Why miscarriage matters when you're pro-life

[nebula]

I know the title sounds us, but listen to points this woman makes and you will understand.

 

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Friday, February 21, 2014

Why miscarriage matters when you're pro-life

 

<snip>

 

To be perfectly honest, before my losses, I didn't quite understand that the way we pro-lifers treat miscarriage is important.

And yet after we lost Olivia, it didn't take long for me to realize that in this Christian microcosm of ours, somehow an aborted baby had so much more to offer the world than a miscarried one.

 

Both babies may have died at the same gestation -- one by choice, the other by chance. But the value attached to each child completely depended on how that child died.

Here are some of the mixed messages I received -- sometimes just hinted at, other times outright:

 

Read here

[Guest Butero]

Both children are of equal value.  Those of us in the pro-life community aren't looking at one as more a child than the other.  We just recognize that God is the only one with a right to take a life, not man.  He creates life, and he alone has the right to end life.  The exception is capital punishment, and that is to deal with those who do take an innocent life.  If a child dies from a miscarriage, what are we to do, charge God with murder?  The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. 

 

When a child is born, and dies, and even in some instances, when a woman has carried a child to late in a pregnancy, a natural bonding or attachment takes place.  When the child dies very early in the first few weeks of a pregnancy, it is easy for someone to make light of the child's death, but that doesn't make their death any less tragic. 

 

This woman has a very valid point.  I agree with what she said, but I will attempt to explain why I think her friends reacted as they did.  It was an attempt at comfort.  Yes, that child could have been the next Einstein, been the person who found a cure for AIDS, cancer or heart disease.  But what do you say to a grieving Mother?  Do you tell her that, or do you say that there is a reason for it all.  Perhaps the child would have been deformed or had a tragic life.  It just seems like a better thing to say to a woman who lost her child through no fault of her own.  The child is in a better place.  Even so, the woman in this story is absolutely right, and I will try to remember what she said if I encounter a woman who miscarries a child.  Devaluing the baby is not the best thing to do, even if it seems like comfort at the time. 

[EnochBethany]

I know the title sounds us, but listen to points this woman makes and you will understand.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Friday, February 21, 2014

Why miscarriage matters when you're pro-life

 

<snip>

 

To be perfectly honest, before my losses, I didn't quite understand that the way we pro-lifers treat miscarriage is important.

And yet after we lost Olivia, it didn't take long for me to realize that in this Christian microcosm of ours, somehow an aborted baby had so much more to offer the world than a miscarried one.

 

Both babies may have died at the same gestation -- one by choice, the other by chance. But the value attached to each child completely depended on how that child died.

Here are some of the mixed messages I received -- sometimes just hinted at, other times outright:

 

Read here

IMHO:

Miscarriage underlines the error of discussing "abortion" in the pro-life vs baby-murder context.  Abortions happen all the time spontaneously. For one reason or another women abort their unborn babies in what is sometimes called miscarriage.  As I recall miscarriage used to be the term for losing a baby after 3 months gestation, and "abortion" if before 3 months.

 

Abortion is the untimely removal of a baby from the womb.  This removal could conceivably done to save the baby's life, with baby put into an incubator.  The fact that an abortion takes place does not address the issue of what to do with the aborted baby.  Cutting up a baby in the womb & extracting the pieces is not mere "abortion."

 

I suppose that when my wife's baby died in the womb & was vacuumed out that could be called an abortion.  So the term "abortion" confounds the issue.

 

The terms in which a debate are framed can determine the outcome.  As for example to speak about fornication can have a different result from speaking about being sexually active.

 

I propose that those who oppose baby-murder in the womb, call it baby-murder & stop talking about abortion.

[Guest DRS81]

One who miscarries should be treated with love and nurture and respect. God has a plan for that baby just as he does for adoption. Love Love Love.

 

If there is one spirit that God loves it is the broken and humble. He desires you.

 

(John 14:18 “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.) (Rom 8:14-16 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba,Father.” 16The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.) (Ps 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.) Blessings, David.

[nebula]

My take:

 

I can understand the words used to comfort someone. For example: "An aborted baby was killed against God's design. A miscarried baby fulfilled God's plans." "God's plan" is a comfort attempt given for any loved one who died.

 

At the same time, I can understand a woman grieving over a miscarriage finding offense in this.

 

 

Other words, I have no defense for:

"An aborted baby deserves to be grieved. A miscarried one deserves to be gotten over. And quickly."

 

"An aborted baby was a real person, and should have the rights as such. A miscarried baby was not a real child -- naming them really is kinda weird. Speaking of weird . . . counting them in the line-up of your children? THAT'S weird!"

 

 

I get the heart of her message, the frustration she feels by the "comfort" given her after 3 miscarriages.

 

 

Do you really believe life -- personhood -- begins at conception? If so, standing up against abortion is understandable. But so is treating a miscarriage as a real death of a real person.

 

<snip>

 

What if you held the hand of a grieving mom who miscarried at 4 weeks, 6 weeks, 18 weeks or more?

 

What if you never compared the loss of a 4-weeker to a 20-weeker?

 

What if you never said anything that started with, "At least . . . " As in, "At least it happened early." Or, "At least you didn't get too attached." Or, "At least you have one living child. You should be thankful for them."

 

What if you didn't try to stifle her tears? What if you welcomed them? And matched her tears with your own?

 

What if you held back any trite, easy answers that promised God's will and promised easy comfort? What if you just wrapped your arms around her the way Christ would?

 

[etc.]

 

What if you didn't just affirm to the world that all babies are valuable -- but you also affirmed to a bereaved mom that HER baby was irreplaceable, and would forever be missed?

 

A person is a person . . . no matter how small.

 

And I would add . . . no matter when or how they died.

 

 

By the way, this message strikes home to me because my Sister-in-Law had 2 miscarriages.

[Guest]

What if you were consistent? What if all your actions when dealing with loss of any kind, affirmed that fact that all life -- ALL LIFE -- is good, worthy of recognition and worthy of grief.

What if you didn't just affirm to the world that all babies are valuable -- but you also affirmed to a bereaved mom that HER baby was irreplaceable, and would forever be missed?

A person is a person . . . no matter how small.

 

And I would add . . . no matter when or how they died. http://thelewisnote.blogspot.com/2014/02/why-miscarriage-matters-if-youre-pro.html

 

 

~

 

And he said, While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept: for I said, Who can tell whether GOD will be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me. 2 Samuel 12:23

 

Thank You LORD Jesus

[JustinM]

It sounds like her friends didn't know how to handle the tragedy.  As some others have said, silence and shared tears can be the most comforting thing to do.  Being someone that lost my twin at age 18, while I was grieving nothing you could have said would have had any meaning to me, my brother was gone and he was never coming back.  There were no words anyone could have said to make that any less painful to me.

 

The only thing a person in mourning wants is for their loved one to be alive, and no one can do that, let them mourn in peace, but don't be afraid to show them you love them.