Tired of being lonely and discouraged...

[Guest]

[mead]

I understand where you are coming from sister, keep it in your heart and prayers. Our Father is good to those who diligently seek Him. Take heart.

[soshine]

I feel very disappointed and unhappy recently. I long to raise a family. I think this is my heart's deepest desire. To have my own family, to raise them with God's guidance and live my best for Him, to raise children in His name. My heart also longs to be loved by someone. And I have always really believed that God will send me someone because He knows what I need.

But I am still single, still feeling crappy about myself, still feeling unattractive and not good enough. I know that these feelings are silly. I know that because He made me, I am beautiful, because God does not make anything bad. He makes things good. I am beautiful because I am his daughter and He loves me so much. I love Him very much too.

I just don't understand why I keep meeting people I will take a real liking to, only to be let down time and time again. It's blow after blow to my self esteem, and I still keep trusting and believing in God only to keep on being disappointed.

It is not that I just want ANYONE to love me. I am not constantly falling in and out of "crushes" with people - but every now and again, there are guys who touch my heart. I think this happens to every person really. And for once, I'd just like everything to go smoothly - I want to meet someone who will feel the same for me as I do for him, and it all fall into place.

It is also not that I just selfishly want someone to love me. I long for the chance to love someone else. I want to do this for God. But I am never given these chances. I ask time and time again for God to give me a chance to show Him how much I can radiate his love to someone.

I got a chance last year, and I took it. I was very unsure about it, but I went for it, because I really believed God wanted it to be. I loved this guy because I wanted to help show God's love to him. I honestly went into the relationship feeling like that. Like whatever I did, I wanted to do it for God. That there was a guy here who I could really help, and influence with God's light.

But that relationship was utterly wrong. It ended badly too, and I was really really hurt. Why does this happen? It seems that I never get the chances I need to have, and always get chances that are wrong for me.

I know that I need to be living my life completely for God's will, and I agree with that and try my hardest. But I can still live for His will if I'm in love! So many other Christians do it. So many other Christians are given the chance to fall in love, and happily take it. But I am still all alone. No one notices me. How am I meant to trust God that I am beautiful if I am given every reason to believe the opposite?

There is someone who is special to me right now, which is what has brought all this on... I'm frustrated because God keeps on letting me be touched by people, but all in vain.... what am I meant to do? How am I meant to feel? What am I meant to think of myself?

I just want to show this guy how much he means to me... so that we can come together and honour God with our love..... but I can't... I never can.

I feel so alone.

Dear Stitchy

I can tell you from being a lonely single, and also from being married for 27 years, what has become evident about God's will concerning these things. You never find a suitable partner until you GIVE UP trying to look for one. THE ONLY concern you need is to draw closer to God. HE notices you. How has it been with YOU noticing HIM? Is this other need so paramount in your mind that you are tempted to forget how much JESUS LOVES YOU?

Sister, your love for JESUS is the only thing that will satisfactorily answer this thing. Honestly open up all of your compartmentalized thinking, so there are NO MORE WALLS between you and your Saviour. He knows EXACTLY how you feel, because there was no lonelier place ever than on the cross.

Once you are willing to receive from Him the possibility of being single for the rest of your life, and then stop asking Him for what He already knows about, then you learn to trust Him UNCONDITIONALLY. God knows what is best for your life, not you. So surrender to His will unconditionally, and the peace will come, and then your self-esteem won't depend on having a partner, other than Christ Himself.

"Whoever finds his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life for My sake will find it" Matthew 10:39

Sister, there is always some jerk out there prepared to take advantage of your loneliness. But, as my mom said, "Don't worry, dear, when the right one comes along, they'll still be there tomorrow." And Jesus will ALWAYS be there tomorrow, so HE is the first Person to start with.

With respect,

Soshine

[mikado5001]

Awesome sound advice Soshine. I am glad I read it. Stichy, I have not much in the way of encouragement to offer. But I can tell you I have gone through the same stuff in my life. So know that, as so many have said on this topic, you are not alone. You have JESUS!!! And you have us. May the peace and hand of GOD be with you.

