Why I Left

[stormy612]

It's been a long time since I've been here. I left because I felt rejected and misunderstood. I said some things that came from my heart and suddenly no one talked to me anymore. No one asked questions, no one tried to understand. I was judged and promptly rejected. No one bothered to look at their own level of faith to see if there was something lacking. It was easier to see me as the "whacko", which justifies (to themselves at least) writing me off. I get enough of that in my day to day life. I thought it would be different here. It should be anyways.

I only care about learning and growing in God. That means taking risks with what you think you know about God. If you really trust Him, He won't leave you. He stayed with Jesus the entire 33 years He lived on earth. Jesus met with all sorts of ideas and traditions. He learned from the "wisest" of men and yet, through it all, God kept Jesus' knowledge and wisdom and truth safe. He kept His wisdom safe when Jesus began His ministry, which debunked and infuriated and frightened a lot of people. He kept it safe when the "wise" men began to fight back against Jesus' teachings. He stood accused yet remained innocent. God kept Jesus' wisdom safe even through His crucifixion. He kept it safe because through it all, Jesus trusted God. Jesus even prayed God would keep and protect the disciples' faith (John 17). I pray the same.

I'm not afraid of someone shaking my understanding. Shake away. Teach me. Challenge me. See what I become. You can't crumble my faith in God because you can't crumble God.

But if people here are afraid of being shaken, I'll go somewhere else.

I'm not trying to be difficult. I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I am really lonely.

[Guest]

Welcome Back

Be Blessed Beloved Daughter Of The KING

[mizzdy]

We all get tossed about in some fashion or another Stormy. I truly do not know what it is you were troubled with here at Worthy, we all have things we do not understand and sometimes those things seem completely foreign and odd to others. Thats how we grow, we get challenged sometimes to explain those things to others. I pray you feel you can post a question or subject and we all can discuss back and forth without making those who post feel as if they are 'whackos' or anything else derogatory. I am glad you are here.

shalom,

Mizz

[Guest yod]

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily offended, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

What you just described happens to all of us, and it's usually an imagined scenario that isn't reality, though it might seem real to you.

[goldust59]

Hi Stormy, welcome back.

Read some of your posts from when you were here before. You were open to learn & share, which is great! We should always be learning & not get stuck in a mentality that there is nothing more to learn. There is still so much of scripture that has not been opened to our understanding & we should be ever listening for the Holy Spirit to give us new revelations as we grow. We need to discuss any insights with our brothers & sisters in Christ & search the scriptures to see whether they line up or not. Above all, ask God for understanding & wisdom of how to use the knowledge given.

Having said that, I need to add; we are not all at the same stage of development & there are many different views on SO many topics. We should consider what is said in light of the scripture & rely on the Holy Spirit to show us the truth & keep us on the right path.

I hope you stay & learn with us & don't become discouraged. We are all in this together & we are one in Him, even though it doesn't look that way in the natural. Remember- God does have a plan!

[stormy612]

I feel like life is closing in on me like a vise. All I want is to find a real friend, someone who wants to get to know me, someone who feels I add something to their life. The people I'm around everyday want me to be like them. They don't understand why I don't think like them, talk like them, or want the same things they want-and yes, these are Christian people. I'm not "different" to them, I'm "wrong." I'm not someone they can learn something new from, I'm just "wrong." I'm not someone with a unique perspective, I'm just "wrong." When I do get to talk, I get several responses from Christians but it always ends up meaning I'm wrong, they're right. I can handle it if people could say, "I don't understand" but are willing to learn or at least listen to what I'm saying. But that isn't what I get. When I go to a bible study, people beg me to share promising not to be judgemental. So, as usual, I fall for it, share what God shows me, ask questions I ponder, and then it happens...their eyes grow puzzled, their faces close down, and I'm not asked to share anymore. Little by little I'm made to feel unwanted. If I leave and don't come back, no one bothers to call to find out where I've been. Isn't that rejection?

