sierra21 Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 160 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,000 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/07/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/30/1983 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Hi there mathy, I've been away for a bit and just saw your post here. Anyways, I read through it all and here's some questions I have. Why do you want to be married so badly? And cut out all of the financial stuff, and how God would "hate" the divorce...and what's left? You've said I think about 6 times that you would be much happier single, and biblically you have every right to do so- so why don't you do that? Do you think this strong desire to become single again may be God speaking to you? Have you thought of that? Have you been taking the time to hear and read God's word in regard to this situation? Has God said ANYTHING to you on this matter? You don't have to answer these questions on here if you don't want to...but perhaps these are things you should be thinking about? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VelvetVoice Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 45 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/30/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/09/1961 Share Posted April 9, 2007 HI! Not that I know you that well, but I'm trying to catch up by reading replies. What makes you think it's easier to be single? I went through a midlife crisis a few years ago, and I said the same thing to myself. Of course, I am a little older than you, so your reasons for marrying are a little different. I was the one with the problems, stemming from insecurity. At the time, my husband was not a Christian, so he used to make me feel inferior. I am surrounded by people with bad marriages and bad lives, bad decisions. I was lucky God preserved me. The point I'm making is, you do need to look inside yourself and fix your gaze on Christ. Try not to make your husband feel like less of a man, I suspect you are crushing his spirit. Strong women often do that unwittingly. I'll pray for the state of your marriage and for you personally. As far as the money thing, you have to decide on a budget between you. Maybe you can put aside a dollar or two a week for him so he won't feel like you are dictating to him. Jesus spoke a lot about money, so we need to be good stewards, but don't be a slave to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rtwo Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 21 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,144 Content Per Day: 0.18 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/24/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/18/1978 Share Posted April 9, 2007 Praying for you and your husband. The problem is one of faith -- he doesn't have any, and you do. Any solutions to this problem from a marriage angle will be temporary solutions, and will be of no eternal consequence to your husband. Your husband must be saved, and all of Worthy should be praying for that end. Daily. Ask your church to pray daily as well. Contact every Christian you know and ask them to pray. It is of vital importance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathqueen Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted April 9, 2007 Hi there mathy, I've been away for a bit and just saw your post here. Anyways, I read through it all and here's some questions I have. Why do you want to be married so badly? And cut out all of the financial stuff, and how God would "hate" the divorce...and what's left? You've said I think about 6 times that you would be much happier single, and biblically you have every right to do so- so why don't you do that? Do you think this strong desire to become single again may be God speaking to you? Have you thought of that? Have you been taking the time to hear and read God's word in regard to this situation? Has God said ANYTHING to you on this matter? You don't have to answer these questions on here if you don't want to...but perhaps these are things you should be thinking about? I have definitely been wondering if God is speaking to me, telling me to leave. I'm having a hard time discerning that, so I will continue to pray and listen, if I can hear through all the yelling that goes on in my head. Sheesh, and my head just told me to shush. How rude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathqueen Posted April 9, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted April 9, 2007 Toward the end he did go to marriage counseling with me, 2 times, and it didn't work. Then it was all taken out of my hands when he left me for another woman after 12 years. But he was so slick that I didn't know this was the reason we split til after the divorce. I was relieved in a way, but when I realized how I'd been done, on top of a miserable marriage, it broke my heart more than anything ever had. It's been 6 years, and I can't get past it. to you hon. Thanks for your post and your honesty about your situation. I will definitely pray for healing for your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sierra21 Posted April 10, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 160 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 2,000 Content Per Day: 0.31 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/07/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 01/30/1983 Share Posted April 10, 2007 Hi there mathy, I've been away for a bit and just saw your post here. Anyways, I read through it all and here's some questions I have. Why do you want to be married so badly? And cut out all of the financial stuff, and how God would "hate" the divorce...and what's left? You've said I think about 6 times that you would be much happier single, and biblically you have every right to do so- so why don't you do that? Do you think this strong desire to become single again may be God speaking to you? Have you thought of that? Have you been taking the time to hear and read God's word in regard to this situation? Has God said ANYTHING to you on this matter? You don't have to answer these questions on here if you don't want to...but perhaps these are things you should be thinking about? I have definitely been wondering if God is speaking to me, telling me to leave. I'm having a hard time discerning that, so I will continue to pray and listen, if I can hear through all the yelling that goes on in my head. Sheesh, and my head just told me to shush. How rude. Yes it is very difficult to hear God speak to us sometimes. I know I am deffinitely one of those people that literally has to shut myself in my room for however long it takes in order to figure out what God wants