hillsong_girl Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 139 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/18/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted May 17, 2009 Hey, I have an honest question that I feel conflicted about. I am young (23) and right now my husband is deployed. So let me be honest - I am somewhat lonely. I want to go out and have fun with the girls. The problem is I don't know where to draw the line between having fun with the girls and when I am sinning. They want to drink, and I don't mind an occasional drink, but they often want to get drunk, which is not what I am into. I made the mistake once of getting drunk with them before I started to re-devote myself to the Lord and going back to church, so they encourage me to keep drinking with them. I think they know now that I really don't want more than 1 or 2 drinks and I am not really a party person, but I love them as friends and don't mind getting out of the house to enjoy their company. So, what do you think? How can I better deal with this situation? Should I not drink at all? Not go out with them at all? I enjoy having girl time, but maybe I am hurting any chances to witness to them if the opportunity arises? I am so confused. Any advice is welcome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillsong_girl Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 139 Content Per Day: 0.02 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/18/2008 Status: Offline Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 Hey, I have an honest question that I feel conflicted about. I am young (23) and right now my husband is deployed. So let me be honest - I am somewhat lonely. I want to go out and have fun with the girls. The problem is I don't know where to draw the line between having fun with the girls and when I am sinning. They want to drink, and I don't mind an occasional drink, but they often want to get drunk, which is not what I am into. I made the mistake once of getting drunk with them before I started to re-devote myself to the Lord and going back to church, so they encourage me to keep drinking with them. I think they know now that I really don't want more than 1 or 2 drinks and I am not really a party person, but I love them as friends and don't mind getting out of the house to enjoy their company. So, what do you think? How can I better deal with this situation? Should I not drink at all? Not go out with them at all? I enjoy having girl time, but maybe I am hurting any chances to witness to them if the opportunity arises? I am so confused. Any advice is welcome I draw the line if it goes against the Word of God. Are your friends Christian? If not, you may want to consider finding some new friends, at your church. And that's just that. Resist the enemy and he will flee from you says His Word. Praying for you sister. I have tried many times to get together with my closest Christian friend and also some others, but nobody ever wants to/ is able to do anything. My friends I usually have girl time with are not Christians, but I don't want to refuse to be friends with them for that reason. But, I don't want to sin with them either. Maybe with my current friends, I could try inviting them over, minus the alcohol? Hmm. Thanks for your advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest man Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I have tried many times to get together with my closest Christian friend and also some others, but nobody ever wants to/ is able to do anything. My friends I usually have girl time with are not Christians, but I don't want to refuse to be friends with them for that reason. But, I don't want to sin with them either. Maybe with my current friends, I could try inviting them over, minus the alcohol? Hmm. Thanks for your advice Having a couple of drinks with your friends is not a sin. Getting together with people who drink is not a sin. As long as they're not pressuring you to drink more than want too, I see no problem. There's nothing odd about going out with your friends and not drinking at all. If any driving is involved, it's nice to have a sober buddy to do the driving. Blowing off your friends because they're not christians, in my opinion, is not a good witness. As long as you're not out there getting plastered, I think you're ok. With that being said, I think I hear a can of worms being opened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanee Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 55 Topic Count: 110 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 9,281 Content Per Day: 1.50 Reputation: 10,394 Days Won: 4 Joined: 06/05/2007 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/12/1974 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I have tried many times to get together with my closest Christian friend and also some others, but nobody ever wants to/ is able to do anything. My friends I usually have girl time with are not Christians, but I don't want to refuse to be friends with them for that reason. But, I don't want to sin with them either. Maybe with my current friends, I could try inviting them over, minus the alcohol? Hmm. Thanks for your advice Having a couple of drinks with your friends is not a sin. Getting together with people who drink is not a sin. As long as they're not pressuring you to drink more than want too, I see no problem. There's nothing odd about going out with your friends and not drinking at all. If any driving is involved, it's nice to have a sober buddy to do the driving. Blowing off your friends because they're not christians, in my opinion, is not a good witness. As long as you're not out there getting plastered, I think you're ok. With that being said, I think I hear a can of worms being opened. i think i preetie much agree with above post....light drink is a mocker....strong drink for a fool....not sure if i said that right....but there is a verse in the bible close to that...and ether way you know we are to be sobor....well let me just go get the verse....hehe brb...back! 1Pe 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: o... ps im sure its talking about being sober in spirit not drink...just in case anybody didnt know....any way see ya Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.76 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.95 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Here's an idea - Be the designated driver. So, you don't have any drinks, and have an excuse for it...and you can be sure your friends get home safe. Kill two birds with one stone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
