OneLight Posted April 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 1,294 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 31,762 Content Per Day: 5.22 Reputation: 9,763 Days Won: 115 Joined: 09/14/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2009 When you married your husband, you became under his rule. If he does not want to take responsibility, then you should not. If you do not allow him to lead you as your husband, you are taking from him his dignity. God knew what He was doing when He created a marriage. I was referring to this. It sounds like you were saying she shouldn't do anything about this if her husband wohldn't. Then you are disagreeing against Gods word as I gave scripture that states the same, which should be for another thread, not this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mizzdy Posted April 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 173 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 3,911 Content Per Day: 0.66 Reputation: 212 Days Won: 10 Joined: 03/21/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2009 The thing is we are Indians, and the oldest have the responsibility on everyone of the family. We have to look after everyone. I tried to pretend everything is ok, but it's not. How do I tell my in-laws to sort this out on their own & leave me alone. Cuz they came to me & not my hubby. He don't want anything to do with them, especially after they treat me always like nothing cuz I'm not fully Indian, but I'm a half breed (mixed race - colored). They treat you like nothing yet they want you to get the money to pay for their mistakes! talk about double standards! I don't know about all the rules within families such as yours but if your husband says no then I would respect that. Also if they really want the money they can go to your husband and ask for it themselves instead of putting undo stress on your relationship with him. Sometimes we just have to say no, no matter how much it may hurt us. We all need to take personal responsibility for our own actions. And sister you are a whole person to God and nothing less! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Johnsean Posted April 14, 2009 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 14 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 40 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 03/06/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/24/1972 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I have a heap of my own problems but need add to this post. I think you need address this problem with the whole family ( all staying with you) and let them eat into it. Tell them how you feel and have them share into solving the matter. They need to be part of the solution here.You can not carry everyone's problems , its hard. Could be, they don't appreciate the magnitude of the issue until they are asked to share... then next time they will respect those who feed them. John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgedrw81 Posted April 14, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 7 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,823 Content Per Day: 0.33 Reputation: 36 Days Won: 2 Joined: 04/10/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2009 You have some painful decisions to make. You must give priority to hubby+yourself first. Let them auction the house - as it now in the name of hubby's sister. Stop dealing with any of the relatives in financial matters. Dont worry about hubby's reputation - the truth will surface sooner or later. If you feel guilty about kicking them - as you say - dont be.There a lot of people you can help. Free yourself. Jesus is in you.Follow Him. He is talking to you through hubby Blessings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethog Posted April 14, 2009 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 8 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/12/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted April 14, 2009 In-laws is a very difficult issue, but with God help we will always find answers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lomi Posted April 15, 2009 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 108 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 437 Content Per Day: 0.08 Reputation: 62 Days Won: 1 Joined: 10/13/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 05/20/1979 Author Share Posted April 15, 2009 First of all I would love to thank all of yall, for replying & giving me advice. I appreciate it a lot. It is very hard to say no, I've realized with all yall saying here, that i was actually playing right into their hands. I'm such a wimp. I didn't see they've used me, cuz i've done a lot more things for them (i love giving it's just me) and still i'm not treated as part of the family. No wonder my hubby doesn't want to go to them or talk to them Last night my in-laws had a thanksgiving dinner, and Guess what I was not invited. My hubby didn't go, cuz he says if i'm not invited, he will not go there. I begged him to go, but he stood his ground. Am I wrong in reconciling him with his family? I send them a message to tell them that I don't have the money & don't think I'll be buying their groceries for them anymore. This morning I feel so guilty in doing that, what about their lovely kids. Their children calls me & dasen (hubby) their parents. Even their school will contact us instead of their biological parents. Was i right in telling them a bit of my mind over the phone last night? Will this ruin my changes to become a part of this family? I'm just so hurt & confused about this. love, lomi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat8585 Posted April 15, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 1,360 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 7,866 Content Per Day: 1.23 Reputation: 26 Days Won: 0 Joined: 