Guest lizard1102 Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 I'm not sure exactly how these chat rooms go; Never been in one. I don't know how to resolve current issues in my marriage. We argue and argue and don't seem to get anywhere. I feel like my husband doesn't posess any of the traits that I originally married him for. He used to go out of his way to be sweet and make me feel special, now he is just set on being realistic. Since when is love realistic? I don't agree with divorce, but I don't know where to go from here. We also have a 7 1/2 month old son that we want to do what's best for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Avodah Posted January 17, 2005 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 0 Topic Count: 49 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 812 Content Per Day: 0.11 Reputation: 4 Days Won: 0 Joined: 01/01/2005 Status: Offline Birthday: 06/15/1961 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Hi Lizard, I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time. I will be praying for you. I would like to recomend a book to you called "Why should I be the first to change" by Nancy Missler. You can find it at www.christianbooks.com for $4.99 It is very insiteful and encouraging. One thing I have learned that I would like to pass to you is, Seek GOD's face. No matter what or how you may feel. As you submit to the Lord he will take care of you. I have found that in these circumstances GOD wants to change our heart, and as he does that you will start seeing a diffrence in the way you respond to your husband, in turn, he will start responding diffrently. Sorry there is no big revelation here, just wanted to pass on what I have experienced. GOD bless you richely!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RustyAngeL Posted January 17, 2005 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 22 Topic Count: 155 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 7,464 Content Per Day: 1.01 Reputation: 8,810 Days Won: 57 Joined: 03/30/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 12/12/1952 Share Posted January 17, 2005 (edited) First of all are you both christians? Second, and I'm speaking from a 22 year marriage, divorce is not the answer. God never wants to see a marriage go on the rocks. You really haven't said much except that you argue a lot and he want's to be realistic. What are you arguing about? Is it one thing or lots of things? How long have you been married. I think sometimes we women want the honeymoon to last forever and with the pressures of jobs and things like that it's tough. If you could shed a little more light on this I know we can help. Edited January 17, 2005 by Rustyangel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest NH_Marine15 Posted January 17, 2005 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Dear Lizzard, It's strange to admit ti this but, when I got married it was wonderful at first but then I forgot the importance of what marriage represents to me and my husband. Arguing is just words and they hurt but in the end, they don't make you feel any better. What helped me is opening up to my husband because there was something bothering me but I was unaware what it was at the time. Just asking your husband to be your friend for a moment and to listen to you is what I did. I can't explain why things change but it helped me to express myself by crying, and talking about every little problem I might have had at the time. All I can suggest is that. Hopefully it works for you. God Bless! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
other one Posted January 17, 2005 Group: Worthy Ministers Followers: 29 Topic Count: 599 Topics Per Day: 0.08 Content Count: 56,268 Content Per Day: 7.56 Reputation: 28,001 Days Won: 271 Joined: 12/29/2003 Status: Offline Share Posted January 17, 2005 I have a cousin that works with the "Family Life" people doing marriage seminairs, and he talked me into going to one here in Oklahoma City a few years ago. I learned more about taking care of my wife there than 20 years of marriage and trial and error (mostly error). They are not cheap, but can solve a lot of problems. Two couples that were scheduled for divorce court dropped the divorces after that "weekend to remember" that I was told about. We were not really in seroius trouble but were just bored with each other. I guess we really were just not happy with each other, and my wife made the same statement that you do here about not taking care of her feelings like I did when were dating. http://www.familylife.com/conferences/marriage.asp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ovedya Posted January 17, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 3 Topic Count: 375 Topics Per Day: 0.05 Content Count: 11,400 Content Per Day: 1.44 Reputation: 125 Days Won: 0 Joined: 08/30/2002 Status: Offline Birthday: 08/14/1971 Share Posted January 17, 2005 Early in our marriage my wife and I went to a Marriage Encounter: http://www.marriage-encounter.org/ It was one of the best times that we had with one another, and it really really helped. They put you in a hotel room over a weekend with no T.V., no alarm clocks, and no clocks or watches. The time is completely for you to devote to your spouse. You attend the meetings and go through the exercizes that they giv you to help you re-connect with your spouse. I know that Marriage Encounter has helped to literally save many marriage from destruction. It's a non-denominational kind of thing too. It's run by the Friends organization, as I recall, and they are not pushy about anything. So even if your husband is an unbeliever he will not be offended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lily Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 I've only been married for 6 months now, but I've been with my husband for 5 1/2 years and one thing(of the many)I have learned is that men and woman are different(soo different!) Once I accepted that just because he doesn't show how he feels about me the way that I show him doesn't mean that he doesn't love me. Often women think that a man has to be huggy and kissy and always share how the feel about you in order to make you feel loved, because that's the only way we know how to express it(most of us, not all)so it becomes odd to us that they wouldn't do it the same way. Try to think of some of the things that your husband does which show you that he loves you and is committed to you, instead of thinking of all the things he doesn't do anymore. I was gone for two days and when I came home the house was clean, that showed me that he cares for me and what I do around the home. I accept that my husband is not good at expressing his feelings toward me and that he does it in things like this. You didn't go into much detail about your problems, but I hope this is of some help to you. God bless you, and I will pray for you and your marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leonard Posted January 21, 2005 Group: Royal Member Followers: 2 Topic Count: 115 Topics Per Day: 0.02 Content Count: 8,281 Content Per Day: 1.12 Reputation: 249 Days Won: 3 Joined: 03/03/2004 Status: Offline Birthday: 10/30/1955 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Praying for you, Sis...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lizard1102 Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 First of all are you both christians? Second, and I'm speaking from a 22 year marriage, divorce is not the answer. God never wants to see a marriage go on the rocks. You really haven't said much except that you argue a lot and he want's to be realistic. What are you arguing about? Is it one thing or lots of things? How long have you been married. I think sometimes we women want the honeymoon to last forever and with the pressures of jobs and things like that it's tough. If you could shed a little more light on this I know we can help. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I would like to say that we're both Christians, but at times, we definitely don't act like it. But yes, we both want God in our lives very much. To answer your question, we argue about a lot of things. However, no matter what we fight about, the issues it raises in the end are usually the same. My husband is 27 years old and doesn't act a day over 10 most times. His life revolves around Play Station, TV, Movies, etc. I, on the other hand, am always looking for ways to further myself. Whether it be a crossword puzzle, or learning something new at work, I always desire to...... use my brain. I feel like in the four years we have been married, my husband has drug me down. I am 30 years old, have never finished college, work at a bank, and pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. This wouldn't bother me so much if I felt like our lives meant something. We are not nearly as involved in activities with our church as we used to be. I hear the same thing over and over again, that I need to seek God first, but how do you get the motivation once you feel like you've lost it forever. I know I have gone on here, but I hope this gives you something to work with. I love my husband very much, but sometimes I just can't say I like him that much any more, or that he is my best friend. Any help is always appreciated. --Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lily Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 One of the things that I do when I feel me and my husband are not working together to better our Christian lives is, I read Christian books, are anything that interests me, I will then tell him what I've read and ask him what he thinks about it. My husband doesn't start conversations with me all that often but I know his head is full of thoughts, so it's my job to get them out, and I think that he feels good if I ask him his opinions on important subjects, and when we get started, it's hard to stop. Maybe your husband needs you to put some good topics in his head that will have him stop playing his video games and put thought into what you're asking or have said. Even if you know the answer or your opinion, just ask him his opinion, if you have different opinions, it could lead to an insightful conversation. Just a thought. I will continue to pray for you, I hope things will get better for you. God bless you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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