JeannieC

I agree with LisaMarie. When I quit smoking cold turkey I still had to deal with craving and the underlying negative thoughts that made me want to smoke in the first place. I learned in cognitive behavioral therapy there is a tool called STOP THOUGHT. The way it works is the moment an irrational thought, craving, or likewise comes to mind you say STOP and you turn your thoughts to something rational and positive like the Word of God or prayer. You have to do it over and over at first but it does work and helps to eliminate irrational beliefs and self talk that is hard to control.

Fire, I've been considering this some myself as I study my Bible on my own and wean myself away from relying on commentaries and just accepting someone's word. My attempt before to walk with God was not a very good walk in that I didn't trust in Him with all my heart. So, I accepted what my pastor said and studied my Bible intellectually and tried to make sense of it with my own intelligence which I was quite prideful about. Well, what happened is the moment I didn't understand a scripture or found a "contradiction" my shallow seeded faith would be shaken and I'd try my best to figure it out and reconcile my doubts. I wasn't trusting in God with all my heart, I was trusting in my reason or my pastor and what a mess that was. I eventually fell away for many years and this was part of the problem, not all, but what is relevant to this topic. Now, when I read the Bible, I pray and when I find something that I don't understand, I'm okay not knowing. I ask God to help me believing that if I seek I will find, knowing He will lead me into all truth. When I find something that appears to contradict, I don't freak out and have my faith shaken. I trust God and confess that I do not understand but God's Word is Truth and ask Him to show me where I am misunderstanding. That has been working. For example, a passage I've read a million times, suddenly a word will pop to the forefront and other verses I've read will come to mind and I start to see the whole concept form and then I understand. I had to stop trying to make it make sense myself or run to secondary sources first, if that makes any sense. To me that is what it is to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding when it comes to God's Word. I don't know if this helps at all but I do understand what you are saying and the concerns that you are feeling and wanted to thank you for this thread. I'm finding it to be edifying.

Unbelievable. I don't even know what to say.

I don't want to scare you, but I do have a friend (Christians)that when she moved into a new home they would hear footsteps going down to the basement,they didn't know for a long time what it was until they found a pile of pornografic magazines hidden somewhere,after they threw them out in the garbage they never heard the footsteps again. That does sound scary, but it also seems that something good came out of it. Pornographic magazines were found and after throwing it away, your friend never heard the footsteps. God watches over us. I guess in this case, God knew that those pornographic magazines had to be thrown out because pornography is bad. I saw a film about a soldier who believed he was saved by an angel. If I am not mistaken, it took place during World War Ii. At any rate, he hid and slept in an abandoned house, not realizing that there was a bomb in it. When he heard a knock on the door, a person of higher rank appeared to him at the door and told him to leave the house. He took note of the person's uniform and name. Because the person was of a higher rank, he obeyed. A few minutes after he left the home, it blew up, but he couldn't find the person who saved his life. Later, he went searching for the high ranking officer who saved his life because he wanted to thank him, but the army said, there was no person by that name listed in the military. Angels are messengers who do God's bidding. The Bible says that angels minister to Christ, and it also says that the angels minister to us as well. God our Father loves us so much that He not only watches over us, but even sent angels to minister to us. I guess the person who saved that soldier's life was a guardian angel sent by God afterall. God sees us as more precious than the angels that He even sent the angels to us (Hebrews 1:14). We have a wonderful God. All praise and glory to His Name. Nice story and I have to say that I stay far away from looking for experiences,to know that Jesus saved me and promised to take care of me is enough,we shouldn't even make to much out of angels,I'm thankful that God gives us guardian angels to protect it,but it's all Gods doing,they're Gods messengers so all praise and glory goes to God!! But the spirit world is real ...and we are told to stay away from it!!!!! That is what I understand too that we aren't to go seeking these these kind of experiences because there is so much about the spiritual realm that we don't understand and it is dangerous to us. I figure angels are none our business, but God's business. If I have any questions or need to know anything, I talk to God about it. Nothing else. If I ever did see anything spiritual like that face to face, the Lord knows I would probably faint or have a heart attack.

