Homosexual Christian friends

[stitchy]

I know two guys who both claim to be Christian, both go to church (one of them goes to my church in fact), and who are both openly homosexual.

I find this an incredible struggle. They are both nice people and I am happy to call them both my friends. But I find the idea of them calling themselves Christian and going to church very hard when they continue to also be homosexual. I am not sure what sort of a stance I should take on this.

In my day-to-day life I try as best I can to act out of good will and love towards everyone I meet. Jesus wants us to do everything out of love. This of course comes more easily with friends, so I'm able to love my friends a lot. And these two guys I know - I love them, and I in no way want to hurt them or cause any hatred to develop. I think it's awesome that they are pursuing Christian lives. I mean, they could very easily just turn away from God. Whenever I'm with them I try to encourage them and be a good friend as much as possible.

But at the same time, I feel as though I should not just always be "okay" with their homosexuality. On the one hand, I do not want to judge because that is God's job, and I definitely am not without sin myself. I do many things wrong. I don't always act out of love. I am selfish. Things like that. So I do not want to be judging others when I am not free from sin. But on the other hand, when I know someone is doing something that does not line up with the bible (I'm really just talking about Christians here), I feel as though, as a Christian, I have a moral duty to somehow let them know and try to help them through it. Like... I imagine it's kind of like knowing your best friend at church is secretly murdering little children every weekend... how do you stand back and just think "well Jesus loves this person no matter what they do, and I cannot judge because I am not without flaw, so I'll keep my mouth shut"?

Sometimes I feel as though I want to tell these guys that yes the bible does say homosexuality is wrong, and to be a Christian repentance is involved, because that's what Jesus called us to do so we can experience the kingdom of God. But I don't know HOW to tell them, or if it is wrong for me to point out their sins, because I have many too.

I don't understand how someone wants to be a Christian, but also does not want to repent of one very big thing that makes them sinful.

In a way, it makes me think of when I first became a Christian - I was quite a big alcohol drinker, and it took me quite a long time to get to the state where I don't want to touch a drop of the stuff. But even after becoming a Christian there were times when I still drank and still got very drunk and acted shamefully. I got to the right place eventually... I now have no interest in alcohol or getting drunk. But it took about a year. I hope that my homosexual friends may eventually get to the point where they will not be interested in men anymore. But then, it feels as though just standing back and hoping is a cop-out. What if, at the end of my life I see God and He says to me, "You did a lot of things to make yourself good, but at the same time you stood back and let so much sin happen around you"?

It worries me, not only for myself but also for my friends, because even though God loves them very much, they are still sinning and causing Him displeasure with what they do.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I just feel very confused over the matter.

[Treasure]

This is a difficult situation stitchy. I understand your love for your friends but Scripture is very clear about this. My suggestion is of course to first pray. Ask God to use you as an instrument to speak to your friends and for the opportunity to do so. Paul spoke of this same type of thing in 1 Corinthians. The church at Corinth had allowed sexual sin to come in and didn't confront it. That root of sin spread throughout the church because no one confronted it. So yes, it has to be confronted but it should only be done after much prayer and with much love.

[Bolts]

These are times of great testing for our faith. Your's is a challenge that every child of God is now facing. Trust him with all your heart, all my mind and with all your soul.

[Hunterpoet]

I hope my comments do not highjack the point of your topic, but I can't help feeling your being a bit too hard on yourself.

I don't think all of our human behavior is nessecarily sinful. A selfish moment, an act done not from love....I doubt these things are sinful.

As far as the homosexuality issue...yes it is confusing, on the one hand you have a person stating to be a christian, but then willingly engages in destructive sinful behavior. Your right of course, we all have done that, but as you pointed out and what can be seen clearly is a behavior of trying to avoid and delete that behavior(this is in reference to your personal struggle with alcohol).

As a young person I was confronted with several catholic friends who would do things and then go to confession....the next week they would repeat the behavior, then go to confession.etc etc....you get the picture....well, I decided after much thought and reading that one cannot fool the Lord. My feeling is if you confess a sin full knowing that you are going to do it again, well, your wasting precious knee time.

I'll also ask for some help with this next thought...it's no secret that there is a group or groups of people who are trying to destroy G-d's message. I happen to feel that the homosexual community is one of these groups, so it doesn't surprise me that you know people who are professing to be christian and openly defying the Word of G-d. These folks have purposefully distorted the message and I think anyone doing so is a false prophet, and we are warned of this.

