Husband denies cheating but....

[Lizam]

I knew for a while almost a year something was up with my husband.

I met him a six years ago
and when we were engaged 5 years ago I saw that he was Facebooking his ex girlfriend asking her how she was doing and etc. I confronted him about it he said he deleted her from Facebook and stopped messaging her. 
A few months later I just happened to have a gut feeling and looked at his phone and he was still messaging her this time not on Facebook but via his phone. 
A few weeks after that I found out he was facebooking a friend that he used to like he told me to meet her at a bar. 

He begged me for forgiveness he wanted to get married he apologized and stated that he was thinking of his ex girlfriend because her mother died and for his family friend he wanted to innocently catch up with her.

I did so many things for this guy, helped him get his first apartment, his first teaching job, learn to drive, first car, and etc. 

I fell for the excuses forgave him got married and now have a 2 year old son.

This summer he told asked me what would I do if he cheated? That I couldn't blame him. Something along those lines, I was shocked. 

Then 2 months ago we bought a luxury car I wanted to drive it he stated that it is his car it is in his name why do I want to drive it. (CRAZY, I am his wife and mother of his son).

Fast forward to Feb/March 2017, this man posted seriously innappropiate photos of one his classmates, he is pursuing his masters, at her birthday party. I was disturbed by the photos and asked him to take it down he did not immediately; but several hours later after I asked multiple times he did. I was alarmed

A few days after that I got access to his phone and saw all the pictures on his phone and a video of the same girl and it was focused on her chest. My heart dropped I realized that he really did have a sexual attraction to this person and probably had sex with her. 

The NEXT day I went into his phone again and saw text messages to another woman this time his coworker. about 30-40 text messages a day, asking her what she wanted for breakfast, her favorite foods, that he had a dream about her, quoting scriptures, saying that he would pray for her.(Stuff he doesn't do for me). He doesn't even want to go to church or pray or read the bible with me. What really got me is that he told her that he had a dream about her that God stated her name 3 times. 

I was and still am very upset I feel betrayed, we are in counseling he admitted that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married since the summer time and that is when his coworker was first hired. 

I don't trust him. I did alot for him, when I met him he was working part-time renting a room and I did everything for him becuase I loved him and now within 5 years he is a teacher, in masters program, went from renting a room to an apartment, and owning a house, knows how to drive and etc. 

I am not the type to clean up a man and etc, but I fell in love with him and my gift is organization and etc. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with someone who was committed and loyal to me. When we were engaged he showed me that he wasn't but I fell for the apology. Now we are married and I clearly see that he most likely had sex and that he is a PHONY.

I am so conflicted I am a Christian and wanted to be married for life. Has anyone here forgiven their husband and/or significant other and they have changed and you lead a good life. 

The lying and the phoniness scares me to death it is so scary and I feel like he has had sex with another person and I am so scared what my life has become. 

[Guest bonnieschamberger]

I am so sorry you are going through this.In my situation I was married a total of ten years and my husband had an affair for the last 3 years of it...he was never repentant and never admitted to it...I swear he wanted me to find out because it was just too easy to find all the evidence...emails left open etc...either that or he was just sloppy with it..anyway after 3 years after crying,praying and begging ...I just had to go.So I am divorced but I definately know that crazy pain of being with someone for years and "thinking" you know them only to have them switch almost overnight...and then they try to make you feel that YOU are crazy or YOU did something wrong.There is a show I listen to daily on sirius xm family talk channel called "New Life Live"  they are christian therapists/psychiatrists/counselors that take calls over the air...anyway I have been hooked on them for years and I cant tell you how much it has helped..what they offer in the form of help they give is sorely needed.I will insert the link to their website where you can listen to broadcasts .Its a place to start anyway....it was for me.

http://newlife.com/broadcasts/

[Guest BacKaran]

I'm sorry you're suffering but I would suggest counseling and then divorce. 

He's proven to be unfaithful, immature, a liar and unrepentant. Don't put yourself through more pain by trying to work it out.

Seek comfort from His word, other believers and move forward with your new life in Christ.

May God bless you with a believer in your life that will love you forever.

Karan ?

[Lizam]

8 hours ago, Davida said:

Sorry for your grief and all that betrayal. Is your husband Christian? do you both attend a Church?  I cannot give you encouragement that you seek with any personal experience with this that resulted in renewed marriage. I would say it probably can happen but it is the exception as the party that committed adultery needs to fully assume responsibility for that & admit it , with a sincerely repentant heart to GOD and to their spouse.  Only then would there be evidence of a change of heart and the re-commitment to the marriage & a faithful life.  That is a lot of history of lying , sneaking and unfaithfulness.  The trust has been broken & that is very hard to repair without the admonition of their actions and showing commitment to change.  The Bible tells us that although God hates divorce , adultery is an acceptable reason to get a divorce if the spouse does not repent.   Seek professional marriage & or individual counseling and be in constant prayer about this , asking from your Pastor for confidential prayer & biblical counsel too or a recommendation of someone? so you can receive the support you need.  If your spouse does not want to be married and faithful - God would not want you to suffer in that type of continual betrayal.  You can only save the marriage if both parties are committed.  Know that GOD loves you , wants the best for you and seek a closer relationship with the Lord Jesus in this time and HE will see you through and be your anchor in a stormy sea- that I can tell you from experience.  When problems arise go to the Bible , go to the Lord and HE will be a shelter & a guiding light for you.  You need to find Christian support & edification where you live. God bless you. 