At risk of sounding like a kook, I did see something a couple months ago. I was home alone with my daughter and had just finished reading the news and I was thinking about the world we live in and as I walked over to look out the screen door I felt really down and thought "How can a person ever feel safe in such a crazy world?" and just for a moment I "saw" two huge men standing just inside my yard flanking my driveway. They were not looking at me but were just standing there facing away from the house, watching. I mean it was just for a moment and I didn't really see it but I saw it in my mind's eye and then I thought there are things that we don't see that watch. It was just so out of left field. I don't really know if that was spiritual but it felt different than a daydream and comforting. That is the only thing I have ever "seen".

I really wanted to be able to choose an option but I couldn't find one that fits well enough to feel honest. My option is a big old lump. I'm a big old lump of clay that has finally stopped trying to tell the Potter what kind of vessel I should be and loves and trusts Him enough (most days) to shape me as He will.

Hi Biscuit. I totally agree with Nebula. God loves us and does not want us to be afraid and paralyzed by guilt and condemnation. When we have the Holy Spirit living in us we become God's children and as it says in Romans 8:15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" He is our father. He forgives us when we sin and confess to Him and tell Him that we are sorry and want His help to do better. He isn't waiting to smite us with every wrong move. He knows we need help that is why He gave us the Holy Spirit to help us so that we may have a close and loving relationship with our Father. He loves us and He is ready and willing to help us not hurt us. God sent not His son into the world to condemn the world but that the world through Him might be saved. Please don't let someone put you under the spirit of fear and condemnation. I've been there in a church before and not only was it hurtful to the believer it was a misrepresentation of our loving and gracious God.

Well if a person renounces the Lord Jesus Christ (remember Peter denied Him also) and never repents of that then I agree they are lost. So basically, I would agree with your statement. If we sin and confess our sin, He is faithful and just to forgive our sin. John 1:9 Yes, I agree sevenseas. I did turn away and I did renounce Jesus. I told Him I wanted nothing more to do with Him, wanted out of my baptism and for Him to free me from any contract between us. Was I truly saved before? I thought I was. Thank you God that He didn't leave me to my own pain and stupidity. Twelve years later, He drew me close to Him again and I repented of it all and He is working more in my life now than ever before. If a person becomes so hardened that they cannot repent then yes, they are lost and given over to a reprobate mind. That verse has worried me when I learned of it but if a person is able to feel Godly sorrow and repent then I believe they are able to be come back to God and are saved.

Hey guys. I just wanted to let you know that things are really changing. God is becoming so real to me and He's really showing me who He is and helping me to trust Him. I mean I really am able to trust Him now. Last week had the potential to be cripplingly stressful and in the past, problems with my Mom and my adult daughter would have depressed me terribly but after I cried some, I started praying and praying hard and God gave me such peace. It was amazing! I accepted what was going on around me and I let it go. I didn't fret myself sick with worry and fall into depression. I actually trusted God to do His will in the lives of those that I love and my life. I'm not as afraid either so I'm beginning to feel with my whole heart too sometimes and not holding part of it back to protect myself, if you get what I mean. He's even bringing people into my life that are helping me to learn and grow more and I've been able to talk and not run away and hide and then I realized that the awful feeling of shame that I've had that made me avoid people has diminished greatly. I guess that shame had a lot to do with that fear of rejection. The best part is I feel His love. I really really feel it and I'm able to love Him back completely. I know I've still got some healing to do but I had to tell you guys what all has been going on. I did not know it could be like this. It is mind blowing. Thank you so much for praying for me.

Hi Sweetly Broken. I know I haven't spoken to you before since I'm relatively new here but I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for what you've been going through. I know that God loves you so very much and He will help you get through. Just hang onto Him and don't let go, no matter what. I'm praying for you. God bless you.

