MY JOURNAL

[Christ's Free Servant]

MY JOURNAL

I have been journaling for over 25 years now. The Lord has taught me so much about himself and about how to live for him and obey him. I have been praying much about what the Lord would have me share with you, and I believe He is leading me to share with you some excerpts from my journals.

January 14, 2002: God is working in my heart in so many areas, the greatest of which is my need to trust him with people in authority over me and with my husband and children.

The weekend was full with meetings at the church and with ministering to college students. We are praying concerning how God wants to use us with college students.

The Lord is working on so many areas of my life right now, but I think at the root of them all is this whole thing of trust in God with every person and every situation in my life. I am learning that bitterness is a corruption of my spirit resulting from a failure to thank God for every person or every situation He has brought into my life.

Bitterness is a root problem; a sin of the spirit, based on a reaction to the loss of something temporal; comes through a spirit of pride

[Christ's Free Servant]

January 18, 2002: God is still showing me where I have buried hurts inside of me; where I have been imprisoned by fears of rejection once again and God is setting me free as I release those hurts to him and I trust him with people and with circumstances. The passage for today was Psalm 31:10-24.

David, in verses 10-13 is describing his emotional state: anguish, groaning, afflicted, failed strength, bones grow weak, utter contempt of his neighbors, dread to his friends, they flee from him, he is forgotten as though he were dead. He has become like broken pottery. He hears the slander of many; there is terror on every side; they conspire against him and plot to take his life.

David knew rejection and persecution. He described many of the feelings I have had; feelings of being forgotten, abandoned, rejected, slandered, etc.

[Christ's Free Servant]

January 19, 2002: God has been doing some enormous

[Christ's Free Servant]

January 22, 2002:

[Guest Zayit]

CFS, what church do you belong to or attend?

[Christ's Free Servant]

January 27, 2002: Psalm 38 described the pain in my body because of my sin of fear and not trusting God. As I read it, I just began weeping before God. The Psalmist described so well what it is like when you are in bondage to sin. He finishes with a cry of help to God. Again I prayed, confessing any sin God had revealed to my heart, including unforgiveness towards myself for things I had done.

Psalm 39 spoke of watching my ways and putting a muzzle on my mouth. That is where I was feeling like I kept saying the wrong stuff and maybe it would be best if I just kept silent. The Psalmist goes on to say, however, that when he kept silent and did not say anything good that his anguish increased.

Sometimes I get so upset with myself for the things I say and I get fearful of people

[Christ's Free Servant]

CFS, what church do you belong to or attend?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We are independent - non-denominational. My husband and I are church planters, not unlike Aquila and Priscilla in the NT who had a church in their home. We have had a ministry to college-age adults in our home for the past 6 years. Many have come and gone over those years. The past two years we have had a group of locals who have remained, even after they graduated from college, though not all have graduated. So, we began praying about the direction of this ministry and believed God wanted us to begin developing it into a church. Right now, we are still a small Bible study group and we do a lot of discipleship and training with these young adults. Why do you ask?

[Christ's Free Servant]

CFS, what church do you belong to or attend?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh, in 2002, we were attending a Southern Baptist Church, but we are not Baptist. We went Independent after that - another story.

[Guest Zayit]

CFS, what church do you belong to or attend?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We are independent - non-denominational. My husband and I are church planters, not unlike Aquila and Priscilla in the NT who had a church in their home. We have had a ministry to college-age adults in our home for the past 6 years. Many have come and gone over those years. The past two years we have had a group of locals who have remained, even after they graduated from college, though not all have graduated. So, we began praying about the direction of this ministry and believed God wanted us to begin developing it into a church. Right now, we are still a small Bible study group and we do a lot of discipleship and training with these young adults. Why do you ask?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

So who are you accountable to? I am just trying to understand where you are coming from.

[Christ's Free Servant]

So who are you accountable to? I am just trying to understand where you are coming from.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

First of all, I am accountable to God, then to my husband who is also my pastor, then to my family, then to our congregation. I make myself accountable to them. Why do you ask, and what does this have to do with where I am coming from? I'm not understanding your line of reasoning here. What does this have to do with my journal?