Fearfull Obedience

[Jesse2014]

Hi Enoc. I accidentally clicked on your page when I was trying to click on your post. I thought if I clicked on your name, it will lead to your post, but it went to your page instead. If that bothers you, I apologize. I always worry about invading people's personal space.

[Jesse2014]

I haven't been hurt like people calling me names, or they are being racist or anything like that. People are nice to me when I go to church. They'll shake my hand and sometimes even hug me. But they always form friendships that don't even include me. When I was a youth, I would go on a youth group trip like Acquire the Fire. They would be nice to me but they didn't include me as they were forming friendships. Also, when I going to this smaller church, the same thing. People would invite each other for dinner and just hang out outside the church. They would be loving and nice to me, but they did not include me in their plans. It hurt me. It's just the church, it's the rest of the world. Same thing happened in college. There is something wrong with my personality; and I can't seem to change it.

[Jesse2014]

I meant to say it's not just the church. I am having a hard time editing.

[Dak]

Hi Dak. I have not left God. I still struggle in my faith. You may wonder I why I am still on here. I came on here to try to erase my account. I am done reaching out to people, except when they need help. I still believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. I am not going to be stupid enough to leave him. That's like walking towards a road that is easier, but it ultimately leads towards your death. I still want to love other people from a distance. Help them when they need help. In 1 Corinthians 13, it talks about love. It says nothing about love being a feeling. I don't have to like people. When I leave the house, I pray "Lord if I come across someone that needs help, give me the compassion I need to help them." I just started hating physical contact, so now I pray, "Lord, if someone needs help physically, (like if they fall or something like that) give me the compassion to help them." I do not like people, because I am always getting hurt. But I know God requires me to love the people I don't like. So no, I am not leaving God, just the religion and the people. I am better on my own.

Hi Jesse.

It's very good to know that you have no intention of leaving Jesus.

But I'm imploring you to stay here for a while, even if only in this thread. Let's talk. I too have experienced rejections from both the outside world and the church, and I think that it'll do you good if the two of us share each other's stories. So will you stay?

~

[Jesse2014]

yes, I can stay

[Dak]

yes, I can stay

Thank you.

To begin then, let me say some things about myself.

I'm Dak, 31 years old, a Lover of Jesus, and a writer for Jesus. (I have several blogs.) And I did and do have the necessary requirements to serve God in this way -- writing, for eversince I was a child I've always felt deeply, and I've also thought deeply. I'm an introvert, and blessed with high intelligence, and though I've learned the necessary people skills, I still like being alone too much. To pray. To read. To write. To watch a movie. To listen to music. And to bike. I don't hang out much with people outside my family; and I don't have many friends, because I don't form friendships with people who would not understand me, and who would not be able to share my life as a servant of the Lord Jesus.

As you might have expected, I was not popular when I was in high school and in college, and all of my love interests came to nothing.

When I fell in love with Jesus (I was in college during this time), I thought that I have finally found the place where I belong: the Church. The Body of my Lord Jesus. I'm right, of course; I really do belong here. But my first community (a Catholic one, because I was still Catholic at that time) was ill-prepared for me. They did not know how to handle someone who was on fire for the Lord, and someone who was very open about his thoughts and feelings. Thus, their rejections....

I am nondenominational today because God has not yet brought me to the right church, the one he has in his mind for me -- a church that would support me, accept my works for the Lord, and accept also who I really am.

But you know what, Jesse, I don't really mind that I don't have yet a church, nor do I really mind that I only have few friends. Jesus already suffices me, and I know that someday he'll bless me with these things I've been missing in life.

In fact, that someday has already begun

~

[Jesse2014]

Hi Dak. It's nice to meet you. My name is Jesse Burnell. I am 34 years old. I don't know what God wants from me. My hobbies include watching T.V., watching T.V., and watching T.V. and I guess a little social networking. I am on three Christian forums: christianforums.com, worthy, and gracecentered.com. I want to know the truth. That's why I am on social networking. I do not do not do facebook or myspace. I do not have enough for that; actually I don't have any, which is partly my fault. I do not own a computer, I use the wii nintendo to get on the internet. So that's where I am at right now.

[Jesse2014]

Thanks Butero. I have accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour. But I know that doesn't mean that I am saved. Jesus said not everyone says to me Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom. I struggle with obedience.

[Dak]

Thanks Butero. I have accepted Him as my Lord and Saviour. But I know that doesn't mean that I am saved. Jesus said not everyone says to me Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom. I struggle with obedience.

Hi Jesse. I want to address first this reply that you've made to Butero.

The good news is that, because you have already accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you are already saved, Brother. Jesus' sacrifice alone on the cross has been enough to deliver you. You do not need "works" to complete your salvation. That is a false doctrine, if you believe that you still need to do good works to go to heaven, even after you've already accepted Jesus as your Savior.

This thread from Worthy Welcome explains it all:

Brother, is this why you are struggling with this issue? Do you believe that you are not saved because you think your obedience is not good enough for God?

~

[Dak]

Hi Dak. It's nice to meet you. My name is Jesse Burnell. I am 34 years old. I don't know what God wants from me. My hobbies include watching T.V., watching T.V., and watching T.V. and I guess a little social networking. I am on three Christian forums: christianforums.com, worthy, and gracecentered.com. I want to know the truth. That's why I am on social networking. I do not do not do facebook or myspace. I do not have enough for that; actually I don't have any, which is partly my fault. I do not own a computer, I use the wii nintendo to get on the internet. So that's where I am at right now.

Jesse, I do feel for you. I know what it's like to have no friends and to have nothing to do except watch TV (or, in my case, read countless novels).

And the world is indeed cruel to people like us. Loners, or weirdos, or geeks, or nerds, they call us.

Even the Church, as you yourself have experienced, judges us. I really do know what that felt like, Brother, what you've said about being openly welcomed and loved, but never brought into their inner circles... into their friendships and company.

Mother Teresa had a devotional book. My copy of it, however, is packed in a box, so I cannot tell you the title because I'd forgotten it. Anyway, the editor of that devotional book said something of his life that also applies to me, and I think also to you, Brother. He said that, because of the abuses he experienced as a child, his life has become scarred, and therefore the majority of the Church cannot accept him. But if I remember correctly, he mentioned a community where he has found true fellowship, because the people there are also scarred people like him.

This should be a light to you, Brother, as it has been to me. You and I are both scarred people -- we carry burdens ordinary people cannot understand -- therefore rejections have become parts of our lives. But there is hope for you and me; we are both God's children, and our Father knows both of our needs for a church who would accept us -- and so, believe, just believe, that someday he would take us there.

~