Btw, his little dream about the woman & God mentioning her name 3X --Nonsense-- Our Heavenly Father GOD would not tell a married man to go to another woman - he is deceived and showing himself weak, immoral and lacking in character.

Thank you that text message about the dream killed my spirit I cried and I still cry i can't believe he is a liar and so fake

[missmuffet]

17 hours ago, Lizam said:

I knew for a while almost a year something was up with my husband.

I met him a six years ago
and when we were engaged 5 years ago I saw that he was Facebooking his ex girlfriend asking her how she was doing and etc. I confronted him about it he said he deleted her from Facebook and stopped messaging her. 
A few months later I just happened to have a gut feeling and looked at his phone and he was still messaging her this time not on Facebook but via his phone. 
A few weeks after that I found out he was facebooking a friend that he used to like he told me to meet her at a bar. 

He begged me for forgiveness he wanted to get married he apologized and stated that he was thinking of his ex girlfriend because her mother died and for his family friend he wanted to innocently catch up with her.

I did so many things for this guy, helped him get his first apartment, his first teaching job, learn to drive, first car, and etc. 

I fell for the excuses forgave him got married and now have a 2 year old son.

This summer he told asked me what would I do if he cheated? That I couldn't blame him. Something along those lines, I was shocked. 

Then 2 months ago we bought a luxury car I wanted to drive it he stated that it is his car it is in his name why do I want to drive it. (CRAZY, I am his wife and mother of his son).

Fast forward to Feb/March 2017, this man posted seriously innappropiate photos of one his classmates, he is pursuing his masters, at her birthday party. I was disturbed by the photos and asked him to take it down he did not immediately; but several hours later after I asked multiple times he did. I was alarmed

A few days after that I got access to his phone and saw all the pictures on his phone and a video of the same girl and it was focused on her chest. My heart dropped I realized that he really did have a sexual attraction to this person and probably had sex with her. 

The NEXT day I went into his phone again and saw text messages to another woman this time his coworker. about 30-40 text messages a day, asking her what she wanted for breakfast, her favorite foods, that he had a dream about her, quoting scriptures, saying that he would pray for her.(Stuff he doesn't do for me). He doesn't even want to go to church or pray or read the bible with me. What really got me is that he told her that he had a dream about her that God stated her name 3 times. 

I was and still am very upset I feel betrayed, we are in counseling he admitted that he wasn't sure if he wanted to be married since the summer time and that is when his coworker was first hired. 

I don't trust him. I did alot for him, when I met him he was working part-time renting a room and I did everything for him becuase I loved him and now within 5 years he is a teacher, in masters program, went from renting a room to an apartment, and owning a house, knows how to drive and etc. 

I am not the type to clean up a man and etc, but I fell in love with him and my gift is organization and etc. I thought I would spend the rest of my life with someone who was committed and loyal to me. When we were engaged he showed me that he wasn't but I fell for the apology. Now we are married and I clearly see that he most likely had sex and that he is a PHONY.

I am so conflicted I am a Christian and wanted to be married for life. Has anyone here forgiven their husband and/or significant other and they have changed and you lead a good life. 

The lying and the phoniness scares me to death it is so scary and I feel like he has had sex with another person and I am so scared what my life has become. 

I am hearing one side of this story so I will comment only on what I have heard. I usually like to hear two sides of a story. I can relate. I have been divorced twice.Neither of these men were a Christian. I divorced one of these partners due it infidelity. I had a Biblical divorce. No one wants to divorce. I wanted to stay married for a lifetime to either one of these partners. I was willing to get a legal separation and wait it out and see if he would become the husband that God wanted him to be but he was not willing to never see the other person again. There is a very high percentage of a man cheating again once he has cheated on his wife. Apparently your husband is not a born again Christian or he would not be doing the things he is doing now. He also sounds controlling and selfish. It is your choice of the quality of life you want for you and your son.The trust that you had for your husband has been destroyed and that will change the quality of your marriage in many areas.  It is a choice to stay with the man, get a legal separation or divorce him. I do not know if you live in the United States but there are many organizations that will help you and your son in the United States.Also you could go to your Pastor regarding this if you attend a Church. That is good that you are in counseling and that he would even go to counseling. I recommend that you give this whole situation to God and pray often about it.

[Lizam]

Thank you both. Yes I do not trust him. He lied alot and I just can not believe he can say to my face that he wasnt sure if he wanted to be married. I think he is crazy and did not or does not really love me. We will separate for right now. I do not see him as being repetent and I have a feeling unless he changes and becomes honest he will repeat it again.

[Guest BacKaran]

Here's my experience with friends in the same situation.

Thirty years of marriage and he wants to be free.... Moved in with girlfriend, would not start divorce proceedings as it would cost him money. Both went to Christian counseling, he quit after first session. Church elders rebuked him and he refused to listen. Drama for three years before my friend felt confident enough to get the divorce. It's only been 9 months but she is physically and emotionally better off. 

Another gal married a guy she knew was a player but refused to see it and got married anyways. Ten years later and his many infidelities, she began divorce proceedings, she is still stuck with a townhome with a second mortgage, she now feels confident to sell and she's really changed spiritually since I've known her these last 8 years.

Another gal married because she thought he was the only who would marry her. Almost 30 years later, she's still with him but they are living separate lives in the same house. He abused their dogs and children, never her so she says... She kept saying I'm getting divorced when child is in Jr high... Then it was when he is out of high school....I had to drop the friendship as she said not a believer.. Except in karma blah blah blah....So sad.

You with God make a might team. Lean on your church family and believers in Christ to help you. ASK for help!! They want to help you!

Blessings to you

Karan ?