AnOrangeCat Posted June 23, 2012 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 5 Topic Count: 57 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 1,405 Content Per Day: 0.27 Reputation: 1,824 Days Won: 0 Joined: 12/24/2009 Status: Offline Share Posted June 23, 2012 Hello. I've posted here before with regards to a longstanding situation. I've been caregiver for my grandmother (she has dementia, diabetes, a recurring UTI, and some other health issues), and pretty much the only person even trying, for a very long time now. It's been a 24/7 job and hasn't really left the time for any education, employment, or social life. She was very sick recently, and she kept putting off going to the hospital or seeing a doctor. About a week ago I got an early morning wakeup from my grandmother. She'd lost control of her bladder and bowels, was very weak, and was in such a bad mental state that I had to call an ambulance immediately. As I was on the phone she was yelling at me not to call and saying some pretty mean stuff. I had to stay on the line to give directions. When the ambulance got here she kept the paramedics waiting about an hour and a half, most of which was spent in the bathroom. They asked her a few questions and could tell she wasn't mentally sound, so they had to take her away despite her protests once she got out of the bathroom. Anyway, a few days after this I got a call from Adult Protective Services. They were raising a fuss over her condition and saying it was neglect rather than a result of the circumstances. Unless we put up a legal battle we can't really afford it seems almost inevitable that they're going to put her in a nursing home and take control of her assets. I've got mixed feelings about her ending up in a nursing home, but that scenario leaves me in a bad position and homeless. I know there are shelters and such where I could find a temporary home for myself, but my cats complicate that. The prospect of losing them after such a major upset as this and when I'm already deeply depressed and burnt out is just too much for me to take right now. I'm not sure what I can do in this situation anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 23, 2012 Share Posted June 23, 2012 Praying~! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nChrist Posted June 23, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 438 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 2,947 Content Per Day: 0.54 Reputation: 300 Days Won: 9 Joined: 04/28/2009 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/18/1949 Share Posted June 23, 2012 I will pray for you and your situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LOVE SONGS Posted June 23, 2012 Group: Royal Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 131 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 2,188 Content Per Day: 0.50 Reputation: 135 Days Won: 8 Joined: 04/10/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted June 23, 2012 Please don't feel guilty , you did for her til you could not do anymore. You did call the ambulance, which shows that you did not leave her in the state she was in. You did the right thing in getting medical help. You are not a Doctor...you are only her Grand-son. God knows and sees all what you did for your Grand-mother. You gave of yourself in caring and helping her, til you couldn't anymore. Her illnesses got worst. It is best that she is in a home where she needs the 24 hour care, of the nurses there. Try these... Check with the churches to help you. Salvation Army can give you temporary help. Go apply for food stamps as soon as possible. If you don't have a job..try to get one. I was homless a few times in my life...I do know what it is like. Keep in touch with christians, and keep yourself with God...He will help you. ps. 34: 17 The righteous cry out , and the Lord hears , And delivers them out of ALL their troubles. He delivers you out of ALL ...not some ...but ALL of your troubles. I will be praying. God Bless you and keep you in His care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted June 23, 2012 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 597 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,124 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 27,854 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted June 23, 2012 For your own protection, you need to at least talk to an attourney. They are much better of keeping you out of problems than trying to fix things. If you do not have power of attourney over your grandmother, I don't think you can really force her to to see a doctor. Nursing homes are not the answer most of the time..... try and get DHS to get you power of attourney so that you can force your grandmother to those things she doesn't want to do. Praying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeinnocentspirit Posted June 25, 2012 Group: Junior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 20 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 115 Content Per Day: 0.03 Reputation: 15 Days Won: 1 Joined: 02/10/2012 Status: Offline Share Posted June 25, 2012 I would say that the advice given by Love Songs is absolutly spot on correct. You need to surround yourself with people seek advice from all sources. Above all the only thing that I would add is to follow your instincts and think about how you have to do what is right. Right by your grandmother and what feels right for you. Im in a similar situation in which my Dad requires a lot of care and the option of care home has come up and been dismissed quickly as we have a network of people of offer care. If you are alone however you need to think how much of your life (as you have already mentioned work and social life) you want to sacrifice in order to provide care for your grandma. Getting in touch with the right organisatons can provide a day care during the day and maybe more options that no one has considered at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ears Posted June 28, 2012 Group: Advanced Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 348 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 39 Days Won: 2 Joined: 01/05/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted June 28, 2012 I pray your Grandma gets into a very good and caring nursing home and I assure you there are some. I use to work in a very good one and it sure changed my opinion of them. They are not all like the ones we often hear about. That's where you come in, visit her often. They right medication may help with her confusion and give you quality time together. I pray for you to find kind and helpful people everywhere you go for help. Life can be hard this probably isn't your first or last time you will feel scared and burned out. Seek his face and know he is in controll. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ncn Posted June 28, 2012 Group: Graduated to Heaven Followers: 6 Topic Count: 406 Topics Per Day: 0.09 Content Count: 5,248 Content Per Day: 1.13 Reputation: 1,337 Days Won: 67 Joined: 08/07/2011 Status: Offline Share Posted June 28, 2012 I don't feel able to give advice as I don't know what the situation is in the USA. All I can say is this; I know and am fully aware that the fact with my Parkinson's and all that is going on with my health I'm very fortunate to be able to continue living on my own with outside support. I would be the first to fight to continue living independently. Not having a family I also pray that when the day comes and I cannot do this, that someone will have the courage to place me in a nursing home. They will probably have to take me off screaming as I clutch to to my front door because knowing me I wont go quietly. All I can do is pray for your situation and that I certainly will do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
netinter Posted June 29, 2012 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 1 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/05/2008 Status: Offline Share Posted June 29, 2012 lord please hear our prayer. Give wisdom peace and your loving help. Amen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peacefulwidow Posted June 30, 2012 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 1 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 4 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 0 Days Won: 0 Joined: 06/12/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 03/29/1955 Share Posted June 30, 2012 My mother hated having her father in a nursing home. My husband would have much rather stayed at home than gone to inpatient hospice. But there comes a time when you have done all you can and professional care is needed. Folks with dementia reach a point where they tend to be difficult to care for at home. Diabetics can be as well. And recurrent UTI's make both of those diseases more difficult to manage. It sounds like that time has come for professional care. So PLEASE do not allow yourself to accept feelings of guilt or failure because you can no longer take care of her. The poster who mentioned getting legal assistance is correct. Where I live there are attorney's who specialize in the legal situations of the elderly. You need someone to help you deal with APS- I wouldn't recommend trying to do that alone, and what options you can exercise to make sure your grandmother is taken care of. I will repeat that you have done what you have been able to do and sacrificed much. Now it sounds like it's time for professional care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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