glorywatch Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 88 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 692 Content Per Day: 0.12 Reputation: 2 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/02/2008 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/02/1946 Share Posted May 17, 2009 The fact that you feel conflicted should give you your answer. If there is nothing wrong with what you are doing then you will not question or second guess it, but if you have doubt's then I think you have a problem. God gives us the Holy Spirit for a reason and when our thougts are pricked by it and we ignore or try to justify them, we are ignoring the very help God promised He would give us. It's just been a rule of thumb for me that if I have to question it...then its best to not do it. In my opinion a married woman out drinking with her friends while her husband is gone is a receipe for disaster. But, thats just my thoughts on it. I personally wouldn't do it. I know you said you are young and want to have fun, but I think you could find something fun with your church or a hobby. There are just so many elements of danger involved in the bar scene, not just physical danger but spiritual danger. Again, if you are questioning, then perhaps you should pray about it, but I think you already know the answer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deepblue Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 34 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 365 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 10/27/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/03/1989 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I guess my question would be, where are you going to with your friends? I think that publicly drinking with people bruises your testimony a bit. Also, if you're going to clubs or bars, that bruises your testimony as well. See if you can convince your buddies to go do something that assures there will be no drinking involved. Because if you put yourself in certain situations with peer pressure and temptation, there is a chance you will give in, just as you said you did once before. 1 Thessalonians 5:22 - abstain from every form of evil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fez Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 683 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 11,128 Content Per Day: 2.00 Reputation: 1,352 Days Won: 54 Joined: 02/03/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/07/1952 Share Posted May 17, 2009 I have a few comments on the question. I don't drink, but spend time in a social context (mainly after sports events, etc), with unsaved friends that do (some heavily). I drink soft drinks or water when I am with them. Sometimes if the situation is getting a bit out of hand because of drink, I leave. I have built up this relationship over time and they understand that I have a "cut off point". And what is the point of only spending time with saved friends (which I do most of the time), if I can't be with unsaved people I can witness to? I have often been the designated driver as well. But my situation is greatly different to yours. I am older, male and single. The next relationship I have, would have to be with a woman of my own age group, she would have to be saved , and the relationship would have to be guided by the Word. Hillsong, in your situation I would ask myself the following questions:- 1 Have I told my husband what I am doing, leaving out no details 2 Have I asked my husband how he feels about what I am doing? 3 What do I feel about what I am doing (if it feels even slightly wrong, like most things, it probably is) 4 Are the girls really friends. Friends you can stop in on at any time and have a cup of coffee? Or are they casual "friends" that require you to be in a club or bar to have fun with? 5 Have you prayed, and I mean really prayed for an answer I also think you already know the answer, and temptation is, well tempting, isn't it. It is hard to resist, but if you answer the 5 questions I asked you above, you will probably come to the right conclusion. Blessings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fez Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 683 Topics Per Day: 0.12 Content Count: 11,128 Content Per Day: 2.00 Reputation: 1,352 Days Won: 54 Joined: 02/03/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/07/1952 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Oh, and you titled your post Fun vs Sin. Who says you can't have fun without sinning, or better said, all fun things are sinful! My life, and those of my saved friends are full of fun, fellowship and friendship, and we get by great without sinning while we do it (well like all of us, most of the time!) Here's a short list of the "fun" things I gave up on being saved:- Hard Drinking Gambling (Casino's are still a temptation I fight - they are such fun when you win!) Swearing, lots of hard swearing before Driving like a maniac (that was fun, the thrill and danger of the speed) Watching "dodgy" stuff on late night TV and a whole lot of other stuff..... (take the 5th on those) Does temptation rear it's ugly head? Of course it does, we are only human. But I fight it, and win 99% of the time. Bless you for the question, by asking it you are on the right path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yesult Posted May 17, 2009 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 3 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 326 Content Per Day: 0.06 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/12/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted May 17, 2009 I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the fact that you don't really hang out with your christian friends socially. Church is supposed to be a community, but that can actually be quite difficult sometimes. So what choice do we have when we want to hang out with friends? Kind of like lonliness or temptation - not exactly the best of choices. The usual advice I hear when this question comes up is to volunteer at some kind of church thing (not necessarily you're own) and you'll start making new friends But for quality girl time you need relationships. And just volunteering for church stuff isn't necessarily going to give you that. I'd love to give you a sure fire answer but I don't have one. Huge churchs can be really hard to build relationships in. And very small ones don't necessarily have enough people to do it with. So yeah. Also different churchs have different church cultures. And quite frankly, some of the cultures arn't ones that are necessarily going to appeal to you personally. (eg some churchs can be a bit shallow and clicky.) I think the best thing you can do is just keep working at trying to build christian friends, and don't stick to your own church necessarily to do that. If you see something that appeals to you like an alpha course or a homeless ministry run out of another church then jump at it. Over time you should start making connections that will build into something deeper. And if you only make friends in the church you attend, when or if you feel it's time to move on, it can be far more difficult because you're basically leaving your main social structure at the same time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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