Heavens Angels

[Brad]

erased

[Catsmeow]

Too choppy...thoughts don't flow smoothly. Seems like topics bounce around and the transition between paragraphs is too rough.

Lacks polish....needs to be clear, concise and easy-reading for the reader. Need to reread what you write from a 3rd person and try to see it from another person's perspective.

My first response while reading the various paragraphs was, "Huh?" Or, "What on earth is he talking about?"

I thought the thought-pattern was muddled and vague. If you state some one is "antichrist" you need to be very clear and concise as to "why" you believe that....otherwise, opinions are a dime a dozen.

[Brad]

erased

[Guest Fegor]

I wrote a book also so I sympathise. I would love for someone to do for me what I am about to do for you. Do not take any of this negatively. I think you are very brave, I would never put anything I wrote on the web like this incase someone like me came along and did what I am about to do for you. I am a very complicated man. This is mostly grammar, spilling mistakes but some other points but all meant in good faith since you asked for thoughts.

"The Kingdom of God will have nations in it that will have different lifestyles. But by no means can they shut out others from entering into the Kingdom because of their lifestyles as long as their lifestyles do not displease God"

that sentace is screwed /\, break it up into 2 sentances.

"They should be physically strong enough to be able to handle a violent situation and yet still be able to love other as Christ loved us."

A minor spelling mistake and I think it needs a Bible Quote eg 1 John 4 vs 10-11. Also it goes unexplained and unmentioned untill the last paragraph of your post where you assumed the reader would know what you are on about. What is the message of the third angel? Use this oppertunity to put a couple of sentances about what this passage means (to you).

"If you take a look at all the nations in the world is there any who truly reflect the image of Jesus Christ with Him as there King and Lord."

needs a commer after "world" and a question mark at the end. -> ?

"I believe that the second Beast is a spiritual and worldwide nation that is invisible and has spiritual Babylon as it

[Brad]

erased

[Guest Fegor]

yes I think you should re-write it if you think it would improve it, but don't lose the spirit of the original.

[The Journey]

Brad,

I thought the thread was about angels?

I would recommend spending some time understanding all the previous "revelations" that everyone from cultists to fundamentalists have received before claiming anything new on the overly interpreted and often misunderstood book of revelation. There is nothing new under the sun in regards to "private interpretations" of this book of the Bible.

I would recommend becoming a student of ancient heresies. SOooooo many many times the newest "revelation" is simply the latest spin on some ancient heresy that Satan has already circulated through Christendom. You can find many examples of this by past and current posters here on the Boards.

EVERY GENERATION...and I mean literally EVERY GENERATION and EVERY CHURCH MOVEMENT has believed they were living or about to be living in the fullfullment of what is written in those pages. That is why I take all the "LOOK WHAT GOD HAS REVEALED TO ME!!!!!" statements very much with a grain of salt.

And last, as a writer myself, it is helpful to repeatidly answer certain questions....who is the audience?...and what is the point of the paragraph, sentence or thought? Many writers get lost. They wander through paragraphs. Have a map and plan that sets out the points and then stick with it.

Hopefully these things will help.

Steve

[Guest shadow2b]

-4For he is God

[RGR]

Feel privileged when the Shadow corrects you!!! A very smart man!

[Guest shadow2b]

-Feel privileged when the Shadow corrects you!!! A very smart man!

Did anyone ever tell you--you were just

-about 3-bubbles off of center??which puts ya in about tha sayme class as moi