I’m Struggling and Need Help

[Jostler]

I've sort of been laboring over this post on my mind for a while.  Renee I'm posting this here IN CASE it might help you  in some way, and because it's a general issue many face, so please don't assign any personal significance to any  of this story unless He applies some part of it to you personally.  My intent is to try reveal some personal lessons I've learned in a general sense, not single out any particular situation or application.

 

I had a man mistreat me in a way  that cost me some material things I simply can't ever replace.  Such as baby pictures and personal things that had a lot of personal value, but really  not much monetary value...irreplaceable things.  My response was an implacable anger and a desire for vengeance.  I wanted him to hurt like he  hurt  me.

I had to drive past a business he owned twice a day on my  way to and from work, and I often saw his car sitting out front.  And when I'd see that it stoked my  anger day  after day, and I began pondering on vengeance....meditating on sugar in gas tanks, slashed tires and just about  anything else I could do  to him to cause him suffering.  Early one morning I'd just passed his place again and the Lord showed up and as clear as if He was in the truck with me I "heard"

"Son, if you don't find a way to let go of this, it's going to kill you."

Well I  hadn't considered Him in this at all so that certainly brought  me up short, and I knew it was a serious warning and I needed to address this.  Over  the  next few days He had me studying forgiveness and realizing the kind of forgiveness He requires of us when we're sinned against doesn't require that the offender repent.  Roy wasn't even a believer, so  in a case like that it might not even be reasonable to expect apology and repentance.  This kind of forgiveness doesn't mean the offender is fully exonerated, nor does it mean we have any responsibility to  place ourselves back into the  power of the offender so he can just do it again.  This forgiveness sets US free from the  power of the  sin to continue wounding us and causing us to become a perpetrator ourselves ...  sinning  against God by  taking unrighteous vengeance.  "Vengeance is MINE, says the Lord, I will repay".   The problem is not that vengeance is wrong, but that from our  perspective it is nearly impossible for us to execute vengeance in perfect righteousness, and if we take vengeance on ourselves it's almost inevitable we will either exact vengeance greater than the  infraction deserved or fail to extract the full payment righteous vengeance requires.  He is not hampered by imperfect understanding of any given circumstance and if He executes vengeance, it will be perfectly JUST in it's execution.  If we try to execute vengeance it's almost certain He will be forced to judge us for imperfect execution.

I came  to understand that forgiveness is not a feeling.  It's a LEGAL petition before the Court of heaven, where we are given an opportunity to walk in His exhortation:

Quote

Mic 6:8

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

 

and He brought this into view as well.

Quote

Jas 2:13

For judgment will be merciless to one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment.

 

And this...bear with me

Quote

Psa 89:14

Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne;
Lovingkindness and truth go before You.

 

Righteousness and justice are the  very  foundation of His rule.  Stones on which  He has seated Himself and foundational to His way of ruling, in love.  So He  IS just, and when it comes to the legal side of sin, judgement, mercy and forgiveness, if mercy  is not extended then He WILL execute justice.  But He provided a legal "modifier" called mercy.  Justice CAN be avoided if mercy is applied to the sin...the  need for justice is negated.

So He encourages  us to DO justly, in every  way we have control of....in how we act and "do" toward others, but LOVE mercy, for the  sake of those who sin against us.  With the understanding that if we will obey that exhortation, He is then able to LEGALLY show mercy  toward the  sins we commit against others.  If we demand justice for the sins committed against us, His righteousness WILL accede to our demand and He will execute justice on our behalf.  But, His righteousness will then require we be judged, with "eye for  an eye" justice, without mercy for our own sins.

 

Anyway, I came to understand forgivness was a choice....a decision...a legal pleading before the Judge.   I made a choice  to forgive, and realized that if I forgive, I  am willingly yielding up the right to vengeance and restitution that  Justice says is mine, and the Judge is willing to enforce if I insist on my right.

I ended up praying and in  my mind even imagined taking Roy before the  Judge and petitioning Him to forgive Roy's sin against me, consciously mentioning I realized I was yielding up my right to demand justice for it.  I told the Lord I had full confidence whatever He decided to do about it would be in  both  our  best interest, and that I trusted Him with the  decision.  I recognized that I was also a sinner who had hurt  others and was in need of the  Court's mercy as much as Roy.  And asked the Court to  remember mercy for my sake when the accuser comes before Him against me.

