rebellious teen

[Annette443pink]

Our 16 year old boy left us a note entitled "My Emancipation Proclamation". In it he told us that when he's 17 he intends to be emancipated from us. Also told us that he does not have to follow our rules and will not. Said the church was the root of all his problems. He then left home for 36 hours. When he came home we worked out some "compromises" (sometimes I hate that word) that he says he can live with.

I feel like I have an unbeliever living with me. I don't trust him. It makes me angry that he obviously has no respect for us. I don't know how to act around him anymore.

Guess I'm not really looking for advice but thoughts & opinions. Right now I'm just taking it easy, trying to trust God. Sometimes it feels like it's me and my husband against the world. We're surrounded by family etc. that are walking in darkness. I'm done kissing butt!!

Edited December 21, 2004 by Annette443pink

[Ovedya]

Annette,

I don't know what your home situation is, and I do not necessarilly need to know. But it sounds to me like you are able to at least sit down with your son and talk somewhat rationally.

The bottom line is that once he turns 18 you are not legally responsible for anything that he does. Untill then your butt is potentially on the line if he does something to someone's property. Now, I don't know what an "emancipation" even means. But if it means that he can legally live on his own once he's 17, I say go ahead and let him get "emancipated." You just be sure to tell him that if he believes his home life is so terrible for him, to wait until he finds out how hard it is in the real world. Tell him how hurt you feel about his decision. But also tell him not to come running back when the world slaps him hard on the pavement. Say it, and mean it. Of course, if the situation gets really bad then you can help. But don't be there giving him money every time he gets in a jam or needs to pay the light bill.

The bottom-line is, Annette, that you don't have to be made the bad guy here. If you raised him to the best of your ability, with love and in the admonition of the Lord, then you don't have any reason to feel guilty.

My instinct is that he doesn't have a clue what the real world is like, and what it is all about. Such was the case with the Prodigal Son, was it not? My guess is that he'll be out in the world for less than a year before he comes back and starts asking for help.

[papasangel]

Ann

I an relate for sure. Emanciaption is basically a divorce in sense that the child is seeking freedom from parental control.

My advice is sit down with him, let him know how much you love him but your house, your rules. If he has a problems with that then he needs to set up his own house where he can make his own rules.

The court system today has a lot of cases like this with teens not wanting to abide by rules for their own good. A lot of them do become emancipated and when they find out the harsh realities of the cold world they wish they hadn't been so hasty. I will keep you both in prayer.

[Leonard]

You said 'Rebellious Teenager.' That is redundant!

When I was 15, I ran away from home to go to the wonderful world of the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco. Upon my arrival at the very corner, I looked around at the dumpy surroundings: Human feces in the gutter, a dirty, bearded man in tie-dyed t-shirt urinating on a building, a young girl simply lifted her skirt, squatted, and pee'd on the sidewalk.

And there was no sign on anyone's face that this deplorable condition was in any way out of the ordinary! People 'stupid' with drugs stumbled about, and begged me (!!!) for money. I was there for about 2 minutes, then like the Prodigal Son, I 'came to myself.' "For this I left a normal, clean, working-class home with my own bedroom, and guaranteed three meals a day? I'm going home!!!" I called and pleaded with my parents to send me bus fare, which my mom was ready to do, when all of a sudden dad took the phone. "How did you get there?" he demanded. I hitch-hiked. "Well, you can dam# well hitch-hike home too! I'm not sending you any money." Dad, I'm hungry! "Hitch-hike fast; dinner's almost ready." ---click.

When I came home with my tail tucked between my legs, I was ready to listen to some of their rules.

Point being: I'd see if you could legally emancipate the little snot now! Give him a few weeks on his own with NO HELP FROM MOM AND DAD. If he makes it, more glory to him, he'll be a better man for it. Odds are he'll be home and much more compliant in a few weeks, and he'll be a better man for that too.

[Guest least of these]

Our 16 year old boy left us a note entitled "My Emancipation Proclamation".  In it he told us that when he's 17 he intends to be emancipated from us.  Also told us that he does not have to follow our rules and will not.  Said the church was the root of all his problems.  He then left home for 36 hours.  When he came home we worked out some "compromises" (sometimes I hate that word) that he says he can live with.

I feel like I have an unbeliever living with me.  I don't trust him.  It makes me angry that he obviously has no respect for us.  I don't know how to act around him anymore. 

Guess I'm not really looking for advice but thoughts & opinions.  Right now I'm just taking it easy, trying to trust God.  Sometimes it feels like it's me and my husband against the world.  We're surrounded by family etc. that are walking in darkness.  I'm done kissing butt!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Dear Annette, the reference that someone made about the prodigal son sounds like it might describe your son, or you may be living with a non-believer. either way, the best you can do is to pray for him and seek God's will in this. The father of the prodigal let him go to see for himself what the world has to offer. Maybe God included this in his word just for situations like yours. God has given us all a free will and allows us to make choices that may be hurtful to us. but he is always waiting for us to return with open arms. Your son seems confused about what really matters in life, small wonder, seeing foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. If he is unwilling to follow your household rules and respect you, perhaps he needs to be given over to his own ways and have God deal with him personally. however, you do need to be careful about what the law says in your state. In some states, you are financially and legally responsible for your child until 18-21! if that is the case, maybe you can see if there is anyway around that. Before all is decided though, i recommend you seek the Lord earnestly in prayer and submission yourself. You need Godly wisdom on this. Be sure to let your son know that regardless of what he has said or done, you still love him and want what's best for him. If you do let him go, i don't think it would be Biblical to refuse to let him come home, unless he came back defiant and unrepentant still. In other words, you might condition it by insisting he ready to respect and follow your household rules, perhaps even repentance. Just ask for wisdom from God, who gives it liberally to all who ask, without doubting. James 1:5-8. and the peace of God will rule your heart and mind Phil. 4:6-7

[other one]

Well, I had all these bright ideas to post here, but after reading all the others all I can say is, "ditto's" That's about all that is left to say.

