The divorce and remarriage question

[Romans 14]

There are two answers that apply from the poll. The first one and the last one. When Jesus was here he put back the way that things were supposed to be. God never intended for people to marry, divorce, remarry for any reason, but he told us if our spouse is unfaithful we can give them a bill of divorce. The only other thing that releases us from marriage to remarry is if our spouse is dead. Nobody is saying that we have to stay with an abusive spouse or if we just can't get along. It is better to be alone then be with abuse. What Jesus laid down is that we cannot remarry unless we are no longer with our spouse for any of the only two given reasons.

Matthew 5:31-32 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Matthew 19:8-9 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

The word "saving" means "except" and both are used in these verses and makes it conditional by leaving all other reasons out.

Matthew 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

What these verses mean is that the there are those who are not lawfully able to remarry and will have to remain unmarried. These are the ones who will be the eunuchs for the kingdom's sake as they choose to remain Christians and unmarried.

Now, look at this account:

Mark 10:2-9 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

Right now this question is being asked with this thread. Can we give our spouse a bill of divorce? This should be the answer to all of the questions asked on this matter. Man cannot break the bond of marriage, but it is done everyday when we go to courts and file for divorce. So, if I just put away my wife because I think she is a nag and marry another woman, then I am in adultery against my wife that I put away. Also, if she remarries, then she is in adultery also.

The hard part about this is that as long as I live in an unscriptural marriage that has me living in adultery then I will not got to heaven as no adulterers will enter into heaven.

You're only talking about situations in which a couple is currently married and saved. Where you quoted Mark 10 involved the Pharisees, who considered themselves righteous and saved. There are so many situations that involve people, that you cannot use that as a blanket statement to everyone. What if someone that's not saved, then married, but later becomes saved, but his/her spouse isn't? What about someone who was married and divorced while unsaved, but becomes saved? Do they marry again. What you stated from the scriptures is true, but only applies to those who may have intentions of divorcing their spouses for ungodly reasons. May I ask, what is your individual situation?

I re-read your post, and understand that you applied your answer to the poll only. I apologize, but I don't want anyone else to be led to automatically applying your answer to their individual situation. Sry about that.

You were right the first time. You can't just address some scriptures to be for certain biblical figures. Whether you are saved or not saved Jesus' commandments on remarriage apply as you will notice that he says that from the beginning of creation it was intended that man and woman get married and no man can divorce/separate them. You will not find any of your reason found in what Jesus stated other than it was intended for man and woman to marry without divorce since the the creation. Jesus' reasons for divorce and remarriage is a blanket answer. I can leave my spouse for any reason under the sun, but I can only remarry if my spouse cheated on me or if they are dead. Anything outside of this is adding to it.

Let's say if a man was married and divorced while being unsaved. If he re-marries after becoming saved,to someone else, does he go to hell?

The point that you missing is that Jesus doesn't separate then like you are doing. Whether you commit a sin as a sinner or a Christian it is still a sin. What God looks at is what you do with it. The reason why we become Christians is because we have told God that we will surrender our own lives to live after his commandments and that includes that if we divorce and remarry save for the cause of fornication we are living in adultery and no adulterer will enter into heaven.

I wouldn't be so rigid on who God will allow to enter into Heaven or not. You must also remember that what you judge will be jugded upon yourself (Matthew 7:1-5), and the merciful will obtain mercy. If you haven't committed physical adultery, I'm quite sure you have done so in your heart (we all have), like Jesus says in Matthew 5:27- 32. Read Romans 2:19-22, especially in the Amplified version, which talks about adultery in thought as well. The sin of adultery doesn't hang over someone's head and automatically cause them to go to hell. Let God be the judge on who goes to hell, and let us learn what this means (Please read Matthew 9:13)

Please tell me if you have lived totally sin free since you've become saved. I'm really trying not to be funny, but we cannot allow the leaven of the Pharisees creep into our spirits. God has a way of putting our pride and lack of mercy into check. God bless you.

[Smalcald]

It is a very interesting question and I think one that we do not address very well.

