Troubled marriage . . I know, what's new?

[Guest saw]

My wife and I are having some serious problems now. She says it's not over, but I'm having a hard time believing it isn't. Basically, she says her intimate feelings haven't been there for some time now. As usual, it's always the man's fault and she has several issues with me that have dampened her feelings for me.

She said she loves me and she knows I love her. She says I'm always negative, don't have a lot of zest for life, and don't reach out socially when we are around others. etc, etc. We're trying to "work" things out. But has God EVER really pulled a troubled relationship out of the hole? Every time I've ever seen it or had it in my past relationships, they always ended.

She needs me to be upbeat right now as I try to make some changes, but it's extremely hard when I know my marriage is on the line. In all honesty, if I end up losing my family, I will have absolutely nothing left but a $58K/year job I only go to because I have to have money in life. I won't have anything else. I'd be COMPLETELY starting over. And for what???????? What could I possibly hope to achieve in life after this that could remotely compare? I'm only 30 years old.

I swear to you on my life, I have always tried to be good to my wife. She even said herself that she can not find any one thing I have done wrong to her. She said if we ever did split up, that she couldn't say anything bad about me. Personally, I think she has gotten bored and is wanting some fun again.

This whole thing has put me in shock. I always thought we had a good & happy relationship. I had never been banished to the couch or ever asked to leave the house. We rarely fought, etc. I know if I just stick next to God through this that he can bless me later just like he did Job. But honestly, I don't know how faithful to God I am going to be able to be. If things worsen for my wife and I, I will probably go off a deeper end.

I'm trying to convince myself that divorce isn't the end of the world, but when you have everything we have. I just can't imagine it possibly being any better anywhere else.

The fact that my 2-year old will possibly NEVER have a chance now to have a functional family of her own really hurts me. She will be caught in the middle and we will all be hurt by it.

A lot of the problem right now is the unknown. I just don't know if we will get better and I don't know how in the world I will ever get back on my feet again if something did happen. I just can't believe I tried to treat her well and I still couldn't make it last longer than 5 years. She said she's been thinking about these problems for a long while now, just kept hiding them. Now, we all get to pay for it.

If there is ANY power in prayer (which I have always believed there was), that you'll lift us up in hopes that God will work a literal miracle. Because I really think that is what it's going to take now. I just absolutely can't believe this is happening. With her feelings the way they are, I'm also having a hard time completely trusting her with fidelity. I wouldn't think she'd do anything, but she's wanting to spend more time now with her friends. So I just don't know anything as an absolute anymore.

I couldn't even look at her naked while she was in the shower this morning because I couldn't get out of my head that one day she could be giving that beautiful body to someone else.

I'm going to find a christian marriage and family counselor through first baptist to see if it can help.

My wife was absolutely my best friend.

[traveller]

saw, YES, God has restored marriages before! My parents, for one.

I think a Christian marriage counselor is a good idea. I also think it a good idea to think back to when you two were, without question, madly in love. What is different now from then? What has changed?

My heart goes out to you in this trial. One thing though, use this time to draw closer to God. Grow your faith. Let Him council you. Let Him guide you through the valley. Trust Him. I mean this is all sincerity. And go into full out spiritual warfare. satan comes against the union of man and woman because God created it as a reflection of Christ and the church. We are to honor and serve one another. As well as to uplift and encourage, protect and cherish one another.

saw, I will be in prayer for you and your wife. :il:

[Guest saw]

Thank you Traveller. Your reply was actually helpful. You mentioned spiritual warefare. Just prior to your post, I got a call from my dad who too talked about spiritual warefare and that I needed to use the authority God has already given each of us to use the name of Jesus to rebuke satan and bind the spirits of fear, blindness, & division. So that's exactly what I am doing.

God has often used more than one source to communicate the answer to a problem. Looks like he's doing it again.

PRAISE THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am also attempting as we speak to begin dating my wife again.

Thanks.

[traveller]

wow saw! I typed in a long thing about the need to date your wife again, but thought it my emotion, and deleted it! wow. God is GOOD all the time!

[stilllearnin']

saw, I too will be praying for your marriage.

saw, could it be possible that a long with the spiritual warfare, you are going through depression. Were you once more sociable?

Did you once really enjoy your job and life and now you are having trouble finding much joy anywhere?

Might mention this to your counsellor if it is true,

stilllearnin'

p.s. the dating your wife thing is a wonderful idea!!!!

Edited June 21, 2004 by stilllearnin'

[Leonard]

Yes, God RESTORES. A male friend of mine was caught in the act of adultery with his wife's best friend...it was a long, hard road, but the marriage was pieced back together. Another friend caught his wife in the act of adultery, and again, long hard road, but the marriage was pieced back together.

God can cure it, Bro.

[Guest Calamity]

saw:

But has God EVER really pulled a troubled relationship out of the hole? Every time I've ever seen it or had it in my past relationships, they always ended.

Ditto what Leonard said - YES God restores!

We were having some difficult problems in our marriage. Husband had started being verbally and emotionally abusive. I really believe it had a lot to do with what was going on and being taught at a church we were attending at that time. It felt like spiritual warfare with my own husband. Anyway, prayer is what I did, and it worked!

[Born Again]

saw- My heart goes out to you- just know I will be praying for you. There is an unspeakable power of prayer- I've seen it happen with my dad's heart attack he had years ago. Trust in God- he is the miracle worker! :hug:

[Guest LadyC]

saw, perhaps you will pick up two books by gary smalley... for better, for best and if only he knew.... they are companion books for husbands and wives, and a lot of examples of restored marriages are included... i like to think of these books as the christian equivalent of men are from mars, women are from venus. they're extremely helpful in making husbands and wives understand and appreciate the differences in how we think, respond, and react to one another. they double as workbooks... very interactive so that a couple can get their marriage back on track by learning how to be a Godly spouse.

[ted]

Oh, yes.

Saw, God is the ONLY one that can repair a marriage. Never doubt that.

Mine is one of those He saw fit to mend. I won't bore you here with the details, it's in the "testimony" threads already, but never let yourself doubt God's power and love. He created marriage so that we could celebrate Him in the family. Just do a double check that you are not dishonoring Him in the things you do with the marriage. Like any other institution He created, if it brings dishonor to His name, He won't let it continue for long! Look inside and pray for enlightenment concerning your part of the deal, and let God handle the rest!

In love,

t.