Husband stayed out all night

[Guest mnipper]

I really appreciate your support, I have so few people to talk to who have been through the same thing I have. I do feel that I have been verbally and emotionally abused, and am currently looking for a support group - it's tough to find one that's going on now, though. I've really felt like I've got no support system at all - I literally know almost no one who's divorced, so nobody really knows what I'm going through, but my friends and family have been supportive, and I've been getting out and trying not to stay at home crying all the time. Your comments about control do put a new spin on everything. He wanted to do what he wanted to do, but have me do what he wanted me to do also. And he has gone out of his way to make me try to understand where he's coming from in leaving me. I want to take a lot of time in the future to make sure I get over this the right way, because I realize already that I have thoughts of being worthless, not able to do anything right, unattractive, etc. Which is all stuff he told me during our marriage.

[Guest gcooper]

I really appreciate your support, I have so few people to talk to who have been through the same thing I have.  I do feel that I have been verbally and emotionally abused, and am currently looking for a support group - it's tough to find one that's going on now, though.  I've really felt like I've got no support system at all - I literally know almost no one who's divorced, so nobody really knows what I'm going through, but my friends and family have been supportive, and I've been getting out and trying not to stay at home crying all the time.  Your comments about control do put a new spin on everything.  He wanted to do what he wanted to do, but have me do what he wanted me to do also.  And he has gone out of his way to make me try to understand where he's coming from in leaving me.  I want to take a lot of time in the future to make sure I get over this the right way, because I realize already that I have thoughts of being worthless, not able to do anything right, unattractive, etc.  Which is all stuff he told me during our marriage.

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mnipper,

I was a little worried about the advice I posted for you. I didn't want to make your situation sound unresolvable. We know that "all things are posible through Christ." No one wants a divorce, especially a Christian person who is truly seeking Him.

One thing that really helped me during my hard times was my total, total surrender to the knowledge and understanding that God had a plan for me, "All things work together for the benefit of those who love Christ." Right?

I already knew this was true for me prior to my hardship. However, one thing I didn't realize was that God has a plan for him too![/B] (My husband.)

That's why God gives us free choice. I could not force my husband (now ex) to choose Christ over the secular ways. He knew better. He chose to walk away from Christ. I absolutely had no control over his abusive behavior.

So, I had to start thinking of my husband differently. Rather than asking him "Why are you doing this?" I started telling him, "I love you. I really do, but I cannot save you. And, you are dragging me down with you." And I let go.

I pray for him often, and he is in God's hands now.

God Bless~

[Guest mnipper]

I've realized that as much as I want things to work out with my husband, I won't get anywhere by begging him, and I can't make him want to try. So I've got to let him go, and he knows this is the choice that he's making. I feel a little better about it now, I've started making plans for my future, looking for a church and support groups. And I'm reconnecting and becoming closer to my family again. I had withdrawn from them some and wasn't as close to them as I wanted to be because my husband didn't like them. And there were lots of things in our marriage that I hid from them, his drinking, cussing, calling me names. It's a relief that I can be a little more open with them and not have so much to hide.

[Guest mellisamouse]

wow. I am in the same situation, except I have a six month old baby, and he has been a bit violent, and he looks at pornography and goes to strip clubs, and his best friend is dasting a stripper so I know he hangs out with them too. I just don't have proof of adultry, but STRONGLY suspect it. He is a non-believer obviously, but I feel stuck too. I want things to get fixed, and to stay together, but it is sooooo out of my controll, but I don't want my baby to grow up in a broken home, or watching this bad behavior. I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation. Please keep us updated. I definatly know how you feel. Let's pray for each other, as it does help to bring peace for now at least, and God's plan is allways WAY better than what we try to do anyways, so I'm sure for both you and I things will get better somehow, and our future does have a place in God's plan, so I want to pray for us both to seek out God's will for us, and follow the direction of his Holy Spirit, and continue to encourage one another.

mellisamouse and Baby Alton

[Can Do (Phil 4:13)]

wow.    I am in the same situation, except I have a six month old baby, and he has been a bit violent, and he looks at pornography and goes to strip clubs, and his best friend is dasting a stripper so I know he hangs out with them too.  I just don't have proof of adultry,  but STRONGLY suspect it.  He is a non-believer obviously, but I feel stuck too.  I want things to get fixed, and to stay together, but it is sooooo out of my controll, but I don't want my baby to grow up in a broken home, or watching this bad behavior. I feel like I am in a lose-lose situation.  Please keep us updated.  I definatly know how you feel.  Let's pray for each other, as it does help to bring peace for now at least, and God's plan is allways WAY better than what we try to do anyways, so I'm sure for both you and I things will get better somehow, and our future does have a place in God's plan, so I want to pray for us both to seek out God's will for us, and follow the direction of his Holy Spirit, and continue to encourage one another. 

mellisamouse and Baby Alton

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Can I, as a woman who has been married for nearly 9 years and the mother of two children under 5, now suggest something woman to women here? If your guy has a history of being a loser and you've prayed for him, talked WITH him, encouraged counselling for your relationship and he shows no sign of wanting any or all of the previously mentioned.....shake the dust from your feet and move on. Sorry, but men have sex and if it's not with their wives, then....... either they are 'solo' or being unfaithful.

Mellisa, you need to get into a safer situation. NOW!! I was brought up in an incredibly violent house. My dad shot at my mum so often it's a miracle she's alive and even more incredible he's not behind bars, but that's another story. I have been in situations where, by rights, I should be dead and not typing away at the computer. NO CHILD, or woman should have to endure that. Being a Christian does NOT mean being a doormat, or an endless source of patience. You are to be strong IN THE LORD JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!

PLEASE, get yourselves to safer situations and guard your minds and bodies against attacks from the evil one. Cover yourselves deep in faith hearted prayer against anything that might come against you. Be strong and look toward the future that God has for you. If you want to know what that is then check out Jeremiah 29:11-14....remember the last bit.....release YOU FROM CAPTIVITY

With much love,

Faithie

Your Sister in Christ

[Guest mnipper]

I'll be praying for you also Mellisa!!! If you suspect he's cheating on you, I believe you have reason to leave. Besides the fact that you and your child deserve to be treated with respect and honesty, and you deserve a decent happy life where you're not constantly wondering where your husband is and what he's doing. And if he's been violent, I'd say definitely get out, for your baby's sake. I can't say what I would do in that situation because I don't have kids, but my opinion is that I'd rather a child grow up in a broken home rather than an abusive one.

I've basically given up on my situation with my husband. A couple of weeks ago his sister called to tell me that she had caught him with the 18 year old that I'd already heard a couple of rumors about right after we split up. It hurt so much to know that I'd put myself out there and begged him to try to reconcile, and the whole time he was probably laughing at me with his 18 year old girlfriend. A real slap in the face to me, who's turning 30 next month. I can just imagine all the "old lady" jokes. I cut off all communication with him and I'm letting my father handle it now. But all has been quiet for a couple of weeks now, so I don't know what he has up his sleeve.

I do know that I realize more every day how much better off I am. It's been really difficult knowing that he's moved on so quickly, and I've got a lot of negative feelings about myself to work through because of that, but I just have to trust that it's God's plan for me, that it happened for a reason.

Again, Mellisa, I'll be praying for you, and please keep me in your prayers also.