1 Corinthians 15:50–54 Mystery and Victory 50 I tell you this, brothers: qflesh and blood rcannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51 Behold! I tell you a mystery. sWe shall not all sleep, tbut we shall all be changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For uthe trumpet will sound, and vthe dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. There is nothing above that is secret. Notice what Paul actually said: Behold! I tell you a mystery. s We shall not all sleep, tbut we shall all be changed, 52 in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For uthe trumpet will sound, and vthe dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. A mystery, is something not formerly revealed (3466 mystḗrion (the root of the English term, "mystery") – mystery. In the Bible, a "mystery" (3466 /mystḗrion) is not something unknowable. Rather, it is what can only be known through revelation, i.e. because God reveals it.) and here Paul is telling (revealing) it. What is the mystery he is revealing? That not everyone will die (sleep), but that some who are living, will be changed. Compare that to the rapture passage you quoted: 13But we do not want you to be uninformed, brethren, about those who are asleep, so that you will not grieve as do the rest who have no hope. 14For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who have fallen asleep in Jesus. 15For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. What elements are described there? Cor: We shall not all sleep, tbut we shall all be changed Thess: and the dead (the sleeping ones) in Christ will rise first. hen we who are alive (the ones who will be changed) and remain will be caught up together with them Cor:in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed Notice that Paul also said that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. He has pointed out, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom, giving us a reason why we MUST be changed. Taking the idea of a necessary change with us to the thessalonian passage, why would we suppose the Christians caught up in the Rapture, are not changed? Of course, we assume they are which makes these to events seem pretty similar, if fact, they are the same event. Nothing in the thessalonian chapter says a thing about before the tribulation, so why do we? Seriously WHY DO WE? Not one verse in the bible, contradicts the idea that the rapture is after the great tribulation, and not one verse in the bible, says that it is before the tribulation. You mentioned Matt 24. Let's look at this verse about the rapture from 1 Thess: for the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17Then we who are alive and remain will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord. and compare that with Matt 24: “But immediately after the tribulation of those days . . . . . they will see the SON OF MAN COMING ON THE CLOUDS OF THE SKY with power and great glory. And He will send forth His angels with A GREAT TRUMPET and THEY WILL GATHER TOGETHER His elect from the four winds, from one end of the sky to the other. Notice the common elements in bold, and notice that the thessalonian passage says nothing about going to heaven at that time. I think that it is helpful to note, that Paul clarified some of this in 2nd thess where he said: with regard to the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our gathering together to Him That sets the topic, and then he says: Let no one in any way deceive you, for it will not come unless the apostasy comes first, and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction, 4who opposes and exalts himself above every so-called god or object of worship, so that he takes his seat in the temple of God, displaying himself as being God. Don't you think this is describing what Jesus described in Matt 24?: 15“Therefore when you see the ABOMINATION OF DESOLATION which was spoken of through Daniel the prophet, standing in the holy place (let the reader understand), 16then those who are in Judea must flee to the mountains. 17“Whoever is on the housetop must not go down to get the things out that are in his house. 18“Whoever is in the field must not turn back to get his cloak. 19“But woe to those who are pregnant and to those who are nursing babies in those days! 20“But pray that your flight will not be in the winter, or on a Sabbath. 21“For then there will be a great tribulation, such as has not occurred since the beginning of the world until now, nor ever will. It sure looks to me like Paul is poining out, the Jesus will not return until after this abominiation in the temple is revealed, just as Jesus said. This abomination is the signal, from which they are to flee, becuase: "For then there will be a great tribulation" .No where, are there two second coming mentioned. The passages that are said to be the rapture, share the same characteristics as the return of Christ after the tribulation. If all that were not clear enough, we have the fact the Paul said of the rapture, that the dead in Christ are raised first, then the living are raptured. If we knew at what point the dead are raised, we would know could discover a point after which the rapture occurs. Fortunelty, we are given that information, in Rev 20: Then I saw thrones, and they sat on them, and judgment was given to them. And I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded because of their testimony of Jesus and because of the word of God, and those who had not worshiped the beast or his image, and had not received the mark on their forehead and on their hand; and they came to life and reigned with Christ for a thousand years. Notice, that these people are in the tribulation, becuase they would not accept the mark of the beast, and notice that they are killed for their testamony of Jesus, so we know these are Christians. Then it says: This is the first resurrection.Blessed and holy is the one who has a part in the first resurrection; over these the second death has no power, but they will be priests of God and of Christ and will reign with Him for a thousand years. So, the question becomes, if this is the first ressurection, and then those who are raptured are changes after the dead in Christ rise, and the first ressurrection occurs after the tribulation, how is it possible that any are raptured before the tribulation: I have stuggled for years to learn why it is, that people refuse to accept the simple statements of scripture, to beleive concocted theories that complicate things bye reinterpreting tidbits torn from their contexts. I understant that many, have only heard one side preached at them or represented in movies and novels, but what ever happened to the concept of being a Berean?: Now the Bereans were more noble-minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see whether these things were so. Be a Berean! Love ya all Dearest Brother.... Thank you for a brilliant exsplanation and exspressing the second coming much better than I did....God Bless you Brother..... God placed on my heart to post this here, and we can only learn from each other, I already have a picture in my heart what will take place, And I cant WAIT ! Thank you everyone for writting your thoughts here....Lets hope that between us we can help others find hope in Jesus coming home..... :-) Love & Blessings to you all......sis tina x Thank you so much Sister Tina for your timely posting this topic and also to you Omegaman for your contribution. I've always been a bit intimidated trying to understand the second coming and have been studying it more lately and this thread has helped me a lot.