Obviously divorce is not a sin from a scriptural basis, Christ Himself gives us some conditions for divorce and Paul furthers these conditions. I don

[kross]

I read some of the post and it seems to follow most of the teaching on this issue that pervades the church. Can I offer a point of view/ interpretation that you might want to consider?

JESUS taught that if a man divorce his wife for any reason other that adultery, that he causes her to be an adulteress. This has been read and translated to mean that JESUS stated that the only "Biblical" foundation for divorce is adultery.

Suppose JESUS is talking to people who were mostly marrying virgins. They take that womans virginity and then divorce her. WHen she remarries, one of those relationships becomes an adulterous relationship.

With this supposition, suppose the divorce happens because she was unfaithful. Then she is already an adulteress, and thus the divorce doesnt make her an adulteress.

Thus, what JESUS is saying is that taking a womans virginity and then cutting her loose causes her to be an adulterer unless she already is an adulterer.

Add to ths teaching the reality that most people who are getting married today are not marrying virgins and you add into the mix that they are adulterers before they get married. Then where does this teaching fall?

JESUS was not establishing adultery as the only "Biblical" foundation for divorce. JESUS was pointing out the consequences of divorce and remarriage. For those who were under the law, these consequences were severe. For those of u who are not under the law, not so much.

No one goes to hell because they get divorced and/or remarried. Divorce and/or remarriage is not an unforgivable sin. Mistakes are made. We faulter. We get up. Life goes on. We are forgiven. ALL OUR SINS ARE COVERED.

[Ddavid from NC]

I participated in the poll but I'm not sure that I liked the possible answers on the poll. My views on divorce have changed because of a personal experience. My first wife had an adulterous affair, refused to reconcile, and abandoned the family. I granted her a divorce 18 months later, because I was just forcing her to live in sin with the man with whom she left if I didn't. I was a pastor at the time and I felt my minstry was over. Through much prayer and counseling I returned to the ministry and now am remarried. The end result is that I am not quick to jump to judgment. I still believe divorce for irreconciliable differences is a sorry excuse. But, marriage is a covenant and two people's faithfulness is needed to it keeps it alive. But, you can't keep someone in a cevenant that they do not want to keep. If your partner wants out, sometimes there is nothing you can do to keep them in it. I believe God will eventually release you from the obligation.

[kross]

The reason why we become Christians is because we have told God that we will surrender our own lives to live after his commandments and that includes that if we divorce and remarry save for the cause of fornication we are living in adultery and no adulterer will enter into heaven.

I am just going to step into this for a brief moment.

This statement is just wrong and on so many levels that I can not cover them all.

Salvation is a free gift that is not contingeant of what we do. It is not a situation where JESUS has said, "I covered your sins and if you are good enough you can be with me in paradise." I could quote numerous scriptures, but that doesn't mean you would accept them.

It is the work of the HOLY SPIRIT in us that determines our sanctification. Justifiction is imediate and permanent. (there are more scripture to support this that I will not post at this time)

Your notion that having a sin or two in your life when you die condemns you to eternal damnation is just wrong. You have lost the Christian liberty that Paul very clearly told us not to give up to people who preach these things to put us back in bondage again. Run away from that type of teaching and spend some time truly studying grace.

I am praying for you. This post has truly grieved my spirit.

HIS Love and Peace abide on you.

[Smalcald]

It is a very interesting question and I think one that we do not address very well.

Obviously divorce is not a sin from a scriptural basis, Christ Himself gives us some conditions for divorce and Paul furthers these conditions. I don

[Smalcald]

But what does God's law say to the person who leaves for a lover and refuses to return, who refuses to stop the adultery?

What does repentance mean in that case? Is there not some spiritual danger in refusing to stop adultery while at the same time asking to be forgiven for adultery? What is the scriptural logic? I just worry that when we water down the truth we may actually really be hurting people?

I don't see a scriptural "release" for the person committing adultery, but maybe somebody could supply some scripture I am missing on that point?

[Smalcald]

Gay abomination is hardly comparable to divorce or remarriage.

Gay sex is NEVER permitted by God in scripture.

