Pre-marrital Sex

[NewlySavedGirl]

1st hello every1!

I got saved about 6months ago actually it is a 2 love stories (one with my boyfriend & one with Jesus). I'll try to make this as to the point as possible while including all important points

1yr ago i believed in God but that was the extent. There is a God. Nothing more. Then I met a guy that was christinan through a mutual friend. I fell for him quickly but he was upfront that he could never marry a woman that was not of the faith. I decided that my feelings for him warrented me learning about christianity. I had gone to catholic school and knew what it was about but never felt connected, never had faith. I started to go to church without his knowledge to see if I would "feel" something. I went with him a few times and then to my cousins church. There is where I really started to connect with the Lord and Jesus my savior. I gave my life to Christ and I know that even if this man & I never married, he deliverd the most precious gift any1 ever could to me.

My background. I'm divorced with 2 kids and 30yrs old. Yes the divorce was from him cheating and I tried afterwards to work it out but I just couldnt bare for him to touch me and it just got worse and worse. I lived an average life of a person of "the world".

Now the current problem. Sex. We talked about marriage and due to his current situation it isn't feasable for another 2 years or so. I have no idea how I'm supposed to last 2more years without being able to be intimate. I love him very much and want to give myself to him. I am committed in my heart and in prayer. How have people maintained celebacy?

Also important note. We have had sex a handful of times and have done other sexual stuff but, have stopped everything but hugging/kissing. And it is really very hard. Help anyone?

[Believer1997]

Welcome to Worthy. I have a couple of question - you say your boyfriend could never marry a woman not of the faith - but yet you and he have had a sexual relationship without being married. That is confusing to me - he is contradicting his beliefs and I'm sure it's giving you conflicting signals also. Why must you wait two years to marry?

I would suggest you speak to your pastor or some older female Christians who can offer you some guidance. The Bible is very clear about sex outside of marriage. Please keep praying and reading your Bible and fellowship with strong believers. God Bless.

[NewlySavedGirl]

Welcome to Worthy. I have a couple of question - you say your boyfriend could never marry a woman not of the faith - but yet you and he have had a sexual relationship without being married. That is confusing to me - he is contradicting his beliefs and I'm sure it's giving you conflicting signals also. Why must you wait two years to marry?

I would suggest you speak to your pastor or some older female Christians who can offer you some guidance. The Bible is very clear about sex outside of marriage. Please keep praying and reading your Bible and fellowship with strong believers. God Bless.

Thank you for the "welcome" and the response. Answers to questions: 1. The sexual relationship - I guess we were (or at first he was) trying to get away with"loop holes" and such and we were doing "other things" than penetration. This eventually led to actual intercorse. He ended up feeling really bad about it and made it clear to me that this could not continue. I ended up feeling bad about making him feel bad. It was more than obvious that he wished it never happened This, by the way made me feel like crap "I wish i never slept with you" is not exactly on the list of romantic things you want to hear. But, I understand. It had been confusing to me.

On the waiting two years to marry.....that is completely on him. For me, in my heart and to God, I'm already committed to him. I would spend my life with him ups or downs and be there for him in every way needed. I've been married before & I know what it is about, the good, the bad and the ugly and after surviving a marriage void of Christ, I still would marry this man. However, he is in resedency and wants to wait until it is over so that he could properly support me and my two children and any more that we may have. Furthermore, his family feels that I am "after" him because he is a doctor and that the fact that I was married before (reguardless of reason for divorce) and have two children and wasnt saved when we met disqualifies me as a good candidate to marry their son.

My feelings on that vary. Some days it hurts. Some days I don't care. I know that the bible says that when I was saved I became a new creature in Christ. That is what I believe. If not for that salvation just would not be possiblee for me at all.

Thanks for your thoughts

God Bless

[nebula]

Hey -

There's only two pieces of advise I can offer.

One is to hold back on the physical part. Pushing the envelope is what got you in trouble in the first place, right? I know it's harder to resist after having done it, but you both need to commit to a line that will not get crossed - no touching sensitive areas, no "sucking face", things like that.