I passed the quiz but then my husband has been teaching me about survival. My husband and I could be called preppers I guess but not in a doomsday prepper kind of way but in a we live in Florida where storms could knock out power for days and we want to be ready kind of way. My grandparents didn't call it prepping, they just called it common sense so that is how we look at it. I don't really worry about the end of the World cause I figure the Lord will either help me get through it or take me home to be with Him.

Great topic Lisa Marie and what a beautiful prayer Tina. I find it is a lot easier for me to pray now that I'm beginning to understand that God is our Father. I used to be afraid of saying the wrong thing or not praying right. Seeing how important prayer was to Jesus and how he prayed often helps me to be able to just pray from my heart knowing that God understands already what I'm trying to say so it is okay if I don't say it just right. I also find it is so much easier to ask that God's will be done and mean it as I grow to trust Him more. Before, I was afraid to say for His will to be done because I didn't know what that meant for my will. Yeah, I had big trust issues. God is so good because He is helping me so much with that.

Hi Nitish. I really can't add much more to what those who have posted above me have said so well. Just please don't beat yourself up to the point where you are too ashamed to come to God. Godly sorrow for sinning helps you truly repent but the enemy can twist that and tell us that we've screwed up so badly and so much that God won't listen or help anymore and that is a flat out lie. Our Father LOVES us and He knows our heart and He knows where we struggle and if we come to Him with that sorrow and say Abba, I'm so sorry. I know I keep getting it wrong and I want to stop sinning but I can't do this on my own, He will help us and give us the ability to turn from our sin. Our Lord lived as one of us and was tempted Himself and He knows how the enemy twists even scripture to try and trip us up. Our Lord knows it is hard and He will help us resist the devil. Which is basically what everyone else posted so I'm just sort of repeating things here but my heart goes out to you. I'm praying for you.

Kathy, Oh you are so right about reaching that point where we are willing to go to whatever length to be made whole. That's why I can't say it is bravery but rather such a frustration with myself that I just can't tolerate being this way any longer. I've been walking around in circles in this particular wilderness for almost 40 years and I'm ready to come out. Thank God that He is patient and loving. Thanks Betty. I guess I don't really feel rejected by God but my fear of rejection is what gets in the way and prevents me from loving and trusting the way that I want to. I don't want to hold people at an arms length because I do love people but I get around people and I have a knee-jerk reaction and I'm hyper-vigilant to protect myself that the walls go up and I don't want that anymore. No matter what, I will keep on coming to God and He is helping me with this. I walked away once, and He was merciful and brought me back to Him. I won't be walking away again.

I just wanted to thank everyone for your help and support. You've helped prove that little lying voice wrong that said no one could care and that I shouldn't bother others. Now, I'm going to take what you've all shared and continue to pray over it and let God do His work in me. He has already saved me and I am confident that He will complete this work in me that He has started. I know He loves me and I know that He is going to teach me what that means and how to love completely and share that love with others. Though several years ago I accepted and come to terms with the abuse itself it is now time to let God show me and address the effect that abuse has had on my ability to get close to others. I just want to say that I am okay and I am going to take time to process and let God work. Thank you again to everyone for your help and prayers. I know I'm going to have an even more beautiful testimony when God is finished with this work.

Thank you so much for your hugs and support Tina. I agree with you that I have a hard time relating to God as a loving father because of my experience with fathers in my life. I've been fasting and praying today and I'm talking with God about what you mentioned. I'm feeling less confused and a bit more settled. Part of that confusion is just the overwhelming wash of memory and emotion that is front and center and it triggers all kinds of reactions so I realize my posts are somewhat scattered and raw. I don't currently have a pastor. I am blessed with a loving and supportive husband who is a good father to our daughters so there is that healthy relationship as an example that I can learn from. My husband knows about my past though I didn't go into lots of detail but he understands what happened and how it has affected me. I will think about additional help maybe through a pastor or Christian counselor.

