Was I wrong/& Now selfish?

[Guest sherry7]

My family has always celebrate Thanksgiving ,Christmas , and Easter! We lost my mother (Head of everything )

in Aug '99, my younger brother Dec'99, my uncle New Years Eve of '99, my grandmother a few months after him! My older sister is not a member of my family anymore, her choice for drugs and alcohol and stealing of my mother's estate! My health is now also slowly failing me, I have my daughter age 19, older brother 50, his two sons 19, 20, here in my home area, My brother promised me for Thanksgivng he would bring everything! Plus his friend & son also would chip in, their income allows them too! All I want to do for them was to try and fill my mother's place in cooking the Holiday dinners , not her shoes, on the Holidays!(which I miss terribly without her presents!) I love my family very,very much! We are all I have, and so few of us! TheThanksgivings, and Christmas's, Easters too, have all been taken from me slowly over the passed 4 yrs! All behind drugs! My brother lost his younger brother,but so did I! His mother so did I! Grandmother, which I was extremely close to all my life, and my uncle, now he's falling away from me too!! My dauther says he doesn't want to get close to me anymore because of HIS Pain when I do pass on! What about my pain, while I am here? I want him and I do want these Holidays, because Christ is close in my heart more now then ever in my life! (I a born again Christian)( He's also a Christian, just not very close because of all our loses) Plus theres a wonderful peace and warmth & thrills of decorating for them as well! We haven't much money, never did! But we were all happy together! Now he' wants to push me away! When he calls and I answer, he's shouting for one reason or another! Once he jumped on to me because he missed church! I offer to pick him and tke him but he refuses, or he's asleep, I didn't even make it my self the evening he called and started jumping on me! I know he's struggling with drugs because that's what they sat around and did Thanksgiving instead of coming to my house! Each year it gotten worse, saying he wasn't coming, show up late, now not all! Then he gets mean to me! Just out of the blue! He says I expect too much from him! Only the things he promises me, nothing else! I really can't figure out why he's come to hate me!

I am being selfish for wanting him to be a part of my life? I suffer with chronic pain, and ohter medical problems, which are slowly worsening as time goes bye!

He won't even talk to me about my health at all!! I feel so alone! He's always been there for me!ALWAYS, unti recently when I told him I did have hep C from a blood transfusion years ago! He Came and moved me and my daugther back to WA state fromColo! Because of my health,Saved every dime he could and borrowed a van to do it all! I don't know what to do! I want him to be in my life and stop doing the drugs to kill the pain that isn't even there yet! But overflowing now in my heart everyday I breath! He has my daughter scared she's going to lose me sooner now! I need prayers and advice! Sherry7

[Leonard]

Kinda' sounds like your brother has a pretty messed up attitude. Praying for your family.

[darkest_red]

It isn't selfish to want to have a close relationship with your brother. However, if you try to force things you'll end up pushing him away. You need to patient, however hard that is, and hope that he can sort himself out. Give him all the help he needs but don't force it upon him or you may push him away totally.

[Shelby]

Sherry you are in my prayers. I understand the difficulties of trying to hold things together and try to make them semi normal after the passing of family members. It is really hard. I think of trying to direct his attention to you, which he seems to resent, maybe try adjusting your attitude first. ( I am not saying it is bad) but maybe try to be a little kinder than necessary, show him and tell him how much you appreciate him for doing all he has done. I think he is afraid of losing you too. So maybe don't share the grusome details of your medical issues. Try to get your doctor to manage your pain more, and then try to show him, the peace and hoy you can have even amidst the pain and turmoil. My mother is disabled. She could die at any moment, but if you aske her, she doesn't mind, she just wants to have fun today. She tries to stay positive, and manage her pain. She knows she hurts more at night, so she doesn't schedule things at night. But she has taken my grandmother's place as you have taken your mothers. She is still very nurturing. Yeah some resist, but in the end, they all know who they can trust and rely on. Be paitient, and show him how to Love you by loving him that way.

It sounds like you are a very loving anurturing woman. So I am sure most of what I ahve said you have already thought of, if so, just take it as my care for your situation. God bless you and your brother I will pray that God will soften his heart again, and show him now is the time to love you, not when you are gone.