[sierra21]

Okay, a couple years ago I felt a lot like you stichy. I dated a lot of men, and none of them were right. There were a few that I thought were, but ended up being REALLY wrong for me. I got so tired of it so one day I just said to God: "I'm tired of looking for the right guy, so until you decided to bring him to ME, I'm just going to be single and do whatever you want me to."

In less than two weeks I had TWO guys who wanted me. They were both very great men and I eventually began to date one of them and 5 months later he was my husband. We've been married for almost 2 years and we are EXTREMELY happy.

So my advice is this: Give it up to God. Let HIM bring the man to YOU. Because not only is looking for "MR. RIGHT" exhausting, but it can also just be a plain waste of time. Enjoy being who you are and live for God. Trust me, in no time you won't have a second to yourself (ie. wailing babies lol) and you'll long for the alone time you're enjoying right now!

Think Positive, and Pray POSITIVE!

[Guest PhotographyNut]

Stitchy; I too, have experienced the same thing you are going through. It has taken me over a decade to enjoy my single time with God. Years ago; I was impatient with God, I was working in a big ministry... all the girls were getting married, so were the guys. I would look around me and say, "God, where is mine? I want him now! Right NOW!" I was such a needy girl; impatient and one day, I did get married. You are familar with that still small voice; talking to your heart, I heard that loving still small voice but I didn't heed to HIS calling. I fell in love with this man; he didn't love me like I loved him. That still small voice warned me before I married this man. "My precious child; your husband is not ready, if you marry this one-- you will get burned." So I took it like this; I said, "Okay, he isn't ready; that is okay, I will just love him and be his best friend." After I married him; I realized, God was telling that my future husband was not ready and if I married this person, I would get burned because this person was not him." Here I am; sixteen years later, I divorced him almost 14 years ago due to an abusive situation. I never remarried. Like you; I have been in a lot of relationships, dating over and over again. My heart has been ripped and broken; countless times. I became a fragile vessel due to all of this. Four years ago; I stopped the dating scene all together. My life was so messed up; due to searching and dating out of His will. One day; I cried out to God, "Your will be done, Lord! Have your will with me; do what you wish." All this crazy stuff; it suddenly stopped. No more crazy dating adventures. Sure, I went through the painful withdraws of not dating but I am a new woman in Christ. God is doing a work in me. The old girl is gone; I am not that needy damsel in distress. I am enjoying my single time with the Lord. I do not care if I never get married again but if I do; I know it will be the Lord. I am a single mother; I am blessed with volunteering my time to my son's Boy Scout troop. Like the other people here mentioned; focus your all on the Lord and keep busy. I love photography; I am having so much fun learning and growing in the presense of the Lord.

You are in my prayers.

[stormy612]

Hi Stitchy,

This may sound silly, so take it to God first!

When I read Proverbs 31, I hear that its the man who is looking for a wife, not the wife looking for a husband. So, if a man is looking he has to be able to see one. A man after God's heart will be looking for a wife who can share in and support the special ministry God has given him, and a wife's ministry he can share in and support-that you two be equally yoked.

So, the only way for him to find you is if you are out there making your special ministry shine. He can't know it unless he sees it. Likely as not, he'll be watching you from a distance for a while, just to make sure, and when God's time comes, he'll approach you.

So, to echo what others have said-get out there and start working God's will for your life.

P.S.- if there are any guys who disagree with this, please feel free to say so.

[Guest ~zoe-girl~]

I too have experience in this dark area of being alone and lonely, but WB has helped me to look beyound what I think I need and give me direction to focus on God~

I'm a single mother of 3 girls and this is NOT what I had hoped for my life to turn out like, but he decided to turn to addictions and that just killed the family unit- ~

ZG

[Guest]

[browneyedgirl2]

I know exactly how you feel.... I'm 50+ and I still long for that.... What's worse, in some ways is finding him, having a wonderful relationship, knowing he loves you, and him pull away.... That hurts!!!! Just keep holding on girl.... Just try to stay busy and let God work... Hey, that's advice to me too... I just keep him in my heart all the time.... If I lived the rest of my life with him, it wouldn't be enough time. May GOD bless you!!!!!!!!!! I just read Stormy's post, and I agree, with me and my love, I was a part of his ministry for almost a year... We are an awesome team!!!

Edited October 19, 2008 by browneyedgirl2