The other is continual prayer. Keep committing your relationship and your time together to the Lord. I say "keep committing" because the battle is continuous.

Prayers

[NewlySavedGirl]

Hey -

There's only two pieces of advise I can offer.

One is to hold back on the physical part. Pushing the envelope is what got you in trouble in the first place, right? I know it's harder to resist after having done it, but you both need to commit to a line that will not get crossed - no touching sensitive areas, no "sucking face", things like that.

The other is continual prayer. Keep committing your relationship and your time together to the Lord. I say "keep committing" because the battle is continuous.

Prayers

Thanks Nebula,

For the most part that is what we've done. It is just really hard. Im not sure what kind of miracle answer I'm looking for is. I think a part of me dislikes being "on fire" and unable to marry. I guess we all have our issues to deal with

[enoob57]

1st hello every1!

I got saved about 6months ago actually it is a 2 love stories (one with my boyfriend & one with Jesus). I'll try to make this as to the point as possible while including all important points

1yr ago i believed in God but that was the extent. There is a God. Nothing more. Then I met a guy that was christinan through a mutual friend. I fell for him quickly but he was upfront that he could never marry a woman that was not of the faith. I decided that my feelings for him warrented me learning about Christianity. I had gone to catholic school and knew what it was about but never felt connected, never had faith. I started to go to church without his knowledge to see if I would "feel" something. I went with him a few times and then to my cousins church. There is where I really started to connect with the Lord and Jesus my savior. I gave my life to Christ and I know that even if this man & I never married, he delivered the most precious gift any1 ever could to me.

My background. I'm divorced with 2 kids and 30yrs old. Yes the divorce was from him cheating and I tried afterwards to work it out but I just couldnt bare for him to touch me and it just got worse and worse. I lived an average life of a person of "the world".

Now the current problem. Sex. We talked about marriage and due to his current situation it isn't feasible for another 2 years or so. I have no idea how I'm supposed to last 2more years without being able to be intimate. I love him very much and want to give myself to him. I am committed in my heart and in prayer. How have people maintained celebacy?

Also important note. We have had sex a handful of times and have done other sexual stuff but, have stopped everything but hugging/kissing. And it is really very hard. Help anyone?

I have tromped all over the ground you are on! Because the need is sanctioned by God in His creative apsects of us before sin... It is where sensual sexual pleasure is so overwhelmingly good! (BUT) since sin it is self centered instead of other centered ... the body cannot be selfless! So when we focus on that aspect we are already bodied minded and the result can only be self centered sensuality. That is why it is tough its very beginnings is a drawing away from God's intended Spiritual doorway for man and woman with Him. An example would be when you are kissing is your mind filled with God as in prayer for the man to be drawn up and closer to God who has created him so that he will be a faithful husband and father to your children already born (or) with the man and the erotica of the sensuality? I know this seems bizarre to speak this way but it is done so that you can see why it is so hard! The determining of the problem comes from this view alone... are you focused on the temporary or the eternal? When you two are together is it for praying and giving glory to God ... is it to increase your relationship with The Eternal Spiritual aspects of our Heavenly Father and The Son and Spirit? The body screams for obedience to its needs even if it destroys the purpose of those needs... so when the heat of desire "the loudest scream from our flesh" comes to you in demands for it to be fulfilled ask what is the Price? If by the mercy of God you are able to evaluate it properly... you will see that it asks for everything even your happiness with its own fulfillment... so that you will lose all that you wished to keep and your Heavenly Father will be there at the other end with the sorrows that would accompany a Good Father in the loses the disobedient accrue! For He is Love and if we in trust to that love would give all of ourselves to His leading and thus the truth

Gal 5:16-20

16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness,

NKJV

notice your correct evaluation of the hardness of obedience to sexual purity by verse19.... I have been down the roads of immoralities they are paved with lies and those who I met at the ends of those roads are dead waiting to die... You, however, name the Name of Christ with your mouth I have prayed also with your heart! Love Steven

[NewlySavedGirl]

An example would be when you are kissing is your mind filled with God as in prayer for the man to be drawn up and closer to God who has created him so that he will be a faithful husband and father to your children already born (or) with the man and the erotica of the sensuality? I know this seems bizarre to speak this way but it is done so that you can see why it is so hard!

