missmuffet Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,994 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,692 Content Per Day: 11.75 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 What is the difference between being a clique and having a group of friends whom you hang out with? Is it wrong to be a part of a group of friends? It is hurtful when a tight group of friends ignore others. What's the difference between someone who ignores others and a shy person who has a hard time interacting with strangers and people they don't know well?They just have a problem with being around others. Someone who is shy is a who different ball game.They don't hang out in an exclusive group and ignore others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Patriot21 Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 27 Topic Count: 338 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 15,718 Content Per Day: 2.45 Reputation: 8,535 Days Won: 39 Joined: 10/25/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1985 Share Posted July 29, 2013 actually they can bo, sometimes when there are 2 or 3 people who are shy in a church, they, like most people will congregate naturally with the others that are shy. and while they dont exclude others, the fact that since they are shy and don't reach out, they may come off as a clique. food for thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JDavis Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 1 Topic Count: 18 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 1,740 Content Per Day: 0.44 Reputation: 183 Days Won: 7 Joined: 07/02/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 07/02/1964 Share Posted July 29, 2013 before we all go talking trash about pastors, and why they haven't gotten a clique taken care of, let me throw some things into perspective. First off, cliques are human nature. I got news for you, when you hang with a group of people long enough, sooner or later, you become cliquesh. Not all cliques are the type to intentionally torment others-some form, just from being together for so long, they forget theres others out there, and people in these cliques don't even realize that theyre excluding others, its not intentional, its just because theyve been around each other so long and they don't realize it, and I think weve all been guilty of this at some point. Also, keep in mind, cliques are in most churches, some worse then others, and what do you expect the pastor to do-especially if its a new pastor. Those people in the cliques, they need ministered to to, so you cant just go bulldozing in and tell them to get over themselves-all that will do is make matters worse, sometimes it takes time, love, and patience to break up a clique. Just because a pastor can't break up a clique the instant you ask him to, doesn't mean hes a bad pastor-you cant just go in, and expect a person to change instantly, and requiring a pastor to do so is unreasonable and unfair to him, especially since he may have been working on that clique for years before you showed up, and you have no idea how much good hes done. Instead of going up in arms, because the pastor is unable to instantly break up a clique, why don't you assist him in showing the members of the clique the error of their ways-after all, it could just be a group of ladies whove been quilting for 30 years and don't even realize theyre being exclusive. I believe there is a difference between a clique and a circle of friends. Jesus had a close group of 3 friends, then the rest of the 12. When people start to use who they hang out with as a status tool, when people go out of their way to make sure you know who they were with last night, when people turn a prayer and praise request time into a chance to brag about who they were with the previous night you have a clique and there is nothing good about it. When the pastor, and more so his wife, are the main instigators of such behavior, it is time to leave. The thing about cliques is that nobody thinks they are part of one, nobody wants to admit they are doing such things, so they justify their actions. Speak out against it and you are shunned and called a trouble maker. It is actions like this that cause a body of believer to never grow, to stay the same basic size of a church for over a decade. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Patriot21 Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 27 Topic Count: 338 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 15,718 Content Per Day: 2.45 Reputation: 8,535 Days Won: 39 Joined: 10/25/2006 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/27/1985 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I agree davis, but that wasn't the point of my post, perhaps I didn't make myself clear. If your in a church, and there is a clique (and the pastor is NOT a part of it) Im saying dont speak bad about the pastor because he doesn't storm in there and condemn them all to hell. You don't break up cliques, by doing that-you create a war, which destroys churches. He maybe doing stuff behind the scenes to help break the clique up, that your not even aware of. My point is, even those in a clique, need to be ministered to, they need to be shown that what theyre doing is wrong-and often, it takes time love and patience, to do it. What Im saying is, get the whole story, before judging a pastor because hes not working on your time table. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissPlaced_56 Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Senior Member Followers: 1 Topic Count: 129 Topics Per Day: 0.03 Content Count: 757 Content Per Day: 0.17 Reputation: 155 Days Won: 1 Joined: 03/25/2012 Status: Offline Birthday: 04/24/1957 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Well said Pat!!! AMEN!