God Himself gave a writ of divorce....they are hardly the same sort of situation.

Divorce is where the problem lies....divorce is always caused by sin on at least on party in the marriage but it is not always the cause of both, nor the desire of both to be divorced.

These threads and this topic grow quite tiresome....

Fornication, adultery, gay abomination, sexual impurity is all the same. Divorce is much worse for Christian families than all the gays in the US combined. I do very much agree that divorce itself is fine under the circumstances outlined by Christ Himself. Outside of that there is a pretty big problem. There is NO scripture which provides an out for a believer who wants to commit adultery and gain a new husband or wife from that adultery. In fact Christ addresses the VERY topic directly, He called it adultery.

Now obviously the person who is left by the adulterer has not sinned in any way and we should always keep that in mind. We cannot judge divorced people as only they know the circumstances and as we have discussed divorce by itself is not sin. But you know I don't want to judge this too much, divorce is pretty accepted today in most Churches. When the majority of Evangelical Christians are divorced it is kind of hard to get anyone to really want to look at what scripture has to say about divorce, it is basically a losing battle. However I see hope among the children of divorce who really understand how harmful and painful divorce is; we may see a rebound from the divorce culture with these kids.

[Smalcald]

Yeah I think abused and battered women can indeed leave their abuser and should leave if they can. Did my posts give the impression that is what I was addressing?

I was addressing very specifically the idea that Christian adultery as long as you hurry up and marry the person you are cheating with as a Christian is fine as long as you make sure you remember to ask God for forgiveness once you have married the person you are cheating with.

It is called planned repentance and it is spiritually dangerous.

[Smalcald]

Hi Bold Believer,

Yes witholding sex is not scriptural in a marriage. I don't think "defrauding" is mentioned however in scripture. My question to you is what would or more importantly should, a "self respecting" Christian man do if his wife utterly refuses to be intimate?

What are his options as a Christian?

Actually 'defrauding' is mentioned quite clearly in the matter...

On this matter of denying our spouse sexual intimacy Paul says this....

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

(1Co 7:3-5)

Now, lets look at what this word 'defraud' actually means...and how it is used elsewhere.

G650

ἀποστερέω

apostereō

ap-os-ter-eh'-o

From G575 and στερέω stereō (to deprive); to despoil: - defraud, destitute, kept back by fraud.

G650

ἀποστερέω

apostereō

Thayer Definition:

1) to defraud, rob, despoil

The word is used elsewhere and shows us what it might mean as a whole.

Behold, the hire of the labourers who have reaped down your fields, which is of you kept back by fraud, crieth: and the cries of them which have reaped are entered into the ears of the Lord of sabaoth.

(Jas 5:4)

PAUL calls this FRAUD to deny our spouse without reason/consent....that is a VERY serious accusation.

I realize some minimize the seriousness of 'defrauding' our spouse sexual intimacy....or ANY support owed to them AS OUR SPOUSE, but this is NO small detail....it is a VERY serious issue if it is not being done by consent/agreement and if the spouse denying the other has no legitimate reason for doing so.

Ive added the following part because of the game some like to play with Paul saying he didnt speak by commandment, so apparently some claim that Paul is just making a good suggestion.

The wording doesnt dont mean 'suggestion' at all but that what Paul said wasnt by direct commandment from the Lord, but by 'fellow knowledge' along with the Lord.

1Co 7:6 ButG1161 I speakG3004 thisG5124 byG2596 permission,G4774 and notG3756 ofG2596 commandment.G2003

G4774

συγγνώμη

suggnōmē

soong-gno'-may

From a compound of G4862 and G1097; fellow knowledge, that is, concession: - permission.

which is a compound, apparently from these..

G4862

σύν

sun

soon

A primary preposition denoting union; with or together (but much closer than G3326 or G3844), that is, by association, companionship, process, resemblance, possession, instrumentality, addition, etc.: - beside, with. In compounds it has similar applications, including completeness.

&

G1097

γινώσκω

ginōskō

ghin-oce'-ko

A prolonged form of a primary verb; to