me to do. It's never easy. But you have a great oppurtunity here Mathy...I think God is deffinitely nudging you, in one direction or another. Do you have time for a weekend devoted entirely to God? You said you are financially well off...maybe you could take a weekend to yourself and rent a nice hotel room and just be with God? I think a spa visit is also in order...lol...you might be able to clear your head with a nice massage and pedicure... But seriously, I think this is something to think about. I will pray for you hon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roselady Posted April 10, 2007 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 1 Topic Count: 26 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 180 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/07/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/04/1970 Share Posted April 10, 2007 You know I ask my self the same question everyday. I think its more like this. You remember the sovernty of God? Well, he has a group of people who he calls his elect. Those people are to stay together for all eternity. People may say "look at that" but guess what? God gives His Grace and Mercy to whom he chooses. We all deserve judgement, and have fallen short, but through the sovernty of God He pours out his Grace. Just my thoughts on that subject. I need someone to help with this constant struggle. Some of you know the troubles I have had to deal with in my marriage, and yes, everything is ok now, but I always feel like my life would be so much better if I were single. Not married to someone else, mind you, just not married period. Do you know that I would be better off financially if I were not married to my husband? Which equals less stress, more control. Perhaps therein lies my problem, the lack of control. Also, I walk my faith all by myself in this relationship as he has no walk with God himself. Things sure look MUCH greener on the other side of the fence right now. For the almost 9 years we have been married, I have spent more time wishing I were not married than being happy that I am. I'm not going to get into the destructive infidelity that occured, some of you know that story already. WHY, I pray God to answer this question for me, AM I MARRIED??? I'm not going to file for divorce, I have accepted this unending state of knowing I would be better off single but accepting my married state. But I don't WANT to feel this way. I want to believe that I am better married than not. But I don't. Any words of wise council would be so mch appreciated. mathy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marnie Posted April 10, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 811 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 7,338 Content Per Day: 1.08 Reputation: 76 Days Won: 2 Joined: 10/06/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2007 I really like your encouragement. BUT...do you really believe that God would put two people who are unequal in their spiritual lives together? No--sometimes people choose what they want over what God wants. God doesn't put people together like that. That is why there is serious trouble. Right on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathqueen Posted April 10, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 55 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 962 Content Per Day: 0.15 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/26/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/16/1975 Author Share Posted April 10, 2007 I really like your encouragement. BUT...do you really believe that God would put two people who are unequal in their spiritual lives together? No--sometimes people choose what they want over what God wants. God doesn't put people together like that. That is why there is serious trouble. Right on. Pondering some more on that comment floaty. I fully admit that I married outside of God's will and have faced some serious consequences because of that. So then begs the question, do two "wrongs" make a right? I do know I have every right to divorce but the truth is I want to be happy to be married and content in my circumstances. I can't get there because I can't get past the resentment of 7 horrid years out of the 9 we've been married. I was counseled by someone on here months back that I chose to stay and forgive my husband and that I should remain in my marriage because, as I stated above, 2 wrongs do not make a right (although 2 negatives make a positive in MATH land hahahahahahaha . Sorry, I digress.). To my husband's credit, he is a TOTALLY different person than he was the first several years of our marriage. He's doing everything he possibly can and is devastated to know I am seriously contemplating leaving. I asked him why he wants to stay married anyway to someone who is so resentful in spite of all the good he has done the past two to three years. He says because he loves his wife and wants to be with her forever. I told him one of two things is going to happen: he's either going to leave me years down the road anyway or something devastating is going to happen that will literally kill me (and as silly as those "what-ifs" are, I cannot convince myself that those thoughts could very well be wrong). So that's where I'm at today people. I love my worthy family, btw. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingwalker Posted April 10, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 970 Content Per Day: 0.14 Reputation: 11 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/20/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 10, 2007 Mathy I agree with you that two wrongs don't make a right. My mother told me that even though a person can marry the wrong person, or choose what was not in God's will for them, yet God does hate divorce. And if both persons are able to turn back to God, God can and will make the marriage what it should be. What ever that is, I have no idea. I dont have the desire to leave my husband. I just feel that I would be less stressed if I were not married. He is still unemployed, spending money left and right, and thinking about starting up a business, taking up golf, judging dog competitions, and purchasing a pistol. How he is going to do this, I dont know. When we got married he took over finances and burried my credit rating deeper than they bury people. Perhaps I have forgotten the stressors of being a single parent on a single income. Second thought, no I have not forgotten, I have adopted a son instead of marring a husband. Same demands, same issues, and still have to be at three places at the same time. Same stress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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