Thank you Steven. I honestly thought that this all had been resolved before I came back to God. Boy, was I wrong. God is showing me that I have been mistaken about a great many things but He is here and He will help me if I will trust Him and keep my eyes on Him. I will pray. I will ask Him to take me to these places of unresolved pain and I can forgive and He can heal. I'm tired of walking around this mountain. I've been studying the OT and at first I thought it was to read the first few books, get more familiar with the OT but yesterday as I began Deuteronomy and Moses was talking about the children of Israel and those 40 years in the wilderness I realized that I'm in my own wilderness. God has given me the promised land but like the children of Israel, I've been saying yes God but then looking at the obstacles, the giant and the huge walled cities. I would read and think God is living with them. How can they keep messing up? I'm a hypocrite! Here I have God living inside me and I have been messing up. Or at least I thought I had His Holy Spirit. Maybe, I haven't had His Holy Spirit living in me like I thought I did. If I understand the last couple of replies, it sounds as though if I have been living with the fear, I can't also have been living with His Holy Spirit since we are not given the spirit of fear? I thought I understood how that works but I seem to have been mistaken about most things that I thought I knew. I'm am confused but I know He has saved me and we will work all of this out. He will show me what I don't understand. I will ask God again to fill me with His Holy Spirit and to keep me close to Him and show me where I am going wrong. I will keep asking and seeking and knocking. I won't stop asking because I can't stay this way now. It is come to light and I can't just put it all back and go on like nothing is wrong. I've actually been ill since yesterday so today I continue to pray. I'm not discouraged. I know He will help me. Things just feel really turned upside down right now.

Thank you again Jacob. This does help me to understand surrender better. I thought I was surrendering but I realize that I have been holding this part back which is really weird to me because it is the one thing I'd love to be rid of the most. I'm not sure how I've gotten this so fouled up but I'm going to stop beating myself up and start talking to God. I'm going to go over the scriptures that you've provided and think more about what Gary said and pray and just talk to God about this and ask Him to help me. I'm not feeling as freaked out as I was so I appreciate all your help cause I was feeling really awful at the start of this thread. God bless you.

Thank you my brother. It is hard to hear but I hear you and I can see that once again, I have been trying to do it on my own. He is doing what I have asked. I asked Him only yesterday to please give me wisdom to know His will so that I might be the person that He wants me to be. And then He shows me this part of myself and I freak out and start backing away. I thought of leaving this board. I wanted to delete this thread. I felt too exposed. I still feel exposed. Mat 16:25 KJV - For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. He is showing me where I am holding on trying to save my own life, protect myself, my feelings, and pride, my flesh. Is this what He means by Luk 9:23 KJV - And he said to [them] all, If any [man] will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. I can not do ANYTHING apart from Him. Jhn 15:4 ESV - Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. Jhn 15:5 ESV - I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. Jhn 15:6 ESV - If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. I'm not abiding in Him. I'm abiding in my fear. I'm not taking up my cross each day and crucifying my fearful flesh and losing my life for Him. I'm not surrendering ALL of myself. I'm holding back in my fear. Oh man. I didn't see it. God help me. I've got to get my head and my heart around this.

I want to move past this so very much. How foolish and sad it is to let something that happened so long ago continue to hurt me and worse yet undermine my confidence to reach out and help others like I want to do. I don't want to stand before the Lord one day and say I wanted to do as You said but I was too afraid to talk to people. No Lord, I didn't offer your disciple a cup of water in Your name because I was afraid I'd be rejected or didn't feel confident or qualified to offer. See, I've never put it in those words before and typing that out I see this is not good. No, I see it for what it is now and I can't continue in this fear. Even though, I've tried for years to move myself past it but I haven't been able to get anywhere, I believe that God can do it. I really do and I believe He will. If you don't mind, I would appreciate if you could talk a bit about surrender. I want to surrender and I'm trying the best I know to surrender myself but I'm not sure that I completely understand surrendering. I'm reading Psalms 141 -148 and then I'm going to try to and learn more about surrendering. I appreciate you taking the time Jacob. I really do.

