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spiderman1917 last won the day on March 27 2016

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About spiderman1917

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  1. Better. I'm trusting that God's love and mercy and justice is greater than mine. That is key to loving and never resenting God. I won't think about the lake of fire or eternal damnation because that just makes me angry at God.
  2. Amen! I'm gonna write that down
  3. Better. I'm learning to reject and renounce the sick disturbing depressing thoughts as soon as they arrive. I can choose not to focus on them, so that is what I'm trying. Your prayers seem to help, thank you
  4. I'm doing better thank you. I'm learning to renounce and reject all the sick, depressing thoughts that rob me of energy and cause me to doubt and blaspheme. I'm bombarded with thoughts about how filthy, ugly, cruel, and unjust this world is. Then I'm hit with thoughts that God is cruel and unjust for condemning people to eternal torture just for not believing something. I'm learning that I don't have to focus on such thoughts. I can reject the thoughts as soon as they arrive and shift my focus. Thank you for your prayers. They seem to be helping
  5. The God who killed babies and killed someone for offenses as small as steadying the Ark isn't the charitable, meek, humble, forgiving, and loving God I've experienced. If my heart and gut and conscience tells me something is wrong or right, I listen.
  6. I'm praying for the grace to be one in mind, heart, and will with the Father, son, and Holy Spirit. It would truly solve these incessant problems, lead to his will being done, lead to serving others, lead to not being selfish, and lead to a good life and obedience to God. Do you think God will grant this grace?
  7. Thanks for sharing, Jesus loves you very much, bride of Christ!
  8. Thank you for coming to my defense. It was in your post that I saw the love and mercy of Jesus. I don't see Christ in any of the judging and condemning posts. But I have thick skin and am used to it. God bless you, sister in Christ!
  9. I need to pray and love God and have a lot of repenting to do. I need to learn to love the cross. We must carry our cross daily Scripture says. It is possible to love the suffering if we truly love God's will and recognize that it is his will that we suffer.
  10. I didn't say that...I said "just because someone on a forum says something doesn't make it true." I did not mean or say that I don't care what people have to say. but simply that I don't know what's true.
  11. I'm unable to love the God some people preach. The God I've experienced isn't like that. I'm able to love the God I have experienced. Either way, I think the Devil and the Antichrist do God's will. I say that because the Devil presented himself before God's throne and asked him for permission to kill Jobs family and afflict Job with disease. Satan was only allowed to do what God gave him permission to do. He can only tempt us as much as God permits. God knew what Satan and the Antichrist would do before he ever made them. The Antichrist is given all the charisma, talent, intelligence, and destiny to lead people astray, steal, kill, destroy, and whatever else he does. It is His destiny and is also a fulfillment of Scripture and prophecy. He's just being who God made him to be. The rebellious Angels were made different than the loyal Angels. It was part of God's plan. Isaiah 45:7 7 "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the Lord do all these things."-God
  12. I thank you for trying to help me, but I don't think I can be helped. I have seen the agony people go through in this life and the blindness and confusion everywhere and I'm unable to love a God who would form people in the womb knowing that they would suffer so much in this life and suffer for all eternity. God doesn't have to leave people blind and confused, neither does he have to let anyone suffer forever. I don't choose to be confused. I want to know the truth and do God's will. God knows I'm telling the truth, but just because a book says something or just because someone on a forum says something doesn't make it true. In my case, it will have to come from God. God can give me the Holy Spirit to guide and instruct. It is up to him if He wishes to do that. Otherwise, it is hopeless. Sorry
  13. My life is a life of suffering. I hope it ends soon. Don't get me wrong, God has ways of consoling me and I experience joy. The joy of the Lord is our strength says Scripture But if I could die tomorrow I would. Jesus knows I'm telling the truth and that I pray to die soon. I just think being human is gross, but I won't kill myself because that would hurt my family but most of all because I don't think God is giving me permission to. I'm in an irts facility (for mentally ill people). I was in a hospital for attempting suicide with laying in front of an oncoming train. I have bipolar. It is just too sad to see how much suffering and confusion there is in this world. I've lost interest in everything but prayer. My hope is to one day hear from God and know his voice and be obedient to him. I'm just not so sure the God I know is the same God I read about (especially in the Old Testament and book of revelation). It was helpful to verbally repent, but in my heart I still can't help but see God as cruel, so verbal repentance isn't sincere if I think of God in such a way. It's an opinion I can't change. It's complicated. Thanks for your prayers though. May God's will be done!
  14. Anyway, I repent Lord. Please give me the grace to love you and not judge you as cruel or ever see you in a way that is negative, in Jesus name!
  15. I've realized that I'm unable to repent of a blasphemous opinion. I think God is cruel. It is an opinion I hold that is very deep seated and I'm very convinced that according to what I define as cruelty, God is it...at least the God of the Bible is. I want to repent because if we are unrepentant, that blocks God's grace, but I'm unable to not see God as cruel. Even demanding his own son be tortured, humiliated, and executed seems cruel to me. He didn't need innocent blood to be shed to forgive sinners. It also seems cruel to me that he hides himself and refuses to speak clearly and give people understanding and enlightenment. Then, so many people are convinced that people will be tortured in Hell for eternity. Okay lol, you've heard me rant about God before , but the question I haven't asked is, How do I repent? I'm completely convinced that God is a cruel tyrant. He killed a man in the Old Testament just for steadying the Ark of the Covenant when it looked like it would fall! It looks completely blatantly obvious to me that he is cruel. I see it constantly in the suffering, blindness, confusion, and misery all around. So, how do I repent if I don't believe I'm mistaken?? I want to repent, because more grace will be available if I repent, but the behavior of God totally goes against my conscience. What is a person to do under those circumstances to make sincere repentance a possibility?