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mat007

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About mat007

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  1. I remember giving the first signs of obsessive-compulsive thinking when I was 6. I have spent most of my childhood and teenage years overrelying on imagination. I could handle every obsessive thought, it didn't quite affect my life. Till the previous year. It was summer and I had to face intrusive thoughts about me being the antichrist (allthough I have convinced myself later that I'm not). Six months ago, I was in the chemistry class and the teacher asked us a question. At first it seemed to be pretty difficult, that's why she wanted to reward the one that answers correctly with a mark. Some seconds after she asked the question, a thought came into my head: "What if I really am the antichrist and have some 'powers'?". Then (and that was the greatest mistake I have made) I just thought about it more and more and somehow "tried" to "activate" them, seeing if I really am the antichrist. Found the answer to my teacher's question. I didn't quite find an explanation to what happened to me, allthough I am pretty good at school (I love maths, programming and physics) and I was even before those thoughts came. "Maybe it was a coincidence" - that was my first thought. But some days later, I tried it again and found the answer to another question. It's like... I was thinking more critical. I have excelated in maths (more than before), physics and programming. Written algorithms I never knew I am able to write. (Ok, teachers appreciated me even before that. But now it is different. I am not trying to sound arrogant. Sorry if I do) For the last 6 months I remained in a constant state of anxiety because of this, fearing that Satan could have given me powers or more intelligence than I had before. I was scared I could have made an "invitation" for him, by trying to see if those "powers" worked. Since the last year, so, before the "incident", I begin seing the number "666" in comments, as a number of likes at posts I scroll to, or followers. Even when I sometimes turn my phone on my battery level is either 66% or 34% (100-34=66). I don't think that's a coincidence. Now, my whole thinking is, somehow, damaged. I can't find peace of mind. I am always anxious and can't have feelings. I am constantly depressed and can't feel love. Praying to God didn't quite help (I prayed for deliverance, for forgiveness, and nothing happened). I am always anxious and can't enjoy the happy moments in my life (because of the intrusive thoughts, accompaniated by the fear that only "mediocre" people enjoy life - not arrogant, still an OCD thing). Am I possessed? Should I fear possession? I didn't take part in any occult activities and always tried to stay close to God. The only thing that I worry about was the one with the "powers". Or did I just begin using my critical thinking, "thanks" to my OCD? (not really thanks, I could have activated it using another way). And if it is just something mental, how can I change my thinking, saying that all those things come from God (avoiding compulsions?) Please, reply.
  2. You could aswell tell them that they should respect your decisions and that you didn't really turn back to Christianity because of/thanks to them. Tell them the reasons that determined you making those decisions (becoming an atheist and then getting back to Christianity). Try convincing them you're mature enough to make choices for your own and that you don't need to depend on them when it comes to such things.
  3. It's not too late. Thanks for the advice. I think, though, that it might be something more related to psychology than to spirituality. I have compulsively asked God for "deliverance" and still had those thoughts and the anxiety.
  4. Could I have made an invitation by "experimenting" if I have some powers? Please, feeling terrible right now. I'm so depressed.
  5. Believing in the existence of God isn't the only thing that will get you saved. Satan believes in the existence of God, too. He has even talked to Him. You need to accept Jesus in your heart if you want to be saved. That's what a Christian is.
  6. So, there’s no way Satan could actually give me some powers just to opress me and to take me away from God?
  7. I'm pretty sure I don't have any "powers" because I have asked God several times to take everything that's not from Him away from me. And I'm pretty sure He would have done that.
  8. Thanks. Made me feel better. Any different answers?
  9. OCD is attacking me for years. The worst form I have ever had was scrupulosity. It just made me believe that I might be the antichrist. My whole summer was destroyed because of that. Before september, I began having a doubt like "What if I actually am the antichrist and satan gave me some 'powers'?". Just tried to think about that and soon realized that when thinking about the fact that I could be the antichrist I am better at some things than ever before. For example, at the chemistry class, our teacher asked us for a solution to a problem she had given to us. It was pretty hard and I was thinking "what if I'm going to 'activate' my powers and solve the problem?". And because I just wanted to check, well, felt a little bad, but I solved that problem. Not that I couldn't do it without them, but it was quite hard. Now I'm just scared that satan actually gave me some powers or something and that's why I am succeeding so fast at some things. (I did succeed in the past too, but now it gets faster) Is this something that has to do with my faith or just a terrible source of "motivation" and suggestion? What can I do? How do I know that my talents and intelligence and my ability to solve those problems come from God? How can I find another source of "motivation", if that's all in my head? Help, please.
  10. Now I began asking myself: "What if God has actually called me to become a priest, or a pastor and that I wont need science for that. Therefore, he needs to remove my intelligence because emotional intelligence is more important?".
  11. The problem is I’ve got OCD and it began affecting both my spirituality and my passion for science. The things I love the most. I have read some posts regarding the fact that intelligent people are less happier, because they overthink things. And some intrusive thoughts came into my mind and made me ask myself: “What if it would be better for me to be happy? Is it better than being intelligent?”. Of course I knew those things were just some intrusive thoughts, or things resulted from my overthinking but I’m afraid that God actually “chose” to make me happy and took my intelligence. Yeah. That kinda sounds illogical. Can I receive a reassurance (I prefer something written in the Scripture) that God didn’t take my intelligence? I know Romans 11:29-31 says: God does not take back his gifts. He does not change his mind about those he has chosen. 30 At one time you did not obey God. But now you have received mercy because Israel did not obey. 31 In the same way, Israel has not been obeying God. But now they receive mercy because of God’s mercy to you. but doesn’t this refer only to spiritual gifts, like, His grace, for example?
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