Struggling to believe God has a spouse for me

[chrisscan87]

I am 27 years old and still single. I rarely find a woman who is willing to give me a chance. When I do find one who gives me a chance, it never goes anywhere. It has been this way most of my life. I have only been in a couple relationships. I signed up for online dating two years ago because no girls in the outside world were giving a chance. So far no real luck. I have only met 4 girls and it has gone nowhere every time. To describe myself, I am 27, work full-time at a gas station, getting my bachelor's in business, and live in a house with three friends. I am a little on the short side (5'9), and rather scrawny. I work out three or four days a week to get in better shape. Even though I work at a gas station, I am financially responsible. I pay my bills on time and am not living paycheck to paycheck. I am funny, loyal, dependable, caring, smart, driven, and attractive. All of those are good qualities. I know what it means to be a Godly husband. I know I can lead her and guide her is God ever brings me to her. The luck I have had in the past inclines me to believe that she is not out there. I know God calls some people to singleness and I am worried that could be me. I strongly desire a wife and family that I can one day love with all my heart and lead them spiritually.

[Guest LadyC]

when i was waiting for God to bring me a husband, i found it very beneficial to focus on being content as a single person.... allowing God to fill that void in my life. prepare yourself for the possibility that God may want you to serve Him, and only Him, as a single man. try to accept and embrace that possibility.

 

and then if God brings you a wife, you'll be doubly blessed

[other one]

My daughter was 30 before she met her husband...  she was working full time on staff for campus crusade and her husband who is a bit older was going back to school to get his masters.....

 

Neither of them were really looking for a spouse as I remember.....    both very dedicated Christians.......  we now have two grand kids....   Just don't rush things.....   Sometimes God seems to need to get two people in the right place at the right time in the right frame of minds......   but he's pretty good at it.

[Guest CharisLover]

Just don't rush things..... 

 

Totally echo what was said there. Whatever you do... PLEASE DON'T RUSH IT. Don't think you're just going to do things your own way and just settle for whatever becuase you are desparate. Let me tell you from personal experience that is the worst way to find a spouse. You will be lonely in your marriage and that is FAR WORSE than being single.

 

Also try to stop thinking that there is something wrong with you that is hindering you from finding a spouse. There are people poorer than you, "scrawnier" than you, shorter than you, less motivated than you, etc.. yet these types of people still find someone to share their lives with. So again don't beat yourself up thinking there is something wrong with YOU! Because that probably isn't the case.

 

In the mean time, I'm not going to give you the "oh! the moment you stop looking is the moment you will find someone!" speech either, because that is not necessarily true. And there is nothing wrong with active searching with prayer and guidance.

 

Also, I'm not sure what your criteria are for a spouse, and this kind of goes along with not settling, but make sure your "must-haves" are not extra-biblical as well. Are you as open to the spouse God may have for you if she was a different race? or culture? or some other circumstance that perhaps you are crossing off your list pre-maturely? Being equally yoked is important (even theologically, I think), but are there certain denominational differences that aren't so terribly difficult to overcome? Sometimes that hinders a person too (not saying you are doing this, but it is something to think about).

 

No matter what though, you need to be willing to say, like Job, the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord. We do need to be content in the state that we find ourselves as Paul talks about, but even this is a learning process, as Paul also says "I have LEARNED the secret of being content" (Phil 4:11-13). It is obviously not a natural state of being, but something to be learned with Christ's help as he strengthens us. So you may not be there right now, but trust God to bring you to that place. At the same time keep praying and searching for your spouse! Contentment by no means signifies a passive state of just being where you are with no hope! I think you can still be active in searching for your spouse, while being content as a single man, because searching for a wife, and finding one, as God says "finds a good thing!"

 

Keep the faith brother!

 

Praying for ya!

Edited May 29, 2014 by CharisLover

[VCO]

I am 27 years old and still single. I rarely find a woman who is willing to give me a chance. When I do find one who gives me a chance, it never goes anywhere. It has been this way most of my life. I have only been in a couple relationships. I signed up for online dating two years ago because no girls in the outside world were giving a chance. So far no real luck. I have only met 4 girls and it has gone nowhere every time. To describe myself, I am 27, work full-time at a gas station, getting my bachelor's in business, and live in a house with three friends. I am a little on the short side (5'9), and rather scrawny. I work out three or four days a week to get in better shape. Even though I work at a gas station, I am financially responsible. I pay my bills on time and am not living paycheck to paycheck. I am funny, loyal, dependable, caring, smart, driven, and attractive. All of those are good qualities. I know what it means to be a Godly husband. I know I can lead her and guide her is God ever brings me to her. The luck I have had in the past inclines me to believe that she is not out there. I know God calls some people to singleness and I am worried that could be me. I strongly desire a wife and family that I can one day love with all my heart and lead them spiritually.

 

Don't panic and Don't stop Trusting and Waiting on GOD.  AND MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, do not kick the door to marriage open, wait on GOD.  

