Depression and discouragement

[mtmom]

It is difficult to know where to start. I have been a Christian for many years - people say that but it doesn't convey the depth to which I must rely on Christ daily. He is my only reason for being able to live through a day. Each morning I read the Bible and pray, at lunch I offer up "praylets", and at night again. I know all the verses - God will never give you more than you can handle, I will never leave you or forsake you, your sin is removed as far as the east is from the west, the sins of the father will be visited on following generations and I also know God can do anything, heal anything but sometimes chooses not to as in the case of Paul's thorn. But all that heart and head knowledge doesn't mean I don't pray each night to not have to wake up in the morning. I am battle weary, battered, injured and ready to go home. But I can not hasten that homecoming or I wouldn't get home. And so I am stuck daily putting one foot in front of the other hoping it is the last. I do not know what Paul's thorn was, but I hope it was not the 20 years I have had of this. So tomorrow I will probably wake up again and walk through my day smiling, being helpful and encouraging others - while I whither away inside. God chooses not to heal me of this - now that the battle seems lost - man offers the help of drugs. But if I take them I am saying God is not able to get me through as He has in the past - so I cry alot, pray alot and unfortunately wake up tomorrow.

[stilllearnin']

Oh mtmom,

my heart reaches out to yours. It is so odd that you posted this. You see, in January of 2000 I started in a major depression. I had never felt like that in my whole life. I was absolutely miserable.

I was just now looking for a file on my computer that has a poem I wrote on depression at that time. Guess I was just thinking about posting it, hoping it would encourage someone.

I never did find it, but while on the board, I noticed you as a new member and your name intrigued me. I noticed you were posting something, and was curious enough to want to wait until you finished before I went to bed.

I started taking Zoloft in December of 2000. It was a very difficult decision for me because my mom had been on that kind of medication as long as I can remember and I did not want to be my mother.

I had heard the following before, but wasn't wanting to apply it to myself.

"If you had a broken leg, you would go to a doctor, right? Well you may have broken neuro-transmitters, so go to a doctor."

It may well be you will only need to be on medication for a year or two, I was off of it for a year and a half, but then needed it again. I am thinking of going to a natureopath to see if he might have a more natural solution.

I am sorry if I am rambling on about me, I do that alot, I just want to encourage you to not give up. I will pray for you, I believe one of the reasons God let me go through my depression is so I could better understand others who go through it. Before I was depressed, I had no idea what people were talking about, now I know it is not a place I would ever want to be again.

:hug:

hanging with you in prayer.

[Guest Calamity]

Ohh, mtmom. I feel for you. No one, especially a Christian should feel like they do not want to wake up in the morning. You will probably get several people's advice on this, so I'll give you my thoughts also.

To me, it sounds like you have a very bad case of depression. This is sometimes a physical thing, with chemical inbalances. Yes - the doctors do have pills, and sometimes the pills will help to correct the chemical inbalance. I don't feel like there's anything wrong with going to a doctor for that kind of help.

I don't think anyone would tell you not to go to a doctor for some other problem, like diabetes, high blood pressure or a thyroid problem, would they? Would you feel like it was okay to go to a doctor for one of those problems? Depression can be from a physical problem also, and a good doctor can prescribe a medication that will help that. Sometimes, it may take a little while to find the right one for you, and they do take a while to kick in, but they help most people.

You know enough to know, that God doesn't want you feeling this way. If prayer hasn't solved it, then consider that it may be a physical chemical inbalance, a physical ailment, just like the other things I named, and see if you can find it in you to feel okay about going to a doctor. Pray about that - about going to a doctor.

I've been where you are before, or close to it, anyway - not wanting to get up in the morning. Not enjoying anything - and barely able to get through a day. Please, consider, and pray about visiting a doctor? A good one, that knows about depression.

Also - welcome to WorthyBoards!! Please come back and let us know how you're doing, OK?

I'm not usually up this late (or early), but tonight for some reason I couldn't sleep and got back up. I'm about to go try again! :sleep: hopefully it will be :sleep: this time!

[Guest Calamity]

mtmom, I'm going to go and try to get some sleep. I'll look for your replies in the morning!

[stilllearnin']

Hello, again, mtmom.

You have been in my thoughts and prayers.

Father, I ask that You would please give mtmom something to hold onto today, something precious and special from You, that would encourage her in some way.

Thank You, Father that You love her so much; in Jesus name, I ask amen. :hug:

Edited June 25, 2004 by stilllearnin'

[seekandyouwillfind]

mtmom .....be encouraged ,,,,i think alot of Christians struggle with depression at one time or another in life.........

it is common .....keep praying that God will bring the right person or drug into your life that you can cope a bit better .,.......

i also struggled with post partum depression and had to take pills for a while .......

i was weepy , emotional etc........

but i realized that i didnt really need them after a while cause they made me jittery.......

anyways im here to chat or pm if you like.......... :hug:

[3in1]

I had heard the following before, but wasn't wanting to apply it to myself.