There is a procedure described in scripture...first you respectfully confront the sin, then if need be take another more senior christian with you and confront the sin again, then if need be take a third more senior christian with you to confront the sin a third time...if this fails I think we are to walk away, we can still pray for that person or persons, but at some point in time, we all become soley responsible for our actions. And it is our responsiblity not to enable a willfully sinful behavior.

Banishment does have it's place and purpose. I'm sure many folks on here have said to a friend...well if you choose to do that, your on your own.

The thought when contemplated saddens the heart, but not everyone will be saved.

[Giaour]

The sin of homosexual behavior is not different than the sins of adultry, lying, gluttony and being hypocritical.etc. I believe they can be Christians. I know many Christians who are living with sin in their lives. You name me one Christian who does not sin and I will anoint his feet. There are none except Jesus.

A sin is a sin. But the good news, we can be forgiven from our sins.

I see no reason to be more critical of them than you would be of a friend who lies.

Until they come to see their lifestyle as a sin, they will continue.

If it were me, I would keep the friendship and use every opportunity to minister to them.

[Trusting Jesus]

Sin is sin. Whether the sin of stealing or a sexual sin. Are your friends Christian? That's something only God knows, but when a person accepts Christ their sins should become dispicable to them and an effort should be made to change. No, there is no perfect Christian. But if there was someone in your congregation who happened to rob banks because they saw no problem with it, wouldn't that be a problem? Or if someone told lies all the time, wouldn't you want to help them to get in fellowship? It's not a matter of seeitng their sin and missing your own, but it is a matter of Christians helping each other. Homosexuality is a sin like any other. It's just that humans have chosen to re-interpret what God clearly says to try and justify a lifestyle which God does not condone.

If your friends are truly Christian they need to come into fellowship with God, and that means become convicted of their sin and repent (turn away). They need prayer and truth.

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Nathele

[Iryssa]

I agree with the previous poster: sin is sin. Do we ostracize someone who has been struggling with sins like lying and heterosexual impure thoughts when they are prayerfully trying to overcome these sins? No. We encourage them and lift them up, and we keep them accountable when they stumble. It should be the same with those who are struggling with homosexual thoughts and tendancies. We need to help them overcome their sin in love. On the flip side, we are by no means to encourage it or even simply accept it, just like any other sin.

Homosexuality is a tricky thing, I think, because our society sings merrily "It's okay/if you're gay/not that there's anything wrong with that!" (Seinfeld), but God clearly says it's wrong. Also, I do believe that homosexual persons do fall in love. It's not as God intended it to be, it's a perversion of God's plan, it's not right, but it happens, and it happens I think because the Enemy is simply so tricky that he's twisting what God intended for good. So it's hard to approach someone about.

Pray. Pray. Pray. Maybe God will tell you something to say to that person, maybe He won't, but prayer is powerful! It is the best thing you can do.

[peaches]

How do u help them overcome in love if, say, they dont see anything wrong with it?

[pamiam]

I have written, "Love regardless," in the front of my Bible. How to best love your friends seems the issue. I had a gay hairdresser a few years ago and I loved him. He expected me to be judgmental because he knew I was a "born again," and what surprised him was how I just accepted him. He is the neatest guy, so kind and sweet and smart and caring. He told me about his family and it made sense that he became gay. So, it seems to me that praying for him makes more sense than telling him he's going to hell.

Gays have a double bind with a society that tells them it's ok, sometimes bodies that tell them it's ok, and too often a sprit of condemnation in the community of Christ that further alienates them. This isn't an easy issue and there is so much sinful and abominable behavior involving homosexuality, but we best be careful how we blanket condemn gays. It's warfare, no doubt, but how best to win them is the basic question.

[Iryssa]

How do u help them overcome in love if, say, they dont see anything wrong with it?

I honestly don't know...I've never had to confront someone who didn't know, on some level, that it was wrong. Honestly, if this person IS really a Christian, I think, deep down, they know it's wrong, and they're just lying to themselves when they tell themselves it's okay.

That's why prayer is SO important. Only the Holy Spirit can bring them to a place where they are willing to admit it and to deal with it. You don't need to drag it out of them or force the issue. Just pray. God will make a way.