Are u saying that when we kiss my mind should be with God?

[swsavedbygrace]

Having sex before marriage makes things much more difficult. It is very hard for those who have had sex to go back and not have any. I don't think you can do this on your own .. and if you do .. you both may succeed for a while but then slowly it will be happening again. I believe the only way you can abstain from sex is with God. He needs the be center of your lives individually and the center of your relationship. I highly recommend talking to your pastor or another older couple. And being completely honest with them about what has happened .. and tell them what you want to do from here. They can counsel, pray, be accountability partners and so much for you.

With God all things are possible friend .. and you can do this! God will bless you and your relationship for following and honoring Him.

[swsavedbygrace]

Having sex before marriage makes things much more difficult. It is very hard for those who have had sex to go back and not have any. I don't think you can do this on your own .. and if you do .. you both may succeed for a while but then slowly it will be happening again. I believe the only way you can abstain from sex is with God. He needs the be center of your lives individually and the center of your relationship. I highly recommend talking to your pastor or another older couple. And being completely honest with them about what has happened .. and tell them what you want to do from here. They can counsel, pray, be accountability partners and so much for you.

With God all things are possible friend .. and you can do this! God will bless you and your relationship for following and honoring Him.

[enoob57]

An example would be when you are kissing is your mind filled with God as in prayer for the man to be drawn up and closer to God who has created him so that he will be a faithful husband and father to your children already born (or) with the man and the erotica of the sensuality? I know this seems bizarre to speak this way but it is done so that you can see why it is so hard!

Are u saying that when we kiss my mind should be with God?

Your lips are given you by God, your support (head) for the lips also, the man across also, all things... Your question "how is this possible to kiss and keep ones mind on God" is the evidence of the fallen state we are all in! God having given all that we utilize in the experience of anything we do yet to include Him in all that we do is not possible is the war of this world and its spiritual prince and God! Perhaps the reason we cannot take God with us in the action of all things is there is sin involved with its doing... I have found that which is done with the fellowship of God in mind, heart, soul and strength is the fulfillment of this verse

Isa 26:3-4

3 You will keep him in perfect peace,

Whose mind is stayed on You,

Because he trusts in You.

4 Trust in the Lord forever,

For in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength.

NKJV

it is a true statement that you do not have peace about what has already happened? Questions like I know that was wrong to do for within me says it was? I know we should be obedient to God? How can I be saved and do this? etc. This is the turmoil within you... is it not? The Lord loves you and wishes to bring you into an understanding of what is really going on... It is not peace is it?

What the Lord desires is for His placement within you as first in all that there is! Before your children- Him, before your own self- Him, before the man- Him, before the world- Him, before only Him.... THIS IS THE CREATED REALITY OF ETERNITY!

The fear of the Lord is this all that we were and the world and all else created by God .... is subject to be put before God in our being by us- this is only sin and nothing of God or the eternities can built upon such! "You shall have no other God but Me" and anything you place before God is an idol. God is the only uncreated and all else is the creation of His genius and I find it consuming to be a part of! For I have Love the Lord of Glory has placed within me and it is the motivation for me to place Him first as His rightful place within my being in all things. Lets say you don't do this but go about another way to your own thinking... many do.... there is much support in the world to do so...(but after all) we are saying (your thoughts), many (doing same) thing, almost the (whole world) in fact! But is this not just the list of created things?

The Lord does say -

1 Cor 7:1-5

1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:

It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

NKJV

I am filled with sorrows of the actions I took in disobedience to my Loving Father... I thought I was smart... I thought I knew... it was not until I was completely broken that I realized even the created need within me is not to be put before my Creator, my Lord, my Everything the Great I Am that I Am... MY Father Which Art in Heaven Hallowed be Thy Name....May you find this path "the only path" it is well worn by the feet of The Shepherd Christ Jesus... Love Steven