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nebula Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Royal Member Followers: 10 Topic Count: 5,823 Topics Per Day: 0.75 Content Count: 45,870 Content Per Day: 5.94 Reputation: 1,897 Days Won: 83 Joined: 03/22/2003 Status: Offline Birthday: 11/19/1970 Share Posted July 29, 2013 What is the difference between being a clique and having a group of friends whom you hang out with? Is it wrong to be a part of a group of friends? It is hurtful when a tight group of friends ignore others. What's the difference between someone who ignores others and a shy person who has a hard time interacting with strangers and people they don't know well?They just have a problem with being around others. Someone who is shy is a who different ball game.They don't hang out in an exclusive group and ignore others. I don't know - shy people tend to ignore everybody they aren't comfortable with - at least that is the outside appearance, would you not think? Once a shy person has developed some friendships, we tend to cling to those friends because they are "safe". We're not very likely to greet the new people, to invite others into the group, to meander from our group and interact with other people, and such. So where does one draw the line between a bunch of stuck-ups in their own little world and friends that like to hang together because that's who they are comfortable with? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ninhao Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 ........ So where does one draw the line between a bunch of stuck-ups in their own little world and friends that like to hang together because that's who they are comfortable with? Luk 6:31-33 And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. (32) For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. (33) And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. It depends on how you treat those on the outside of your group imo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob1947 Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Members Followers: 1 Topic Count: 0 Topics Per Day: 0 Content Count: 4 Content Per Day: 0.00 Reputation: 1 Days Won: 0 Joined: 07/29/2013 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/04/1947 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I suspect that most cliques don't start out that way but develop over time. Groups of friends, people that share common interests form and over time there is a depth in them that makes it hard for a newcomer to enter unless there is a very deliberate effort by the group, or someone in the group, to integrate that person. It needs more than a general friendliness or word of welcome, time and understanding and a willingness to explain why the group is what it is is also required. Mind you, having said that some groups do not really want new folks joining them as it upsets the equilibrium, causes change,and can make folk feel uneasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,994 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,692 Content Per Day: 11.75 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 I agree davis, but that wasn't the point of my post, perhaps I didn't make myself clear. If your in a church, and there is a clique (and the pastor is NOT a part of it) Im saying dont speak bad about the pastor because he doesn't storm in there and condemn them all to hell. You don't break up cliques, by doing that-you create a war, which destroys churches. He maybe doing stuff behind the scenes to help break the clique up, that your not even aware of. My point is, even those in a clique, need to be ministered to, they need to be shown that what theyre doing is wrong-and often, it takes time love and patience, to do it. What Im saying is, get the whole story, before judging a pastor because hes not working on your time table. I said nothing about breaking up cliques.Yes,they form and yes they are difficult to get rid of.I am just saying how hurtful they can be.....period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gnomonist Posted July 29, 2013 Group: Removed from Forums for Breaking Terms of Service Followers: 0 Topic Count: 21 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 272 Content Per Day: 0.07 Reputation: 21 Days Won: 0 Joined: 04/29/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 29, 2013 Have you ever been a victim of a clique?You usually see cliques in junior high or high school but their are adult cliques.Do you see them at your church?Are their cliques at your work?How does dealing with cliques make you feel?Do you think you are a member of a group of people who are in a clique? ______________________________ I have a small group of Christian friends who have clique-like behavior, but the definition of the word implies a form of exclusiveness which we are not. And that is (sad to say) we are more into bible studies than the rest in our church are. We wished more would join us. However, these are all women and I'm the only guy. I'm mid-50's and they are slightly older in their early 60's, although this is not the first time I tended to hang out with that age group all thru my life, as this may be a generational thing, I don't know. Like in most settings (including forums), I'm the group clown, perhaps like the younger brother, and I am also a little more on the fringe of the group I.e. slightly less dedicated. They have weekly bible studies in their home which I can't always attend due to the time, but the same group of people hold their class at our church and I'm always there. I think it's a time thing. I rather study at night since the evening is my favorite part of the day, they are more morning ladies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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