What do I do? (dating related, sort of)

[KeilanS]

Well I almost feel guilty asking for advice about this on the internet, but well, I really don't want to hurt this girl.

In a nutshell, a girl has been hinting that she wants me to ask her out, and while I do find myself attracted to her, she is what you would call a "borderline Christian". She is quite liberal and not born-again as far as I know, so obviously a relationship would never last more than few months. So after ignoring her hints for awhile, she finally has asked me a question which will make it obvious whether I want to date her or not.

So basically, how should I say this? Would it be best to just say I'm not interested because of conflicting religious beliefs or will that come across as insensitive? I'm finding this very hard because if she were a Christian I would definatly date her, but experience has taught me that telling her I'm not interested now will hurt her far less than dating her and then breaking up with her because of religious conflict.

Thanks,

Keilan

[mathqueen]

Hmmm tough one. I agree you should NOT date her. You want to surround yourself with those who will grow you in your faith and they themselves as well. I would tell her you are in a place in your life right now where you aren't looking for a relationship outside of friendships. If she forces the issue, be honest. Tell her your current place in life insists you only date someone who deeply and authentically shares your faith, with Christ at the center of both lives.

[KeilanS]

Hmmm tough one. I agree you should NOT date her. You want to surround yourself with those who will grow you in your faith and they themselves as well. I would tell her you are in a place in your life right now where you aren't looking for a relationship outside of friendships. If she forces the issue, be honest. Tell her your current place in life insists you only date someone who deeply and authentically shares your faith, with Christ at the center of both lives.

I agree, dating her would turn out badly. I think I could be with her without it hurting my faith, but I also wouldn't be able to share my faith with her, and thats a quality I want in my girlfriend, and certainly in a future wife.

So one more question, she sent me the question in an email and in a somewhat disguised way. My answer will tell her whether I want to date her or not, but she didn't go right out and ask that. So should I admit that I've been ignoring all her hints by calling her and saying right out that I won't date her, or should I act as if I'm still clueless that she likes me and reply to the question like it's just a random question I got in an email that really doesn't have any major results.

[mathqueen]

I agree, dating her would turn out badly. I think I could be with her without it hurting my faith, but I also wouldn't be able to share my faith with her, and thats a quality I want in my girlfriend, and certainly in a future wife.

So one more question, she sent me the question in an email and in a somewhat disguised way. My answer will tell her whether I want to date her or not, but she didn't go right out and ask that. So should I admit that I've been ignoring all her hints by calling her and saying right out that I won't date her, or should I act as if I'm still clueless that she likes me and reply to the question like it's just a random question I got in an email that really doesn't have any major results.

Ahhh, you THINK you could be with her without it hurting your faith, but it would in a way because, as you stated right after that, it would not be something you share with her. Believe me, speaking from experience, that is no way to live, and it's not how God wants us to live (unequally yoked and all).

As for HOW you respond, you might say you're sorry you've taken a while to respond but you were processing her question, statement (whatever it was). Then say what I suggested in my previous post (you can make it general if you wish!), or some version thereof.

Example (sorry, I'm a teacher...): "Sorry I didn't respond to your question right away, but I was mentally processing your email. I don't believe I should date someone who doesn't share my deep love for God and my desire to grow deeper in Christ. I would only want to be in a relationship with someone who I can truly walk my faith with, with Jesus at the center of both lives."

Feel free to cut and paste woooooohoooooooo.

Or not....

[KeilanS]

Okay, so you think responding through email is all right? That might take some of the sting out of it if she doesn't have to face me right after I say it.

Thanks for all the help. And I wasn't trying to justify dating her when I said it wouldn't hurt my faith. She's swayed towards Christian beliefs enough that we could probably coexist peacefully, but I still wouldn't be able to talk about my faith freely, and that would eventually destroy a marriage beyond doubt.

The last girl I dated was also "borderline but liberal" Christian... and well, no good came of that.

[Guest]

Well I almost feel guilty asking for advice about this on the internet, but well, I really don't want to hurt this girl.

In a nutshell, a girl has been hinting that she wants me to ask her out, and while I do find myself attracted to her, she is what you would call a "borderline Christian". She is quite liberal and not born-again as far as I know, so obviously a relationship would never last more than few months. So after ignoring her hints for awhile, she finally has asked me a question which will make it obvious whether I want to date her or not.

So basically, how should I say this? Would it be best to just say I'm not interested because of conflicting religious beliefs or will that come across as insensitive? I'm finding this very hard because if she were a Christian I would definatly date her, but experience has taught me that telling her I'm not interested now will hurt her far less than dating her and then breaking up with her because of religious conflict.

Thanks,

Keilan

I'll start by admitting I may not be the most "subtle" person on the planet.

I sounds from your post as if you've had some experience in doing something like this and it didn't turn out too well. In my experience it usually doesn't when the level of commitment of the two people involved are not the same. It tends toward conflict every time. If it were me, I'd just be honest with her. I've never been good at all the dating games anyway, and she is a mature adult, she will at least respect your honesty. Tell her you are at point in your life the Lord is the most important thing, and you want to be able to share time with someone who shares your convictions.

I will confess that most of the times I've done this, she hated me for it. Later some admitted they had some respect for me afterward. One actually rededicated her life to the Lord because He used my turning her down to get her attention. (That always rattles me a little -- finding out the Lord used something like that.) Anyway, pray and ask the Lord to give you the words HE wants you to say to her.

Hope this helps.

[KeilanS]

Thanks Walla, although if this affects your advice at all, she isn't exactly a mature adult. I'm 16 and she's 15.

[Guest]

Thanks Walla, although if this affects your advice at all, she isn't exactly a mature adult. I'm 16 and she's 15.

Okay,

Advice still stands, though. Keep your eyes on Christ, and He will take care of the rest. Remember, the Lord said the world would hate us, because it hated Him first.

[KeilanS]

Thanks Walla, although if this affects your advice at all, she isn't exactly a mature adult. I'm 16 and she's 15.

Okay,

Advice still stands, though. Keep your eyes on Christ, and He will take care of the rest. Remember, the Lord said the world would hate us, because it hated Him first.

Haha, my age caught you off guard apparently, but I agree it still sounds like good advice. I've pretty much realized that dating a non-Christian doesn't work, I'm just worrying about how to not hurt her. Although you're right, she might hate me for it and theres no much I can do about it.

Thanks!

[canadasuzi]

wither u have or not can i say do not reply in an email its the worst thing u can do...thats my advise in the situation...i cant say anything else as it contradicts everyone elses views....