 

You described my personal experience almost to a T, except I am 1 inch shorter, 65 years old now, and back then I thought that sitting on a pew once in awhile, made me a Christian.  Someone should have told me that sitting on a pew did not make me a Christian, any more than sitting in a garage would make me a car.  To make a long story short, I was 28 when I was panicking for "someone to love".  I started searching for a woman in all the wrong places, and one night at an all night party, I thought I had found what I was searching for.  Six months later we were married, and six months after that she demanded a divorce on Christmas Eve 1977, stating her reason was because I could not earn enough money to buy her what she wanted in life.

 

I hit bottom BIG TIME, and during the following week, I attempted suicide three times.  After the third attempt, something in me BROKE, and I now think it was the PRIDE of running my own life, my own way.  I found myself weeping and crying over a total sense of guilt for my whole lifestyle.  With the tears flowing uncontrollably, I dropped to my knees and cried out to the LORD, "If You have a purpose for my life, You will have to come into my life and run it, because I can't do it.  I am making a total mess of it."  NO one in the Church I was raised in, ever taught me to pray a prayer like that.  I believe the Holy Spirit gave it to me, when I needed it most.  I knew I was surrendering complete control of my life forever to Jesus Christ as my LORD and MASTER.

 

I knew inside me, that GOD was going to do something with my life, but I did not know I needed to get into studying the Word so that He could use it to change me from the inside out.  One night at work, I was listening to my usual COUNTRY station, on my headset radio, when I got so sick of those "Somebody done somebody wrong songs", that I changed the station and found a Christian Radio Station that I did not know existed.  I found the "Grace to You" program and Dr. John MacArthur was starting a new series, teaching verse by verse through the book of Revelation.  In a very short amount of time, I was hooked on good Bible Teaching for life.  He was noticeably changing me from the inside out, and I was happier than I had ever been.

 

About 9 months later, quite unexpectedly, GOD, through a mutual friend, introduced me to the woman HE had prepared for me.  I knew from the very first night, that she was my soul mate.  She was easier to talk to than any woman I had ever met, and everything she said held my interest.  We have been married 35 years now, come July 7th.  I LOVE my LORD Jesus Christ more than her, and she loves the LORD more than me.  THAT IS THE SECRET TO A LASTING MARRIAGE.  The LORD first, spouse second, children third, others next, and SELF last.  That is right, TRUE LOVE is a self-sacrificial LOVE.

 

Edited June 22, 2014 by VCO

[Diatheosis]

It can be frustrating. But worth the waiting once you have been led there.

 

Finding oneself is a crucial task in this life. When I was alone some aspects of my life resembled those of a hermit life. So full of God's presence, totally dedicated being with Him. I did not abandon Him when He arranged me and my wife together, but family life is very different to the life I led before. Neither one of us were looking for it, but both of us appreciate it a lot now.

 

I know it's hard, but try to make the best out of it. It will most certainly benefit your future marriage to have a very profound life in Christ, including your identity in Him realized.

[other one]

No woman that I know wants to be guided or lead anywhere.   I hope you are not expressing that approach when you interface with them.

 

What God tells you to be in a husband is to love your wife the way he loved the church.....   that means putting her as the top importance in this physical world within your relationship....   It is my experience that both myself and the friends that I have who do approach marriage in that fashion have found good women...   My marriage of 44 years has only worked well and been happy when I lived that approach...

[VCO]

I have no idea if the Christian online matchmaking services are any good, but they advertise a lot on TV here:

 

Christian Mingle

 

AND 

 

a close friend met her Christian husband through eHarmony, and they have been married nearly 15 years now.

 

You can find their websites by doing a simple Google search.

 

I know they charge for the service but I have no idea how much.  I repeat, I really do not know their percentage of success rate.  So it may or maynot be worth the try. 

Edited June 23, 2014 by VCO
Removed Links

[RustyAngeL]

My daughter was 30 before she met her husband...  she was working full time on staff for campus crusade and her husband who is a bit older was going back to school to get his masters.....

 

Neither of them were really looking for a spouse as I remember.....    both very dedicated Christians.......  we now have two grand kids....   Just don't rush things.....   Sometimes God seems to need to get two people in the right place at the right time in the right frame of minds......   but he's pretty good at it.

I too was 30 when I met my husband and I found out the wait was so worth it, and at the time I wasn't even looking.  However the first time I looked at him I begged God to let him ask me out.  He was a real stunner.  He did ask me out that night January 28th 1982 and we were married June 4th 1983.  We had 25 wonderful years when I lost him to cancer.  I was engaged twice before I met Steve and thank God I didn't marry them.  When I was engaged to the other two I had no peace about them. When I met Steve I never had a second thought or hesitation.  I just  knew that I knew he was the one.  It's been six years since I lost him and there isn't a day that goes by I don't miss him. Believe me when the right one comes along you will know it.

 

God want's only the best for you.  So be patient and wait on the Lord,  knowing He is already at work on the one He has for you .

 

Because He Lives!  Rustyangel

[Helen Back]

Why are you in such a hurry to find a wife?  The best candidates are the ones you find when you are not looking.  Wehn you want something so bad, you tend to overlook things that bother you in a person.  Those things will be relationship killers later in the relationship and you will have wasted your time, possibly missing the right one.

 

You are still so young.  Have fun with your friends, find hobbies that interest you and maybe you will find a woman that also enjoys those hobbies.  that makes for a great relationship.  Just be you.

 

Much Love