I'll give you an example: I want to go to college and get a degree in philosophy. I am a born thinker. I was asking philosophical questions when I was 4 years old. I've been asking them ever since. Its just who I am. Instead of people just accepting this in me, they try to change me.. They tell me I don't need to take things so far, or be so serious about this or that. And they love to say a degree in philosophy won't land me a job, as if that can stop God. They never consider that God made me this way and that He did this for a reason. God put something awesome in me and I feel it all the time. Its bigger than me and (excuse the poor method of expressing this) I feel like its going to rip me at the seams if I don't let it out. And when I do, I get rejected. I have absolutely no skills in dealing with being rejected. You'd think I'd have come up with some kind of defense against it, but I haven't. When I get strange looks, I feel punched in the gut. Whoops. I did it again.

God, in His awesome friendship, has been helping me understand that I'm just as good as everyone else, just in a different way. I'm not "weird", "too deep", "strange", "bizarre," or "whacko". God says I'm beautiful. He made me that way. He's rubbing off the gunk the world has buried me under and I'm actually starting to see a little of what He sees. It is beautiful. And people are missing out. But what kind of comfort is that suppose to be? They don't know what their missing so really they aren't missing anything. I'm still alone.

If you say "church" to me, I'll say "power hungry, prideful hypocrites"; you say "parents" to me, I'll say "liars"; you say "friend" to me, I'll say "backstabber"; you say "teacher", I'll say "master manipulator". I don't possess "normal" associations with the "good things of God" so telling me these things are "good for me" only makes me see you as "one of them." I look at people and ask God why I'm suppose to listen to anything they have to say anymore. He's the source of all truth and wisdom, after all. I don't need people to know Him. The proof is in the pudding. All that I know of God, He taught me (He fed Isaiah through ravens, remember). People have taught me the ways of the world and of sin-NOT of acceptance and love and all the good things God talks about in His word. But God wants me to talk to others because they also reflect Him. I'll only ever learn so much of God from my own perspective. To learn more of Him, I need to find Him in others. Unfortunately, all I see in people right now is the world. I haven't seen God yet. I can find Him in nature, I can find Him in books, I can find Him in music. I can find God in everything else but people. How sad is that?

[Fez]

If you say "church" to me, I'll say "power hungry, prideful hypocrites"; you say "parents" to me, I'll say "liars"; you say "friend" to me, I'll say "backstabber"; you say "teacher", I'll say "master manipulator". I don't possess "normal" associations with the "good things of God" so telling me these things are "good for me" only makes me see you as "one of them."

Ok then sorry to start off this way, but i believe in the truth, and telling it as it is (from my perspective)

In the quote above you have taken a lot of things I hold close to my heart, and made me "one of them" before we start.

We can talk and I suppose we will, but you need to know that...

Church is center to my life

I loved both my parents and although they are gone, still do

I have many really good friends I can trust with my life

I have some awesome teachers in the church, who are also friends.

That being said, I know we all come from a different perspective in our walk, yours and mine just happen to differ greatly.

That does not mean we cannot discuss things, as long as we keep as our foundation scripture, because only there lies the real truth.

Blessings

[joi]

I feel like life is closing in on me like a vise. All I want is to find a real friend, someone who wants to get to know me, someone who feels I add something to their life. The people I'm around everyday want me to be like them. They don't understand why I don't think like them, talk like them, or want the same things they want-and yes, these are Christian people. I'm not "different" to them, I'm "wrong." I'm not someone they can learn something new from, I'm just "wrong." I'm not someone with a unique perspective, I'm just "wrong." When I do get to talk, I get several responses from Christians but it always ends up meaning I'm wrong, they're right. I can handle it if people could say, "I don't understand" but are willing to learn or at least listen to what I'm saying. But that isn't what I get. When I go to a bible study, people beg me to share promising not to be judgemental. So, as usual, I fall for it, share what God shows me, ask questions I ponder, and then it happens...their eyes grow puzzled, their faces close down, and I'm not asked to share anymore. Little by little I'm made to feel unwanted. If I leave and don't come back, no one bothers to call to find out where I've been. Isn't that rejection?

I'll give you an example: I want to go to college and get a degree in philosophy. I am a born thinker. I was asking philosophical questions when I was 4 years old. I've been asking them ever since. Its just who I am. Instead of people just accepting this in me, they try to change me.. They tell me I don't need to take things so far, or be so serious about this or that. And they love to say a degree in philosophy won't land me a job, as if that can stop God. They never consider that God made me this way and that He did this for a reason. God put something awesome in me and I feel it all the time. Its bigger than me and (excuse the poor method of expressing this) I feel like its going to rip me at the seams if I don't let it out. And when I do, I get rejected. I have absolutely no skills in dealing with being rejected. You'd think I'd have come up with some kind of defense against it, but I haven't. When I get strange looks, I feel punched in the gut. Whoops. I did it again.

