The choice not to have children

[InternalFlame]

My boyfriend and I are going to be married by the end of this year and so we are considering all the new things that come with marriage such as choice of contraceptives. I don't like the idea of the birth control pill (I don't think that messing with the natural balance of hormones is a good idea) and it's just not nearly effective enough for my taste. My boyfriend said that since neither of us ever really want to have children he can get a vasectomy.

This brought me up to thinking, is it wrong not to want children? We're both 25 and very set in our opinions; I don't see us changing our minds any time soon. I really don't see us as being good parents...we're very introverted (being around people for too long is exhausting, especially so with children) and highly value our quiet time to the point that if we do not get it we get unreasonable. I have a very bad temper when it comes to people with a complete lack of reasoning skills (i.e young children - it's not their fault, but it's true nonetheless) which I can see as an unhealthy trait for a parent to have. Not to mention we both want to pursue masters and doctorate degrees in the near future. My boyfriend has a condition which may worsen as he ages, and I can't see being the sole caregiver in a family with children involved. Either way, there are multiple layers in this decision - the biggest reason being that we just don't like kids. Personally I've never liked kids, not even when I was one myself.

Is it selfish and wrong not to procreate? I've heard some Christians say it's our duty to raise Children to Christain values. I just think I have more to contribute to God than bearing children, and that I would be better equipped to use my talents to His glory without them.

[OneLight]

Personally, it is your choice. Yet, I have always been of the belief that if God wanted me to have kids, we would have them. I would not inhibit His will in any way on this matter. Though I have 5 kids and 4 grandchildren, I love them all and am very happy to have them in my life.

[~candice~]

Sis, I can understand how you feel now, but you might be surprised about how your feelings change in the future. Surgical contraceptives are effective but also difficult to reverse should you change your mind. I know my husband thought he never wanted kids when he was your age, and now we are going for #2. Feelings DO change, so just give yourself that space to change if you need it.

Also, don't think that you can't serve Him in a mighty way if you have kids. I have a child, a doctorate, a happy husband, and serve the Lord.

All in all, seek His will and obey .

[Leonard]

God's first COMMANDMENT to human beings was to 'Be fruitful and multiply." He has never rescinded that commandment. If you don't want children together, you have no business marrying.

[~candice~]

God's first COMMANDMENT to human beings was to 'Be fruitful and multiply." He has never rescinded that commandment. If you don't want children together, you have no business marrying.

I noticed you said 'to human beings', that is not the case. The command was given twice, once to Adam, and once to Noah and his sons.

Gen 1

²⁸ God blessed them and said to them,

[Guest LadyC]

i'm with candice. God never said each and every one of us must be fruitful and multiply. the earth is filled already. listen, internalflame, if you don't really like children, chances are that's not going to change. if you don't want them, don't have them. it's that simple. God's not going to come down and thump you in the head for it.

but if for some reason God doesn't like the choice you made and wants you to have children anyway, you can be sure that a little thing like a snip to your husband's stuff isn't going to stand in God's way.

[ladypeartree]

having or not having children is YOUR CHOICE UNLESS GOD THINKS OTHERWISE

You do NOT have to have children to please other people. On the other hand if God wants you to have them then He will make a way no matter what you do

I was told I could never have children ... it was a physical imposibility ... my Gyny told me after I had a hysterectomy that it was physically impossible that I had ever been a mother and he was completely baffled as to how it had happened ... ..God knew better

In this country men cannot get a vassectomy unless they have very strong medical reasons for it unless they have either already had more than one child or they can convince the doctor that they REALLY will not be changing their mind but I have to say you are being very sensible to discuss all these things now and not when it is too late.

[~candice~]

Men under 30 aren't given vasectomies here unless there is a huge mitigating reason... and contraception is not one of them. I think it's a wise ruling myself.

[Believer1997]

My boyfriend and I are going to be married by the end of this year and so we are considering all the new things that come with marriage such as choice of contraceptives. I don't like the idea of the birth control pill (I don't think that messing with the natural balance of hormones is a good idea) and it's just not nearly effective enough for my taste. My boyfriend said that since neither of us ever really want to have children he can get a vasectomy.

This brought me up to thinking, is it wrong not to want children? We're both 25 and very set in our opinions; I don't see us changing our minds any time soon. I really don't see us as being good parents...we're very introverted (being around people for too long is exhausting, especially so with children) and highly value our quiet time to the point that if we do not get it we get unreasonable. I have a very bad temper when it comes to people with a complete lack of reasoning skills (i.e young children - it's not their fault, but it's true nonetheless) which I can see as an unhealthy trait for a parent to have. Not to mention we both want to pursue masters and doctorate degrees in the near future. My boyfriend has a condition which may worsen as he ages, and I can't see being the sole caregiver in a family with children involved. Either way, there are multiple layers in this decision - the biggest reason being that we just don't like kids. Personally I've never liked kids, not even when I was one myself.

Is it selfish and wrong not to procreate? I've heard some Christians say it's our duty to raise Children to Christain values. I just think I have more to contribute to God than bearing children, and that I would be better equipped to use my talents to His glory without them.

IMO - it is not wrong. I would much rather the two of you be honest and realisitic in your view of parenting and make a conscious choice not to have children than to have them and not really want them. If you make the decision not to have them and he has the surgery - and you change your mind.... There is world full of lost little children who so badly need a mommy and daddy... this is my opinion only. God bless you both on your marriage and on being honest instead of trying to please others.

[InternalFlame]

i'm with candice. God never said each and every one of us must be fruitful and multiply. the earth is filled already. listen, internalflame, if you don't really like children, chances are that's not going to change. if you don't want them, don't have them. it's that simple. God's not going to come down and thump you in the head for it.

but if for some reason God doesn't like the choice you made and wants you to have children anyway, you can be sure that a little thing like a snip to your husband's stuff isn't going to stand in God's way.

^^ this is my general thoughts on the matter as well.

it's not that I don't want to have the chance to serve God in my marriage (and I'm sure that my husband to be and I can without children), but I really dislike children, especially babies. There are two (soon to be three) under one year old babies in my bible group right now, and I'm always the only one who says "no thank you" (including even the men, besides my boyfriend) when the baby is passed around and cooed over. I've never wanted anything to do with babies, I never got that mothering instinct when I look at them, nothing more than "wow his face looks really strange all crinkled up like that". when I'm in a room with a crying baby for more than a minute I begin to feel a sort of restless anger that I really don't think is a healthy response to a baby's cry. I have no desire to comfort it or see what's wrong, I just want to get the baby to its mother and get away from that sound. People say it will be different when I have my own, but I don't believe that considering the strength of my adverse reaction to other baby's.

Whereas every other woman around me just loves to be around the babies, even when they're crying (talking about my Bible group here). This is a pretty big difference in my eyes. To be fair, I've had plenty of experience working with children as I work at a daycare and before I started working in the kitchen I worked with children of many different age groups. the feeling has been the same all across the board; there are a few good moments here and there but at the end of the day I was always wildly grateful I could come home to get away from it...so I have had experience with children in general and am not speaking blindly

If you make the decision not to have them and he has the surgery - and you change your mind.... There is world full of lost little children who so badly need a mommy and daddy... this is my opinion only.

This is my belief as well - my thought is, why make more children when there are those out there in desperate need of homes anyway? If I ever do change my mind (which I highly doubt) this option, to me, seems much better.