What followed was a powerful sense of release, a sense of  weight lifted and peace flooded me, and I drove the  rest of the  way to work with my  heart singing and just basking in the knowledge He  was pleased with  my decision.

But  He wasn't done.  I had more to learn.

(more  soon)

Edited September 10, 2019 by Jostler

[ReneeIW]

19 hours ago, Jostler said:

Well I  hadn't considered Him in this at all

Thanks Jostler.

This is really the key. A Christian knows when they’re operating in a spirit of unforgiveness because we’re not   asking God what we  should do. I was like that for many, many months. Was afraid once I brought it to God, i’d be led to forgive   and my offender would get off easy. I didn’t trust God to be just. Eventually He makes us bring it to Him if we are His children

Now that I’m fervently praying about it, I have to trust my conscience, which is guided by the Holy Spirit. 

Bottom line, expose Christian abusers, predators, hypocritical Christian leaders etc, but do it without sinning and with much prayer, compassion/mercy and seeking out counsel.

im still going to have bad moments when I hear about him and his organization, but that should become less and less. Perfect time for me to further learn how to keep my eyes fixed on Christ.

 

Edited September 10, 2019 by ReneeIW

[Blood Bought 1953]

 God has given us a way to get back at our enemies.It is ok to make them feel “ pain”. It will be as if you put hot coals on your enemie’s head. The added bonus is that God will even reward you for it! You can “kill” your enemy if you choose wisely. Kill him with KINDNESS ! Totally destroy them as enemies by making them your friend!Thats God's way for us, and as usual it ain’t all that easy.Ive treated people badly in the past and I have had this done to me .You get that red-faced shame that is utterly awful to endure.God let’s us get MORE than even- we just have to it HIS way.It is  not easy and without God’s Spirit in you it is next to impossible and if you are not able to muster up the faith to do it ,go to “Plan  B”.......... give it to God. “Vengeance is mine...I will repay!”  Tell your enemies , “ God's gonna GET YOU for this!” Its Biblical.It will have them looking over their shoulders , even if they are unbelievers!

[Blood Bought 1953]

On 9/4/2019 at 7:31 PM, Blood Bought 1953 said:

 

Why would he allow anyone who does not observe the same principles he did while on earth to share in his inheritance? 

Thats an easy one....it’s called Grace......The same way anybody gets to Heaven without meriting it....Jesus had many principles that we do not live by .......Will you give me anything of yours That I  ask for ? If so, please give me your car (I am not picky, just give me a good air- conditioner and a great music system, so I can listen to  Led Zeppilin as I am doing now). If I slap your cheek, will you offer me the other? Yeah, I thought not......Why continue to dredge up an Old Testament performance - based way to Salvation. Why not graduate into the Age Of Grace which is where we are now .Anything we bring to God’s Judgement Seat other than our Faith in the Shed Blood to justify oneself is going to end up bad—- REAL  bad. 

 

The sound of crickets here is deafening......Am I the only one here who believes this way ? Nothing But The Blood for Salvation.....a little support would be encouraging.....Am I the only one who actually believes the song?

Edited September 10, 2019 by Blood Bought 1953

[Jostler]

6 minutes ago, Blood Bought 1953 said:

 

The sound of crickets here is deafening......Am I the only one here who believes this way ? Nothing But The Blood for Salvation.....a little support would be encouraging.....Am I the only one who actually believes the song?

bro, the  Bible is rich and has many different ways we need to let it touch our lives and be transformed.  I understand you  are passionate about this  one thing, but could you please consider not  invading every single thread on this forum with it?  Sometimes other topics and other  needs deserve some focus too.