"If you had a broken leg, you would go to a doctor, right? Well you may have broken neuro-transmitters, so go to a doctor."

nice input, similar to the the mindset of taking aspirin for a headache. i feel whether you take medication or not, God is still the burden lifter, not Zoloft for depression or Tylenol for a headache. also whether you take them or not does not mean you are strong or weak, so no need to feel guilty.

wow mtmom, i also have dealt w/ depression. i can sympathize w/ your thoughts of just wanting to call it quits and go home. i suffered w/ it in High school and some parts of college. i know all too well the 'numbness' depression leaves you w/. i felt like depression occupied my body and i was merely a carrier of utter helplessness. the burdens i placed on myself only added to my internal pains. in high school while playing football i became accustomed to seeing a problem and physically solving it. well w/ this i simply could not beat it. (i experienced depression as a non believer first and some of my life as a believer.) so i resorted to physical ways of trying to beat it... sex, alcohol, social status, etc. well we know these things do not cure anything. so i grew deeper and deeper into depression, i actually would get mad b/c i could not get the false 'courage' to end it myself. coupled w/ the fact that i had all the things society says you need for fulfillment, fairly popular in school, decent grades, was going to college for free, i even had both my parents. yet none of it had any lasting value, the fact remained i was miserable in life. i heard a guy at a conference some time ago say he grew up in the ghetto and it was his goal to make it to the age of 21. i thought that was amazing, yet i began to reflect on my life and i noticed that it was my 'goal' at 16 to NOT see 17. at 17, i wanted no part of 18. two very different perspectives on life, both equally tragic.

mtmom, i could go on for at least 16 pages, so i'll spare you every detail. i will say that there is hope in Christ. when i first gave my life to Christ, there was a great burden lifted. i could breathe again... literally! im not saying i didnt struggle some, but my hearts view on life drastically changed. i realized that i had purpose in life and that my life has meaning in spite of my feelings. God has given me an awesome platform to help those who suffer from the same things i did. i speak to many high school and college students who are lost and hurting seeking truth. i also must say i have spoke to many who are lost and have learned to deal w/ it. it is usually older folks in the latter category, but i am amazed that many youger people also have learned to deal w/ their pain. i wonder what in the world has this person seen or experienced to become so callous to life so early? some of the stories i've heard more than answer these questions. your life experiences will also help those in need of hope and fulfillment.

life can wear us down... if we let it. we do not automatically have to suffer through life. through my experience, its not necessarily our burdens that wear us down, but the way we carry them. im not saying we need to front while we are in public like everything is honkey dorey, b/c it is also my experience that the unrealness of this only adds to our pain. if your like me, then you have several times been asked how things are going and reply something like, "ohh things are great, God is so good." not to say God isnt good, but its just the falseness i felt about myself that hurt. i find it odd that this sometimes happens in church, the place we ought to feel free to share our pain.

i feel this may appear 'choppy' and not have much order, but i feel strongly on the subject and tend to ramble. tie that w/ the fact that i dont want you to sit through a 16 page reply and things may get a little unorganized. at any rate, my heart races in anticipation of how God WILL continue to work on your heart. you have my prayers.

your bro' in Christ

ps. feel free to send me a personal message(pm) if you want to chat outside the forum.

vain attempts at searching for happiness is the one of the chief sources of unhappiness.

[mtmom]

I was amazed at how many other Christians have gone through the same thing! The broken leg and tylenol for a headache have eased my guilt about trying the medication route. Maybe I can take it just enough to try and get the depression under control and then try to ease off. I don't remember ever being excited to find a new day, but when I reflect there were times when it was at least acceptable. Depression seemed like more of a spiritual malady to me, but because of the postings I have checked out some medical articles on line and found it can be a chemical imbalance thing. Because of the duration of my depression, that seems like a plausable answer. The strength of Christ in me and my will have propelled me through life. I can not believe that Christ has weakend or can't be victorous over anything, but I do know that my human strength has grown weary. I kept thinking if I could just lean more on Him, I wouldn't need to keep up my human strength part of the bargin. But my human form is fallen and weak even if He is strong. I kept claiming the verse that in my weakness His strength would be shown, but it is very possible that my physical form does not have the chemicals to even continue there.

I appreciate the honest responses and sharing to my post. Christ is working through each of you to help me see more clearly the human battle we face and for that I am grateful to all of you.

[Guest LCPGUY]

mtmom, welcome here to Worthy!

You know, the way you feel mirrors a lot of how I feel. YOU are not alone. You have gotten a lot of good advice here. It may be chemical. Then again, it may not be. Sometimes God allows us to go through trials that we just can

[Guest dozer]

I need help!!!!

My marage is on the rocks and it has been for 5mo. I am doing what god wants me to do by loveing my wife and suporting her but I am geting so tired of feeling lonley some times i feel like I want to move on with my life and fined some body who will love me back. what do I do . I just want to be who god wants me to be so I dont know what he wants me to do