Can a woman divorce an abusive husband?

[Guest Dolores]

Hello,

My name is Dolores and I lived in an abusive marriage for 10 long years, I got out in May after the last attack.

I was told by my pastor there was nothing in scripture about leaving an abusive husband, and that I needed to come back and reconcile.

I coulnt do that because I knew I may not live to see my kids grow up.

I got a protection order and am now getting divorced, I pray God well forgive me but I choose to live and raise my children out of that abuse and break that chain.

[Kabowd]

My personal belief (take it for what it's worth) is that using the Scripture to force women to stay in dangerous or abusive relationships is a travesty and severely misrepresents the spirit in which God designed the marriage boundaries. Does God like divorce? No. But neither does He like to see His children suffer unnecessarily. He is particularly protective of innocent little children. I think it's foolishness to encourage a woman and her children to stay in an abusive situation. Divorce isn't always necessary (because God can certainly redeem the abuser), but seperation is wise for your own protection. This doesn't mean you can't continue to pray for them or love them. It just means you don't place yourself in the position to be injured further.

Btw...most everyone will use the phrase "divorce is only allowed in the case of unfaithfulness". To which I would respond, "What constitutes unfaithfulness?" If a man has deviated so far from his role to love and protect his wife, to the point he is not only dishonoring her but causing her harm...if that's not unfaithfulness I don't know what is.

Just my $.02.

[artsylady]

I disagree with your pastor. I think you did the right thing.

[nagwalk]

Do not feel guilty about leaving.

In the marriage ceremony the minister asks if there is anything that would impede your marriage, declare it now. Not declaring the impediment in his heart makes the marriage unlawfull and not recognised.

[Guest Liv4Him2]

Dolores,

I do not agree with your pastor either. I was in an abusive marriage. I should have never married him. There were little signs from the beginning that I choose to ignore and I felt pressured to marry him

If you did not receive these signs before you married this man,your spouse commited Fraud. You were intentionally deceived about the presence or absence of a quality in the other person. This is not a valid marriage.

An abusive man doesn't suddenly become abusive after you are married. This trait was there all along and he hid this from you.

Also, in the marriage vows when you state, "Till death due us part" you are not saying, "Till you take my life by your own hands."

Edited September 17, 2004 by Liv4Him2

[Guest Kandi]

Hi Dolores

You did the right thing by leaving. God would not want anyone to be abused. You need to respect yoursef and your children by staying away from this situstion. God loves you and is with you and will protect you. Please know that He is with you and be strong. Much love

Bless you and your children

[sachi]

Doloroes;

I agree with tess. Quote below:

Does God like divorce? No. But neither does He like to see His children suffer unnecessarily. He is particularly protective of innocent little children. I think it's foolishness to encourage a woman and her children to stay in an abusive situation. Divorce isn't always necessary (because God can certainly redeem the abuser), but seperation is wise for your own protection. This doesn't mean you can't continue to pray for them or love them. It just means you don't place yourself in the position to be injured further.

Wise words, Tess.

Jesus is very clear in His teachings that we are to honor one another.

Paul teaches men that they are to treat their wives "like Christ loved the Church and gabe His life for her . . "

That is sacrificial love - Your husband is to honor you in your marriage relationship the way Jesus honors you.

Edited September 17, 2004 by sachi

[sachi]

HI LIV4HIM2:

quote:

If you did not receive these signs before you married this man,your spouse commited Fraud. You were intentionally deceived about the presence or absence of a quality in the other person. This is not a valid marriage.

An abusive man doesn't suddenly become abusive after you are married. This trait was there all along and he hid this from you.

Men are humans beings with a complex emotional and psychological make up-. Not all men have access to approprate coping and stress management, as well as conflict management and anger management skills.

Life is stressful and complex.

Men have enormous pressure on them in our society.

They are also vulnerable and fear loss and exposure of their inadequacy.

Abuse does not happen in a vacuum.

VERY few men come into relationship with the intent of being abusive.

They are wounded at some level of their being and they can be helped and healed.

The Holy Spirit can bring healing to those wounded areas in a man's heart, as well as a woman's heart.

(I have found that women , because we do not have the phsycia l strength can be ABUSIUVE emotionally to the men in our lives.

That is not o.k. either.)

HOWEVER IF A PERSONS PHYSICIAL SAFETY IS EVER THREATENED, THEY MUST LEAVE THAT SITUATION.

IF THE PERSON WHO IS THREATENING THEM IS NOT ABLE OR WILLING TO CHANGE ANF GET HELP , PERMANENT SEPARATIO N OR DIVORCE IS THE ONLY ALTERNATIVE.

Even in the event that divorce happens, let us try and reach out to the abuser too -as well as to the 'victimized ' spouse.

Both need healing.

And we as the Chruch have the greatest source of healing through the Holy Spirit.

Bothe parties are in pain and long for a healthy balance of freedom and intimacy in a relationship.

[Guest Liv4Him2]

Sachi,

Abuse does not happen in a vacuum.

VERY few men come into relationship with the intent of being abusive.

While I can see your point, I have know from past experience from my previous marriage and my friends who were in abusive relationships this was not the man's first abusive relationship. In my previous marriage, I was at the women's shelter quite a bit, and from talking to the other women in group the story was the same old thing. The man was a habitual abuser. I'm not being judgmental, but speaking from personal experience.

My ex-husband was very adept at manipulation and is a wonderful charmer. I have forgiven him, and after nearly 10 years of not seeing him. I let him back into his children's life. I met his current wife and my ex-husband seemed to be a changed man. However, I have found out that this is not the case. He is still a charming liar and abusive to his current wife. He told his current wife that she is his second wife (more like third or fourth) and a bunch of other bologna. In this aspect, he commited Fraud when he married her because she thought she was getting a differnt persona then what she actually married.

By fraud I mean a person who is not what he or she pretends to be.

In the event that this was the first relationship that a man becomes physically abusive, then I would agree with your statement.

[Trinity]

No, the bible doesn't say that its a sin to leave a husband, the bible says the sin starting a new relationship after you left.