved me and wanted me to come back to Him inspite of my ways. And when I finally focused all my energy and needs into a Relationship with Him, not compromising or settling for less than His best and His Choice......man! Did He ever deliver! But the most beautiful to me is that He made my heart so new and vibrant and actually, not like anything I have ever had before in Him!

[anitarose]

Hey, does anyone know how to find out if the divorce is final??? It's been two months since my ex filed and I haven't gotten paperwork or anything. It's driving me nutz....or should I say nuttier....

I know here in Florida, if there's no property, kids, and it's uncontested, it's usually over in 3 weeks to a month. That's what this is....and here it's been two months and I haven't heard anything.....

Help!

Anita

[RCruise]

Hey, does anyone know how to find out if the divorce is final??? It's been two months since my ex filed and I haven't gotten paperwork or anything. It's driving me nutz....or should I say nuttier....

I know here in Florida, if there's no property, kids, and it's uncontested, it's usually over in 3 weeks to a month. That's what this is....and here it's been two months and I haven't heard anything.....

Help!

Anita

I don't about Florida but, in Oregon, to disolve a marriage under the same conditions (used a self file paperwork) I had to file at the County where she resided and serve her as well. There wasn't any issue, she wanted the divorce but, refused to go with me to sign in a Notary's presence. All information had to be detailed on the filing papers. Because I left the "Children" area blank, I had to amend it plus lilst all her previous names from her maiden up to mine (last names). I didn't know one of them so the clerk looked up our marriage, came back with a gimaced look and said "no wonder..." That is when I found out I was #10 she had married within her 40 year old life.

Anyway, you should have been served or notified. They also may not have your address or correct address. If you have the filing docket number, you should be able to check the status. That is what I did and found out I needed the anddendum about "No Children". They claim they mailed it but I never received it and wouldn't have known if I hadn't called.