[Blood Bought 1953]

 

 Please check out the entirety of my posts ......I have commented on many other things -tithing, divorce,the unpardonable sin, grace vs Law, the true Gospel, Hebrews 6, Hebrews 10, forgiveness,chastisement, prayer,resting in the Gospel , the rich ruler, the woman caught in prostitution, True Sabbathing,the gruexpurpose Of the Ten Commandments, the point of the Sermon on the Mount, Pergatory and other errors of the Catholic Church , how to get into the Body Of Christ, what to say on Judgement Day, What “not” to say on Judgement Day, how to “ fall from Grace”—— there is probably even more, but I think I have made my point......heck, I have even been known to chime in on OSAS on occasion ! I think my posts are as diversified as anybody else’s . I can’t think of any other poster in Worthy that shares their thoughts and beliefs on as many subjects than I do.I am sure my foes wish that was not true, but that is another subject. I DO tend to hone in on things like Legalism and Nothing But The Blood because all my posts have Newbies in mind.I don’t care if others tire of it or not .Who knows when a silent viewer is passing by and really needs to see these vital things? That is who I make posts for -hoping to catch them and get them established  in the Gospel Of Grace and “ IT” ONLY before they get ruined before they know how to REST in the Gospel as God Commands.I DO kinda have a one track mind at times and I thank God for it.Many of my post go off the rails at times and I find myself going back to the basics......basics that many a passer- By is unaware of.Basics that even some badly taught “ christians” need to know.Here’s the remedy you need if you think I am a “ One HorseCharley”...... all of my posts have my name on them......if you do not like my posts , please ignore them.NOTHING BUT THE BLOOD ......I’ll stop repeating it when everybody gets it. We ain’t even close to that.

”

 

 

Edited September 10, 2019 by Blood Bought 1953

[ReneeIW]

10 hours ago, Blood Bought 1953 said:

I suspect this is all surface stuff though......what is your REAL problem with me? Meantime, please forgive me for all my shortcomings........

Perhaps there was just frustration that the thread was getting off topic.  

I know the responses here helped me.

So it would be good if others visiting Worthy could find this thread and read through the advice and find help and healing if they have been in very abusive relationships with Christian leaders. I know of four recent threats of suicide over things discussed in this topic. So there is real grieving out there.

Once a thread goes off topic, people stop giving advice on the original topic. And I think people struggling need all the input and advice they can get.

I know this thread was discussing temporal problems, but the Lord cares about those too. Remember Paul said grieve with those who grieve and rejoice with those who rejoice.

I don’t think anyone has a  problem with you. We all get frustrated. In any case, I’m sorry for butting in. 

[Coliseum]

Dear sister,

First, I am terribly sorry to hear of such disturbing details. You have a right to be angry. We want justice, not revenge. May I suggest you see a counselor so that you may come to an understanding of the underlying dynamics in your situation. Jesus does not mind we find appropriate measures to deal with our pain; He is, after all, the Great Physician. We need to go to one when we have a situation that is beyond our understanding. 

You are not alone, and many who have experienced what you are describing not only find help, but are transformed. Jesus knows from personal experience what real pain is like and knows what you are going through. We must not flee from him, but run to him. He loves you more than we know. 

Praying for you.

Edited September 10, 2019 by Coliseum

[ColorfulBlossoming]

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. You have to report to the police what this man did. You have to forgive him (because God wants us to forgive those who hurt us) but that doesn't mean he can't be punished for the crime and immoral act he did. Romans 13:1-7 makes it clear that we have to obey the law if it doesn't contradict the law of God, so not doing so it's a sin; I don't know that much about U.S' law (I'm from Venezuela), but of course, sexual assault and rape should be crimes there. So rape and sexual assault are not only objectively wrong but they are also crimes.

If I understood correctly, you also said that some people "advised" you to not tell anything to the police, but again, they may not only going against what ephesians 5:11 tells we have to do but also if some of the people who "advised" you that are friends of this man, they may are going against the law, because...well, wouldn't that count as concealing a crime? And well, even if he doesn't go to prison, when he dies he'll have to face God.

Because you may find it difficult to forgive this man, you have to tell to God to help you to do so and to heal your wounds. Never stop praying and reading the Bible.

I would also advise to you to join a group of christians that were victims of sexual offenders. Because it would be a group constituted by christians who went through a similar situation, it could be healthy for you to engage in it.

In the original post you said you had doubts about why God allow these things to happen. Well, there's a website called "reasonablefaith", it provide answers to questions of that nature. It helps me when I deal with some doubts. I hope you find it useful.

Legal reporters for the Wall Street Journal reported on part of the story last year and mentioned his crime. 

Wait, so they reported his crime and the police did nothing?

(Sorry if I said some unintelligible things, I don't have a perfect english, spanish's my native language. By the way, I prayed for you).

[ReneeIW]

13 hours ago, ColorfulBlossoming said:

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you.

Thank you. ❤️ I’m better now