Thank you George and Jacob. I've been thinking all morning about what you both have said. This morning I was feeling sorry that I had finally posted but after reading what you said George about realizing and accepting my fears I know that saying what I did here was needed. Otherwise, it has just stayed in the back of my mind and I'd push it away thinking don't think about that and let it drag you down but I think as I get closer to God, these things that I've pushed away are coming to light to be settled. Jacob, I thought that I had gotten past it all but I can see where I still need work on forgiveness and love. I feel like I have forgiven my stepfather but I'm not sure I forgive and love myself completely. I don't know. It is confusing. I will continue to read the scripture you posted and let it sink into my heart and understanding. I do know that those walls you mention are there and I've been thinking about it and I think that is why these feelings of rejection are coming to light. I think that the Lord is saying it is time for these walls to come down and it is an unsettling feeling for me. Here's what has come to mind about these walls... If I am depending on these walls to protect me, I am not trusting in the Lord to be my strength and protection and refuge. Psa 91:2 KJV - I will say of the LORD, [He is] my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. These walls are not much different than a bushel or a vessel in my life. Luk 8:16 KJV - No man, when he hath lighted a candle, covereth it with a vessel, or putteth [it] under a bed; but setteth [it] on a candlestick, that they which enter in may see the light. When I fear others even if it is a learned fear and a habit by now I am leaning on my own (faulty) understanding instead of trusting in the Lord with all my heart. Pro 3:5 KJV - Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Pro 3:6 KJV - In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Also, in our walk there will be real rejection because the world has rejected Him and my little walls are of no use there. Before I can put on the full armor of God I have to take off the poor attempts of protection that I have created for myself. If faith can bring down the walls of Jericho than faith can bring down my walls too. I'm not going to say it isn't uncomfortable. I think the Lord is working on this in me and I'm glad that He is but it doesn't feel so great right now. That's okay. I started to say that I have a lot to do but I think that is wrong and one of my usual tactics of wanted to save myself. Rather, the Lord has a lot to do with me and I am going to surrender myself to Him and let Him do what needs done to me. Lord, please do what you must do. I don't want to be this way anymore.

This is hard to explain but I've been dealing with this for so long and I'm tired of trying to keep it inside. I need some help. Every time I start feeling close to God, these old feelings of rejection start up. This was the start. When I was 5 years old I had a night terror of monsters coming through my window. I was crying and telling my mother and stepfather about the monsters coming into my room as though I were awake but I was still asleep. My mother said my eyes were open and I was talking and then I suddenly woke up and was very confused. I remember the dream but not speaking to my mother. Under the guise of staying to comfort me my stepfather abused me for the first time. I guess the monsters really did come into my room that night. From that point on I felt worthless and rejected. I would keep everyone at a distance. I've come to understand that what occurred does not make me worthless. I still struggle with fear of rejection and social anxiety. Before, I could never get close to God before because I couldn't accept that he really would save me or cared about me at all. I was finally able to accept and believe that God loves me and has saved me. It has been hard for me to relate to God as my father because my father left me at 3 months old and my stepfather abused me off and on for 10 years. My father told me years later if I had been a son he would have stayed. Being a daughter was something to be ashamed of but God has been helping me with that and this past few weeks especially I've felt the closest to God that I have ever felt. But now those feelings are starting again. This time it is thoughts like you should just leave the board. You can't get close to anyone. Don't bother others with your problems. You should figure it out on your own. Things like that. I will second guess each post I do make for fear of rejection. I have never even ventured into chat. I get lonely and I am tired of this. My husband is a wonderful man but I don't want to burden him with this more than I have and though he believes in God and supports my walk with God, he is not walking with me right now. I guess I just want to talk to believers about this. How will I speak boldly and be a witness for Jesus when I am stuck with the same stupid fear of rejection that I have been carrying around forever? How can I love my neighbor as myself when my neighbor scares the crud out of me for fear of rejection? I love at a distance. How pathetic is that? I know that God will help me move past this. I'm just frustrated with those same old fears showing up and I just wanted to talk to someone who may understand. If you've read all this, thank you for listening. I've never told all of this to anyone else before. Please pray that I will get over it already. Your sister in Christ, Jeannie

I had a hard time understanding forgiveness until it was explained to me like this... Forgiving someone isn't saying that what they did to me is okay. Saying I forgive means making that choice and then giving the situation to God for Him to handle and also knowing that God will give me the ability to truly forgive even when it is especially hard. Forgiveness then frees me from the anger hurt and grudge that only hurts me. I've finally been able to forgive some people after many years.

The word means week as well as seventh day. When it appears together with 3391 it is indicating the first day of the week and therefore translated that way consistently in every single translation I have ever seen. Gary Okay. Thanks for clearing that up for me. I was trying to figure out which definition to apply.