hmbld Posted July 17, 2016 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 48 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,491 Content Per Day: 0.54 Reputation: 1,457 Days Won: 1 Joined: 10/23/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/02/1971 Share Posted July 17, 2016 12 minutes ago, Cobalt1959 said: People, if they are sane, usually go into any relationship with high expectations. They tend to downplay things they may feel are wrong, in the beginning, because they like the other person and feel that perhaps they are being over-critical of them or just mis-interpreting them. That is simple human nature when you can care about someone else and have empathy. All a narcissist is looking for is a source of supply, like reaching into the refrigerator for another can of pop. They are extremely accomplished at what they do because they have been practicing getting what they want for years. They get it down to a fine art. I've never been "a door mat." But I got involved with a really nasty narcissistic, histrionic and borderline Cluster B that I was only with for 6 months but the experience took me years to recover from because I didn't understand what was wrong, until I backwards-engineered the relationship, after the fact. That's how good a narcissist is at what they do. They break you. And they do it so well, and in such little steps, even in only 6 months time, you don't notice, and you honestly believe, the entire time, that the problem is you, even though it isn't. They learn to play people like an instrument. The society isn't man-hating, just a certain part of it. Trying to explain how the situation came about, well, people say they would never get in that situation. Only, people do. Then you realize you can't talk to any other person in the world, or you will be punished. But that, too, is your fault. You can't be trusted to talk to other people. So you just hide from the world. Then, one day, God speaks into your life, and you can no longer live that life of solitude in fear. To be honest, I don't know what a normal relationship is. How can there be a normal when everyone is flawed, including myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godlovesme Posted July 17, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 26 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/09/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 17, 2016 Hmbld does it have anything to do with you talk to everyone else but her and everyone becomes a threat because you share your life with everyone but her? So then she developed a sense if insecurutythat wasn't there when you met? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 AMEN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hmbld Posted July 17, 2016 Group: Diamond Member Followers: 4 Topic Count: 48 Topics Per Day: 0.01 Content Count: 2,491 Content Per Day: 0.54 Reputation: 1,457 Days Won: 1 Joined: 10/23/2011 Status: Offline Birthday: 02/02/1971 Share Posted July 17, 2016 Just now, Godlovesme said: Hmbld does it have anything to do with you talk to everyone else but her and everyone becomes a threat because you share your life with everyone but her? So then she developed a sense if insecurutythat wasn't there when you met? Nope, I even stopped talking to my family trying to keep the peace. The punishments were so severe that if I ran into my family in a store I would be shaking from nervousness. So, no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godlovesme Posted July 17, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 26 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/09/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 17, 2016 Humble had nothing to do with your family don't speak or include each other's in their lives? Condscending and sarcasm seems to run in the family, nobody supposed to take offense. What punishment are you referring to? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godlovesme Posted July 17, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 26 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/09/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 17, 2016 What is normal cobalt? What do we consider a normal relationship? Curious because as soon as I say I have need like a hug I'm considered selfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Robert Posted July 17, 2016 Share Posted July 17, 2016 14 minutes ago, Luke1992 said: Nice try in trying to play the victim... you are all good at twisting things.... its all you ganging up on my because I have an opinion which you cant take hahah I spent the last 40 minutes reading all 8 pages (as of this post) of this topic. The thing that stands out to me about your posts is: 1) How belligerent your replies come off as. 2) The acrimonious and utterly vitriolic way you are addressing others here who disagree with you 3) The sheer apparent lack of compassion or Christian charity for anyone who has gone though living with someone who is narcissistic. 4) Declaring that people have to "toughen up" over such abuse ( as an abuse survivor, I can tell you that "toughening up" is not healing. It's simply killing what makes us human). 5) Your use of foul language that was poorly veiled (seriously) and believing that is appropriate in a Christian forum, ToS notwithstanding. 6) You thinking that it is somehow "hilarious" that people disagree with you over this. Frankly, I find your entire attitude towards those who have endured this (I also have endured someone who was at the very least narcissistic, and quite violent) to be at the very least inappropriate. Not to mention, absolutely banal and utterly self-centered. None of this is how Scripture instructs us to behave towards others: "Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. BE ANGRY, AND yet DO NOT SIN; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you." (Ephesians 4: 26-32, NASB, emphasis mine) I strongly advise you to take this (and the other passages in scripture that speak to how we should treat our brethren in Christ) to heart. All your previous comments here have done thus far is to give the enemy opportunity to mock the Lord. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Godlovesme Posted July 17, 2016 Group: Members Followers: 0 Topic Count: 2 Topics Per Day: 0.00 Content Count: 26 Content Per Day: 0.01 Reputation: 20 Days Won: 0 Joined: 09/09/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 17, 2016 Maybe some people are so used to being condscending and using sarcasm destroying the other party that they can't seem to see the damage they caused. When the spouse lives out in a bus so he can have his private life and see his wife maybe if he is outside when she she is driving in the driveway once a month. Some people prefer not to have a real relationships outside of online that's fine. But don't blame the other party because she can't handle the craziness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted July 17, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,993 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,691 Content Per Day: 11.76 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 17, 2016 1 hour ago, Luke1992 said: ah dint swear but nice try in trying to get me banned... just abit of light hearted humour. Goodbye Luke. I am no longer going to debate this subject with you. God Bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmuffet Posted July 17, 2016 Group: Royal Member Followers: 34 Topic Count: 1,993 Topics Per Day: 0.48 Content Count: 48,691 Content Per Day: 11.76 Reputation: 30,343 Days Won: 226 Joined: 01/11/2013 Status: Offline Share Posted July 17, 2016 9 minutes ago, Cobalt1959 said: If I say I need a hug, my wife is going to give me one. If she says she needs one, I'm going to give her one. Simply-put, I consider a normal and healthy relationship as a mutual meeting of each other's needs, to where both people are happy, not just primarily one. If you put your spouse's needs above your own then you have it made Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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