[Annette443pink]

QUOTE FROM LEAST OF THESE (Haven't figured out how to do this right)

Dear Annette, the reference that someone made about the prodigal son sounds like it might describe your son, or you may be living with a non-believer. either way, the best you can do is to pray for him and seek God's will in this. The father of the prodigal let him go to see for himself what the world has to offer. Maybe God included this in his word just for situations like yours.

Least of these - My former pastor gave me the same passage to look at (prodigal son). We recognize we've done our best & he'll not change much by our words & actions now so we did decide to let him go ahead and have a LOT of freedom. We're thinking maybe he'll "have enough rope" to "hang" himself. Maybe he'll learn some lessons, maybe not. I really don't want him to move out but if he finds a way I guess I can't do much. In a way I wish he would leave because we don't trust him and I don't like having an unbeliever living with me. What about a "house divided"? I love him but I don't know him anymore. I remember not caring about anyone but me at that age. (He did make a profession of faith and I believe it was from the heart - I think he's more of a possible prodigal.

We've thought about the child support part. It's more important to trust God than to worry about that. It would seem impossible for us. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I want to be here for my 5 year old. We're homeschooling so i will not go back to work. Money is tight now but it's out of my control.

I'm a little stressed, depressed because I feel insecure. I don't know what he will pull and when. I know I'll keep hanging on to God. I need to spend more time in the Word (it always helps). I tend to decline on that when I'm stressed.

Thanx for your input.

Annette

[Guest Nathan12]

Hello,I'm 15. I can sometimes be that way too. I am a born again christian, but sometimes I screeewww up and am extremly rebelious, but I ask the lord to forgive me. I get mad and rebelious at my parents because one big one is they don't seem to want to get to know me. I don't like to open myself up to them and I never will. But they have no idea whats going on inside me and they don't seem to care to know. I wish they ask and ask and try to guess because I dont want to come out and say it. I'd say no nothing is wrong at all but thats not true at all. Second, I dont know if its just me or my pride but I HATE when my parents or teachers act like they know EVERYTHING and I know NOTHING at Im suposed to bow down to them and kiss their feet. I hate being a butt kisser,I hate coming out and saying "Im sorry" but ill say it in another way. My brother was pretty bad too though, he went as far as telling them he hated them my parents actually belived him...hahaha....well he went into the United States ARMY, that did him good,he has much more respect and paintence, I dont know if your sun will go willingly but I would try it. But more than likley if they say they "hate you" it probably doesnt mean that it means something else. It only makes me angrier when I have a problem and I screw up and act rebelious they just punish me for it instead of going to the source of the problem. I just have to work the things out by myself and with god. I dont know him or his relationship with god and if he doesnt have one I dont know why Ive just accepted it, it was easy, but I don't think my brother has though, maybe he has but he doesnt really show it. It says in the bible though teach your son the ways of the lord and he will not turn from it when he grows up.

[Annette443pink]

Second, I dont know if its just me or my pride but I HATE when my parents or teachers act like they know EVERYTHING and I know NOTHING at Im suposed to bow down to them and kiss their feet. I hate being a butt kisser,I hate coming out and saying "Im sorry" but ill say it in another way.

I'm the parent and your words sound just like mine!!! I HATE when my SON or those thinking they know how to raise my son better than me act like they know EVERYTHING and I know NOTHING and I'm supposed to bow down to them and kiss their feet! I hate being a butt kisser, I hate coming out and saying "I'm sorry" but I'll say it.

My son is supposed to be a believer but who knows.

I hope things go well for you and you will submit to God's will & not your flesh. This is where most our trouble comes from.

I was trying to quote you in the first paragraph. don't know what I'm doing. Wish somebody would tell me how to quote.

Edited January 9, 2005 by Annette443pink

[kroschild]

Hey Annette!

Well, some of the things people in here have been advising sound a little harsh. But they are right! My younger brother never got along with my dad--even when he was pre-teen--so they let him move out and live with our sister, who is a lot older. They got sick of his attitude (which was a lot like you describe from your son) and they asked him to leave, so he went to live with our brother. They had a blow-out and my brother ended up leaving and moving in with friends. Well, he house-jumped between several different families for almost 2 years and a lot of the time we didn't know where he was! It was very hard on my parents--they love us all so much and it was hard not knowing if their baby boy was getting enough to eat! Well, after those 2 years he got into some trouble by being in the wrong place at the wrong time! My parents wanted to sweep in and help him--naturally! The problem was, so many people had been burned by him, everyone advised them to let him spend his 6 months in jail (which is what would have happened), but because they are parents, they couldn't let that happen. Against EVERYONE'S advice, they took him home and it was not an easy adjustment! Things did not get better overnight. In fact, they got worse and he ended up turning to alcohol and drugs! My parents found out and were able to convince him to go into rehab and later see a counselor for several months. He is now sober and decided to join the army in an attempt to get his life straightened out and (in his own words!) learn some discipline.

I guess what I want to suggest is, listen to everyone's advice, and pray long and hard, and in the end---do what your heart tells you to do. Despite what I am sure he thinks (and how I am sure it must feel to you sometimes), you know you own son better than anyone else thinks they do. God will guide you heart and use that connection between parent and child to help you know how best to help your son. Don't be discouraged! God will lift you up and guide you when you don't have the wisdom to know what to do.

I will be praying!

Krystal