Zol Posted August 27, 2007 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 0 Topic Count: 11 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 23 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/17/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted August 27, 2007 OK so its a two part question, and , needless to say I am most interested in what Jesus would want me to do: 1) Er- I am in my late twenties and still live with my parents. It seems odd but it is also mutually advantageous. Uh...is it neccessary that I move out. I mean it's not that they want me to or anything , in fact they'd prefer I didnt. 2) Uh- ok so I grew up in a dysfunctional upbringing, my mom and dad made their mistakes. How am I sposed to tell people this? I prefer not to tell people this but then it seems like that is cutting out an important part of my life and then I have nothing to say and lack intimacy with others. But , if I was a parent , I wouldnt want my kid talking about what I did wrong, so I am torn. What am I supposed to say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkieDannsa' Air An Drochaid Posted August 27, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 59 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,390 Content Per Day: 0.21 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/24/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted August 27, 2007 Well, if you are talking about telling someone who maybe is or is to possibly become romantic involvement with you and an in law to your parents one day ; I don't think telling bad things about your parents would help her like them, too early on- in not knowing them for herself firstly and developing their own good relationship and liking them, first impressions linger, or them be comfortable with her either and too early in relationship may damage her views of your parents. Love covers transgressions, love covers a multitude of sins. I do think they if you need to talk about things be choosing your words wisely and wait till know someone longer. I think it is so sad if a new couple share only their parents faults and not good points. Some things are private. Will dredging the past help anyone in any good way? Are you needing to talk it out or deal with it or have prayers for it? I certainly wouldn't suppress everything, especially if it is affecting me in some way. However , to understand you, yes, I believe that as a couple one would share their life with their mate and deal with things together, knowing each other. I think that families should stay closer if they can. Nothing wrong with living at home, if it works out for everyone well. Nothing wrong either with striking out on your own either. Best to you, do pray about it and look at Scriptures, should help, elkie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol R Posted August 27, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 27 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 705 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 7 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/01/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/23/1958 Share Posted August 27, 2007 I've got to say I agree with Elkie on this one. Also that we all make mistakes none of us is perfect. Keep close to the Lord and take your guidance from Him. Nothing wrong with living at home, my 2 nephews and my niece all stayed at home till they married all in their late 20's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damo1 Posted August 28, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 29 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,822 Content Per Day: 0.29 Reputation: 19 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/16/1967 Share Posted August 28, 2007 from damo1 no parent is perfect i for my self would not know what it is like to live in a normal home as for most of my life since i was 14 i have lived on my own i have friends who stil live at home and i can see how lucky they are i even have one friend who is 34 and he has never left home his mother is in her 60 and she does everything from the cooking to the house work to making his bed and even washing his clothes i would not put down my parents and its a hard one as if you want your life partner to meet your parents then you wil have to let him or her see them for who they are rember they have been raised diffrent and have difrent values with in the relationships i found my self in i would avoid this as i found it hard to tel my partnrs i had no parents as i was taken to my partners homes and introuduced to ther parents and it got to the point wear i had too make it clear that i have no parents so i would not pul my parents down as it say in the bible to honor your mother and honor your father from damo1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fraught Posted August 28, 2007 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 105 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 1,741 Content Per Day: 0.28 Reputation: 28 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/23/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/30/1959 Share Posted August 28, 2007 I believe I can contribute a unique viewpoint to your dilemma. I'm on the other side as i am the mom of a great son who didn't move out until he was 26. his friends would rag on him some. i was concerned that he was refusing to take on adult responsibilities. other than that, i wouldn't mind if he was still living with me. so if, as you say, it is a mutually advantageous situation AND you are a contributing responsible member of the household to the best of your ability, then i don't see a problem with it. secondly, i don't think you owe just everybody an explanation. like i said, my son's friends ragged on him some but he didn't take it seriously and they soon just accepted it as no big deal. as far as i know, he never went into any detailed explanation as to why with most of them. they had other things in common that they could talk about. if the subject comes up you could just say something like "my family went thru some messed up stuff" and change the subject. as you become closer friends, then you can input a little more if you want to, and as you feel comfortable doing so. from my observations, most people generally have only 1 or 2 close friends, if they're lucky, that know everything about them. those friendships usually take time to develop. main exception: if and when you decide to get married, that will be the person who will need to know everything about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iryssa Posted August 28, 2007 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 117 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 3,860 Content Per Day: 0.56 Reputation: 9 Days Won: 0 Joined: 05/10/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 09/13/1984 Share Posted August 28, 2007 OK so its a two part question, and , needless to say I am most interested in what Jesus would want me to do: 1) Er- I am in my late twenties and still live with my parents. It seems odd but it is also mutually advantageous. Uh...is it neccessary that I move out. I mean it's not that they want me to or anything , in fact they'd prefer I didnt. If it's not having a negative effect on your relationship, then I don't see any reason why you NEED to move out...if it IS causing tension (even just on your part) then I say DO move out as soon as you are able. In the meantime, though, make sure you're saving money wisely and such, because the time for you to move out WILL come, I can guarantee it, and when that happens you don't want to look back and say "man, I had so few expenses during that time: I wish I'd used that to save up" (and hey, if you can use this time to save for a house of your own, you may never have to rent...and that would really be fantastic, trust me). 2) Uh- ok so I grew up in a dysfunctional upbringing, my mom and dad made their mistakes. How am I sposed to tell people this? I prefer not to tell people this but then it seems like that is cutting out an important part of my life and then I have nothing to say and lack intimacy with others. But , if I was a parent , I wouldnt want my kid talking about what I did wrong, so I am torn. What am I supposed to say? I wouldn't go out of my way to bring it up, if that's what you mean...but if it comes up by way of conversation, then just say it like you said it here. Your parents made their mistakes...you love them very much, and you know that everyone makes mistakes, but it hasn't been easy, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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