God, in His awesome friendship, has been helping me understand that I'm just as good as everyone else, just in a different way. I'm not "weird", "too deep", "strange", "bizarre," or "whacko". God says I'm beautiful. He made me that way. He's rubbing off the gunk the world has buried me under and I'm actually starting to see a little of what He sees. It is beautiful. And people are missing out. But what kind of comfort is that suppose to be? They don't know what their missing so really they aren't missing anything. I'm still alone.

If you say "church" to me, I'll say "power hungry, prideful hypocrites"; you say "parents" to me, I'll say "liars"; you say "friend" to me, I'll say "backstabber"; you say "teacher", I'll say "master manipulator". I don't possess "normal" associations with the "good things of God" so telling me these things are "good for me" only makes me see you as "one of them." I look at people and ask God why I'm suppose to listen to anything they have to say anymore. He's the source of all truth and wisdom, after all. I don't need people to know Him. The proof is in the pudding. All that I know of God, He taught me (He fed Isaiah through ravens, remember). People have taught me the ways of the world and of sin-NOT of acceptance and love and all the good things God talks about in His word. But God wants me to talk to others because they also reflect Him. I'll only ever learn so much of God from my own perspective. To learn more of Him, I need to find Him in others. Unfortunately, all I see in people right now is the world. I haven't seen God yet. I can find Him in nature, I can find Him in books, I can find Him in music. I can find God in everything else but people. How sad is that?

It sounds sad. However having said this I remember Philip and the Etheopian eunuch, which was a teaching session.

Please do not take this as criticism, but rather as something to ponder. Perhaps God wants to teach you through others, but

you are not receptive. A spirit of humility is necessary for us to learn.

I also want to see God through others, but I must realize that they are made of dust, even as am I, and that their human nature

is also their sin nature. It takes an act of our will to stop our sin nature and hear the Word of God.

If you want to learn of Him through others you can ask Him to send you to those who can teach you His truth. You must be willing

to accept what He sends you. I learned this lesson some years back when I prayed for a teacher, then when He sent me one, I was not

willing to learn from him. His voice was strange and what he told me was not what I have already learned from many years of listening

to teachers. What I found was that I had a lot to re-learn. I could not fault all those who had taught me in the past, they were also in

a learning mode, I am sure. Eventually I told God I did not trust the man He had sent me (what arrogance on my part!) but that I was going

to trust (my humility) Him for what he was teaching me. Finally I began to learn and it was amazing!

We can only come together on the basis of His truth and that must be our starting point, letting the Word verify itself.

Proverbs 3

5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

[Cheryl Ann]

Hi Stormy,

I have felt very much the same way as you throughout my life. I have frequently felt misunderstood and alone. I too have longed for a close friend, but have always been quiet and afraid of rejection. I am trying to understand just how much God loves me, and how no ones opinion of me can change that. I want to allow God's love to spill over into the lives of all those around me. Sometimes I feel like I make no difference in the world, and start feeling so unfullfilled and alone. But when I get caught up in my self pity, I find I am no good for anyone. I am trying to learn to display the joy in my life that Christ wants for me, and be to others what I want them to be for me. I still struggle with it daily. I look forward to you sharing your thoughts. That is how we can grow and challenge each other.

[Believer112]

If you say "church" to me, I'll say "power hungry, prideful hypocrites"; you say "parents" to me, I'll say "liars"; you say "friend" to me, I'll say "backstabber"; you say "teacher", I'll say "master manipulator". I don't possess "normal" associations with the "good things of God" so telling me these things are "good for me" only makes me see you as "one of them."

I used to think these same things (church, friend) except for my parents. My parents did the best they could with what they knew. What I have to remind myself everyday is that all these people are God's creation and if God can love them uncondionally, then I have to learn to love them. It takes a lot of grace!

What do you mean "associate with the good things of God"?

welcome back and Be Blessed.