11/22/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/18/1946 Share Posted April 15, 2009 First of all I would love to thank all of yall, for replying & giving me advice. I appreciate it a lot. It is very hard to say no, I've realized with all yall saying here, that i was actually playing right into their hands. I'm such a wimp. I didn't see they've used me, cuz i've done a lot more things for them (i love giving it's just me) and still i'm not treated as part of the family. No wonder my hubby doesn't want to go to them or talk to them Last night my in-laws had a thanksgiving dinner, and Guess what I was not invited. My hubby didn't go, cuz he says if i'm not invited, he will not go there. I begged him to go, but he stood his ground. Am I wrong in reconciling him with his family? I send them a message to tell them that I don't have the money & don't think I'll be buying their groceries for them anymore. This morning I feel so guilty in doing that, what about their lovely kids. Their children calls me & dasen (hubby) their parents. Even their school will contact us instead of their biological parents. Was i right in telling them a bit of my mind over the phone last night? Will this ruin my changes to become a part of this family? I'm just so hurt & confused about this. love, lomi They may gain a new respect for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Believer1997 Posted April 15, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 66 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 6,363 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 119 Days Won: 9 Joined: 11/07/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted April 15, 2009 First of all I would love to thank all of yall, for replying & giving me advice. I appreciate it a lot. It is very hard to say no, I've realized with all yall saying here, that i was actually playing right into their hands. I'm such a wimp. I didn't see they've used me, cuz i've done a lot more things for them (i love giving it's just me) and still i'm not treated as part of the family. No wonder my hubby doesn't want to go to them or talk to them Last night my in-laws had a thanksgiving dinner, and Guess what I was not invited. My hubby didn't go, cuz he says if i'm not invited, he will not go there. I begged him to go, but he stood his ground. Am I wrong in reconciling him with his family? I send them a message to tell them that I don't have the money & don't think I'll be buying their groceries for them anymore. This morning I feel so guilty in doing that, what about their lovely kids. Their children calls me & dasen (hubby) their parents. Even their school will contact us instead of their biological parents. Was i right in telling them a bit of my mind over the phone last night? Will this ruin my changes to become a part of this family? I'm just so hurt & confused about this. love, lomi They may gain a new respect for you. Kat may be right, Lomi. You stood up to them and stopped being manipulated. They may have a whole new respect for you and your husband. Blessings!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneLight Posted April 15, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 22 Topic Count: 1,294 Topics Per Day: 0.21 Content Count: 31,762 Content Per Day: 5.22 Reputation: 9,763 Days Won: 115 Joined: 09/14/2007 Status: Offline Share Posted April 15, 2009 First of all I would love to thank all of yall, for replying & giving me advice. I appreciate it a lot. It is very hard to say no, I've realized with all yall saying here, that i was actually playing right into their hands. I'm such a wimp. I didn't see they've used me, cuz i've done a lot more things for them (i love giving it's just me) and still i'm not treated as part of the family. No wonder my hubby doesn't want to go to them or talk to them Last night my in-laws had a thanksgiving dinner, and Guess what I was not invited. My hubby didn't go, cuz he says if i'm not invited, he will not go there. I begged him to go, but he stood his ground. Am I wrong in reconciling him with his family? I send them a message to tell them that I don't have the money & don't think I'll be buying their groceries for them anymore. This morning I feel so guilty in doing that, what about their lovely kids. Their children calls me & dasen (hubby) their parents. Even their school will contact us instead of their biological parents. Was i right in telling them a bit of my mind over the phone last night? Will this ruin my changes to become a part of this family? I'm just so hurt & confused about this. love, lomi Hi Lomi, What you did was right. If you continued to pay for what they are responsible for, they will have no reason to grow up and take responsibility for themselves. You were enabling them to continue to be irresponsible. They are not even good examples to their own children, which is against scripture. Have you ever heard of the term "tough love"? Tough love is when you do what is right, even if it causes pain to someone. The pain is due to them not being responsible enough to take care of their own lives. They might suffer a bit, and you may feel bad for it, but after awhile, when they realize that they have to take care of themselves, they will have to change. Be strong, in love. Don't shun them, just don't be their endless money supply. Invite the kids over for supper if you want. Continue to be there as support for them, but stay firm. God Bless, Alan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricH Posted April 15, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 366 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 10,933 Content Per Day: 1.57 Reputation: 212 Days Won: 1 Joined: 04/21/2005 Status: Offline Share Posted April 15, 2009 Moved from General Discussion to Looking for Advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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